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Let Me Tell You Where I am Now

Let me tell you where I am now.

I’m sitting in my craft room. My laptop is in front of me and I’m perusing my journal trying to grab on to something of interest to write about. I’m good with the writing as long as I’m interested in the subject.

In an hour, Fiona will descend the yellow school bus stairs for only the second time. Her Pre-K year has begun. Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what Pre-K means to me

I was a new blogger when I got pregnant with her. So the blog and my writing talents have been worked on and developed parallel with her growing up. Like the blog is her sister. Except, were you to ask me if the she or the blog comes first, it would probably always be her. The trick was to not use raising her as an excuse to not continue my writing the blog if just to keep up the practice.

Let me tell you what that means

Now in the light of having time rolling out in front of me to get down to some deeper and more intensive writing. I’m freaking out. In a good way and a bad way.

Of course, I’m ecstatic because having time to myself is the one thing I crave beyond really good food and entertainment. I’m giddy and gearing up to find out what I really do think about hope and healing and good change in my soul. Conversely, I’m terrified that I’ll squander this time I’m being gifted by laying down and letting my fear keep me from showing up. Paralysis in the face of progress and vulnerability has been an MO before.Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what I’m doing differently

I got a book out of the library that had been recommended to me titled Deep Work by Cal Newport. The idea is that the world is on this awful slide to promote the shallow. This means that people who do deeper more thoughtful work are going to be needed more than ever as people’s brains start to shortcut and short-circuit for lack of proper usage. I am betting that I have some pretty cool stuff inside me that I need time and flow to find out. And all the methods and techniques I gleaned from this book will be put into use to guarantee that I hedge my bets on success. You kinda need a game plan to keep yourself engaged. Our brains are feeble as well as untapped.

Let me tell you, I’m scared

When we attempt to be our truest selves, there may be shrieking harpie voices that tell us we’ll die if we continue. That’s just the primitive part of our brain kicking in to keep ourselves safe from tigers and social ridicule. In that moment when we accept or don’t accept the emotions as fact, we could get to move on and gain confidence in the fact that we were vulnerable and did it anyway. That’s the story I want to be telling.

My daughter faced her first day at Pre-K. That’s some pretty scary stuff. Each of us and the fears that we face are specific to where we are. First day of Middle school, high school, college, and getting married all include scary unknown factors that seem insurmountable to us at that point in our lives. But it’s all relative. We just need to acknowledge our inner compass and keep moving.

Hope this give you perspective. On me or you, doesn’t matter. We all need a little perspective every once in a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Just Because You’re Afraid Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Brave

Fiona was inconsolable with her self-pity after her recent round of shots. I thought she needed them for Pre-K but it seems we got them a year earlier than necessary. They’re done now. And those band-aids that I couldn’t remove from her thighs for days were proof that she wasn’t brave.

Don’t even suggest it to her because she’ll begin to cry and tell you she wasn’t. Still isn’t.Just Because You're Afraid Doesn't Mean You're Not Brave on Shalavee.com

In preparation for the day at the doctor’s office, I had read her a few books on going to the doctor’s and she found one in her bookshelf about the little turtle named Franklin who needs to go to the hospital. He’s had a soccer accident and needs a pin put in his cracked shell. And there’s a charming conversation between he and Dr. Bear where he doesn’t want to have an X-ray taken because he’s afraid it will show that he’s afraid inside.

The very wise doctor says,”An X-ray doesn’t show feelings. It only shows shells and bones.” Franklin says,”You mean no one will know I’m afraid?” and Doctor Bear answers,”No one. But just because you’re afraid doesn’t mean you aren’t brave. Being brave means doing what you have to do, no matter how scared you feel.”

Being brave means doing what you have to do,

no matter how scared you feel.Just Because You're Afraid Doesn't Mean You're Not Brave on Shalavee.com

Umm. How about that for a little applied wisdom in our lives. What are we putting off today. Not speaking up or risking rejection or telling the truth because of the scary risk of it all. How proud would any of us feel if we stepped up and did it anyway. Did it so we could hear ourselves say,”No thank you.” Or “I’m afraid of what you’ll say but I need to say this anyway.” I need my bravery way more than I need your approval. I need to keep braking through my fears until they fall away and I become as invincible as I will ever be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Fiona’s Fourth Birthday Bash

Today was Fiona’s fourth birthday party and it was a complete success, by her standards and mine. Yes, she got enough Frozen themed party paraphernalia and stuff to satisfy all Frozen itches for a decade. And I got to bask in the knowledge that me and my daughter matter to all these lovely people.birthday flowers on Shalavee.comFiona's 4th party on Shalaee.com

