search
top

Deflecting Happiness

At the end of our therapy session, she said be aware of the clenching up and the anxiety you may get when things are going good. That’s to be expected when you heal your soul but be mindful of it so that you can take it in and move beyond it. I suddenly realized I had tensed up and wrung my hands when I’d said things were going well as I headed into the holiday season. Because that is unheard of. And now I’d claimed happiness was possible.

I watched a taped conversation between Oprah and Brene Brown where they were discussing how even when things are going well, you brace yourself for the disaster. You deflect joy by deflating it. I read about this in Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly late. Because we want to guard against the pain and disappointment that we may feel if we are hopeful and count our chickens. Deflect the good and it won’t hurt when it goes up in flames.deflecting happiness on Shalavee.com

So that the process of being happy, acknowledging my life is going better than it ever has is a very risky vulnerable thing to do. But there you have it. Where once Christmas was dreadful because it just meant more debt, now I have money in a savings account ready to pay for it. Where I once felt anxious every day about everything that I couldn’t control, today I have minor moments and mostly, I just don’t much care anymore what others’ are thinking.deflecting happiness on Shalavee.com

If you do your best, and you honestly and truly know it is, then you get to be happy. You get to sit back in the self-trust chair and rule your happy little kingdom called life. And let everyone else worry about all those things no one can control. Happy is an inalienable right I’m cashing in for the holidays. How about you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Mopey Dope is a Choice of Perspective

We went to the playground yesterday. It was a lovely day, a breezy Sunday, and Fiona was excited to be there. She climbed the rock wall barefooted and ran back and forth. And Eamon just laid in the saucer swing. He wanted to be with his fellow preteens. And he said it was a “Mopey Dope” kinda day. He lacked perspective. They all do at that age.

When he felt anxious this morning, I related to him that his kinda day was going to depend on his perspective of his life. If he thought he had good stuff, he appreciated, was grateful for what he had, then he would see himself as happy.At the top of the wall on Shalavee.com

And if he focused on all the things his life lacked, then he was going to see his life as lacking, as sucky. Simply, what you think about your life is what you think your life is.

If I start to obsess and pile up all the things that are going wrong and how that reflects on my life, today I’d be living a little unhappily. I had a very minor fender bender this week while feeling slightly overwhelmed by everything else I have going on. And our water bill came in and was exorbitant. But my kids and I are healthy. I have a house, a good sense of humor, and stuff in my freezer to thaw out for dinner.

Last night I was locked out of my email but my husband and I figured it out. I used to have fits when anything technological went wrong but we kept our cool and held our breath and walked through the fire. We didn’t blow it up and that’s the difference.rock climbing on shalavee.com

I wanted to feel overwhelmed but I told my husband, “I’m just going to have to work harder to disprove that it’ll all turn out bad.” Because what I decide will happen will be what happens. So today, I decided to just be OK. And I hope, when he gets home from school, my son tells me a story about how his day didn’t end up being so bad after all. And if he tries to tell me it was bad, I’ll have to show him my scraped bumper and the $600 water bill.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Control Fantasy

Paralyzed, I spend a free moment thinking what would be the best way to spend this free moment. Didn’t I write a list of things to do when I had a free moment. Where is that list?

I got to thinking, if only I were on top of things. My ideal happy state of household bliss would be where I was ahead of everything. Martha Stewart style organization with food planned and prepped, laundry practically washing itself, drawers organized, and all sorts of free time leftover time to do my own creative thing.The livingroom that we dine in on Shalavee.com

But that’s a Control Fantasy. And that is ridiculous and impossible. Because nothing will ever be that much in my control and thus the dream, the penultimate existence is unachievable. And I’ve cruelly dangled this ideal, day after day, in front of my face creating a constant state of unachievable happiness. In other words, constant misery.

