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Self Creation by Avoidance of What you Fear You’ll Become

I was washing dishes this morning and it occurred to me that I may actually be basing my journey of becoming me on not wanting to be certain qualities. That I’m attempting to become myself by avoiding becoming something else. And that struck me as kinda stupid.

Where I’d agree, knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want, I think becoming by avoidance sounds like fear may be driving. And once fear is in the driver’s seat, your public transportation vehicle is then careening all over the road because fear doesn’t make good rational decisions and doesn’t heed the rules.

Because I don’t want to make the same mistakes my parents did” might sound like a reasonable excuse not to start a family but it’s not on the up and up. It’s completely excluding all the benefits of having that kind of love in your life and adding it to the world.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

These are the “don’t want to’s” that are gumming up my works. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. I don’t want to seem to be some kinda of know-it-all when I’m not. I don’t want to act like/be perceived as a narcissist. I don’t want to make anything I’m doing about money. I don’t want to make anything more important than my children. My fear has all the bases covered for making no progress with very pragmatic sounding excuses.

We all have the final power to create and recreate ourselves and our stories all the time. But fear-based self creation serves no one. If I pursue my passions and my children miss me for a night or two while I take care of my project or am out-of-town, that will make us all appreciate each other more. If I limit my reach and my connections with the wider world because I’m afraid of taking on too much, I’ll dial it back when it begins to be too much.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

Staying small has never benefited anyone. And people who believe in who I am and what I am saying will also get my true intentions and my integrity. Those who don’t, won’t. Perhaps it’s those exact people I need to have faith in to guide me through my fear decisions and tell me the truth. Because my friends and family know I can even when I don’t think I can. I want to know what they already do.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Process and the Presence will Release You

There’s a lie we seem to like to tell ourselves, probably one that others sold us on once. That to be the best us, we need to have arrived somewhere. A set of circumstances needs to be in place, be that an amount of money or success or a certain weight. And we will be OK when this is set, and not until then. We’ve replaced process with destination.

I am reminded of my bedtime ritual as a kid. There were two alligators and a fox under my bed and only when I had on my clean underwear and then my PJs on was I safe from them. Except it was all a construct of my imagination. And when we’re all grown up, we are certain that those goals  are all adult and on the up and up. And so are the feelings of anxiety because we haven’t reached them. They are most certainly reliable indications that we need to work harder to achieve these things.The Process and the Presence will Release You on Shalavee.com

So like rats on a treadmill, we exhaust ourselves in the pursuit of enough. When there really is only one now that we can live while our fears play us for the fear junkies that we are.

We have forgotten the importance of process. That it is through finding out what we are and what we truly need to be complete (hint: not anything we can get at Wal-Mart) that we’ll find we are home with ourselves and no longer scrabbling for the unobtainable “enough”.The Process and the Presence will Release You on Shalavee.com

Allow for your process. In fact, thank the process when it messes your plans up. It’s trying to show you a better path. Ask yourself, what am I to learn from this detour and then learn it. As you collect your gleaned tidbits, your lessons, your insights, and your grief, you can be proud of you going forward. Because that messiness is exactly how you become a better you. The rinse and repeat of the daily anxiety dance will get you more of the same scared life. And the presence of mind to learn from yourself now will release you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

We All Feel This Way

On two occasions recently, I was gifted these words :”We all feel this way.” And it struck me so profoundly that I thought I should share this in case you too were feeling a little like “no one will understand” and “I’m the only one”.

I know we all think that we’re the only ones. In fact, some say that addicts feel they are “terminally unique”. The entitlement to our “unique” pain fuels our self-hatred and our loneliness. It both defines us and outcasts us. And gives us cause to assuage our pain with our many pain reducing choices of addiction.

