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Catching Up and Telling the Truth

What a slippery perspective buster “truth” is. The truth is that this first month and a half of Summer has been rough. Not in the hard ways my Summers used to start , but in very personal ways. Ways I was not even telling myself about.

Today’s truth is that I am still awaiting the steroid injections I received two days ago in my ouchy SI joints to take effect. I’m still holding my breath for the positive outcome. I’ve fought my way here and still there’s truly no change. And continued pain messes with your mind a little as it drains your good will, your hope, and your ease.

Truth is I cancelled my second round of Weight Watchers, because after three months, I didn’t lose a single pound. And I just felt like a watched pot. I refused to boil. catching up and telling the truth on Shalavee.com

 

Personally, and professionally, I had set high expectations and goals I had to rise to so I could be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance. The disparity in my actuality vs my intentions made me so disconcerted, I chewed my lip apart for most of June. If it feels like you are living for another’s approval, you probably are.

We are at the half way point of Summer with one more Summer Camp next week and looking forward to one more mini-vacation which I’m hoping will be relaxing. But I have a sinus surgery lined up right afterwards for mid-August. It is radical self-care act for me to do this, long overdue, but it is also impending doom looming in my not too distant future. I’m scared.

For me, getting perspective on all of this means you write it all up and then you let it go. What are your suggestions for not dreading and instead being present?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Successful Avoidance of Success

I am fast approaching a milestone here on ye’ olde blog. One thousand posts. Yet I have also kept my foot firmly planted against the door keeping the crack from opening anymore. I have controlled and avoided my success so perfectly that I’m feeling the yawning pains of stagnation here.

How do you avoid success you ask?

  • Well you never self-promote. You work just as hard but never ask people for anything. Not their eyes to read or their support. You keep everything on the down low QT.
  • You don’t go outside of your bubble and send your work or thoughts to other people.
  • You avoid growth and creating anything that could cause more work for yourself soon.

Successful avoidance of success is based solely on the concept that if I did become more successful than that would mean that I may have to pay a high price in effort. I know that presently I can get everything I need done, I can write, and keep up the care of my children. If I started creating more work for myself, then I would be creating my demands when I already feel I have too much.Successful Avoidance of Success on Shalavee.com

Of course, success is probably like having your first baby. You think it’ll be tough and it is but you love it. And everything you need just magically appears when you need it.  I know all about stalling the children thing and how it is what it is until it isn’t anymore and you won’t die. Well so far it hasn’t killed me.

And lastly, I think I don’t have a good healthy relationship with the word success. I think of it as something you strive for that you ignore other people to get. You work too hard and your children suffer and it’s all about yourself and the needs you have to be acknowledged all the time. I think it’s about greed and money made and attention seeking. About status and ego needs being met. And I’ve convinced myself that I don’t need any of that thank you.

Yet there’s a tiny part of me that says that success isn’t the reward. That there are all sorts of perks and ahas that pave the way and that by the time you get there, you have figured all this out. But you must be in process to discover these eurekas. So, I just want to have some fun and see what happens.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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I May Already Be Living the Good Life That I Always Wanted

My everyday, nay, my every moment is full of my expectations. I anticipate how my day will play out. I base my feelings of how my day and my life is going on how I perceive it as compared to what I expected and then I pass a judgement on how it’s going. I’m not living the good life. The End.

 

I have a nasty habit of judging my glass to be half empty. Same fill line as half full but it’s the way I am used to seeing it. I think this way, if anything blindsides me with bad news or disappointment, I won’t have far to fall. I guard against joy.

 

But if this is all an habitual equation, a standard pair of sunglasses I’m so used to donning, I no longer notice them, then that means there’s a chance to back-peddle and find another way to seeing my life. Because I get the distinct feeling that my life is waaaayyyy better than I’m giving it credit for. The habit to guard against disaster and seeing it all as in need of fixing, is robbing me of my every day every moment high.

I May Already Be Living the Good Life That I Always Wanted on Shalavee.com

What if I am already living the life I always wanted? What if in this constant looking beyond to the future and then disregarding my now is robbing me of the one life I get to enjoy? Because I think that’s exactly what is going on.

 

I get to see my healthy children grow up every day. I get to create words and pictures as often as I choose. I have a supportive as heck husband and several really nice supportive communities. My healthcare is paid for and I have a new roof on my house. I’d say I have a lot to count my glass as half full. So here’s to taking my glasses back and getting the prescription and tint changed. I’ll settle for 20/40 and rose-tinted sunglasses.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Living Ideal Lives That Have Nothing To Do with Stuff

 

As I drove I considered the concept that perhaps some of us are already living our ideal lives. My therapist pointed out to me once that I was living an enviable life of constant creativity yet all I ever wanted to do was dwell on those things I didn’t have yet and hadn’t accomplished yet.

 

It seems such a profound concept that we may be living the lives we always truly wanted except our vision is too clouded to see this. That we can only see that we are not living by the standards society tells us we are supposed to want. That if we were to understand that health is so important and wealth isn’t, we’d get to exercising instead of going for another Wal-mart run.Living Ideal Lives That Have Nothing To Do with Stuff on Shalavee.com

 

If we appreciated that we had family and community and a roof, that we’d already know we have enough. Except that’s not what sells. Not enough sells more. And when we buy, other people make money from our money. So we keep running on the wheel for our dollars. We keep making cheesy good snacks to eat while watching a sporting events when we could be making art or friends or love to and with the people around us.

 

And the moment you and I realize that we are following their rules, we’re gonna bust out laughing from our protective shells and begin conversations with ourselves and our world that we hadn’t dared until now. Just thoughts as I’m driving past the Wal-mart.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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You Will Be Your Own Destiny

I am going through a rough patch right now. It’s a quagmire of doubt I regularly like to reroute myself through. I decided to try to just stay and wait it out, to witness myself and try not to rush in to judge or fix. I know I need to remember my purpose, my destiny and then this morning I woke up with this in my head.

 

 

 

You will be your own destiny and your own reason why.”

 

 

And so, I resigned myself once again to searching again for the breadcrumbs I have left for myself. The clues as to who I think I am and want to be and the Why. That seems to elude me over and over. And as I searched my breadcrumbs, I found this proclamation. I share it as a way of showing you my process, proving my humanity, and resolving in public to once again keep going for me and for everyone who may benefit.

You will be your own destiny on Shalavee.com

I believe that I have a light that shines brightly. That this light is different, unique to me. My light is meant to keep shining so that others can benefit from the hope that it brings them and that this light will keep guiding me towards a better brighter happier version of me. When I’m ready, I always move on. And when others are ready, they/anyone can join with me in the belief that their creativity and voice can make a difference even if it’s just to themselves. I believe my belief influences and augments other people’s beliefs. And that this process I’m describing is non-negotiable.”

As Summer rolls on in, I feel encouraged that I have time set aside for my uninterrupted creativity so that I can pursue what this light needs to be shining on right now. I am thinking that I can commit again to a video series and I think I know the very first topic I want to speak on. Witnessing. Be it witnessing our friends, our family, animals in nature, or ourselves as we struggle and can not “fix” or “save” but just to hold a presence there.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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