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Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance?

At any given moment, we have at least these two choices : we can set to work on the tasks we see ourselves in need of accomplishing to get to where we think we want to go. Or we can give up on ourselves and decide the effort is not worth it. Or we’re not worth the effort. When you don’t feel worthy of the effort, you live a lifetime of giving up.

I asked myself, what is more difficult, giving up or giving yourself a chance? You’d think that working toward something , be it a better life or self-esteem or relationship with yourself would be harder work than giving up. But I think the opposite is true.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

It’s hard work resigning yourself to your lack of worth for the effort. Believing in your complete lack of value is the hardest most painful work of all. To continue to endure your devaluation of yourself is very tough to do and yet, this is what it means to have low self-esteem. Everyday you resign yourself to being less than. You tell yourself you aren’t worth the effort. You recreate what you believe the world told you when you were little.

 

When you don’t feel worthy of the effort,

you live a lifetime of giving up.

 

I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn’t feel worth the effort to leave. I gave up everyday on me and my need to find happiness. But the staying was so much more work than the leaving eventually ended up being. Perpetuating hopelessness is exhausting.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

Telling the truth is actually way easier that maintaining a lie. I chose to recognize that the relationship was a reflection of my bad self-worth. And that I was choosing to keep myself in pain with it and I could be done and no longer choose it. Life got immensely easier after that. And I discover that every time I work hard towards a goal which I’m excited about, the thrill and pride I feel for myself show that was the easiest work I could have done.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Yes Butters

I used to chat with my friend’s father all the time. We would have long discussions in which he would be the star but his life just never seemed to go his way. I would always offer up helpful advice or perspective busters, as I do. And his answer was always, “Yes but….”. After many sessions of these discussions I finally realized that, while I had been baited to listen, his commitment to taking any responsibility for the events in his life was lacking. And so I would get caught in the stream of Yes Buts.

I propose that there are several levels of Yes Butism and types of Yes Butters.yes Butters on Shalavee.com

There are the constant victims who are perpetually put upon. Their lives are full of strife, uproar, chaos, and drama. This was my life once. So complicated. I lived that one for a very long time. People gave up even asking me to join them because I’d always say no. I didn’t deserve to have fun. Life was hard and I needed to keep it that way.

Then there’s the people who say it’s fine, it’s fine, and then every once and a while, have a complete social meltdown. They get lots and lots of pity and attention and then they may go back to being perfectly fine again. Nothing that you said to them truly made a difference because they just needed your sympathy and not your advice. They may be kind enough to yes but/thank you for your voice but you really can only help by saying you are sorry. They’s got a system working for them.

And then there’s the people who have yes butted everyone’s advice all-the-time-forever and so they are never going to ask your opinion because they are different from you and everyone else and they never needed anyone’s help ever. Help would make them inferior. Humanity is unacceptable.

yes Butters on Shalavee.com

Any of these people sound familiar to you? Do you bait people with tragedy and then tell them thank you but there’s just no way to change the situation or to help them. I am naturally drawn to want to assist people. I have a wealth of knowledge I’d like to share. But I forget that just because people act like they’d like to hear what I have to say, doesn’t mean they really want to hear what I have to say. They may be right where I used to be and I have to respect their need to be stuck. And unless I’m good with just being talked at, I need to not spend as much time with these people.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Following Your Intuition and Figuring It Out as You Go

First, we need to get something clear about life. You can have a well thought out life plan and have every intention of following some set recipe for living and, guaranteed, something happens to make you change your life course. While its nice to have an idea, be ready to throw it all out. Because life in all it’s quirkiness, is about the magic of the chance. It’s about guiding yourself with your intuition.

