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Perspective Saves You From Feeling Sucky and Unlucky

During the first week of school, Eamon’s teacher told the class that Bullies don’t know, or care,  that you are very important to someone in your life. You are just not too important to the bully, who in turn wishes those people in his/her life who supposedly love him/her would act like it. It’s your perspective of your worth that can stop the bully from coming after you. You matter whether you recognize it or not.

People are mean to one another. Empathy and compassion are missing in many places, in many people. And that’s where we need to fill it in for ourselves. Yes we need others to care for us and take care of us. We desperately need to matter to the world and let those people whose job it is to help us take care of us. Besides parents, these can include health service people, police, and government employees. But even when you are out asking for the help, sometimes their own life problems get in the way of helping you through and you feel your worth get consumed by the system. And you may be left wondering WTF? They never called you back from the doctor’s office or the budget billing got screwed up. Your check honestly  got lost or the coupon expired while you weren’t looking. It’s not fair but it’s not personal.perspective will save you from a sucky sentence on Shalavee.com

Here’s the trick. Their reactions and non-reactions don’t have anything to do with you. Just as it’s so hard not to interpret the bully’s actions as a reflection of you, it’s also hard not to see the system dropping you on the floor as meaning you are not worthy of support. But you are worthy of it. Because innately we know everyone is worthy. And your opinion here is the only one that matters, the only one you will believe in the end. How will you reassess the situation to see your benefits, your options, and gain your perspective on your worth?perspective will save you from a sucky sentence on Shalavee.com

So when you start looking for more signs that you suck, please stop. It all depends on which way your mind wants to tell the story. If you knew that the bully got beaten by his Dad everyday, would you feel differently. Or that the government tax person or nurse that messed your paperwork up have children who are dying or drunks, would you feel differently? There’s too much mind reading going on that has you as downtrodden persecuted heroine. Perhaps that story needs to be rewritten. No one cares as much about you as you can today.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Mopey Dope is a Choice of Perspective

We went to the playground yesterday. It was a lovely day, a breezy Sunday, and Fiona was excited to be there. She climbed the rock wall barefooted and ran back and forth. And Eamon just laid in the saucer swing. He wanted to be with his fellow preteens. And he said it was a “Mopey Dope” kinda day. He lacked perspective. They a;; do at that age.

When he felt anxious this morning, I related to him that his kinda day was going to depend on his perspective of his life. If he thought he had good stuff, he appreciated, was grateful for what he had, then he would see himself as happy.At the top of the wall on Shalavee.com

And if he focused on all the things his life lacked, then he was going to see his life as lacking, as sucky. Simply, what you think about your life is what you think your life is.

If I start to obsess and pile up all the things that are going wrong and how that reflects on my life, today I’d be living a little unhappily. I had a very minor fender bender this week while feeling slightly overwhelmed by everything else I have going on. And our water bill came in and was exorbitant. But my kids and I are healthy. I have a house, a good sense of humor, and stuff in my freezer to thaw out for dinner.

Last night I was locked out of my email but my husband and I figured it out. I used to have fits when anything technological went wrong but we kept our cool and held our breath and walked through the fire. We didn’t blow it up and that’s the difference.rock climbing on shalavee.com

I wanted to feel overwhelmed but I told my husband, “I’m just going to have to work harder to disprove that it’ll all turn out bad.” Because what I decide will happen will be what happens. So today, I decided to just be OK. And I hope, when he gets home from school, my son tells me a story about how his day didn’t end up being so bad after all. And if he tries to tell me it was bad, I’ll have to show him my scraped bumper and the $600 water bill.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Ideals and Imperfections

It happens less often, but it still happens. I have sudden wobbly patches, self-doubt storms that descend on my thoughts and life journey and stop everything cold. Takes me time to recover, to understand what I was thinking and the fallacies I was trying to uphold. And then I begin again from where I left off, again in earnest. I am nothing if not earnest.

I have long thought that these humanity patches proved that I was just not leader material. My propensity for derailing, not following through with goals and plans I’d made to be the best somebody was proof of my unworthiness. But what I’ve discovered is that these stumblings are exactly what makes me a true leader instead. Ideals and imperfections on Shalavee.com

I thought in order to be a good leader, blogger, mother, professional, artist, etc., I had to be a certain set of adjectives. I can’t say I’d written out in detail exactly what these adjectives were but I had to be them. So I was holding myself to a set of undefined standards that I would never fulfill. Um what? I assumed there was always more to being any of these things than I was capable of being. Ideals I’d never be able to live up to. I would never possibly be a complete being, unable to perform or achieve enough, my failings would just be my shameful secret and I’d just rather underachieve than have everyone find out my “Not Enoughness”.

