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You Are Not Alone So Find Your Clan and Prove it

There is a noble suffering thing that we seem to do as humans. We freak out when things start to go wrong but somehow we’re convinced that we are the only ones. First time business owners, first time menstruating teenagers, first time Moms, and first time submitting writers all have first time doubts that they feel single them out. Male or female, it feels so personal, scary, and devastating.

Somehow in this world of drive-throughs and Amazon, we’ve forgotten that we are still a group of people. That community being the family household, the neighborhood, the school, the work organization, or the clan that you choose, we are never actually alone. Unless we choose to be.

So what would it take for us to stop being so painfully unique with our problems and reach out? What do we need to know in order to –Boom- alleviate ourselves of our painful personal destinies and share them with one person who would say, “I get it, me too” ?

Ironically, I found a community online when I decided to come out of my shell and be authentic. And then I reached out and made a group within my home community of like-minded women. Being witnessed is some powerful stuff but I had to be willing to be authentic and vulnerable to enjoy the benefits.

Fear is only trying to protect you but it has us making stupid choices and one of those is that you are supposed to keep quiet about your pain. So let’s all just make a promise that we will reach out instead and find at least one person who knows what we are afraid of so that we came feel less afraid. And then find another and another and make a clan of people you can trust whenever anyone feels that again.

That is community living at it’s finest and it is how we will heal ourselves and the world. Within a place where the sum of the parts is a great source of compassion for the the individual. Amen.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice

I am still figuring out what happened to me last year. I had a rough Fall and an emotional fallout that left me raw and frightened to be myself in ways. The months since have been a time to grieve and reassess and move myself onward.

A year later, I am at the dawning of a new period in my life. I can see what may have happened and I can see what truths and lies I’m telling myself. I thought that my fear was telling me something I couldn’t do but in fact it’s leading me to prove that I can do whatever I want to and that I will keep myself safe in the process.

I have also noticed that just because you have a fearful feeling, it doesn’t automatically prove that there is indeed something wrong. We are missing a volume button on out fear as Elizabeth Gilbert said in her podcast. Fear is all in when it’s engaged. And it’s up to our intellect to discern how grievous and dangerous the situation really is.Third Party Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice on Shalavee.com

That is what the rise in meditation and mindfulness is about. It strengthens the skills of our thinking brain to negotiate and mediate our fear brain with a plan. In the end, it’s still the intellect that’s in charge but if you don’t KNOW that, you will believe fear is in charge. This neutrality to your fear takes practice and makes the only difference between staying stuck and moving onward.

Deciding how you respond to your fear episode

is the greatest skill you can master.

Last year, I just stepped back and watched. And I swore that my fear would never run my life again like that. New anti-anxiety drug, new therapist for EMDR therapy, and every single pain in my body addressed by the appropriate doctor. I am suiting up to remount my steed and rush the windmill again. And I’m feeling alive.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze

I’d tell you to stop me if you’ve heard this but you probably have heard it and I certainly can’t stop repeating myself. In my post Re-Being Me, I mentioned how I feel like I’m just now coming back from my post tail spin turned time out when I took a seat, dialed it all down, and listened. I’m still listening and now I’m starting to hear hope.

These are the thoughts that are different than the same old ones that tell me I’m not worth it. I’m listening for a way of of this maze in my mind that keeps me feeling like a rat in someone’s fear test.

The opposite of feeling fear is feeling self-trust. Today I laughed out loud when I thought, “no wonder I didn’t trust myself for a while. My behavior that started this landslide in November was unreliable”. Duh. But my child isn’t trusting my child. Where’s my adult in this equation ? Doesn’t she know she’s in charge?

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze on Shalavee.com

I haven’t felt I had a good footing on what I am happy to offer and what I want to work on until recently. But what I have begun to feel is a hope bubble forming. A space where I am beginning to want things again. A place where the what ifs are beginning to bloom.

Grief, if that is what I went through, takes time and a lot of energy to process. Sorting out the truth of the tale from the falsehoods and letting go of what feels wrong and doesn’t serve me is what I think I’ve been doing. It takes as long as it takes and I am glad to be going through this with the kindness and compassion of so many friends and witnesses here online and at home. Thank You if you’re still reading .

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Our Fear of the Growing Older Pains

I have gone through a lot in the past two years to rid myself of the aches and pains that I garnered from an aging body. I endured needles jammed into my backside multiple times. And then waited cautiously to see if the procedure worked. I waited again to be pain free when I had another needle in my shoulder. I then awaited the pains to return. And waited.

How was it that my ever-exuberant self became to person who sat and waited for pain? What I discovered is that aging is a unknown and therefore fearful. We’ve seen others age and we know any minute now it’s render us useless, quivering pain-riddled shells of our former selves.

I’ve spoken to elderly people who have confirmed that they feel more anxious in their later years. Our minds begin to imagine our decline even when the evidence may or may not support our undoing.

I had a talk with myself the other day and asked myself, when was the last time I had aching belly muscles from a good core workout? Can’t remember. Or why I couldn’t do an hour of cardio at a time? Was pain preventing me or just fear of pain?

We need to heap compassion on ourselves as we age and on the elderly we know. It takes a lot f courage to show up in the ways we used to sometimes. But, unless I am at a three or more of pain and need to return to the doctor’s for yet another shot, I need to get o with the business of being in good shape for 50. I want to feel pride not fear on a daily basis. How about you? Any of this resonate?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Faith or Trust :Which Sideline are You Standing on

Faith and fear are the two motivating forces which shade our daily decisions. We always have the opportunity to choose how we perceive our reality and thus our resulting moods even when we don’t realize this. We are always deciding if we need to fear the situation or let it be OK whatever happens. We think we can control more than we do but, barring unseen tragedies and disasters, it’s only up to us to decide if our now is good or bad. If we choose to see good, we probably trust our surroundings and ourselves. If we feel fear, we don’t.

I had no real model for faith growing up. My parents we atheists and I claimed agnosticism as my chosen faith model although I was open to possibilities. Then, as I aged, I suddenly decided it was unwise to not believe in the miracles of the Universe and I opened up to the concept of a force greater than myself as a way to make sense of everything and experience awe.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

But I found that not only did I have Faith issues, I had trust issues too. My family hadn’t been close knit and I had a hard time creating intimate trustworthy relationships with others as well as myself. Our church’s pastor offered that faith is a three legged stool we are seated on.

One leg of the stool is our trust in ourselves. Do we believe we are reliable to take care of that which needs doing? Do we believe we are capable of doing the hard things? The moment we can’t rely on just ourselves, we turn elsewhere. I believe strongly in or need to develop trust to battle fear and anxiety, I wrote a piece titled Seven Methods to Help Develop Self-Trust.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

The second and third legs on our grounding stool are our community and our higher power. When one fail us, we have the others to fall back on. And I guess we trust that all of them are there for us to use.

The only way to move forward in life is to believe that the your fears are beatable and surmountable. To have the belief that life is for you and not against you. That if you were to ask for assistance or help in several ways, you would be offered it. That in the end you mean something to the world enough to tell the fear thoughts to suck it and go for the gusto that faith gives you.

I believe we are standing on one side of this line or the other. And I believe I just crossed over into Faith.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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