Fiona and Emma at the party on Shalavee.com

birthday girls on shalavee.com

The reason I go to such efforts to decorate and to heap yummy food on my kitchen table is a tribute to the love that these people have for and show me and my family. My gratitude runs very deeply. I am almost speechless but then, not quite, right?Frozen Birthday party cake by Steve Konapelski on Shalaee.com

Fiona and Emma at the party on Shalavee.com

Fiona and Emma at the party on Shalavee.com

birthday flowers on Shalavee.com

Aunts and Uncles, real and respected, grandmothers, cousins, neighbors, friends, and kin came to celebrate my miraculous daughter’s birth four years ago. And in a puff and a whoosh, it’s all done. Only a dirty kitchen, drooping streamers, and falling balloons to tell the tale. But we’ll remember this fondly for many years. Another year passed and another successful party.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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My Life’s Forgotten Plot Twist : Fiona

Life happens while you’re headed in another direction. Sometimes life’s intentional. Sometimes it’s happenstance. Sometimes forces of natural science and fate converge and you get a Fiona. She is the plot twist in my life. The one I fought and fought which finally aligned. And as miraculous as her birth was, I’ve just as easily forgotten this little miraculous plot twist in my life with the relentlessness of her toddlerhood. My life's forgotten plot twist Fiona on Shalavee.com

As times passes, I forget that she was my last ditch effort at fertility and children. And that it worked. She’s the pink elephant miracle in the room now. I forget because all I seem to remember is my striving, my longing to be more for me and its long entitled deep roots in my life. It stems from my legacy of not enoughness. And I lose sight of my miracles as I fall back on my familiar discontent.

That she and I are finding out who we are simultaneously should be a wonder to us both. That she humbles me out so that I must take this discovery process slow as to continue to be present for her. It was never her that was in my way anyway. It was always my fear. My life's forgotten plot twist Fiona on Shalavee.com

Forgetfulness is the enemy when it allows us to let go of the things we once deemed magic. The miracles that made us revere our luck, our existence. And then these fade and the magic disappears in the cracks of the mundanity of life. And we forget who we are and how we were made.

Fear is the enemy when it belittles our abilities. It forgets us as we are standing on our hard earned ground. Like a bully it pushes us and then wants us to fall down. Pairing the fearful and the forgotten me and everything that I have achieved in the past decade disappears. And I vanish into dust. I am only as memorable as I make myself. And I know Fiona’s purpose herself is far greater than that. She reminds me how important she is to the world every day. And so I must remember and cherish and share my life’s little plot twist.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Invisible or Invincible

As she was swinging belly down superhero style on her swing, I heard Fiona say “I am invincible”. Or was that invisible, I thought. Is her power to disappear? And it occurred to me that you can choose one or the other mode in life but you can’t be undecided. You can choose strength and resilience to withstand the perceived thoughts of others. Or you can choose to avoid their eyes and their judgements, but either way you’ve made a choice. You can’t choose neither. Invisible or Invincible on Shalavee.com

While I have chosen to be in the public eyes with my blog, often honestly sharing information that would be considered too much information in an earlier life, I still can not say that I’ve felt I’m invincible. For a long time, I’ve felt raw and the world’s input sharp and pokey. Unknown people and their judgements are dangerous. I was suspicions about why anyone might want to befriend me. How could you possibly control all of that? I’d just wanted to remain invisible. Until that became painful.

Invisible or Invincible on Shalavee.com

You can’t remain invisible because you need to belong to the world. Simply, you need the validation that people give you. It’s excruciating to not receive this. Instead of hiding, you can just decide that people are still relatively good, well-meaning, and curious about you, and then often done with you. They’d rather focus on their own insecurities and perceived flaws and not yours. And if you saw their egos are just as self-involved as yours is, you’d know that you aren’t all that important in their eyes. But we are all very important in our own lives. All we have at the end of the day is our feelings about our lives. So we might as well go for the invincibility, the resilience to caring and do what we need to make us happy. Not at the cost of others but to feel the freedom we were born to feel within our lives, our bodies, and our minds.

Invisible or Invincible on Shalavee.com

How many people could I help today if I felt a little stronger, even as I wobble? If I had a little less clutter to stumble over in my head as I walked through to greet them and extend my hand. Not for any other reason than to say, “Hey, you aren’t alone”. So here’s to ever-increasing invincibility. To becoming visible, especially to ourselves so that we know what our assets are to offer the world.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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