Being happy with just Being and going along with whatever happens is the only way life really happens. Everything else is an illusion. Yes, you may be able to create this well maintained illusions if you could throw gee gobs of money at it. Nanny McPhee, a lawn crew, and a chef to take care of those pesky meals you must prepare for your ungrateful children. But then sick children need their Mamas at three in the morning and there’s no way to farm out and overachieve that one.Kitchen chaos on Shalavee.com

So Happiness is intrinsic not Extrinsic. Inside goal not outside goal. Based on what we are and know and not what we do and how much stuff we have or accomplish. And constantly trying to sell ourselves on this flawed goal will constantly cause us unsettled unhappiness.

Prioritizing Being isn’t to say that I have to keep doing things the same way I always do. If it’s not working for me, I need to tweak it, change it. Like the two days only of guaranteed childcare. Not working for me. Like not having weekly soul chats with anyone of my fabulous friends, not working. Not prioritizing artistic expression every day is no longer an option.

What is it that you hold out from yourself or over yourself that keeps you from achieving a realistic happiness point? What’s a realistic way or choice you could make to change this?

 The video walk-through of my newly rearranged downstairs is going live tomorrow!

You’ve asked for it and you’re gonna get it! Thanks for your comments and support.

 

Wanna see the whole month of posts? Start here.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Brand New Day

I was listening to that kick butt Stevie Wonder harmonica in Sting’s Brand New Day and I felt so inspired. So lucky to have heard this piece of music, these talented artists play it even just once in my life. And in the same moment, I recognize that I don’t even give myself credit for so much of the creating I do. Like a creative somnambulist, I make and then I sleep walk away from ever seeing the measure and quality of what I make.

I do know it makes me happy to make. And that has been enough. Until now. And my hope is that, as my friends and readers bring to my attention the inspiration I provide which they feel and I completely ignore, I will see more me. And you will begin to see you. That’s my purpose. To do this not just for me but for you and all the other people who’ve been ignoring themselves for so long.

Do that one little thing you’ve thought you should do.

Do it, send it, say it, commit to it, walk it, write it, comment on it.

People will thank you.

Yes, they’ll thank you for asking, commenting, and participating. But more importantly, it’s you hearing you, knowing you, recognizing you did that for you. Hearing your whisper of commitment. And letting that be the first stepping stone to do it again. You are the person who needs to hear your whisper. And anyone who matters will hear it too.

“Turn the clock to zero, boss
The river’s wide, we’ll swim across
We’re starting up a brand new day”

From Sting’s Brand New Day

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It’s OK To Be OK

I was having a happy streak for a couple of days. Maintaining a general state of well-being, feeling more Ease than usual. And suddenly I thought, it’s OK to be OK. Now this may sound absolutely silly but coming from my background and having rewritten a good bit of my story up to now, this is rather a revelation.

Chaos had been my norm. Anxiety my fuel. The term OK was a myth like Tinkerbell’s fairy dust which makes you fly. Nice to imagine but there was no such thing really and you need to just go on about your misery and let it be. I was resigned that my life was just a little more difficult, a life destined to be hard. And then I had a shift.Fiona in the tub with a mirror

I have worked hard hard hard on raising my self-esteem. When I lost my therapist, I worked hard to find another. When she said I was looking for stuff to be upset by, I heard her. I was the one always joking about the making of the multi-layered poo sandwich and there I was still doing it. But it’s my plan and my work that I ask others to help me do. My life, my results, my Ok in the end.

So while I am endeavoring to make things less hard, to feel more at ease, and to have faith that it will always turn out way better than I think, I actually have begun to believe in the OK a little. Baby steps to happiness and less chaos. And I realized there was one last step I needed to take. I need to say and believe that it’s OK to be OK.Fiona in the tub with a hand mirror 2 on shalavee.com

That I no longer have to prove my worth by how hard my life is. Just because I am used to hard, as I’d also come to believe everyone I know is used to hard too, I no longer have to impress everyone with my hard. In fact I think it’s more impressive to truly make do with less. To feel less strife is to have more secure children and live in less chaos in your mind and home. And that is really where I want to be.

So I am granting myself permission to be OK enough to find that sweet Happy spot where things are even easier than I thought they would be. You are always welcome to watch and listen to my progress. I may fall on my face but I don’t think I’ll ever unsee that Happy is my destination and I deserve to feel OK just where I am on that journey.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries Next Entries »

top