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The Evil Organizer/Date Planner

I have a love/hate relationship with my Virgoan tendencies. While I do love to have things orderly and organized, it can often be a double-edged sword. Because not having things uber-organized can make me feel like a loser. The tale of my love/hate relationship with my evil organizer/date planner follows.

For two years for my birthday I bought myself the Get To Work Book. It’s a bit pricey for a calendar and organizational book but the author Elise Joy is lovely and an artist and I thought it would be just the thing to get myself more orderly and more productive. And at times it did that exact thing. But mostly I ended up feeling like a loser.

I guess I’m an all or nothing kinda gal. I’m all in or go home. And the fact that I couldn’t keep up with my own intentions to succeed (don’t mention that I just had a wicked case of fear of visibility and vulnerability) made me loathe myself just that much more. As if I needed any other reasons. I didn’t order the 2017-2018 Get to Work Book to prove that I could succeed in life without it. And I did.

So this year, with new intentions and goals, I got a new organizer that touts its organizational prowess. And for the first couple days I was feeling mighty organized. I was getting stuff done. And then I hit the bump. Where my best laid plans got derailed because there just wasn’t enough time to do everything I wanted to do. And that familiar disappointed feeling came on again.The Evil Organizer/Date Planner on Shalavee.com

I knew I’d let myself down. Where I get stuck with looking at the same task and procrastinate on it because it feels so so big and impossible. The task that my self-worth has hung on for years. And I’m tempted to toss the new organizer on a neglected shelf. But I don’t. Because I think there’s stuff here that I need to get comfortable with. Stuff I need to get intimate with to learn from.

I saw a driveway today doubled up with two rows of cars that looked like they were all in need of some sort of repair. And I realized that that’s my mental driveway. With that many tasks to do, it will never look like I’m succeeding even though I am. In fact the opposite may be true. The amount of accomplishments I do get done daily is staggering considering all that is on my plate. And I’m the only one who can’t see this.

So I will choose to drop back and get a fresh perspective on my over-achieving ways. It isn’t the planner’s fault (although the papers too thin to use anything other than pencil or a ballpoint pen otherwise is will bleed through.) The organizational tools that we use are only as good as our intentions in using them. And if mine doesn’t allow for my life to also happen while I’m being “productive” then I need to re-frame what it’s doing in my life again.

PS. Just as I had finished writing this piece, into my inbox came the notification that the New 2019 Get To Workbooks were ready to be pre-ordered. And I did exactly that. Respect the Ebb and Flow indeed. The hard things are not about the datebook.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Want to Honor Myself

The word honor suddenly asked to be thought of. What does it mean to me I wondered, to honor myself, my life. To treat myself with reverence and respect unlike my usual lack of respect and general pushing to do. What if I allowed myself to respect and revere and see myself and what I am here to do daily? How would that effect my outlook, my daily doing?

I often envy others their perspective. They can see their lives and what they are here for and how beautiful their day is. They capture it in their art and their social media and their words. Or are they just faking it? Because that is definitely a thing. I long to know what it feels like to almost cavalierly comprehend the meaning of my existence to me.I Want to Honor Myself on Shalavee.com

Without a reference for who we think we are, we are lost. If like me, your point of reference was a parent, you may be a lost adult struggling to see your value and worthiness in a larger world. But it is the fight to find yourself and your purpose and your value which is the truest most noble fight worth taking on. In fact we really don’t have a choice. We are otherwise just existing and surviving.

I long to know what it feels like to almost cavalierly comprehend

the meaning of my existence

So I ask again, what is it that I want to honor within myself and give back to my children and the communities I live in? I want to honor my offer of perspective and wisdom, of process and hope, of beauty and kindness, and of honesty and compassion. What you value in me, I hope to come to value as well. What do you value in you? Are these the same attributes as others see you to own?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance?

At any given moment, we have at least these two choices : we can set to work on the tasks we see ourselves in need of accomplishing to get to where we think we want to go. Or we can give up on ourselves and decide the effort is not worth it. Or we’re not worth the effort. When you don’t feel worthy of the effort, you live a lifetime of giving up.

