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The Seesaw of Being a Creative and a Parent

Being a mother, the primary caregiver, and a creative as well, I have come up against such emotional backlash when it comes to being true to both jobs at the same time. I still struggle with not letting my fear of being unavailable for my children be a reason to keep me from doing things. Or the excuse.

I am beginning to understand that there has always been a scary undertow that keeps women from blooming. It is supported by the world’s beliefs s that we continue to suppress ourselves. But our children would flourish and aspire to loving their lives if we showed them what that looked like.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing needs to be enough. Being completely present in each moment, whether that moment contains you paying full attention to the needs of the child or yourself, is our key to mastering the trust of our momentary decisions. It needs to be the exact thing you should be doing and it needs to be enough.

Each moment we spend with our children when we intentionally pay attention to them, needs to satisfy their needs. Whether that’s listening or disciplining them. And then we can suspend our guilt when we take care of our needs because we’re modeling self-parenting for them. We are showing them self-care and self-respect.

I wrote a Creative Mother’s Manifesto almost three years ago which I’d love you to read if you feel there are still words you need to express your frustration about being in that place in between mothering and creating. And there are three interviews I did with immensely talented creative women as well as Mothers listed below. Let me know what you think about this subject.

Q & A With Creative Momma Megan Gray

Suzonne Stirling – Uber-Creative and Stylist and Mom : Q & A

Q & A with Anna Lovind, Sage and Creative Guide

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Fiona is almost 6 years old

My Wee Fiona is about to turn 6 yrs old in a week. She’s over 55 pounds and 4 feet. She’s a solid beautiful little lass. 

We’re at that place where she’s demanding competency and independence. Reading like a pro. On the verge of her life. And life has many many lessons to teach both of us.

Fiona's almost 6 years old on Shalavee.com


So I leave her in her bathtub for a few minutes the other night and I hear her call me.

” What do you need Fiona ?”

“Can you bring me my blond Barbie baby?”

“I don’t know where it is.”

“OK, just bring me the brown babies then.”


I walk into the bathroom. Ken’s got his pants on but Barbie is naked. Seems they kissed and now she is having a baby. 


“Whoa there Fiona, how about you let them get to know eachother, buy a house, and have a puppy first. See if they don’t kill it.” She conceded to the puppies.


With age comes the distribution of knowledge. Birth and death are at the top of the list for needing to know. Wish me luck.

Fiona's almost 6 years old on Shalavee.com


And this year, a low key birthday celebration for Fiona. See these posts for the previous three years’ parties. The Moana party here, the Frozen party here, and the Minnie party here

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

They Do As They See

We all mean well as parents. Well most of us. We mess up trying to overcompensate for the advantages we didn’t have as children. We spoil them and we coddle them when all they really need is our undivided attention and our faith in them. But the one thing many of us seem to overlook is that how we treat ourselves shows them how to treat themselves. And that is only a good story if we are good to ourselves.

There is a woman at the exercise gym I belong to who teaches several fitness classes. And her hyper self-loathing comes out when she talks about her body. And we all disagree with her but she judges herself so harshly. And she has a daughter and two sons.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

I have busted myself for self-bullying within the past year so I am very empathetic to this pattern of behavior. Both societal messages of women’s worth and our inherited ancestral low self-esteem have conspired against us to create these running dialogues. Damaging enough until we consider that, unchecked, we will pass these hateful messages on to our daughters. Because they do what they see, not what we tell them to do. They respond to the mirrors we have of ourselves as much if not more than the mirrors of love and worth we think we’re doing so well to reflect to them.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

The opposite of hate is love. The opposite of judgment is compassion. If we can even be aware of what we are doing to ourselves and talk with our daughters about their amazing value as thinkers and kind and creative souls then we could change the tide of self-bullying. To show our children, boys and girls, what it means to be human and compassionate and honest is truly the kind of parenting we want to be doing instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Loving Your Inner Daughter

About a month ago, my therapist and I were discussing the constant upset that my daughter seems to experience. And she stressed the fact that I needed to encourage my daughter to comfort herself. That knowing that you can be there for you and love yourself through to feeling better is the first step in empowering her and making sure she doesn’t seek out other methods of comfort for quelling the pain. When I discussed being there for yourself with my daughter, she referred to it as having a Body Buddy. That she came up with the phrase made me feel she may have a head start on understanding this self-love concept. This entity is definitely your inner daughter. 

Loving Your Inner Daughter on Shalavee.com

In a conversation the other day with Fiona, she began to count all the people who she knew loved me, Shalagh/Mommy. She said she and her brother loved me. And Daddy loved me. And I loved me, right? And maybe for half of a second, I considered the validity of that, but I didn’t miss a beat when I said “Yes”. Because it’s what I said right then that will model how she should treat and regard herself in the future. If there were one thing I would want to give her, it would be self-love and self-trust. And so, I must model it for her.

My therapist asked how I feel and what I do when someone gives me a compliment. While I know I will say thank you, I don’t know that the compliment will go deep. Because it seems I am so very skeptical of the validity and the source, I will dismiss it. Seems that it was always safer to dismiss the good stuff this way. So when the bad stuff came, I wasn’t too far off the path. But I can admit that now, this approach may not be serving me very well anymore. It’s a coping mechanism or habit that is keeping me from getting some very important needs met. It’s an outdated mode that needs updating.

Loving Your Inner Daughter on Shalavee.com

Mainly it seems that not only do our inner children need playtime, they also need someone to tell them what a good job they did. Or how pretty they look. Or that they matter enough to be noticed. If you think that you are no longer a 6-year-old, think again. Inside you is a very vulnerable active and needy child. It’s just a fact. And the moment I realized that, I started to shift. Because the quality of a parent I am to my inner 6-year-old will be the quality of a parent I am to my daughter. You cannot avoid treating your inner and outer children both the same.

Loving yourself is a choice. My choice to bully and berate myself has never gotten me any further down the road to achieving my goals. And it certainly wouldn’t be how I would want anyone to ever treat my daughter. So, I am setting an intention to speak firmly but kindly to my inner 6-year-old in the hopes that I can feel my perspective shift a little more. And as I increase the self-trust, fear can not be the governing force in my soul and my purposeful existence.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Few Thoughts On Mother’s Day

All-consuming, persistent, relentless, and unforgiving. Motherhood is 365 days per year of these and many more words, flattering and not. One day to recognize all of this feels cheesy. But then Christmas feels all too short to celebrate our oneness with Gratitude and salvation.

We’ll be celebrating more Mother’s day next weekend as my husband had to work this weekend. And honestly, the kids are cute and smart but they’ll only take as much initiative as they’re told to when it comes to Mother recognition. So my thought is, we as mothers and women who devote themselves to people and causes, we need to stop and make sure we thank ourselves too.My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Stop and check in and make sure that everything you give is also coming back to yourself. Do you appreciate you and your efforts? Are you proud of yourself and go willingly on to your next task? Because if you feel resentful, there’s some chats you may need to have with you and maybe a talking doctor about those feelings.

 

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas

 

My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Children don’t have to always be grateful. They did not ask to be born and will eventually own the ability to appreciate us. In the meantime, we hold them with grace and understanding and we model and encourage their gratitude with the faith that one day, they will be brimming with it. And we treat ourselves with the kindnesses and grace of life that our beautiful birth mothers gave us. And that our own inner mothers continue to gift us.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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