search
top

Drew’s Story of the Spinach Salad

Often we live and experience our lives through an expectation or understanding we developed as children and we’re sure that it is and will always be this way. How do we know our truths are absolute? A truth to us can be completely distorted until we come face to face with it.

Our friend Drew has a story he tells about being in a café in Ireland. And he looks on the menu and decides to order the Spinach salad. Apparently there were other elements that were being offered with the spinach that seemed appealing . His experience up to this point with spinach was that it is a great big green glob that comes in a can. But he figured he’d just eat around it when it came.Drew's Story of the Spinach Salad on Shalavee.com

The salad comes out and he’s eating it and thinking how good it is and he’s wondering where the green glob is. He’s also relieved that the green glob isn’t there. And then it occurs to him that this yummy green leafy stuff that he’s been eating is spinach in its raw form. And he’s bowled over by how his perceptions and expectations can be so walled off from reality.

If I  attempt to try to do this or invest my expectations, I may surprised how what I think will happen may be far from the truth. How will I ever know what it is like having high self-esteem if I avoid the very risks that will allow for me to develop it. I live an assumption that my diet will always consist of lumpy green stuff and never take a chance to discover the genuine nourishment of the good stuff. 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Being OK With a One Pain Level

I went for two more appointments to follow up on my SI joint pain. That even though I am at a one mostly with the pain level, I had committed to seeing myself through to be pain free. And this is what happened. I found out I was not a candidate for the traditional radio frequency ablation (intentional nerve damage to cease the ongoing pain) because the usual nerve branches were not the ones causing the pain. But the procedure I researched that would help? That’s being done at Hopkins. And by the way, my SI joint is malformed. That I already knew.

I had a doctor ask me what my pain level was several months ago and I said a one maybe a two. He asked, “Well that’s pretty good. Can you not live with that?” I told him that if it meant I felt I had to take Ibuprofen on a regular basis than no. But his question kept buzzing in my head. He’s an Eastern medicine practitioner. And my friend recently pointed out that our Western notion of having to be completely pain-free may be unrealistic.

I am aware and wary, nay paranoid, that this pain will increase again. And this means that I will be getting shots to quell the pain several times a year until I do something else. But I agree that I have thought of this journey in medical treatment as an attempt to erase the pain, not make it livable. And this may also be the way I’ve thought about mental health as well.Being OK With a One Pain Level

None of us are without our quirks. But I think I have always thought of “normal” as a state of being without emotional pain and drama. And although occurrences of pain and drama vary, life is an unpredictable ride we very human humans have to go along with.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.” -– Pema Chödrön –

Seems to me that the number one thing that we can always use to overhaul and edit is our expectations. And so, until my SI joint pain surpasses what it is now, I’ve decided to take the Summer off from worrying about it. The End. And The Beginning.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I’m No Longer a Runner

 

When is a runner no longer a runner? When they no longer run. 30 years later…

 

I am not a runner. My body has declared war on itself and I’m held captive on my ship, waves of doubt crashing against the side, storms of serious uncertainty, and I’m huddled inside my body wondering “Am I old now? Is this where I no longer get to be me and start having to be old lady me?

I'm No Longer a Runner on Shalavee.com

Where last year I started thinking I was going to “fix it” this year, it’s now next year and it’s not fixed. Afraid of the pain, I am in limbo trying to decide who I am now and how I define myself now.

 

I assume this is the slippery slope of age. When you begin to fear your own body. Every twitch and tick, every ache and pain seem to be the harbinger of bad news to come. And if you haven’t been upkeeping yourself, visiting the primary Physician, exercising, or eating well, you can be even more terrified. You may be sure this was all preventable if only…

 

For me, I know it’s not a matter of my diet or exercising enough. It may be about exercising too much and probably genetics. I have all the specialists lined up, they’re just not helping fast enough. No one expects me to be 51 or in pain. They underestimate how far I’ve already come.I'm No Longer a Runner on Shalavee.com

 

There are all sorts of crazy cool treatments now to fix all sorts of things. And I’m headed for a few of them. I just thought I’d have the procedures and the pain behind me already. So it takes as long as it takes. Expectations are tough not to have. And I start again.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Is My Life Glass Full or Empty : Expectation Adjustment

My everyday, nay, my every moment is full of my expectation thoughts. I have expectations of how my day will play out. Then, I base my feelings of how my day and my life is going on how I perceive it is going as compared to how I expected it would go and then I pass a judgement. The End.

 

But perceptions are still subjective. I have a nasty habit of judging my glass to be half empty. Same fill line as half full but it’s the way I am used to seeing it. I think this way, if anything blindsided me with bad news or disappointment, I won’t have far to fall. I guard against joy.

 Is My Life Glass Full or Empty : Expectation Adjustment on Shalavee.com

But if this is all a habitual equation, a standard pair of sunglasses I’m so used to donning, I no longer notice them, then that means there’s a chance to backpedal and find another way to seeing my life. Because I get the distinct feeling that my life is waaaayyyy better than I’m giving it credit for. The habit to guard against disaster and seeing it all as in need of fixing, is robbing me of my every day every moment high.

 

What if I am already living the life I always wanted? What if in this constant looking beyond to the future and then disregarding my now is robbing me of the one life I get to enjoy? Because I think that’s exactly what is going on.Is My Life Glass Full or Empty : Expectation Adjustment on Shalavee.com

 

I get to see my healthy children grow up every day. I get to create words and pictures as often as I choose. I have a supportive as heck husband and several really nice supportive communities. My healthcare is paid for and I have a new roof on my house. I’d say I have a lot to count my glass as half full. So here’s to taking my fear glasses back and getting the prescription and tint changed. I’ll settle for 20/40 and rose-tinted sunglasses.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Breaking the Pattern of the Body Fix

It’s a thing, this pattern of not enough, of body fix. I hate my bloated belly. I can’t lose the weight. Even when I did, it wasn’t enough. An addiction to self-hatred is what I say. The no compromise standards that keep us right on the other side of the fence of liking ourselves as who we are now. And I’m feeling a weird choked battle cry of “Enough” coming from deep inside.

For a very long time, I have not gauged my worth by my body. My distended or pregnant or redundant colon bloated belly is not what other people judge me as being worthy by. Except, I can not bear to wear half my wardrobe lest my bloated belly show. And the pieces I will possibly grab for just dwindled to a handful when I gained back my weight. I was so triumphant a year ago having lost the ten pounds. And then I found myself right back at the beginning again.Breaking the Pattern of the Body Fix on Shalavee.com

I thought, perhaps I need to sit and watch any crowd and count how many women have a belly. Or I need to peruse some Glamour magazines to quickly sicken myself with the disease of picture perfection in the media and then inspire my rebellion to wear belly shirts. Or maybe I need to sit in front of the mirror and make sure I tell myself about my worth as not being about my body. Any and all these methods could be invoked to remind me that I am loved and lovable wherever and however I am.

Bottom line is that this self-hatred and self-bullying which has me and many others wanting to always fix ourselves can never end well. As long as there’s something to “fix”, it implies brokenness. And I do not want to model this for my buxom red-headed daughter. She’ll have to fight it from the world as it is.Breaking the Pattern of the Body Fix on Shalavee.com

The fact is I’m mortified by the loss of collagen in my body more than anything. But mostly, I know I shouldn’t be having this conversation AGAIN. Haven’t I already learned this lesson? How to do our best and let go of the rest. Forgive our flesh.

I need all your good thoughts and helpful suggestions. And am always up for your stories.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries

top