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Fear Number #449

I have many fears and some of them seem to continue to show up despite all the work I’ve done. I am still afraid that if I create something, I won’t be able to keep up with and maintain it. This pretty popular fear has to do with both fear of success and the imposter syndrome. Read my out and out admission of this here. And is solely routed in not believing I am enough.

I can see that I have proven this fear false when it comes to blogging. I might not have done it well, at least in the beginning, but I haven’t missed a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday post in a very long time because my audience has my word. Consistent writing has in fact been the key to becoming a better writer and trusting myself to follow through with my projects and promises.Fear #449 on Shalavee.com

I’m still feeling Fear #449 in my aspirations to lead, specifically in the creation of a Shalavee private Facebook group. So many people start things they can’t finish and I refuse to be that person. I am a reluctant leader because if you ask people to follow you, you better have enough time to show up daily for them. As a mother, I’m always wary of how much time I truly have that’s “extra”. Yet my whole existence is an interwoven pattern of tasks done on borrowed time. It all seems to get done.

So I think it becomes a matter of disproving your own negative self-sabotaging theory once and for all. What if I sink? Yes, but what if I fly? Not knowing may somehow be worse. I am not some ego-maniac claiming skills I don’t have. And grit is about showing you can work through and rise above. It’s about telling yourself you believe you can, even if you have your doubts, so that you can prove you wrong. Fear #449 on Shalavee.com

As with my children, I want to give them the space to accomplish and grow and that doesn’t happen unless we let go of the perfect and march straight into the unknown armed only with who we are and the knowledge of what we’ve already accomplished.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Fallacies and Truisms

All my life I’ve had good even great excuses to not be able to do what I’ve needed to do. A carefully laid web of can’ts and couldn’ts, fallacies and truisms have been my cocoon against failure and the unknown. My inadvertent avoidance methods were masterful. And then I added the excruciating pain of seeing everyone else successfully doing all those things I couldn’t possibly do because of all those reasons why I couldn’t.

So in my attempt to clear my head from all the nonsensical clutter which I’ve collected all my decades of existence, I’ve been purposefully and aggressively going after my excuses. And I’ve managed to take out a few good ones in recent months. Foremost, we could never go out because I didn’t have a babysitter. And then, POOF, I found one. My computer was filling up and nothing was backed up. Now I have a professional data storage system in place. Fallacies and Truisms on shalavee.com

When I hear “I can’t because”, I know that’s a red flag for fear. Initiate the five question challenge and you’ll get down to the truth that lies under the paralysis. Yes, keep asking and answering why five times and it’s guaranteed to get you a better answer than “I just can’t”. It will certainly reveal the deeper expectations, ideals, and fears that you may have not even admitted you had that were blocking you.

If you say you can’t,

you can’t.

If you say you can,

you will.

How I solved my problems was to move beyond my excuse and make it my purpose to keep asking, keep looking until I found solutions. And the answers came quickly, maybe because I was finally in the mood to be done with my angst. This was how my Christmas was, easy and simplified and then in January I solved these two dilemmas. I’ve been sitting here kinda dumbfounded.

Because I have systematically rid myself of all the hindrances, annoyances, bumps and potholes on my road of life that were self-created and often kept me from even starting the car. And I don’t know how to navigate without a handicap, a broken vehicle, and the dread. Yet here I am.Fallacies and Truisms on shalavee.com

And what the silence is starting to feel like and fill up with is trust that I’ll take care of whatever comes up and an excitement for the fun things I can fill my time with instead of dread. I have two new challenges and connections I’ve come up with to launch soon and I can’t wait to make them happen. Because my happiness is worth the work and there’s no better impetus to live out loud than my and my family’s happiness. And my happiness expounds when I know that others will feel inspired and happy joining in too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Nothing Changes New Year’s Day, or Does It

I believe that everything can change on New Year’s Day and yet, I also believe it doesn’t. I believe if you change nothing, nothing changes. I also believe that if you have a change of heart, everything changes, and that can happen every single day of the year. Nothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.comNothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.com

Faith and Hope are boundless and can change everything and this change can happen any day of the year regardless if it’s a Tuesday or the moon is Full. We are such immense and amazing products of what we believe and are infinitely more powerful than we recognize and believe. Nothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.com

So here’s to upping the ante on what you believe your life and potential is worth in this coming year. And to gathering your support closer to hold you accountable to the wonderful outcome that this could bring. I am wishing this for you and for me, that you are what keeps me aligned and courageous and hopeful for what I can and will bring this coming year.

