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You Can’t Be Your Own Accountabilibuddy

I wanted to think that I could do it all by myself. I have signed up for many tasks that I figured I could handle without anyone’s support. Weight Watchers, marriage to someone who was self destructive, and conquering my anxiety. And in each situation, I was destined to fail. It’s not that I didn’t really want to lose weight, have a marriage that succeeded, or be less anxious, it was just that not everything is meant to be done alone.

There’s an American notion that it’s noble to go it alone. To carry the load and to succeed. And women are equally likely to take on more than their share of burden if not to just protect the ones they love. Of course the innate problem is that then we suffer needlessly alone while we raise children and husbands who are unappreciative and lazy. Ooooppps.You Can'r be your own accountabilibuddy on Shalavee.com

The only way we’re guaranteed success in life is if we have company, community, and accountability against our fears. Because our fears lurk waiting for every opportunity to mess up our best of intentions and our noblest of plans. The first time I did Weight Watchers, I went and weighed in at the local firehouse and I lost the ten pounds. The second time, I did it “on my own”. I managed to gain weight. Picking a marriage partner who really has no interest in working as a team is definitely a set-up for failure and loneliness. I have a partner in my second marriage, raising two children together proves it takes teamwork.

Anxiety is a number one reason why we keep ourselves alone. Afraid we’ll mess up and get ourselves outcast, we sentence ourselves to loneliness in full view by never sharing how we feel with others. But when we share our goals with others, we are super aware that we are accountable to our words. Everyone else would forgive us if we didn’t accomplish what we set out for. But we wouldn’t. And there’s just something empowering about stating our dreams out loud, hopefully to the right person! 

So if this has you thinking that maybe you have been going it lone alone a little too much, entrust something to someone. A secret desire, a secret fear, or goal you are trying to achieve. Give someone the chance to be your accountability buddy and see where it takes both of you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Proving I Can Do It

I took Sas Pethrick’s Self Doubt Archetype quiz to see what type of gal she defined me as it relates to my procrastination and fear. And what I found out is that I’m an Innocent. In my childhood, I wasn’t empowered to believe I could do it. And so I don’t believe I can do anything without help. I get kinda panicky when I think I have to do something I don’t know how to do. I am often a doubtful child in a woman’s body.

So at home, I’ve begun to take care of home projects that are bugging me as a way to remember who I really am (a kickbutt self-empowered woman) and prove I get stuff done. And Wow, what a difference a shift makes. I gave re-glued, repaired, restrung, and rehung all sorts of little bits in my house that made me feel broken looking at them.proving I can do it on Shalavee.com

Yes I can replace the guts in a toilet. Yes I can fix an old door lock box. Yes I can clean that hard to get to window in the stairwell. I can assist in installing a new ceiling fan. In fact, I bet there are a lot more things I can fix if I just put my mind to it. Or do without a single clue. We can’t wait until we know, have enough time, or have enough money because we’ll be waiting our lives away.

But when in true doubt? Hire a professional. I am not doing outright plumbing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Chaos is comfortable to me

After much thought about how to make more time in my schedule to be creative, I decided that I’d approach life more proactively again. I’d schedule meals, blog posts, and laundry so I could write more. And what happened was that I experienced more ease. You have less to do and you get more done. It was a lesson I’ve learned before and knowing this made me uncomfortable.

Fear is so idiotic. Like those highway patrol people with their speed guns, it leaps out into oncoming traffic and has you pull over to the side of the road because you may not have your safety belt on. Then it convinces you that it’s safer out of the car walking. Then you find yourself back at home suddenly convinced that you didn’t need whatever you were setting out in the car to go get. And soon, you are a shut-in.Chaos is comfortable to me on Shalavee.com

I am used to chaos. In fact, I’m a former chaos junkie. I used to think that it was cool to strive and thrive on adrenaline and fear. But then I had kids and that isn’t a great tactic when you are trying to raise them in a calm safe reliable environment. But somehow the winging it thing creeps back into my life after I swore allegiance to intentional pro-activity. And I find myself tired and haggered and not sure what I’m making for dinner at dinnertime.

Every day is an opportunity to start over. So again I started over with meal planning (once you have meals chosen, you can swap them out as you feel inspired). My laundry is only to be done twice a week. A full weeks of blog posts waiting to go out is a good minimum. And every loving thing I need to consider goes into the Google Calendar. Because I don’t need to expect myself to remember everything everyday. I just want to get on to the business of writing. Bigger badder writing is burbling underneath waiting to be seen and heard. And that is a priority worth planning for.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You Are Not Alone So Find Your Clan and Prove it

There is a noble suffering thing that we seem to do as humans. We freak out when things start to go wrong but somehow we’re convinced that we are the only ones. First time business owners, first time menstruating teenagers, first time Moms, and first time submitting writers all have first time doubts that they feel single them out. Male or female, it feels so personal, scary, and devastating.

Somehow in this world of drive-throughs and Amazon, we’ve forgotten that we are still a group of people. That community being the family household, the neighborhood, the school, the work organization, or the clan that you choose, we are never actually alone. Unless we choose to be.

So what would it take for us to stop being so painfully unique with our problems and reach out? What do we need to know in order to –Boom- alleviate ourselves of our painful personal destinies and share them with one person who would say, “I get it, me too” ?

Ironically, I found a community online when I decided to come out of my shell and be authentic. And then I reached out and made a group within my home community of like-minded women. Being witnessed is some powerful stuff but I had to be willing to be authentic and vulnerable to enjoy the benefits.

Fear is only trying to protect you but it has us making stupid choices and one of those is that you are supposed to keep quiet about your pain. So let’s all just make a promise that we will reach out instead and find at least one person who knows what we are afraid of so that we came feel less afraid. And then find another and another and make a clan of people you can trust whenever anyone feels that again.

That is community living at it’s finest and it is how we will heal ourselves and the world. Within a place where the sum of the parts is a great source of compassion for the the individual. Amen.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice

I am still figuring out what happened to me last year. I had a rough Fall and an emotional fallout that left me raw and frightened to be myself in ways. The months since have been a time to grieve and reassess and move myself onward.

A year later, I am at the dawning of a new period in my life. I can see what may have happened and I can see what truths and lies I’m telling myself. I thought that my fear was telling me something I couldn’t do but in fact it’s leading me to prove that I can do whatever I want to and that I will keep myself safe in the process.

I have also noticed that just because you have a fearful feeling, it doesn’t automatically prove that there is indeed something wrong. We are missing a volume button on out fear as Elizabeth Gilbert said in her podcast. Fear is all in when it’s engaged. And it’s up to our intellect to discern how grievous and dangerous the situation really is.Third Party Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice on Shalavee.com

That is what the rise in meditation and mindfulness is about. It strengthens the skills of our thinking brain to negotiate and mediate our fear brain with a plan. In the end, it’s still the intellect that’s in charge but if you don’t KNOW that, you will believe fear is in charge. This neutrality to your fear takes practice and makes the only difference between staying stuck and moving onward.

Deciding how you respond to your fear episode

is the greatest skill you can master.

Last year, I just stepped back and watched. And I swore that my fear would never run my life again like that. New anti-anxiety drug, new therapist for EMDR therapy, and every single pain in my body addressed by the appropriate doctor. I am suiting up to remount my steed and rush the windmill again. And I’m feeling alive.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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