I told my friends that I didn’t always feel so certain about what I knew and wanted and that everyone should believe me when I often have doubts about where I’m standing and what I’m really doing. And my friend said,”We all feel that way.” And I believed her. My doubts are not a deficit but a human commonality and do not detract from the legitimacy of anything I say or believe. I know what I know and yet I don’t know it all. That’s OK.We All Feel This Way on Shalavee.com

So I was killing some time cruising through a thrift store. I put my hands on a very soft nice pair of pants that were in my size and a size I no longer wished I was in. I commented to the lady who took my money that I felt aggravated at buying this size (and that perhaps the only way to move forward is to accept where we are now). And the woman said, “We all feel that way.” Sadly, we women often bemoan our aging and plumping, our metabolic slowdown making us cushions for our grandchildren. Our humanity is our commonality.We All Feel This Way on Shalavee.com

I do believe that many of us feel the same about our bodies changing and there’s always a comfort in knowing we are not alone. I would never wish suffering on others but we might as well find comfort in knowing each other’s grief is similar And if we want to change where we are, we need to find the support or an account-a-bili-buddy for our new plan so that we can feel we have the power to hedge our own bets against mother nature slowly. And know we’re not alone in doing so.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Recent Shift from I Can’t to I Can

My consciousness of my thoughts and the world brought a new concept to me recently which resonated. Do I think that “the world is for me or against me” ? Say something bad happens to me today, do I think that I deserve this? Is the world thwarting me in my efforts to rise? It may sound silly but I do believe that for most of my life, I had a tragic sense of lost or missed worth. That the world knew that I was less than and I was just complying with that decision until I was worth more. So yes, I believe I’ve held the belief that the world was against me. And That I couldn’t. But now I’m starting to believe I can.

I do however recognize that if I believe I will receive help from the world, I will then manifest that help. If that means speaking to anyone who will listen about what I’m trying to manifest, then there’s the trick. We can not rise alone after all. And if the “world” means everyone I meet, I might as well hedge my bets on having them “for me”. I may need to behave as if I assume everyone will be nice and helpful. I truly think most people are.I can on Shalavee.com

I also recently realized that I’ve held tight to a belief that I Can’t do a lot of things. I’m not sure I’m looking at any evidence that supports that, it’s just generally something I’ve believed…until recently. If the world was against me and I lacked every skill ever to accomplish anything than perhaps “I can’t”. But I intuited too that if I believed I can’t then I don’t have to try because I already know how it’s going to turn out. I can’t.

But in a practice I’ve adopted recently where maybe every other day, I write out 5 things or more that I’ve accomplished, I’ve begun to understand that there’s a whole heck of a lot more that I’m capable of than I ever thought myself capable of before. And the shift from I Can’t to I Can’t has been kind of surprising and lovely.I can on Shalavee.com

In a brain space where I Can, I have so much more room.  If I Can then …

  • I can decide what dreams I feel like pursuing and not pursue others’
  • I can make confident decisions about what clutter in my mind and my space can be thrown out
  • I can start anything with the understanding that my best effort is always pretty good and good enough
  • I can risk
  • I can plot new goals and new adventures for myself to enjoy
  • I can stay present

As I am sitting here deciding what to decide, to let go of, and what to do next, I realize that the “I Can” decision is one of the most mighty and empowering shifts, and gifts, I could have had. How about You? Can You?

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

January Decisions

Like a permanent pause, the winter break has extended out with snowy weather. We are all at home again today doing what work or play needs to be done. I am trying stay patient, understanding that this too shall pass and we’ll be busy busy busy again soon enough. It’s an odd place to be. But I also realize it is an opportunity to look at the decisions I need to make about who I want to be this year. And see if I’m prioritizing others over myself. And what fears I may be avoiding.

See, not too long ago I was an underachieving overachiever. My stress coping system of Industrious Overfocused combined with my never enough attitude had me doing amazing amounts of work and never giving myself the credit.January Decisions on Shalavee.com

The work looked like writing, housework, volunteerism, social media making, children’s care-taking, and a good bit of exercise. I have always been a runner. Of course I never thought any of the work or exercise was enough. I’ve always been sure I just could do better than I’ve done. I just needed more. More time, more resolve, more organization.

But in the past several months, I was forced to stop. My sinus surgery mandated that I needed to literally sit down. I couldn’t exercise for three weeks as I had a wound near my brain essentially. And that combined with the ongoing battle against the pain in my hip/back joint had me down for the count. I was forced to be still. I am now emerging from this place.January Decisions on Shalavee.com

I have decisions to make. I must decide if I’m old. I must decide if what I aspire to do is for other people or for myself. I must discern whether my work is important enough to prioritize over all other busyness, sometimes family even, or whether it’s OK to prioritize them over myself. It’s all my choice.

January gives us the opportunity to regroup, recenter, and redecide where we stand in our own lives. We just need to rise to our own occasion of deciding what’s next and why and who for. And we need to have a dishwasher that works.January Decisions on Shalavee.com

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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