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Remembering My Intention for Connection

As many of you know, I stumbled this year. I tripped over my expectations of what I should feel and should be doing. I fell on my face and got caught in a spiral of self-doubt.

Luckily, I’ve had enough practice at self-care to jump in quickly and take care of me. This spell took me for a three-day grief ride so I decided to call on the big guns. I’ve been on anti-anxiety meds for over a month now and it has made an immense difference in the quality of life. Remembering My Intention for Connection on Shalavee.com

I have never felt this OK. Even though I couldn’t hear the exact words, there was always a background noise of judgment and fear playing. I now don’t feel at a deficit daily. I am able to feel accomplished when I complete tasks. These footholds are helping me rebuild my platform again on which I can stand with my thoughts and my words.

After my spell, I generally had just let go of everything I was looking at to do. I just couldn’t carry the burdens of expectations that I may never be able to fill or that may have been created by the me that did the things that I “should” do instead of being excited for the things I “could” do.

Today I fell upon my life’s Intention I crafted last year and I am reminded again that we are not alone. We are in fact meant to be here for one another in supporting witnessing roles. To remind one another of our humanity.Remembering My Intention for Connection on Shalavee.com

This is what I wrote for my intention. “I am connecting with and positively seeing my wiser self as I engage in conversations with like-minded people, telling and listening to our stories and lending permission for others to tell theirs.”

I’ve been thinking that this year, 2019, is the year to reach out and seek out more like-minded souls so that we both and all may feel connected on a more compassionate level. To focus on what we share and celebrate our oneness.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Navigating the World’s Shoulds

So many shoulds coming at us daily. Other people’s recipes for our lives flooding our heads. The shoulds of womanhood, motherhood, parenthood, successful people, healthy people, and intelligent people. Of good daughters and good citizens and good Christians.

Oh you know what the shoulds sound like. I should have a clean house, a balanced diet, and spiritual practice. I should have polite children, a health insurance plan, and an IRA account. Everywhere I turn, there is some spoken, or unspoken rule that tells me what I should be, say, and know. And I find it exhausting.Navigating the World's Shoulds on Shalavee.com

As former small people, we have a hard time doing what we are told we should do, even when the should comes from ourselves. So there we are with our own laundry list of shoulds and then we get the world adding to it. We should be skinny, we should be saving, and we should be up on current events.

But in the end, what we truly think is what matters. Do we trust ourselves to say, “No thank you, I don’t need to worry about being skinnier with the holidays coming up.” Or, “No thank you, I don’t care to worry about decorating the outside of my house when I need to clean the kitchen floor today.” It’s always our choice to decide what matters to us.Navigating the World's Shoulds on Shalavee.com

We get to throw out the shoulds that do not serve us and listen hard to the coulds that are in or hearts. We really should go see that movie before it leaves the theater but we feel like staying home and watching a movie on our own couch instead. Or, we really should finish reading the library book due tomorrow but instead we feel like cooking brownies with our kids.

What shoulds are you holding on to that you may be able to let go of for the holiday season? If you must, schedule your number one in your calendar and then gift yourself with a schedule of coulds instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Yes You Have Too Much To Do

Yes you have too much to do. Or should I say, I have too much I think I can do. The emails are piling up. There are stacks of unread magazines. There are outdated frozen soups in the freezer. And there are items in my closet that just don’t fit me well. There are dust bunnies with bad attitudes under our beds. And there were more important tasks than these looming in my future too.

As long as I’m still terrified of doing what I’m already putting off, then all those tasks get pushed back further because I have a priority hierarchy in my head. And when I added the yet to do list of tasks to get done before I went away on my trip or before the holiday event happens in my living room, I am drowning in my to do’s, Inundated with must do’s, and desperately wanting to be UN-inundated. Because vacations and holidays are supposed to be relaxing Damn it!yes you have to much to do on Shalavee.com

The trick to being UN-inundated is to actually do those things that you’ve put off. You need to take your fear and stare at it and tell it you will best it. Even beginning a dreaded tasks makes t less dreadful. It’s amazing how everything runs much more smoothly after that happens.

