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Perhaps It’s Permission Not Purpose You Seek

For my first couple of years as a blogger, I was barraged with information about what the career online people, including bloggers, were doing. They had goals and purpose. They had widgets and conferences. They had tribes and elevator speeches. And I said “Me Too”. Being a “make it my way” kinda gal didn’t make that feel any easier either.

I was wowed when there were e-courses and email subscriptions I could pay for to beef me and my online stuff up. Build platforms to shout out my purposeful branded stand. So I could be in the ocean and swim with the big fish.

I did enroll in a few courses and enjoyed a few educational tools. But I was still overwhelmed and continually unfulfilled. And as I looked at another e-course last year around the Holidays knowing we didn’t have the money, I said “Stop” ! There’s something up here.Drawing with Daddy on Shalavee.com

What was I really looking for ?” I asked myself. Because while I said I wanted to “find myself” , I suspected what I really wanted was someone to tell me what I was good at and to spell my life out for me. Tell me what to do. And that probably isn’t going to happen ever from anyone online or off. It’s not up to “them” to find your purpose out for you and then dissuade you from taking their course. You need to dig deep and decide what you truly need to discover. If you discover that what they’re offering is the exact final piece to your puzzle, well then have at it. My gut told me that wasn’t happening with this course or any other then or ever.butter buliding with Eamon on Shalavee.com

Seems my life has been more about proving what I’m not than finding out what I am. So much energy spent reacting to others and seeking approval from others that I never truly knew myself. And I further suspect that, until I have permission to do so, I’m not allowed to find a purpose. And I suspect that this may be a problem many other women experience.

If we are raised by a society that asks us to be caretakers then we may completely dismiss our own desires as unpurposeful. Figuring out who we want to be may be the first thing we blow off in figuring out our life goals. This sounds selfish, superfluous, and silly because we don’t have permission to consider this. If we’re “good girls”, we do as we’re told and care-take the people with more reasonable purposes and dreams (our husbands). Or we care-take our helpless loved ones (our babies and our elders). Not that those aren’t noble purposes, they just might not have been chosen by us intentionally. 

So then considering ones life’s purpose and goals is like jumping the shark.  It makes no sense within the context of what we and our clans may expect of us. And if we do choose to head there and away from these expectations, we may need a lot of support and positive mirroring and permission to even consider this a possibility.Architecture with butter on SHalavee.com

I can tell you that I’ve felt rather like a blind bird flailing about in a dark cage. As if I’m searching for the opening by using the Force. My intuition and what others have to say are often my guides to changing some of my first beliefs about myself from “Not enough” and “Can’t” to Talented Girl with Purposeful Possibilities ahead. And that this process of establishing purpose and identity takes as long as it takes. One step at a time.

If you missed it, I sussed out my Why in this recent post. And I think your Why is interchangeable with your Purpose. So what’s yours? And is the method by which you’re achieving it satisfactory or frustrating? And is that because you are asking the wrong job to fulfill that purpose? And what if I had the power to tell yourself you could do what you really wanted to, what would you say/feel then?

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Most Importantly, Why?

You may remember, or I’m informing you now, that last March I taught a blogging workshop. My premise and guiding theme for this was “Your Why is your How”. Because sometimes we get so bogged down with the how of a thing, we forget that the why will get us through all the hows we ever meet. What I said in my post-mortem about my workshop was,”(the hows) are secondary. It’s your whys, or maybe your why nots, that will lead you to or will thwart you from starting a blog. We acquiesce to our bossy fears claiming it’s our hows that are our problem. But I propose ‘I can’t because I don’t know how’ is subterfuge.”puddle hopping on Shalavee.com

And ironically, I hit a wall with writing submissions a while back. I had continued to submit writing pieces to the types of sites that weren’t quite me. And I kept feeling that loser outcast sting every time I was rejected. It was like some horrible self-denegrating loop and then I was just done. I’d proven that I was in fact not a good enough writer and I no longer even understood why I’d wanted so badly to be published in the first place. Not worth the pain and agony, time and effort. Until I saw a site that really did fit the type of writing I do. And then I was even more terrified.

Minnie at the playground on Shalavee.com

What’s my Why? Why do I want to write? Why do I want to publish? What is the pay-off for continuing such painful torture? This was the subject I decided to mull and discuss with myself while I had a long drive to make the other day. And this is what I came up with.

I thought , why can’t my Why be altruistic? To share my thoughts and hopes for the sole purpose of inspiring someone, anyone. Helping someone out of a life rut. And then I asked, what is my own why for reading and following the people I do? And this is what I answered (out loud in the car where no one could hear me but me):

  • To be inspired

  • to find answers

  • to spark process

  • to learn a step

  • to gather the “aha” knowledge

  • to connect and make friendships that provide inspiration and validation

So I then thought, switch those around and claim them.

I write and create to :

  • Inspire

  • Offer my answers and solutions

  • Spark others’ process

  • Learn, while I’m writing, what I think or feel about something

  • Offer my knowledge for others to then gather

  • To validate and connect with others

To be of service to a community is a great thing. And that is truly where my heart lies. So much so that I think that I don’t want to spoil that by selling anything. That somehow my selling would cheapen my altruism? But the next chapter to learn is about valuing myself enough to appreciate that others are always valuing me even when I don’t. And often they have wanted to be supportive of me if only I’d give them an opportunity to do so. And everyone, except me, understands that bills need to be paid…with money…that you earn.

