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Are You a Noun or a Verb?

If I had to tell you what I would do when I grew up, I’d say “I’m going to be a Momma. I’m going to be an Artist. I’m going to be a Writer. And I’ll expect all of those things of myself that go along with being the best Momma Artist Writer that you think I can be. I mean I think I can be.”

Who gets to decide if you are what you say you are? Are you legitimate only when someone says you are, gives you a certificate or a diploma or an award? Because if the answer is anyone other than you deeming you legitimate, you’re screwed. You have no control over anyone or anything but what you do today.

An additional haphazard of self-definition is deciding what to base your definition on. Are you are a human being or your human doing? Are you a noun or a verb?

I say you are what you do daily. You are not your title but what you devote your time and energy to. You are the energy of your intentions.Are You a Noun or a Verb? on Shalavee.com

But maybe you are innately you at any given point and the doing is a distraction from yourself and being. You can try to do all the things to change our mind but we know who you are. Again, your insecurities about others’ opinions of you can render you hazy and scattered.

If focusing your intentions and efforts will bring you to what you want, I guess that makes me a human doing in the best way possible. I know that all I do makes me happy and purposeful. And besides, I think Mom is a verb anyway.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Invisible Duties of Mothers

I often have people remark that they see me doing a lot and they are impressed and/or shocked at how much I seem to get done. I wonder if they don’t recognize how much they accomplish too. And then recently it became clear that women often have many invisible life duties that add up to way more than an 8 hour day.

I feel like we women are often dutiful and humble, we just see what we do as necessary and move on. Yet there are so many tasks without which life would be uncivil and unkept. Besides the homekeeping, laundry, and meal cooking, I consider myself responsible for all knowledge and care of the children. Their whereabouts, transportation needs, playdates, extra curricular activities, and birthday party presents are mine to manage.The Invisible Duties of Mothers on Shalavee.com

Their bodies are ours to care for until they can do this themselves. Clean clothing that fits and is seasonally appropriate and dentist, eye, and doctor appointments all fall within my realm of responsibility. And when my daughter comes of age, it will be me to show her how to navigate the not so niceties of being a woman.

We do ourselves and our daughters a disfavor by not acknowledging our accomplishments. We become invisible and taken for granted. I have had it happen to me. I must say though that I do enjoy much of what I do for my family. I dearly enjoy being a homebody and a parent and use all opportunities to be creative and make it fun and memorable.

The weaving of the rewards is then up to us to place in the layers between our goals and our duties as mothers. And we also need to ask for the gratitude and acknowledgment we do not receive in a paycheck. We need to see our own value and herculean efforts and model self-worth for the young women we are raising who will perhaps take on a role like ours in heir futures.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness?

I had heard rumors about the Cult of Perfect on the internet. And although I have stayed away from much of the perfecty picture world, there is definitely a cult of Okayness that exists. Women posting about how zen their lives, clutching their cupfuls of okayness while they practice mindfulness and home school their children.

While I aspire for the zen okayness, and no, homeschooling isn’t for me, I can’t help but sense that the perpetual claiming of this smacks of a Lady Macbeth flavored lack of achievement. If I keep claiming it, it will become true. And all I’m really feeling is lack.

So the question is, do you act as if the thing has happened and hope that the pretending makes it so? Or do you just own your lack of perfect okayness, let it hang out, and claim how hard it is to admit that? Because if that underlying niggle that things are not OK, that you are somehow failing your family, and that you are not enough festers, don’t you feel the build up and release will be bigger and badder than just claiming your humanity?Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness? on Shalavee.com

I admitted recently that my family’s well-being has been my number one priority above myself. And I finally feel like I can be done worrying about that and move on to working on the work that enlivens and empowers me. I am handing back some duties to them, and taking back the understanding that if my soul isn’t nourished, theirs won’t be either.

Where are you? Are you telling yourself a story or are you allowing your humanity and moving through it?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Testing, Testing, is this Parent On ?

This first week of school is notoriously rough for our youngest. There are new teachers, new routines, and new buses to acquaint themselves with. And I fully expect our train to derail somewhere in the middle of back to school week. I was slightly mistaken in that there weren’t as many neurotic breakdowns and a crying fits. But the weekend brought me the brunt of the week with not so fab behavioral choices.

The tall one was seemingly good until we found he’d smuggled his phone up to his room for late night phone poking and gaming which is against my rules. He did not try to hide it. I am holding the phone every day this week after school. He conceded to this punishment without question.

The small one, she brings on the fits and the tantrums fast and furious these days. I felt like my weekend was usurped by these fits. Every time I turned around, she was mad about something (My theory that she’s happiest when she’s unhappy resurfaced). Last week, her constant lack of appreciation for gifts received got her a week long hold on asking for anything. So she’d say she would like something and then when I shut her down, she’s say, “Wishing’s not wanting Mom.” The heck it isn’t sassy pants.Testing, Testing, is this Parent On ? on Shalavee.com

I can barely contain my giddiness sometimes when I get her onto the bus in the morning. Because, for 7 hours, I’m not going to be used as a punching bag to find out where her boundaries stop and mine start. I understand the necessity of their pushing and my pushing back to show them they are loved and safe, but parenting is an exhausting gauntlet through their childhoods. A relentless journey into the irritable and seemingly unnecessary woods we’ve long since forgotten we’d navigated ourselves.

But navigate they must, testing us all the way, to find out how important and loved they are so they can take that in a to-go package to use for the rest of their lives. Just give me a few hours off each week please.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Labor of Mom Love

My sister asked if I had any plans for the day. I said nah, I’m not doing anything. Just my regular stuff, no big deal. And she says, I would say you do a lot of stuff and a big deal. And I realize that I just belittled myself and all the hard work I put into my house that I do make it look clean and easy.

I am at the store with my son and he asks if this half a cart full of groceries is a regular size shop. I ask if he knows how many meals a week I am responsible for. 21 meals and that includes any that I have to pay for at his school via the computer. Multiply that by four people. But I just expect I must do this because that’s what I do.

I don’t think there’s any occupation that takes itself more for granted than motherhood. Mother’s Day Needs to be a week in which everyone else takes over the Mom’s job so they actually experience the ridiculousness of it.labor of Mom Love on Shalavee.com

But in the same breath, it is also up to us to wean and train our families to rely on us less. To show them the necessity of chores and hygiene to maintain self-respect. To encourage them to claim confidence in this adulting thing.

Labors of Love are always a given with me. But I also have scolded my children for taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. I model self-respect so that they may do the same to their children later.

So this is my Ode to Motherhood, the Labor of Love that we are guilty of taking for granted. May you enjoy lots of it in your life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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