I did the hard things. Drove through the doubt storm. And I must say I was both pleased with myself and relieved and rattled by the fear which is my impostor syndrome stuff. But suddenly I was freed to get to cleaning out my closet and my freezer. I redecorated for Fall and am about to go dye my hair.

Yes, you will get it all done if you keep at it. Drops in the bucket fill the bucket up. But what of the sabotage by overwhelm? Attempting to take on too much is a great and mean way to get yourself to feel like a failure.

In my blog post The Evil Organizer Date Planner , I said this about my over-achieving ways,

I saw a driveway today doubled up with two rows of cars that looked like they were all in need of some sort of repair. And I realized that that’s my mental driveway. With that many tasks to do, it will never look like I’m succeeding even though I am. In fact the opposite may be true. The amount of accomplishments I do get done daily is staggering considering all that is on my plate. And I’m the only one who can’t see this.”yes you have to much to do on Shalavee.com

It’s one thing to say I really expect too much of myself, and it’s a complete change of lifestyle to actually weed away the overwhelm. And especially at Christmas when we’re all expected to be event planners, it’s easy to lose perspective on exactly how much we’re asking ourselves to do on top of all the rest of life’s necessary tasks. I have been a Superwoman all my life who never gave herself credit for the miraculous things I did. So this season, I’ve an eye on me to be mindful of what is enough and what is too much.

Did I mention we’re going out for Thanksgiving dinner?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Drew’s Story of the Spinach Salad

Often we live and experience our lives through an expectation or understanding we developed as children and we’re sure that it is and will always be this way. How do we know our truths are absolute? A truth to us can be completely distorted until we come face to face with it.

Our friend Drew has a story he tells about being in a café in Ireland. And he looks on the menu and decides to order the Spinach salad. Apparently there were other elements that were being offered with the spinach that seemed appealing . His experience up to this point with spinach was that it is a great big green glob that comes in a can. But he figured he’d just eat around it when it came.Drew's Story of the Spinach Salad on Shalavee.com

The salad comes out and he’s eating it and thinking how good it is and he’s wondering where the green glob is. He’s also relieved that the green glob isn’t there. And then it occurs to him that this yummy green leafy stuff that he’s been eating is spinach in its raw form. And he’s bowled over by how his perceptions and expectations can be so walled off from reality.

If I  attempt to try to do this or invest my expectations, I may surprised how what I think will happen may be far from the truth. How will I ever know what it is like having high self-esteem if I avoid the very risks that will allow for me to develop it. I live an assumption that my diet will always consist of lumpy green stuff and never take a chance to discover the genuine nourishment of the good stuff. 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Being OK With a One Pain Level

I went for two more appointments to follow up on my SI joint pain. That even though I am at a one mostly with the pain level, I had committed to seeing myself through to be pain free. And this is what happened. I found out I was not a candidate for the traditional radio frequency ablation (intentional nerve damage to cease the ongoing pain) because the usual nerve branches were not the ones causing the pain. But the procedure I researched that would help? That’s being done at Hopkins. And by the way, my SI joint is malformed. That I already knew.

I had a doctor ask me what my pain level was several months ago and I said a one maybe a two. He asked, “Well that’s pretty good. Can you not live with that?” I told him that if it meant I felt I had to take Ibuprofen on a regular basis than no. But his question kept buzzing in my head. He’s an Eastern medicine practitioner. And my friend recently pointed out that our Western notion of having to be completely pain-free may be unrealistic.

I am aware and wary, nay paranoid, that this pain will increase again. And this means that I will be getting shots to quell the pain several times a year until I do something else. But I agree that I have thought of this journey in medical treatment as an attempt to erase the pain, not make it livable. And this may also be the way I’ve thought about mental health as well.Being OK With a One Pain Level

None of us are without our quirks. But I think I have always thought of “normal” as a state of being without emotional pain and drama. And although occurrences of pain and drama vary, life is an unpredictable ride we very human humans have to go along with.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.” -– Pema Chödrön –

Seems to me that the number one thing that we can always use to overhaul and edit is our expectations. And so, until my SI joint pain surpasses what it is now, I’ve decided to take the Summer off from worrying about it. The End. And The Beginning.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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