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Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze

I’d tell you to stop me if you’ve heard this but you probably have heard it and I certainly can’t stop repeating myself. In my post Re-Being Me, I mentioned how I feel like I’m just now coming back from my post tail spin turned time out when I took a seat, dialed it all down, and listened. I’m still listening and now I’m starting to hear hope.

These are the thoughts that are different than the same old ones that tell me I’m not worth it. I’m listening for a way of of this maze in my mind that keeps me feeling like a rat in someone’s fear test.

The opposite of feeling fear is feeling self-trust. Today I laughed out loud when I thought, “no wonder I didn’t trust myself for a while. My behavior that started this landslide in November was unreliable”. Duh. But my child isn’t trusting my child. Where’s my adult in this equation ? Doesn’t she know she’s in charge?

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze on Shalavee.com

I haven’t felt I had a good footing on what I am happy to offer and what I want to work on until recently. But what I have begun to feel is a hope bubble forming. A space where I am beginning to want things again. A place where the what ifs are beginning to bloom.

Grief, if that is what I went through, takes time and a lot of energy to process. Sorting out the truth of the tale from the falsehoods and letting go of what feels wrong and doesn’t serve me is what I think I’ve been doing. It takes as long as it takes and I am glad to be going through this with the kindness and compassion of so many friends and witnesses here online and at home. Thank You if you’re still reading .

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Our Fear of the Growing Older Pains

I have gone through a lot in the past two years to rid myself of the aches and pains that I garnered from an aging body. I endured needles jammed into my backside multiple times. And then waited cautiously to see if the procedure worked. I waited again to be pain free when I had another needle in my shoulder. I then awaited the pains to return. And waited.

How was it that my ever-exuberant self became to person who sat and waited for pain? What I discovered is that aging is a unknown and therefore fearful. We’ve seen others age and we know any minute now it’s render us useless, quivering pain-riddled shells of our former selves.

I’ve spoken to elderly people who have confirmed that they feel more anxious in their later years. Our minds begin to imagine our decline even when the evidence may or may not support our undoing.

I had a talk with myself the other day and asked myself, when was the last time I had aching belly muscles from a good core workout? Can’t remember. Or why I couldn’t do an hour of cardio at a time? Was pain preventing me or just fear of pain?

We need to heap compassion on ourselves as we age and on the elderly we know. It takes a lot f courage to show up in the ways we used to sometimes. But, unless I am at a three or more of pain and need to return to the doctor’s for yet another shot, I need to get o with the business of being in good shape for 50. I want to feel pride not fear on a daily basis. How about you? Any of this resonate?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Faith or Trust :Which Sideline are You Standing on

Faith and fear are the two motivating forces which shade our daily decisions. We always have the opportunity to choose how we perceive our reality and thus our resulting moods even when we don’t realize this. We are always deciding if we need to fear the situation or let it be OK whatever happens. We think we can control more than we do but, barring unseen tragedies and disasters, it’s only up to us to decide if our now is good or bad. If we choose to see good, we probably trust our surroundings and ourselves. If we feel fear, we don’t.

I had no real model for faith growing up. My parents we atheists and I claimed agnosticism as my chosen faith model although I was open to possibilities. Then, as I aged, I suddenly decided it was unwise to not believe in the miracles of the Universe and I opened up to the concept of a force greater than myself as a way to make sense of everything and experience awe.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

But I found that not only did I have Faith issues, I had trust issues too. My family hadn’t been close knit and I had a hard time creating intimate trustworthy relationships with others as well as myself. Our church’s pastor offered that faith is a three legged stool we are seated on.

One leg of the stool is our trust in ourselves. Do we believe we are reliable to take care of that which needs doing? Do we believe we are capable of doing the hard things? The moment we can’t rely on just ourselves, we turn elsewhere. I believe strongly in or need to develop trust to battle fear and anxiety, I wrote a piece titled Seven Methods to Help Develop Self-Trust.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

The second and third legs on our grounding stool are our community and our higher power. When one fail us, we have the others to fall back on. And I guess we trust that all of them are there for us to use.

The only way to move forward in life is to believe that the your fears are beatable and surmountable. To have the belief that life is for you and not against you. That if you were to ask for assistance or help in several ways, you would be offered it. That in the end you mean something to the world enough to tell the fear thoughts to suck it and go for the gusto that faith gives you.

I believe we are standing on one side of this line or the other. And I believe I just crossed over into Faith.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Listen Gently and Intently

Autumn is knocking so gently on my door. And I’m listening to its rhythm. It asks, let in the air. It says a clean slate awaits. Forgiveness is in the cooling air. Turn in and listen.

I am listening to myself so very hard. Not to the chattering of do’s and don’ts but to the real words behind the fret and worry. What truly am I asking. And I wait for the truth of my answer. My fear comes forward. And I wait compassionately patiently to hear it out for these are the child’s worries. The shadow people’s words.Listen Gently and Intently on Shalavee.com

I know when I’ve hit the truth squarely. I know the fear I am expressing. And I lean in and kneel with all the love and kindness I can bring into this moment and I say, “That may happen. No one may talk to you or they may laugh at you or you may feel ugly and vulnerable but it won’t lose you your truest friends. Your people will always love you just as you are. “ Your inner child knows when she’s being fooled or not. She knows when she’s got your truth. Respect her fear and then firmly disprove it and distract her with ‘what ifs’. What if the most beautiful rainbow came out just as you finished your scary task. Or you found out your favorite friend was coming to visit you for your birthday to reward you for all that hard work?Listen Gently and Intently on Shalavee.com

Only if you listen to yourself would you know what being the truest you feels like. And only when you act that truth out do you get to feel the acceptance of you in the world by yourself and your tribe and you’ve then come full circle. Listen gently but listen intently. Honor your voice as soft as it is because your intuition is the truest knowing you will ever know.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Struggling to Not Drown in the Fear Posing as Overwhelm

Today was a Monday back at the desk. I have been waiting all weekend to be free to write. And when I sat down and got myself organized, I found myself distracted and off-roading into a lathered dither about a snaffu I’m having with my pictures. I’m unhappy at not being able to do something the way I want to and created a Sabotage by overwhelm.

I’ve noticed that fear cleverly disguises itself as many seemingly logical and legitimate concerns and reasons to not do things. In my piece A Woman’s Worth, I describe how easy it is to run away from who you could be on your own and hide behind your value as a role not a person. Mother, wife, or even political volunteer can be a place to hide from stepping out and being who you truly could be but feel too vulnerable, to dependent, to afraid to do so.Struggling to Not Drown in the Fear Posing as Overwhelm on Shalavee.com

I will borrow others’ belief in me until I believe it too.

The easiest lies to buy are “I don’t have enough” time or money or experience. We buy these all day from others telling themselves by telling us. But the hard excuses are the ones where you just don’t feel like you have anything of worth to contribute. You are just as worthless as you’ve always suspected and so why try. When you have low self-esteem you spend a lifetime giving up. No matter how much you’ve proven you can, you can’t.

I will borrow others’ belief in me until I believe it too. I will set my goals, reduce the clutter, and take advantage of this time to move forward and be proud of my progress. And keep my eye out for the potholes of distraction and overwhelm.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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