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Ideals and Imperfections

It happens less often, but it still happens. I have sudden wobbly patches, self-doubt storms that descend on my thoughts and life journey and stop everything cold. Takes me time to recover, to understand what I was thinking and the fallacies I was trying to uphold. And then I begin again from where I left off, again in earnest. I am nothing if not earnest.

I have long thought that these humanity patches proved that I was just not leader material. My propensity for derailing, not following through with goals and plans I’d made to be the best somebody was proof of my unworthiness. But what I’ve discovered is that these stumblings are exactly what makes me a true leader instead. Ideals and imperfections on Shalavee.com

I thought in order to be a good leader, blogger, mother, professional, artist, etc., I had to be a certain set of adjectives. I can’t say I’d written out in detail exactly what these adjectives were but I had to be them. So I was holding myself to a set of undefined standards that I would never fulfill. Um what? I assumed there was always more to being any of these things than I was capable of being. Ideals I’d never be able to live up to. I would never possibly be a complete being, unable to perform or achieve enough, my failings would just be my shameful secret and I’d just rather underachieve than have everyone find out my “Not Enoughness”.

Ideals and imperfections on Shalavee.com

What joy I can say I feel in writing these words. Because I have discovered that I have moved just far enough from this perspective to see it and know it’s a bunch of bunk. And that to truly be trusted by yourself or the world, you have to be willing to actually be yourself, imperfections, blown ideals, and not enoughness wide open for you to laugh at. If I laugh at that, you’d not be inclined to criticize me for it but rather admire me for my bravery. And then we’d be fellow humans.

So here’s to finally allowing room for my humanity in my life’s van barreling down the road. I’ve got plenty of room for everyone in here. Underachievers and perfectionists welcome. We break for streams of consciousness, doubt rivers, and will climb the mountains of self-doubt to stand and look back on where we’ve come from. Join me please in a journey all ready in progress.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Compassionately Adjust Expectations and Live Better

Yesterday was a bad day for my swinging mood. Hormones are sneaky that way and my poor family bared the brunt of my melodramatic outbursts. Fiona, my little, has been acting her age. After she hit/spit/was belligerent to me for the fifth/fiftieth time yesterday, I lost it. I roared up and put her on the timeout step. And then I realized this wasn’t helping anyone, I’d scared her, and I scooped her up and turned the tides as best I could. My expectations for a “good” day had been replaced by bad ones and that was making it worse.

This morning came and I just anticipated it would all be bad again. She was getting on my nerves. No daycare, no storytime, and no sanity I thought. And then I stopped because I know what the quickest way to have a bad day is… to expect it. What you believe will happen will certainly happen because we can’t help but create what we believe. Manifest destiny is a thing.Fiona in the grocrery store on Shalavee.com

While we were out yesterday, I’d run into a mother who was in the process of warning her brood that they all needed to mind their behavior while she voted and then she’d get them a toy at the dollar store. But they needed to continue to behave and not bicker while she went shopping. I saw her today and inquired how her day and warnings had gone. She said that they had all done pretty well. She had to cut her shopping plans short when they started to break down after the fourth errand. I wondered if she knew she’d pushed it.

I chant at myself to be aware of my expectations and perspective every week. It’s not fair to randomly raise the expectations bar for you or your loved ones and then blame the failure on yourself or them. Fair is fair. If you know you will create what you decide is inevitable, you can reframe your future envisioning into something a little more positive. If I see abundance and support in my future as opposed to scarcity and isolation I may in fact receive that.Happy windy Fiona on Shalavee.com

 

It really truly comes down to what you believe you deserve in your life :

Mostly Happiness or Complete Misery.

You’ll create outcomes to follow through on those decisions. And when you rush off into the future seeing all the disasters sure to unfold, you will guide every bad choice from here until then to make sure you were right. Being right about how your life will suck is such a booby prize, don’t you think?

I’m willing to be wrong and to apologize to my children if it means that they grow up to be compassionate self-aware human beings. That they may forgive and redirect themselves when they falter by remembering the lessons they watched me live. Life can turn on a dime, it just needs a little flick into the air to help it out sometimes.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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When Expectations Mess With You

What does it mean to be me? If I’m not happy with this version then what would an ideal version of me look like? Who do I think I should be? Will it always be someone different from who I am now? And if so, if my results don’t match my expectations, will I be doomed to a life of not enough?

Yes.

I am catching myself recently contemplating the quality of this or that in my life, noticing the feelings surrounding certain choices and suddenly I realize, this is an expectations issue. And one of my words of the year, Perspective, is dealt into my hand asking to be changed. How I perceive this situation, based on my expectations, will shade how I feel about it and then I will judge it as good or bad. Expectations + Perceptions + Good or Bad Feelings.Fiona on the Swinging bench on Shalavee.com

If I’m always comparing my life to that of someone far more “graced” than me, I will always be unhappy. I’ll never be as rich, as talented, or as skinny. My expectations are then a cyclic prison of misery. And I want out.