Happy New Year!!!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Thinking Through the Fear

I was sure there had to be another way of thinking of this. I was tired of being terrified of beginning my submission process again. There had to be a way that I could see and understand my fear that would make it OK. I needed to reframe it. And so I thought and thought as I drove the hour and a half home from Baltimore last night.

You see, while having our birthday lunch a month ago, my best friend looked me in the eye and made me promise I’d start submitting my writing again. She said my stuff is as good as anyone’s out there publishing now on the same subjects. She likened my writing to life coach Martha Beck’s. I’m slightly speechless. And this is what best friends are for.Thinking through the fear on Shalavee.com

Publishing my personal essays in magazines and online publications has been a longtime goal of mine. And after repeated attempts to publish my stuff in the wrong places, I gave up. It was too hard and felt too raw. The rejection felt like being outcast and that wasn’t fun. So last night I again questioned myself as to why I have wanted to do this and what my fear really was. And I discovered the truth and the way around it in my answer.

You see, when you are thinking that your life’s work is all about you and your ego, you are easy prey for the fear of rejection. It’s always personal. But when I started to think of the good that my writing has done even so far, the permission that it has given people to do brave things, I realize it is of me but it is not mine altogether. Like a child, you need to set it free for the world to enjoy. In making it about me. I’ve lost sight of what’s important. The writing is the most important thing.

I have found a purpose in my passion. I am here to tell my story and in sharing it, if it helps one other person than it’s worth the work and risk and fear to have done so. I have heard the thirty or so people who have told me to keep going, keep writing what they’re thinking. As I said before, I need to submit…to the process that I now understand is part of a larger plan I can not see. As long as I make it about me, I stay small. The fear is about being rejected. But really it’s about being accepted. I am afraid of discovering that I spent all this time hiding and controlling my talent for fear of nothing.

Thinking through the fear on Shalavee.com

Staying small is no longer an option. It was OK that while I grew as a writer, I stayed small. My blog was a tiny universe where I told my truths and culled my skills as a writer. But the time has come, my 50th year I suppose was the doorway to the next phase, when I need to risk being a bigger better me. Although the faith is wobbly, I am doing the next thing and the next thing. And making it about my readership. I am devoting myself to to my best work for the people who enjoy reading me. For my future book lovers, I am committing to making them proud, giving them the words that they want to pour over and highlight and quote. Because I sometimes see that what I write is even 30% better than what I thought it was.

Before the end of the year, there will be big changes in my blog. Keep your eyes wide open my lovely readers.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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What if It Was a Given

I was speaking to a very favorite Lady friend of mine about all the things I’m paralyzed to do. Certain I can’t do them for lack of time or technological knowledge, I put off even trying these things while envying everyone else who seems to be able to just trudge onward and get them done. She said she’d heard someone say, “What if you were imprisoned and had all the time in the world?” How would you approach your task then? “What if it was a given?” I thought.

First, it seems to me that not having permission or empowerment to move forward with any dream is in fact an imprisonment of its own. You are trapped in your “I can’t cage”, unable to move for lack of resources, lack of time, or lack of money. And for me, lack of technical experience thwarts my dreams even though it would seem I know a bit with all the blog stuff I’ve endured.

what if it was a given on Shalavee.com

But all these lack excuses are just subterfuge for the real excuse: fear. Simply, if I make this effort and it flops, how much of a fool will I look? Or if I do this and it succeeds, how much more stress will I add to my life? My excuses are just ways to overthink myself out of the risk of being ashamed I’d even tried and failed.

But what if it was a given? What if the thing that you wanted to do was already predestined. If the scroll was written and you no longer had to be responsible for whether or not you were to manifest your destiny. If it just were already a fact. Then you might be curious to find out, despite your shortcomings of resources, how you’d made it happen. Like knowing how the mystery ends but not knowing how it unfolded. Would I be curious enough to want to write the miraculous middle?what if it was a given on Shalavee.com

It will happen. With assuredness never before held, I could just know it will happen. That’s a kind of faith in my life which I’ve never had before. Yet, everything I have wanted that I knew would make me happy, I have manifested. So it would go to reason that if I really want it, if it really needs to happen in my life, it will. No mount of worrying about whether it will or not ever really made a difference. It was the conscious effort to connect my dots, despite my fears, that did. Knowing that whatever is best for your life and you is just meant to be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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