I asked myself, what is more difficult, giving up or giving yourself a chance? You’d think that working toward something , be it a better life or self-esteem or relationship with yourself would be harder work than giving up. But I think the opposite is true.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

It’s hard work resigning yourself to your lack of worth for the effort. Believing in your complete lack of value is the hardest most painful work of all. To continue to endure your devaluation of yourself is very tough to do and yet, this is what it means to have low self-esteem. Everyday you resign yourself to being less than. You tell yourself you aren’t worth the effort. You recreate what you believe the world told you when you were little.

 

When you don’t feel worthy of the effort,

you live a lifetime of giving up.

 

I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn’t feel worth the effort to leave. I gave up everyday on me and my need to find happiness. But the staying was so much more work than the leaving eventually ended up being. Perpetuating hopelessness is exhausting.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

Telling the truth is actually way easier that maintaining a lie. I chose to recognize that the relationship was a reflection of my bad self-worth. And that I was choosing to keep myself in pain with it and I could be done and no longer choose it. Life got immensely easier after that. And I discover that every time I work hard towards a goal which I’m excited about, the thrill and pride I feel for myself show that was the easiest work I could have done.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Yes Butters

I used to chat with my friend’s father all the time. We would have long discussions in which he would be the star but his life just never seemed to go his way. I would always offer up helpful advice or perspective busters, as I do. And his answer was always, “Yes but….”. After many sessions of these discussions I finally realized that, while I had been baited to listen, his commitment to taking any responsibility for the events in his life was lacking. And so I would get caught in the stream of Yes Buts.

I propose that there are several levels of Yes Butism and types of Yes Butters.yes Butters on Shalavee.com

There are the constant victims who are perpetually put upon. Their lives are full of strife, uproar, chaos, and drama. This was my life once. So complicated. I lived that one for a very long time. People gave up even asking me to join them because I’d always say no. I didn’t deserve to have fun. Life was hard and I needed to keep it that way.

Then there’s the people who say it’s fine, it’s fine, and then every once and a while, have a complete social meltdown. They get lots and lots of pity and attention and then they may go back to being perfectly fine again. Nothing that you said to them truly made a difference because they just needed your sympathy and not your advice. They may be kind enough to yes but/thank you for your voice but you really can only help by saying you are sorry. They’s got a system working for them.

And then there’s the people who have yes butted everyone’s advice all-the-time-forever and so they are never going to ask your opinion because they are different from you and everyone else and they never needed anyone’s help ever. Help would make them inferior. Humanity is unacceptable.

yes Butters on Shalavee.com

Any of these people sound familiar to you? Do you bait people with tragedy and then tell them thank you but there’s just no way to change the situation or to help them. I am naturally drawn to want to assist people. I have a wealth of knowledge I’d like to share. But I forget that just because people act like they’d like to hear what I have to say, doesn’t mean they really want to hear what I have to say. They may be right where I used to be and I have to respect their need to be stuck. And unless I’m good with just being talked at, I need to not spend as much time with these people.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Following Your Intuition and Figuring It Out as You Go

First, we need to get something clear about life. You can have a well thought out life plan and have every intention of following some set recipe for living and, guaranteed, something happens to make you change your life course. While its nice to have an idea, be ready to throw it all out. Because life in all it’s quirkiness, is about the magic of the chance. It’s about guiding yourself with your intuition.

Your intuition is the one thing you can trust. Your intuition is always reliable. It will never let you down and will never speak to you in a mean way. Understand, that self-critical voice is not your intuition. And although it thinks it’s doing you a favor, it’s just stealing years from you. Pamper your intuition and she’ll take you happier places and you’ll still get it all done and more.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

Second, you’ll figure it out as you go. If you got what you expected all the time, you’d probably be bored anyway. I’ve found that life is what happens when you are headed somewhere and you have to puzzle it out. Usually the solution isn’t something you’d have seen from far out but required you to be paying attention. And you’ll be proud of yourself. Do you trust yourself to do this well? You’ve got a good resolution resume already.

And PS, that place where you don’t know and you’re figuring it out? That’s creativity. People want to argue that they aren’t creative except, anytime you are drawing from life and your experiences, you are thinking and living creatively.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

When you take a look at all the stuff you’ve gone through, built up, endured, achieved, and survived, there’s nothing that’s as scary or as big as all of that. Don’t forget yourself. Remember yourself and build from there.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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