search
top

The Hurry, Scurry, and Worry

I became so tired of the hurry, scurry, and worry. As I read blog posts and Instagram posts about how people had experienced adrenal gland burn out from all the anxiety juice they were pumping into their bodies, I understood even more my own addiction to Doing.

In my case, the anxiety manifested into stomach problems. As a child, I had stomach aches. As a college student, I had gastritis which was one step away from an ulcer. And when I had my children I would devlop a pain in my stomach that went straight back to my rib cage. My anxieties were physically manifesting right where Virgos are known to be vulnerable: in my gut. Gradually I caught on that taking Zantac quelled the acid, but two Christmases ago, my stomach was so ouchy that I couldn’t drink red wine or eat tomato sauce.

The Hurry, Worry, and Scurry on Shalavee.com

Flash forward to this November when a stressful October and a November emotional episode led me to ask for medicine to alleviate my anxieties. The sky opened up for me.

I slowly began to notice that anything I said I couldn’t do made me anxious at the anticipated outcome of failure. And when I just did my best and let life happen, I was much more calmer. I’ve stayed very easy going and worry free as much as possible. I avoid making lists but rather just make the effort to do the things I need to get done. I’m 100 times less neurotic.

The Hurry, Worry, and Scurry on Shalavee.com

This morning, I am looking at a day that seems to yawn time in front of me, although I also know that the time is finite and will come crashing down around my shoulders at 3:30 when the bus returns my daughter. And I feel completely happy and lucky that I am not in a frenzied hurry to scurry mode doing all the things I never used to give myself credit for. I give myself a ton of credit now. And I want to credit a lot of this claim and productivity to the regular art practice of the ICAD project last year and the
100 day project last and this year. What is meant to get done today will get done today. And there is a bunch more tomorrows to embrace hopefully.

How to gain self trust has been of the truest interest to me. See this article for the list of top methods of building self-trust.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Gardening Mojo

Since I had Fiona, I have been unable to regain my gardening mojo. The very thing that brought me to buy a house, dirt to plant a garden in, had become a burden I was buried under. Looking every year at my overgrown garden overwhelmed and depressed me.

Last year, I made a charitable donation and received a garden consultation. And this spurred me into enthusiastic gardening action that I hadn’t felt in a while. I head “I could” again.

Gardening mojo on Shalavee.com

I worked on a couple beds last Summer. And this year, I’ve picked back up where I left off. I recently ordered some more charitable plants and with the onset of lovely Spring weather, I set about clearing the section under my weeping cherry tree where I plan to plant them all.

I can use anything to make me feel bad about me . My undisciplined kids, my unruly garden, my messy house, or my stuck career. But it only requires a moment to make a plan and schedule a few action steps and suddenly I don’t feel like I’m actually stuck anymore. If instead of spending the time I would ruminating on what a loser I am , I instead take any action, plan any step to better the situation, I feel immediately better.

It seems that all it takes to change is the willingness to do so and one action to prove it’s possible. You are as successful or as stuck as your brain says you are. So today, I am less stuck ad one more step towards having a better garden.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze

I’d tell you to stop me if you’ve heard this but you probably have heard it and I certainly can’t stop repeating myself. In my post Re-Being Me, I mentioned how I feel like I’m just now coming back from my post tail spin turned time out when I took a seat, dialed it all down, and listened. I’m still listening and now I’m starting to hear hope.

These are the thoughts that are different than the same old ones that tell me I’m not worth it. I’m listening for a way of of this maze in my mind that keeps me feeling like a rat in someone’s fear test.

The opposite of feeling fear is feeling self-trust. Today I laughed out loud when I thought, “no wonder I didn’t trust myself for a while. My behavior that started this landslide in November was unreliable”. Duh. But my child isn’t trusting my child. Where’s my adult in this equation ? Doesn’t she know she’s in charge?

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze on Shalavee.com

I haven’t felt I had a good footing on what I am happy to offer and what I want to work on until recently. But what I have begun to feel is a hope bubble forming. A space where I am beginning to want things again. A place where the what ifs are beginning to bloom.

Grief, if that is what I went through, takes time and a lot of energy to process. Sorting out the truth of the tale from the falsehoods and letting go of what feels wrong and doesn’t serve me is what I think I’ve been doing. It takes as long as it takes and I am glad to be going through this with the kindness and compassion of so many friends and witnesses here online and at home. Thank You if you’re still reading .

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Will You Face the Day with Hope or Dread ?

It occurred to me this morning that I am either hopeful or I am hopeless at any given moment. Am I dreading my day or looking forward to it? And in that very answer is the truth of my life’s outlook. My perception of who I am and how I have value to add to the world is the key to which state of being I’m in.

I am holding my breath this morning to find out how I feel.Will You Face the Day with Hope or Dread on Shalavee.com

Our thoughts and feelings are codependent and fickle. We may have a fleeting thought about our “less than” worth and then suddenly our inner child has gone on strike and shuts down. As she feels helpless, hopeless and dreads everything upcoming, our now self feels hopeless and purposeless and depressed. She doesn’t think you are gong to get through this or keep her safe. 

If we receive kudos or a compliment about our work or our hair, suddenly we feel all puffed up and full of hope and love and generosity. Today is suddenly a wonderful day to be alive.

So the trick would seem to be that you need to convince yourself every day that you are amazing. Feeling good and esteeming oneself brings hope. Berating and hating oneself brings dread. It is a choice daily on how you want to feel.Will You Face the Day with Hope or Dread on Shalavee.com

So today I’m refusing to entertain any conversations about body hatred or dusty shelves or weedy gardens and instead, I’m going to continue to work on thinking I’m pretty keen. And work on what I can hand my readership that is of value to their lives. That brings them hope because we need to pass it on.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Fear’s Worst Casualty is Hope

Today was a breakthrough day for me. A gorgeous June day with a breeze that lifted your spirit upwards. So I went out to the backyard and I gardened. Not a big deal to anyone else but a huge deal to me. I haven’t allowed myself to garden in a long time. And this decision has just left me feeling hopeless. For years.Fear's Worst Casualty on Shalavee.com

The cause has been so many things, but mostly, I gave up. Fear of not doing it well enough or not having the talent, time, money, or whatever other lie fear will tell you and “see ya’ later” soul gratifying thing. I then slipped into a hopelessness cloud for which I have found no escape. That is until today when I walked outside and began again.

By far the cruelest thing our fear brain does to us while it’s trying to keep us safe, is to rob us of hope. Hope is the breeze on which we fly to the future. But our fear brains think that to keep us safe from harm, they must keep us away from anything that may change us or our lives. Change is bad and hope insinuates change. So therefore, hope is out.

To rob a person of their hope is to give them a living walking death sentence. Without hope, you are just a zombie going through the motions. This is the cruelest of sentences to pass on someone especially yourself and yet, many are the years when I have felt the hopelessness spread over months without a reprieve.Fear's Worst Casualty on Shalavee.com

And yet, the smallest spark can be made from a word or a comment or a thought that you “could”. And then the dimmest light of hope is lit inside for an outcome that is different. A craving for a change and the way that might impact your life in even the smallest way. A hope for unity and purpose. A hope for quieting the chaos and for connection and calm.

And it all starts with pulling a few weeds and moving a few worms.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries

top