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Are Expectations for Your Children a Good or Bad Thing?

As a parent, there are so many expectations we have of how our children are “supposed to” develop. Milestones that we expect them to reach by a certain age and if they don’t, we question,”Is there something wrong with them?” Society has thrown many markers at us parents for what “normal” child development should look like. And it messes the parenting process up all to heck.

When my son was two, he wasn’t speaking yet. The in-laws were worried he may be autistic. I knew he was just developing his physical skills first. But my husband insisted his worries were just as valid as the “other” parent so we got him a speech therapist. She had really cool toys to play with once a week with Eamon. Despite concerns, once he began talking, he did so in sentences very quickly . Expecting boys to be as verbal as girls will frustrate you.

Meanwhile, I really wanted him to be potty trained at the same time. I was super sick of all of that diaper business. But my wanting him to be potty trained seemed the very thing that he was punking out against. My expectations of him only served as a negative. Because if you want your child to do it, they will do the opposite. Reverse psychology is a brilliant tactic at any age.Are Expectations for Your Children a Good or Bad Thing? on Shalavee.com

So the question becomes, where do you stand with expectations? If you have none for your child, will they automatically expect themselves to do certain things that will guarantee them success. If you don’t expect them to go to college, will they expect themselves to? Probably not. They’re simultaneously interpreting your expectations as what their abilities are. If I don’t expect them to do something, is this my way of saying I think their incapable of it?

But expectations can also leave no room for individualism. If I expect my children to be straight and get married and they want neither, there may be a rift between us. Expectations need to be tempered with love and acceptance. You have to find the clutch point in the relationship. The point where your desires for them help them uphold themselves to worthy life goals but don’t push them away from you or who they think they are.

As always, parenting includes a lot of touch and run and a great dose of “Good luck with that.”

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The World Pushes

The world is full of people who are all fulfilling their destinies. Their GASes are theirs. They believe that they need to make these GASes (give a shoots) happen in order for their lives to be “Happy”. And then you have yours. And sometimes, their goals encroach, overlap, and eek into your life.

Boundaries are an important part of life. And are something that most of our parents did not teach us. Because they wanted their way too. Why give us veto power on their edicts? But, boy howdy, we need them when the world pushes. Because it will. And we need to know how to push back.

That may look like telling our families that we need an uninterrupted half hour, perhaps an hour, to ourselves. Or telling our boss that they’ve given us way more work than we can conceivably do in a month, much less a week. Or people emailing us with their expectations about our actions even though we said we wouldn’t be available until after the holiday. We have to know how to let the email sit in the email box and not bother us.The World Pushes on Shalavee.com

The boundary is ours, not theirs. It is up to us to say, no thank you. I am unavailable until after the first, Monday, or 9 o’clock in the morning. …Us…. If we keep giving our feelings away to other people’s actions, we are screwed. Consider that when you freak out about something, someone else has chosen an action you don’t have to choose to be a part of. Unless you do.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Grappling with My Not Enoughness

My brain started to swirl two days ago. I thought, “this was inevitable” . I realized that my thoughts were familiar and the bad feelings that accompanied them were too. Not enoughness was rising up and threatening to swamp my mood and render me hopeless.

I thought, the medication is failing just like I knew it would. I thought, why haven’t I started any project of meaning? I thought, I am not losing any weight on Weight Watchers gosh darn it. I thought, There’s too much and not enough.

And so I sat on my couch and reached out for a voice that would counteract this and I found it. I had subscribed to a five day email series from Mara Glatzel on Enoughness. I listened to her final video and then I listened again.

She said our messy humanity which we are confronted with every moment of every day is not proof of our not enoughness. We as women ask ourselves to be more and do more than we are actually capable. And when we come up short with these overzealous expectations that are supported by our family and society, we get to feel badly about ourselves.

grappling with my not enoughness on Shalavee.com

How many ways do we set ourselves up to feel “less than” ? These unrealistic expectations of our bodies, our time, and our boundaries keep us powerless and distracted. No one needs to oppress us, we do a damn fine job all on our own.

That day I realized that I was probably already living my life’s purpose. I am still a devoted blogger and daily Instagram poster and my creativity and authenticity give others permission. Whatever you are doing today is what you are meant to be doing today. Don’t doubt that. Let your gratitude for your messy life be enough in this moment.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Remembering My Intention for Connection

As many of you know, I stumbled this year. I tripped over my expectations of what I should feel and should be doing. I fell on my face and got caught in a spiral of self-doubt.

Luckily, I’ve had enough practice at self-care to jump in quickly and take care of me. This spell took me for a three-day grief ride so I decided to call on the big guns. I’ve been on anti-anxiety meds for over a month now and it has made an immense difference in the quality of life. Remembering My Intention for Connection on Shalavee.com

I have never felt this OK. Even though I couldn’t hear the exact words, there was always a background noise of judgment and fear playing. I now don’t feel at a deficit daily. I am able to feel accomplished when I complete tasks. These footholds are helping me rebuild my platform again on which I can stand with my thoughts and my words.

After my spell, I generally had just let go of everything I was looking at to do. I just couldn’t carry the burdens of expectations that I may never be able to fill or that may have been created by the me that did the things that I “should” do instead of being excited for the things I “could” do.

Today I fell upon my life’s Intention I crafted last year and I am reminded again that we are not alone. We are in fact meant to be here for one another in supporting witnessing roles. To remind one another of our humanity.Remembering My Intention for Connection on Shalavee.com

This is what I wrote for my intention. “I am connecting with and positively seeing my wiser self as I engage in conversations with like-minded people, telling and listening to our stories and lending permission for others to tell theirs.”

I’ve been thinking that this year, 2019, is the year to reach out and seek out more like-minded souls so that we both and all may feel connected on a more compassionate level. To focus on what we share and celebrate our oneness.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Navigating the World’s Shoulds

So many shoulds coming at us daily. Other people’s recipes for our lives flooding our heads. The shoulds of womanhood, motherhood, parenthood, successful people, healthy people, and intelligent people. Of good daughters and good citizens and good Christians.

Oh you know what the shoulds sound like. I should have a clean house, a balanced diet, and spiritual practice. I should have polite children, a health insurance plan, and an IRA account. Everywhere I turn, there is some spoken, or unspoken rule that tells me what I should be, say, and know. And I find it exhausting.Navigating the World's Shoulds on Shalavee.com

As former small people, we have a hard time doing what we are told we should do, even when the should comes from ourselves. So there we are with our own laundry list of shoulds and then we get the world adding to it. We should be skinny, we should be saving, and we should be up on current events.

But in the end, what we truly think is what matters. Do we trust ourselves to say, “No thank you, I don’t need to worry about being skinnier with the holidays coming up.” Or, “No thank you, I don’t care to worry about decorating the outside of my house when I need to clean the kitchen floor today.” It’s always our choice to decide what matters to us.Navigating the World's Shoulds on Shalavee.com

We get to throw out the shoulds that do not serve us and listen hard to the coulds that are in or hearts. We really should go see that movie before it leaves the theater but we feel like staying home and watching a movie on our own couch instead. Or, we really should finish reading the library book due tomorrow but instead we feel like cooking brownies with our kids.

What shoulds are you holding on to that you may be able to let go of for the holiday season? If you must, schedule your number one in your calendar and then gift yourself with a schedule of coulds instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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