Stick around lovely people and see what happens with that.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Reflection : The Knowing Equals the Going

I needed to write these words to a friend on Instagram today. I needed to hear myself say them. I started with a quote that keeps returning to my brain.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” –Anais Nin–

Reflection on Shalavee.com

This is where I’ve felt I’ve been for a long time. Gaining momentum and brilliance and then putting it into check. Questioning why, refusing to answer myself or focus or aspire. All in response to the perfectly respectable “But” kind of reasons. I’m tired of the paralysis. Because when I decide, I’m gone Daddy gone. But while I’m idling here, all I see is the work others are making happen. The knowing equals the going.”

I’m in a mood to move and to mull. Today on one of two Instagram picture challenges I’m involved in, I was prompted by the word Reflect. I’ve done this my whole life but specifically this past week I’m narrowing in on my Why. Considering and writing out why I need to become more professional at some of what I do. This is what I wrote, “Today I thought a lot about what I’m here to do. I’ve pondered purpose, querying my Why, recognizing that I can no longer stay where I am in this weird stasis of not claiming me. This art challenge, and a webinar on email list strategies I watched yesterday, are showing me some truths I can’t deny. Fortune favors the Bold …with talent and a plan. I finally feel I’ve proven I’m a talented WRITER, I’m reminding myself I’m an ARTIST, and I’d like to be inspiring more people than I am. So soon, I will ask for your support. So I can continue my hard work and with reinvigorated redirected purpose. Love to each one of you !!! “

Reflection on Shalavee.com

The other challenge is the collage a day one and has me proving once and for all that I can stand there and pull art out of my butt. I am a creative who needs to create daily. And although I do that with many other mediums every day, real arting mediums are very satisfying.

Feeling very proactive yesterday, that workshop on increasing my email list I listened to taxed the other side of the brain. After taking copious notes, I realized it really isn’t that hard to increase my subscribers. The difficulty and what’s holding me back has been in figuring out why I would want to ask people to subscribe. That I have to claim my worth to ask for people to like it. To like me. Or to reject me.

And then I am given an answer for my why by this quote offered to me by a random but wise and lovely reader in a comment to my post on Instagram. The quote is by Marianne Williamson. I have read it before but today it means more.Reflection on Shalavee.com

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” —Marianne Williamson—

That finding our purpose, our dharma, our nature, and meaning for existence will bring us such peace and contentment, is one of those life lessons and goals that they don’t teach us in school.  Yet scrutinizing our reflection in our future is the one thing that can make the difference between wandering around unhappily asking people to tell you who you are and making room for yourself in places that make you mostly happy. I’m all for working hard but getting pointed in the right direction helps. Thank you friends and Universe. I’ll try to be more patient and nice to myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You Are My Inspiration Dear Reader

As I come round to understanding what it is I am doing all this for, what drives me to write and share and create, I know it’s to give back the wonderful inspiration that I delight in when I read and see other creative’s work. To be inspired is a wonderful feeling and recycling inspiration seems as good a reason as any to do what you do, especially if it’s fun.

I’m often taken aback when people approach me at a fair or in a store and say, “I love reading your blog!” because I’m always surprised they read my blog. I am so grateful to see their face and know them and hear them say they enjoy what I’m doing. I am truly flattered. From my perspective, there’s actually no proof, save Facebook statistics and my readership’s comments, that says anyone is actually reading what I write.

checkin out the rib specials on Shalavee.com

There’s a little space between us, the writer and the reader. A pocket of anonymity I’m grateful for being busted. A real face that I can imagine when I’m talking/writing which is so necessary for me. And in that space there’s also a reverence that I don’t always feel I deserve. Just because I do this spilling my guts thing doesn’t mean I’m any more or less weird or anxious or normal than anyone else. And that’s what I want to emphasize.

Having a blog or a jewelry store or a DJ business or being Beyonce’s assistant doesn’t make anyone any more anything than anyone else.

I am no more glamorous, blessed, talented or lucky than anyone else.

I am a ridiculous ball of anxiety who’s slowly finding her way out of the dark forest that I’ve wandered about in for a very long time. I wrote a post on not being better than you. I do not want to be raised on any pedestal ever.

So I say to you Miss Reader or Miss Diane or Miss Barbara and Miss Ann, you are all astounding and inspirational women. And I am so flattered that you would choose to read my blog. Thank you so very much. And I hope one day to hear from you about what you were inspired to do by reading anything I wrote. That would be the fullest circle and I’d be over the moon to hear your stories.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Brand New Day

I was listening to that kick butt Stevie Wonder harmonica in Sting’s Brand New Day and I felt so inspired. So lucky to have heard this piece of music, these talented artists play it even just once in my life. And in the same moment, I recognize that I don’t even give myself credit for so much of the creating I do. Like a creative somnambulist, I make and then I sleep walk away from ever seeing the measure and quality of what I make.

I do know it makes me happy to make. And that has been enough. Until now. And my hope is that, as my friends and readers bring to my attention the inspiration I provide which they feel and I completely ignore, I will see more me. And you will begin to see you. That’s my purpose. To do this not just for me but for you and all the other people who’ve been ignoring themselves for so long.

Do that one little thing you’ve thought you should do.

Do it, send it, say it, commit to it, walk it, write it, comment on it.

People will thank you.

Yes, they’ll thank you for asking, commenting, and participating. But more importantly, it’s you hearing you, knowing you, recognizing you did that for you. Hearing your whisper of commitment. And letting that be the first stepping stone to do it again. You are the person who needs to hear your whisper. And anyone who matters will hear it too.

“Turn the clock to zero, boss
The river’s wide, we’ll swim across
We’re starting up a brand new day”

From Sting’s Brand New Day

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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