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Testing, Testing, is this Parent On ?

This first week of school is notoriously rough for our youngest. There are new teachers, new routines, and new buses to acquaint themselves with. And I fully expect our train to derail somewhere in the middle of back to school week. I was slightly mistaken in that there weren’t as many neurotic breakdowns and a crying fits. But the weekend brought me the brunt of the week with not so fab behavioral choices.

The tall one was seemingly good until we found he’d smuggled his phone up to his room for late night phone poking and gaming which is against my rules. He did not try to hide it. I am holding the phone every day this week after school. He conceded to this punishment without question.

The small one, she brings on the fits and the tantrums fast and furious these days. I felt like my weekend was usurped by these fits. Every time I turned around, she was mad about something (My theory that she’s happiest when she’s unhappy resurfaced). Last week, her constant lack of appreciation for gifts received got her a week long hold on asking for anything. So she’d say she would like something and then when I shut her down, she’s say, “Wishing’s not wanting Mom.” The heck it isn’t sassy pants.Testing, Testing, is this Parent On ? on Shalavee.com

I can barely contain my giddiness sometimes when I get her onto the bus in the morning. Because, for 7 hours, I’m not going to be used as a punching bag to find out where her boundaries stop and mine start. I understand the necessity of their pushing and my pushing back to show them they are loved and safe, but parenting is an exhausting gauntlet through their childhoods. A relentless journey into the irritable and seemingly unnecessary woods we’ve long since forgotten we’d navigated ourselves.

But navigate they must, testing us all the way, to find out how important and loved they are so they can take that in a to-go package to use for the rest of their lives. Just give me a few hours off each week please.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Do You Do All Day Mommy?

Fiona says she thinks I need to go and get a job. That way she can get to go to daycare after school and play with her friends longer. I told her I had a job. What do you do all day Mommy? I write and do all those things that take care of my family and keep the house in order. Yeah, that’s not a job.

This isn’t just words from a child’s mouth, I know many a male has wondered what we do with all of our “spare” time at home. Truth is that unless you’re a home keeper-upper, you have no idea the massive myriad of details there are to be taken care of. And I wouldn’t begin to defend myself with the details because my priorities may not be yours.What Do You Do All Day Mommy on Shalavee.com

What I can say is that keeping your family in 21 meals a week and clean clothing is a herculean undertaking itself. Add on the upkeep of a large nasty old house and grounds and your plate overflows. A dose of social and healthful obligations and then try to stick in time at your creative discipline and the cup runneth over.What Do You Do All Day Mommy on Shalavee.com

But I do do it. Plus balance the checkbook and pay the bills on time. Plus the cats’ upkeep. Plus the dental and doctors appointments… And we the women, the stay-at-home moms, could feel shame if we were to see ourselves as worthless through the eyes of the those who don’t understand our efforts.

And we will get no respect if we do not respect ourselves. And raise children without any self-respect too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Seesaw of Being a Creative and a Parent

Being a mother, the primary caregiver, and a creative as well, I have come up against such emotional backlash when it comes to being true to both jobs at the same time. I still struggle with not letting my fear of being unavailable for my children be a reason to keep me from doing things. Or the excuse.

I am beginning to understand that there has always been a scary undertow that keeps women from blooming. It is supported by the world’s beliefs s that we continue to suppress ourselves. But our children would flourish and aspire to loving their lives if we showed them what that looked like.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing needs to be enough. Being completely present in each moment, whether that moment contains you paying full attention to the needs of the child or yourself, is our key to mastering the trust of our momentary decisions. It needs to be the exact thing you should be doing and it needs to be enough.

Each moment we spend with our children when we intentionally pay attention to them, needs to satisfy their needs. Whether that’s listening or disciplining them. And then we can suspend our guilt when we take care of our needs because we’re modeling self-parenting for them. We are showing them self-care and self-respect.

I wrote a Creative Mother’s Manifesto almost three years ago which I’d love you to read if you feel there are still words you need to express your frustration about being in that place in between mothering and creating. And there are three interviews I did with immensely talented creative women as well as Mothers listed below. Let me know what you think about this subject.

Q & A With Creative Momma Megan Gray

Suzonne Stirling – Uber-Creative and Stylist and Mom : Q & A

Q & A with Anna Lovind, Sage and Creative Guide

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Fiona is almost 6 years old

My Wee Fiona is about to turn 6 yrs old in a week. She’s over 55 pounds and 4 feet. She’s a solid beautiful little lass. 

We’re at that place where she’s demanding competency and independence. Reading like a pro. On the verge of her life. And life has many many lessons to teach both of us.

Fiona's almost 6 years old on Shalavee.com


So I leave her in her bathtub for a few minutes the other night and I hear her call me.

” What do you need Fiona ?”

“Can you bring me my blond Barbie baby?”

“I don’t know where it is.”

“OK, just bring me the brown babies then.”


I walk into the bathroom. Ken’s got his pants on but Barbie is naked. Seems they kissed and now she is having a baby. 


“Whoa there Fiona, how about you let them get to know eachother, buy a house, and have a puppy first. See if they don’t kill it.” She conceded to the puppies.


With age comes the distribution of knowledge. Birth and death are at the top of the list for needing to know. Wish me luck.

Fiona's almost 6 years old on Shalavee.com


And this year, a low key birthday celebration for Fiona. See these posts for the previous three years’ parties. The Moana party here, the Frozen party here, and the Minnie party here

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

They Do As They See

We all mean well as parents. Well most of us. We mess up trying to overcompensate for the advantages we didn’t have as children. We spoil them and we coddle them when all they really need is our undivided attention and our faith in them. But the one thing many of us seem to overlook is that how we treat ourselves shows them how to treat themselves. And that is only a good story if we are good to ourselves.

There is a woman at the exercise gym I belong to who teaches several fitness classes. And her hyper self-loathing comes out when she talks about her body. And we all disagree with her but she judges herself so harshly. And she has a daughter and two sons.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

I have busted myself for self-bullying within the past year so I am very empathetic to this pattern of behavior. Both societal messages of women’s worth and our inherited ancestral low self-esteem have conspired against us to create these running dialogues. Damaging enough until we consider that, unchecked, we will pass these hateful messages on to our daughters. Because they do what they see, not what we tell them to do. They respond to the mirrors we have of ourselves as much if not more than the mirrors of love and worth we think we’re doing so well to reflect to them.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

The opposite of hate is love. The opposite of judgment is compassion. If we can even be aware of what we are doing to ourselves and talk with our daughters about their amazing value as thinkers and kind and creative souls then we could change the tide of self-bullying. To show our children, boys and girls, what it means to be human and compassionate and honest is truly the kind of parenting we want to be doing instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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