Ideals and imperfections on Shalavee.com

What joy I can say I feel in writing these words. Because I have discovered that I have moved just far enough from this perspective to see it and know it’s a bunch of bunk. And that to truly be trusted by yourself or the world, you have to be willing to actually be yourself, imperfections, blown ideals, and not enoughness wide open for you to laugh at. If I laugh at that, you’d not be inclined to criticize me for it but rather admire me for my bravery. And then we’d be fellow humans.

So here’s to finally allowing room for my humanity in my life’s van barreling down the road. I’ve got plenty of room for everyone in here. Underachievers and perfectionists welcome. We break for streams of consciousness, doubt rivers, and will climb the mountains of self-doubt to stand and look back on where we’ve come from. Join me please in a journey all ready in progress.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Compassionately Adjust Expectations and Live Better

Yesterday was a bad day for my swinging mood. Hormones are sneaky that way and my poor family bared the brunt of my melodramatic outbursts. Fiona, my little, has been acting her age. After she hit/spit/was belligerent to me for the fifth/fiftieth time yesterday, I lost it. I roared up and put her on the timeout step. And then I realized this wasn’t helping anyone, I’d scared her, and I scooped her up and turned the tides as best I could. My expectations for a “good” day had been replaced by bad ones and that was making it worse.

This morning came and I just anticipated it would all be bad again. She was getting on my nerves. No daycare, no storytime, and no sanity I thought. And then I stopped because I know what the quickest way to have a bad day is… to expect it. What you believe will happen will certainly happen because we can’t help but create what we believe. Manifest destiny is a thing.Fiona in the grocrery store on Shalavee.com

While we were out yesterday, I’d run into a mother who was in the process of warning her brood that they all needed to mind their behavior while she voted and then she’d get them a toy at the dollar store. But they needed to continue to behave and not bicker while she went shopping. I saw her today and inquired how her day and warnings had gone. She said that they had all done pretty well. She had to cut her shopping plans short when they started to break down after the fourth errand. I wondered if she knew she’d pushed it.

I chant at myself to be aware of my expectations and perspective every week. It’s not fair to randomly raise the expectations bar for you or your loved ones and then blame the failure on yourself or them. Fair is fair. If you know you will create what you decide is inevitable, you can reframe your future envisioning into something a little more positive. If I see abundance and support in my future as opposed to scarcity and isolation I may in fact receive that.Happy windy Fiona on Shalavee.com

 

It really truly comes down to what you believe you deserve in your life :

Mostly Happiness or Complete Misery.

You’ll create outcomes to follow through on those decisions. And when you rush off into the future seeing all the disasters sure to unfold, you will guide every bad choice from here until then to make sure you were right. Being right about how your life will suck is such a booby prize, don’t you think?

I’m willing to be wrong and to apologize to my children if it means that they grow up to be compassionate self-aware human beings. That they may forgive and redirect themselves when they falter by remembering the lessons they watched me live. Life can turn on a dime, it just needs a little flick into the air to help it out sometimes.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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When Expectations Mess With You

What does it mean to be me? If I’m not happy with this version then what would an ideal version of me look like? Who do I think I should be? Will it always be someone different from who I am now? And if so, if my results don’t match my expectations, will I be doomed to a life of not enough?

Yes.

I am catching myself recently contemplating the quality of this or that in my life, noticing the feelings surrounding certain choices and suddenly I realize, this is an expectations issue. And one of my words of the year, Perspective, is dealt into my hand asking to be changed. How I perceive this situation, based on my expectations, will shade how I feel about it and then I will judge it as good or bad. Expectations + Perceptions + Good or Bad Feelings.Fiona on the Swinging bench on Shalavee.com

If I’m always comparing my life to that of someone far more “graced” than me, I will always be unhappy. I’ll never be as rich, as talented, or as skinny. My expectations are then a cyclic prison of misery. And I want out.

If I adjust my perspective and decide I’m good where I am, and if I make sure I have a plan on where I’d like to go, I will then feel hopeful about my now. Your journey is then fueled by your faith in your ability to get there. Self-efficacy , the ability to believe if you’ve done it before, you’ll be able to do it again, is based on this faith.  If you suspend your disbelief long enough to prove that you can budge from the stuck place you’ve been in, and if you keep your head down and keep going, the faith in yourself fuel tank will fill even more. You’ll actually get there quicker than you imagined.Fiona gets a haircut with Miss Lisa on Shalavee.com

I have spent a lot time filling myself up with positive knowledge about me. I come out of my cave and I speak to people and they thank me for being me. I show up and volunteer and people show up for me. And the community I’m creating all around is building me up. And I feel much more competent to do whatever I put my mind to than I ever did before. It’s been a slow process and yet, I’ve budged. So being me is becoming a better and better person to be. I expect I’ll be my friend by the end.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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