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Ignore Your Brain, Feel Your Feels

This week, I had a really bad spell of the feels. I finished up my creativity workshop and instead of feeling that amazing “I did it” feeling, I felt like an impostor. Who was I to think I had anything to say about creativity? And then, why did I put myself in this jeopardy? And PS, this is the same doubt spell I had at the end of my creativity/anxiety sermon I gave at my church.

So I rolled around for a day feeling really crappy. Letting all the silly mean stuff rip around in my head. Grieving the marvelous feelings I was supposed to feel in conjunction with doing activities that are directly related to my perceived purpose. My inner daughter was mad at me for not keeping her safe from all the judgment she was sure she had coming her way from me and everyone who witnessed my outright failure. And me infuriated by the fact that all the apparent work I have done on my esteem doesn’t add up to a hill of beans.Ignore Your brains, feel your

I went online to publicly claim my intentions to go see my doctor about anti-anxiety meds. And to hopefully claim my wobbliness in the hopes that someone else would find permission for themselves to do the same. I am glad I heard my heart tell me that I need something else other than I am doing to get me beyond. And I am keeping my brain in a time out for overacting in such a way.

But the most interesting postlude is the way my community came out to witness me. Many people truly wanted to provide the fix. Could it be lack of light or menopause? I had beautiful offers to talk and I informed everyone that have a therapy appointment coming soon. Because again the most traumatizing part of this whole thing is that I’ve done so very much work, why do I have to endure these episodes anymore?Ignore Your brains, feel your

In the end, I find out that there a lot of people who care about me and I do not take that lightly. It’s hard to be accountable to so many people so I am just going to be accountable to myself but I hope that, at some point, I can see what everyone sees in me. Because I think that would help tremendously in keeping this kind of thing from happening in the future. Or perhaps not but I like to think there’s a solution. Acceptance, compassion, and love from me to you to me again.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Birds of a Feather Flocking Together

I am sitting back listening to the birds singing their final Fall goodbyes. Accompanied by the crickets, I hear the bird song and then the response echo. Maybe they’re looking for a last fling before they fly off to warmer places? And I am suddenly reminded of the way we all go in search for familiar people. Our flocks are out there waiting for us to find them. We are birds of a feather flocking together in many ways that count.

Hope is there where the flock resides. A place to be seen and heard for just who we are. It feels like family and familiarity and peaceful restoration to be in the same place as like-minded people. And it is definitely worth looking for.Birds of a Feather Flocking Together on Shalavee.com

When I entered the online world of social media, all I could feel was fear of vulnerability. I was terrified to be seen by people I always thought I’d never be seen by again. Ex-lovers and past schoolmates would see me as I am now and I thought, I wouldn’t be impressed with me either. But what I came to find was that the truth isn’t at all that dramatic when everyone’s also human. We forgive each other stuff lest we be judged too.

Hope is there where the flock resides.

A place to be seen and heard for just who we are.

Further I found, that when you do find like-minded people, you truly feel seen on the inside without ever laying eyes on one another. You begin to forgive yourself the ridiculous stuff you used to focus on as you begin to see yourself through other people’s eyes. People who don’t even know you see right down to the gems that are your soul. And you have no other choice but to believe them.Birds of a Feather Flocking Together on Shalavee.com

Because there’s magic that happens in the world you’d never know unless you’d experienced it. A deeper connection with a collective humanity that defies definition and exists right below the surface of all the noise. And that interconnected web holds us all up even when we can’t see it. And believing in it and a better outcome for us all is a blind faith I dig having.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Grab the Gratitude as it’s Going By

Today I realized that gratitude grounds me after I fly out of my bounds. Because yesterday was a great day until it wasn’t. I made what felt like a fatal mistake and deleted about 80 posts on my blog out of ignorance, or perhaps it was unconscious self-sabotage. Either way, they were gone and as I tried to right my wrong, I reached out to my community for their support. And they showed up for me.

Gratitude is now what I’m feeling for both the restoration of my posts and the outpouring of love and kindness from my people, many of which I have never met face to face. And my lesson today is about allowing others to support me. That typically I don’t have anything too terrible going on. There’s a general feeling of everything’s OK. But this lack of vulnerability doesn’t allow me to be visible and leaves me disconnected from the community that I’ve created.Grab the Gratitude as it's going by on Shalavee.com

Perhaps all the vulnerability I pour into blog posts about Shame and Paying it Forward (brought tears to my eyes to read these and know they were not lost) seems like I am vulnerable enough. But I suspect that this is then the excuse to not come out in other ways. I am hiding in plain site. I am a hypocrite if I tout community as being the best thing since sliced bread but then hide from it.