Your intuition is the one thing you can trust. Your intuition is always reliable. It will never let you down and will never speak to you in a mean way. Understand, that self-critical voice is not your intuition. And although it thinks it’s doing you a favor, it’s just stealing years from you. Pamper your intuition and she’ll take you happier places and you’ll still get it all done and more.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

Second, you’ll figure it out as you go. If you got what you expected all the time, you’d probably be bored anyway. I’ve found that life is what happens when you are headed somewhere and you have to puzzle it out. Usually the solution isn’t something you’d have seen from far out but required you to be paying attention. And you’ll be proud of yourself. Do you trust yourself to do this well? You’ve got a good resolution resume already.

And PS, that place where you don’t know and you’re figuring it out? That’s creativity. People want to argue that they aren’t creative except, anytime you are drawing from life and your experiences, you are thinking and living creatively.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

When you take a look at all the stuff you’ve gone through, built up, endured, achieved, and survived, there’s nothing that’s as scary or as big as all of that. Don’t forget yourself. Remember yourself and build from there.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Self Creation by Avoidance of What you Fear You’ll Become

I was washing dishes this morning and it occurred to me that I may actually be basing my journey of becoming me on not wanting to be certain qualities. That I’m attempting to become myself by avoiding becoming something else. And that struck me as kinda stupid.

Where I’d agree, knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want, I think becoming by avoidance sounds like fear may be driving. And once fear is in the driver’s seat, your public transportation vehicle is then careening all over the road because fear doesn’t make good rational decisions and doesn’t heed the rules.

Because I don’t want to make the same mistakes my parents did” might sound like a reasonable excuse not to start a family but it’s not on the up and up. It’s completely excluding all the benefits of having that kind of love in your life and adding it to the world.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

These are the “don’t want to’s” that are gumming up my works. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. I don’t want to seem to be some kinda of know-it-all when I’m not. I don’t want to act like/be perceived as a narcissist. I don’t want to make anything I’m doing about money. I don’t want to make anything more important than my children. My fear has all the bases covered for making no progress with very pragmatic sounding excuses.

We all have the final power to create and recreate ourselves and our stories all the time. But fear-based self creation serves no one. If I pursue my passions and my children miss me for a night or two while I take care of my project or am out-of-town, that will make us all appreciate each other more. If I limit my reach and my connections with the wider world because I’m afraid of taking on too much, I’ll dial it back when it begins to be too much.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

Staying small has never benefited anyone. And people who believe in who I am and what I am saying will also get my true intentions and my integrity. Those who don’t, won’t. Perhaps it’s those exact people I need to have faith in to guide me through my fear decisions and tell me the truth. Because my friends and family know I can even when I don’t think I can. I want to know what they already do.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Process and the Presence will Release You

There’s a lie we seem to like to tell ourselves, probably one that others sold us on once. That to be the best us, we need to have arrived somewhere. A set of circumstances needs to be in place, be that an amount of money or success or a certain weight. And we will be OK when this is set, and not until then. We’ve replaced process with destination.

I am reminded of my bedtime ritual as a kid. There were two alligators and a fox under my bed and only when I had on my clean underwear and then my PJs on was I safe from them. Except it was all a construct of my imagination. And when we’re all grown up, we are certain that those goals  are all adult and on the up and up. And so are the feelings of anxiety because we haven’t reached them. They are most certainly reliable indications that we need to work harder to achieve these things.The Process and the Presence will Release You on Shalavee.com

So like rats on a treadmill, we exhaust ourselves in the pursuit of enough. When there really is only one now that we can live while our fears play us for the fear junkies that we are.

We have forgotten the importance of process. That it is through finding out what we are and what we truly need to be complete (hint: not anything we can get at Wal-Mart) that we’ll find we are home with ourselves and no longer scrabbling for the unobtainable “enough”.The Process and the Presence will Release You on Shalavee.com

Allow for your process. In fact, thank the process when it messes your plans up. It’s trying to show you a better path. Ask yourself, what am I to learn from this detour and then learn it. As you collect your gleaned tidbits, your lessons, your insights, and your grief, you can be proud of you going forward. Because that messiness is exactly how you become a better you. The rinse and repeat of the daily anxiety dance will get you more of the same scared life. And the presence of mind to learn from yourself now will release you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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