If I adjust my perspective and decide I’m good where I am, and if I make sure I have a plan on where I’d like to go, I will then feel hopeful about my now. Your journey is then fueled by your faith in your ability to get there. Self-efficacy , the ability to believe if you’ve done it before, you’ll be able to do it again, is based on this faith.  If you suspend your disbelief long enough to prove that you can budge from the stuck place you’ve been in, and if you keep your head down and keep going, the faith in yourself fuel tank will fill even more. You’ll actually get there quicker than you imagined.Fiona gets a haircut with Miss Lisa on Shalavee.com

I have spent a lot time filling myself up with positive knowledge about me. I come out of my cave and I speak to people and they thank me for being me. I show up and volunteer and people show up for me. And the community I’m creating all around is building me up. And I feel much more competent to do whatever I put my mind to than I ever did before. It’s been a slow process and yet, I’ve budged. So being me is becoming a better and better person to be. I expect I’ll be my friend by the end.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Creative Overwhelm

Seems what I have is quite common for creative types. The flood of creative ideas followed by the need to act on them all right now. And then my brain locks up, creative overwhelm. Like too many programs running on the computer, you staring at the screen and the screen staring back at you. And often, I stay overwhelmed, poking at one or two endeavors but never feeling like I’m accomplishing anything. Because even when I do, the amount of tasks is daunting in comparison. And nothing can make the grade when the curve is that steep.Creative overwhelm on Shalavee.com

Perspective to the rescue. If all things are fabulous than nothing is. If there’s too many items on the to do list, I’m overwhelmed. And even if I accomplish anything, it doesn’t look or feel like it comparably.

What if there were a way to separate the ideas from the action lists. To quarantine them, contain them from spilling out and having me feel like I’m standing still comparatively. Because a year is a mighty long time when you devote a little time regularly to one thing. I think it’s possible to accomplish a lot more than we do, or think we can, if we’re clever and intentional. I just think it’s all in the way we’re looking at it. Because Perspective is my additional word for the year.Chessie napping on Shalavee.com

Conversely, I think we can sabotage ourselves a million ways past Sunday if we do “all or nothing” thinking and don’t allow for our humanity. Push , push, strive for perfection, every achievement is hollow, never good enough because we’re not good enough. When I hear my brain use words like always, completely, perfectly, it’s a flag for the need for some perspective there. I’m aware of how my auto-pilot goes into autocratic mode. And the outcome will prove my unworthiness every time.

So I’ll start with my aspirations and my lists. Pick one or two things to focus on until they’re done, keep my blinders on to the bigger list, and celebrate my small one at a time victories. Sabotage starts with mindfulness.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Release and Perspective : My words of 2016

This December delivered some sucker punches and I found myself with a busted hope bubble in the last week of the year. I was numb. Didn’t want to feel bad anymore. I doubted that my path was clear anymore. Or that I even had the energy to lift my feet up to continue trudging down said path.

I doubt even the happiest most positive soul in the world hasn’t bent their nose on a wobbly life moment or two. And so I assumed that it was me making a choice of perception, like staring at myself in the mirror for too long and seeing only ugliness instead of beauty, that was distorting my outlook.

For a couple of years now, I’ve been to choosing a word of the year. Because that’s a thing online people do. And it’s kinda clarifying and grounding.

I had to check with my blog to remember what my previous words of the year were. And when I did, and read what I had written, I began the climb back out of my hole. I write well I thought. I feel inspired by myself when I read what I’ve written. Why does that surprise me?perspective on Shalavee.com

2014 was the first year for a “word of the year”. You choose one to inspire you, to navigate by, to meditate with by what your feeling is important to accomplish or heal or work on. That year it was Edit. See the post here where I say “the potential for progress for me lies in my focusing on what needs to happen next”. I have a very busy brain that is continually dumping ideas onto my path.  I’d say I could still use a reminder of some editing these days.  I could use to edit my focus to keep my eyes on the prize and not be distracted by the overwhelming larger picture. Crop the picture. Do the work. Repeat.Girl's best friend on Shalavee.com

For 2015, I had picked my words earlier in November of 2014 . The post was about scarcity and recognizing Abundance and Opportunity. But another word wanted to join the party two months later and I gladly let it in. That extra word was Permission. As in, every time I get stuck, I find I’m secretly thinking I’m not allowed to do this or go here or achieve this. The Fear Mother thinks she’s keeping me safe. Great post.release on Shalavee.com

For the word picking this year, there’s an online movement and process to find your word hosted by Susannah Conway. I adore people who lead so fearlessly. They are necessary. And then I thought, I don’t have time to work on all that now. I need to think really hard. And so I did. I mused the concept of letting go and got the words resignation and surrender. I thought about the butterfly symbol I’ve adopted and thought about expand and fly above. And even mused create but that seemed too general. And then I remembered the word that I spoke of not too long ago : Ease. And I found my word.

Release

The butterfly frees itself from the cocoon and soars above the crawling heap of caterpillars to the top of the mountain. I need to do my thing and release my soul so that I may create what I need and perhaps inspire others by my actions. Or not. I can only be responsible for my creativity. And that needs to have release. And none of that needs to be hard. That when you do your creative work it’s easy because it’s yours.

don't think create

I realized however that my word Release needs a helper. If release is my what, I needed a how. And that is :

Perspective

I have been perpetually reminded recently that all shifts and choices in my life are mine to make. I have the power to choose how I live, perceive my life, and pursue my future. All mine and the only thing that dictates my direction is my perspective. It’s my choice as to whether I’m in the plus column or the negative column this year. My choice to see what’s going on in my life as heinous or a blessing. Perspective is soooo big. And holds the key to allowing for release of my angst, my overachieving standards, my angst and allowing for ease. Release and perspective, the what and the how.

(On a side note, it would seem that the book Hope For Flowers is exactly the book that I realize I believe wholeheartedly in. That we all need to find what is glorious in ourselves by following our intuition instead of crawling on the caterpillar pillars on top of everyone else. Rechecking it out to read to my daughter soon. Read Tom’s review in the community reviews, third one down.)

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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