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Days 36 through 69 for the 100 Day Project 2019

My 100 day project continues into June with about a month remaining. I have mostly kept up with creating everyday save a few days where I had to produce a couple of pieces at a time to catch up. But I didn’t mind. I am glad for the excuse to get into my craft room and create more. Because that’s what this project is about. An excuse to create.

The project is deceptively more than this however. The continued creativity becomes a way trust that I can show up for myself. This is a lesson I continue to need to learn. To trust that I will show up for me.

The ICAD project, which I participated in for the past two years in a row, just started up in June and as much as I wish I was creating with them, I have chosen this as my sole challenge now. Plus I’m already doing collage which is my favorite medium for ICAD.

Summer has just begun and yet I am already enjoying my creativity routine. I am reading a book and working on the garden. Life is always better when I indulge my creative whims.

With a month to go, I need to look ahead to what I might replace this routine with. Last year, when my challenge ended I felt it was a waste not to replace the intention with something else. Habits formed are nothing to mock. 30 more days to go and I’ll do a round-up.

Go HERE to see the first two weeks of the 100 Days of Shalagh 2019.

Go HERE to see days 19 through 35 of the 100 Days of Shalagh 2019.

Go HERE for a definition and the home of the project. Or search the #100DayProject hashtag on social media.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

100 Day Project 2019 : Weeks One and Two through Day 18

This is the second year that I’m taking on the 100 Day Project. Last year I did both 100 days of sketches and pastels and simultaneously participated in the Index Card a Day challenge with collage and a few other random mediums. The thought of doing all of that again exhausts me.

This year, I decided to just do 100 days of collage on a slightly larger format than an index card. I cut a piece of paper in half and decided that was neither too big nor too small. It was just right. And everyday(almost) I get into the craft room and I stand there and I craft. Read about my start Here.

Here’s the thing, you are sure that there’s nothing that you could possibly commit to every day. But that’s bunk. You certainly can. You are committed to putting clothing on everyday. You concede that activity will take a certain amount of time and you patiently spend that time daily putting that clothing on your body.

Life is all about expectations. I have just added an expectation on to myself. Much like doing the laundry or making dinner or exercising, I expect that I must blog three times a week and now I art daily. Once it’s a non-negotiable in my head, I slide it into my day without a thought. Intentions become habits.

I have missed a day or two with the boy’s birthday/Easter/Spring Break combination this weekend but I am also not worried about it. I’ve also noticed that with this proactive arting, I don’t care too much about whether people are seeing it online. The act of doing it seems to be satisfying in and of itself.

Keep on Keeping on! Art like you mean it. And if you are interested in keeping up with my progress, you can follow along with me on Facebook or Instagram.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Waiting for Creating

For a very long time, I had no permission to be myself. Seems silly considering there wasn’t anyone threatening my life if I created. But it felt like a NO No. A hidden shame. An act of treason and insanity. Artists are crazy. You can only create if you have some sort of degree in art. You can’t make money doing it. You will be stoned to death if they find out what you are thinking.

Waiting for Creating on Shalavee.com

These messages are deeply rooted in our history. We’re kept in check by fear of authenticity and failure. Our parents want us to be pragmatic and stay safe and they pass these inane messages onto us meaning well. We so quickly forget that we owe our existences to innovators and creators who stepped out of their boxes and found a new way to do everything.

I read a quote online from Stephi Wagner, MSW. She said, “Please don’t wait to ‘be healed’ to do your creating. Your creating is your healing.” She further says, “Creating is an act of self-care. Creating is an act of self-love. Creating is and act of self-healing. You deserve to create because you deserve care, love, healing”.

Waiting for Creating on Shalavee.com

How can any of us believe we are so unworthy as to not deserve self-healing, self-care, or self-love ? And yet here we are controlling and bullying and punishing ourselves by holding back out primary beings, our inner six year-old. They are joyful prolific beings who love to be and see themselves emerge. And they deserve all the love we are capable of coming up with.

So keep creating and caring for yourself in all the ways that make you feel loved. And I will too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding Myself and Losing Myself

I’ve been searching for myself again recently. I catch glimpses of me in others’ words and in my blog posts and what I feel. That wax and wain of self knowledge, understanding, and love seems something I should be used to already but I’m not. I often sit back and spend time envying others for their self-certainty.

But I can tell I turned a corner at some point this past winter. After I was medicated and calmer and clearer, I began to see myself. I focused intently on finding my worth in the world. And gradually I began to hear myself say I can. That was truly a breakthrough.

Finding Myself and Losing Myself on Shalavee.com

And then a month ago, quiet by surprise, I heard myself say “I love you” when you you do such and such. And I was shocked. And then I relistened and it was sincere. I shared this with a friend and she cried. This is a big deal.

I feel more positive, more capable. I am only pursuing tasks that make me happy and have cut out all the “I have to’s” . I listen daily and don’t overload myself with tasks and Spring feels like it is happening inside me as well as outside me. My relief and gratitude feel palpable and I’m turning back around and reinvesting in the creative endeavors that make me feel the happiest and most fulfilled. My blogging feels like it needs a big dose of respect so this is me giving it back to me and you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Purposeful Life as Mother

I have long been frustrated with my fearful self. I’m so smart and so talented so need to make an impact on the world. Let everyone know who I am and what I know. And if I don’t, I’m a loser. It’s the smart girl’s sabotage. It’s the knife I perpetually hold to my throat.

And then the other day, Fiona and I were returning from the library, she ahead of me climbing the hill beside the steps, and I realized she was so deserving of the purpose she is for me. I devote and leave so much of my life open to her. I do not need the recognition. I just need her to take her fierce self out in the world and be happy.

My Purposeful Life as  Mother on shalavee.com

I believe that I am addicted to being unhappy with myself. I think many women are. But there isn’t one thing wrong with not wanting to overextend yourself. Wanting to be available for the people you love knowing that that availability is the implicit understanding of motherhood.

But I also know that we so often, so easily could use our motherly duties to abandon ourselves. Not pursue our creativity because they are so much more important. I will not condone modeling martyrdom for our children. I can say that I have battled and won a creativity entitlement and practice battle with myself in the years that I’ve had and been raising Fiona. She sees me indulging that constantly and she does too. But I also don’t have to capture the moon to know that my life is worthwhile.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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