Apr 21, 2014
Our busy weekend is still going strong. Today’s Eamon’s 9th birthday. We’ve had days and days of visiting with family, fun Easter egg stuff, and eating out and unhealthy. I needed to write a post for today and as we wind up our vacation mode, I am reviewing what I have noticed and what was important from these experiences. In honor of my new friend Lauren, I would like to offer a five things list.
1. There is no such thing as a given. What you think will be the way it always will be may not be a day, month, or decade from now. Enjoy now. Noticing the lilt of a voice, the readiness of a laugh, or the loveliness of a wine is all of the moment you will ever ‘have’.
2. Birthing and maintaining babies is a lot of work. The word relentless comes up quite often for me. They are inconvenient and terrifying. And at one year-old, are the truest cutest delight to give to the world and those you are related to. They are a gift you give to those you love and those who don’t even know you. Share them often.
3. Spring cleaning is necessary. We worked hard for a week to clean the clutter, chaos, and deceased shrubs from our garden, a reminder of the awful weather we endured. My every cleaning whim was attended to and I feel hopeful now that I can move on to planning for summer and projects and travel.
4. Planning makes a tremendous difference. My husband always says it’s easier to break an appointment than make an appointment. We had a visit because we set intentions and they bought airplane tickets and we wrote things on calendars. Live a little ahead of yourself. Enough to have stuff to look forward to enjoying.
5. The best time ever to decide or do or change is now. It’s all you have. Do your best, let go of the rest. Forgive, forget, get over it. It isn’t always about you. Exist in your life in the moment with integrity and gratitude and that feeling of contentment is better than the completion of any to-do list.
I made the best use I could make of a car nap writing this. Hope everyone is enjoying Spring and family and thinking about what they’re getting up to next. Enjoy your now.
Apr 16, 2014
Seems in the rush around and shuffle of creativity and Spring projects, I forgot to post a Fiona’s First Birthday party post. Which is to say, you still haven’t seen the pictures of her cupcake face yet. I did show you the party decorations.
My paper feathers are still hanging around. See the whole post here.
And the fabulous gold circle patterned balloons that my son and I made.
That post is here.
And I published a post on the flower arrangements.
I made pulled pork and my special coleslaw and good old Aunt Emma’s chocolate cake cupcakes that morning.
Eamon used Lucky Charm marshmallow shapes and sprinkles to decorate them.
Family came including Fiona’s cousin Emma whose only several months younger.
We are all thrilled to know they have each other to play with as they grow up.
And soon it was time for the cupcakes.
This has to be my favorite shot.
And our good friends John and Gayle played a rousing game of keep up the balloon with Eamon.
Fiona got new toys and it was a really great day for everyone.
A month has gone by since the party and it seems so long ago. Happily, I’ll always have the pictures and the memories. Celebrations are an excuse to create memories and well worth all the efforts.
Mar 12, 2014
My ex and I were out to prove we were unlovable. Our agendas fit. And we did a good job of proving our simultaneous lack of lovability for about 8 years.
I was persecuted by his abuse. Unworthy of his change.
He was damaged and unchangeable, unworthy of my unconditional love.
And the slow torturous tumultuous dance went around and around.
Neither one of us willing to state what we needed or claim we deserved more or be responsible for walking away. It was a game of marriage chicken.
I believe strongly,
the attention, devotion, and
presence you receive from your parents
the promise and
reflection of your worth and
I continued to believe I was unlovable beyond then into now.
A year ago, I had a dream that it was meal time and I was with my mother, sister, and husband, my family.
But my sister was distracted measuring out flour on a scale and my mother wasn’t in the room and the husband was making an omelet. I felt so aggravated. Why hadn’t anyone included me? Or was I unnecessary?
And as I thought about this dream, I felt very sad for myself.
I believed that no one’s going to be there the way I need them to be. And If I was unpurposed, I had no cause for being loved. My needs won’t be met by my loved ones as they fulfill their own. Their needs or my needs, not both. If my needs fail to be met, am I unworthy?
In my dream it seemed if no one took care of me then I was unlovable and unworthy of their care. Conditional love. Around and around. But there’s a forgotten loophole.
Love of self.
I can choose to give myself the love and attention I need.Instead of looking to others to see me and give me purpose and worth, I can see me and give my life purpose and worth. And others will join in the parade.
These days, I am making sure I’m getting truckloads of self love.
Now, instead of waiting for others to take care of my needs, I’m taking care of them. I’m scheduling my time to do this. I’m calling people to help. And I’m feeling jazzed that I can make a difference in my life and eventually hoping to make a difference in others’. No longer talking the temporary psyche out to myself which is doomed to Peter out. But living, being the change I never realized I needed.
I’m busy making a real deal self-esteem boosting cocktail.
I’m becoming a mixologist of the positivity smoothie, the one that feels good for you as you drink it.
Grab a straw.
Nov 27, 2013
I discovered from my Mom recently that when she was a child, she used to spend celebratory meals like Thanksgiving and Sunday Suppers,
with her Aunt’s family. They lived within the same block in their rural Missouri town. Many people have these sorts of memories.
Where I grew up, we didn’t have any family nearby. So I like to create the family memories for my kids.
Memories of cousins upon cousins and aunts and grandparents piled into a house to feast.
The clan celebrating itself, laughing and enjoying the overfed and captured audience.
Scene of and witness to the uncomfortable squabbles and unsaid shames that are family. Forgiving, accepting, and moving on.
This humanity riddled imperfect holiday gathering is a combined memory of a nation. Every nation has a Thanksgiving, a tradition
that is carried over by generations to the next and lives in their memories of long gone houses and people.
Now the holiday happens in the children’s homes. The same foods are being prepared In their kitchens.
New tales are being made to tell at the table to a new generation of children.
And the patchwork quilts of a family and it’s feasts are both created and shared. The keepers store the Thanksgiving quilt away
to be remembered again. Or to be forgotten.
Oct 7, 2013
So first there was us. Oh we had fun. Lots of it. Food and drink and merry were made.
Then comes marriage.
Then comes baby in a baby carriage.
Baby Eamon and Daddy. Our love multiplied.
Mommy and toddler Eamon. Handsome and a handful.
Filling Daddy’s shoes.
Training to take over one day.
And eventually, he’ll be so big, he won’t want to hold our hand anymore.
But not yet. Not yet.