After much reading and listening and understanding, I know that each of us needs to be valued in our communities for who we are and what we bring to share there. Our talents and who we like to be need to be appreciated by our people. And if we aren’t sincere about who we are, we can not experience that feeling of being known. We are keeping ourselves from the salvation of acceptance. Of belonging.Grab the Gratitude as it's going by on Shalavee.com

So there’s one lesson I need to take to heart and apply from the blog snaffu of 2018. Will there be more, I have no doubt. And I’ll share them with my community as soon as I realize what they are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Instagram Helped Cure Me of Anxiety

I love to connect with like-minded creative women on Instagram. This format of Social media (also known as a platform) became my preferred online social interaction as I was trying to build an audience for my blog. I very hesitantly joined communities and challenges and slowly started to poke my head out of my fear shell. And I credit Instagram and creativity for curing me of my anxieties.

I’d never experienced community and was completely unsure of what it meant and how I was supposed to do it. I just knew that being witnessed by these wonder women from inside their hearts was the greatest gift ever. I watched and I listened as they showed me what vulnerability looked like and what it gives you. And my intuition told me that, despite what everyone said about social media, there was something really good going on here.How Instagram Helped Cure Me of Anxiety on Shalavee.com

We humans want to be accepted by our tribe as who we truly are. It is our deepest desire to have our authentic selves seen. At the same time, we are afraid of rejection and judgment as this could mean ostracization and either physical death or shame and the death of our spirit. This is primal fear stuff that we aren’t truly aware of but have discerned from the teachings of our pack and our world.

So here we are, the loveliest ladies on Instagram and we’re feeling the swellness of being witnessed and the rawness of risking being judged. We have two choices at all times. We can either choose to fit-in, twist ourselves into the likeness of those around us as to guarantee we will be accepted. Or we can choose to be vulnerable and authentic and watch as people love us for who we are. Because this is our hearts desire and this requires faith and letting go.How Instagram Helped Cure Me of Anxiety on Shalavee.com

I know that when I act inauthentically and try to make people like me, I lose trust in them and myself. I know they aren’t really liking me but a false image I am manipulating. And I don’t trust myself even for thinking so little of me that I am unworthy of being seen. It’s a sticky wicked if ever there was one. And the only cure for this fear quagmire is to just be authentically you.

I heard a woman ask today if her lack of confidence and boldness in posting truths about herself on Instagram recently was about her expectations of what it would bring or fear of being judged. And I replied that we all had that feeling at some point. But there will be that one moment when we post something raw and real about ourselves and that one stranger responds, “Thank You” because they felt inspired and courageous to be authentic as well. And that is the faith that keeps me being vulnerable and witnessing everyone online. It is the blessing, the superpower, that we can give on each other and it’s totally completely free.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The End of My Icad (index Card a Day) ’18 Challenge

All the daily creativity came to a screeching halt nearly a week ago with the last day of July and the 61st card. With the combined 100 day project and this one, I had created every day for 118 days straight. I felt neither overly happy nor sad for the halt. I had fulfilled my challenge to myself. But I must admit that I have felt slightly untethered since then. A feeling that was echoed by at least one other artist who had done the challenge with me.

Day #1 through Day #22 of the ICAD challenge

Day #1 through Day #22 of the ICAD ’18 Challenge

The End of ICAD '18 Challenge on Shalavee.com

Day #23 through #42 of the ICAD ’18 Challenge

The End of ICAD '18 Challenge on Shalavee.com

Day #43 through Day #61 of the ICAD ’18 Challenge

I considered that I could and should replace that daily habit with some other intention. But that was swallowed up in a flurry of Summer activities which were all good. But I am also asking this of myself, why does it take an outside “force” to get me to commit to the art. What about being obliged to myself? Or perhaps, what do I create in my life that makes me accountable to regular artwork?

Our creative needs are ours to fulfill. And if it requires a little trickery on our parts to get ourselves to creatively comply, so be it. Any challenge is good even if that means creating your own like I did in June for the Our Creative June Challenge, well then let’s do it again together. I live for a creative community and I think everyone deserves to have one of their own.The End of ICAD '18 Challenge on Shalavee.com

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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