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What I Learned of Late

I am ruminating on a few lessons this week. Lessons about shame and forgiveness. Lessons on patience and persistence and presence. And lessons on paradox.

See, I am a learner. I am always keeping an eye and an ear open for the next lesson. And the only way I can see to have life be worth the hassle is to grab the lessons as they go by, even if they are prickly ones.

I learned recently that if something really really bothers you about what some one else said or did, it’s most likely reflective of something in you that you are not so proud of that you really see.

I learned that when we act like a jack-a$$, it’s usually because we are afraid of something. But I also found that if I say I’m sorry, own my behavior, and make amends, I feel like my soul is cleaner.

I learned that the reason I am so in hate with the gal in the mirror is because I am not allowed to be friends with a fat person. Even though there are plenty of people larger than me, this is the largest I’ve been since I was pregnant. Feels like a bodily conspiracy. This lesson has only begun.

I learned that if you show up out loud with integrity and authenticity, others will do the same. And you both will inspire more and more to do the same.

And I learned that community is always standing right beside you, you only need to reach out to it from wherever you are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Soul Selfie 2019

We just wrapped up my third Soul Selfie Challenge hosted by me on Instagram. The first time I hosted this was in May of 2016, the second in October of 2017, and then this one was from the 1st to the 7th of December of 2020. I can say I am thrilled and fulfilled as a result of this challenge every time. There were 197 posts and maybe 20 people together for a week acting as a community.

The intention behind the challenge was to spend a week exploring prompts in a deeper fashion than we usually do online. And I am always so pleased to have people meet me there with their most authentic selves ready to communicate and exchange ideas. We converse on topics that are deep and true. I live for these conversations. The satisfaction for me is quick and powerful.

We had a few new faces and many from my prior challenges who honored the opportunity to show up and be present for themselves for a week. And I think we had some serious aha moments and shifts among us. Facilitating healing is a gift we can give to ourselves as well as to the world. When we show up authentically and take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, there’s no telling what can happen.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Upcoming 2019 Soul Selfie Challenge

On December 1st, 2019, I will be hosting My third Soul Selfie Challenge online on Instagram. What the heck is that, you ask? This is what that is.

I am all about the deeper conversations. The ones we have that we say “Wow” during or after. Where we feel we have to take note of what we may have just learned. I am a deep soul explorer and I like to go there, especially in the company of like-minded people.

Using the prompts,

December 1st -Remember

Dec. 2nd – Kindness

Dec. 3rd – Soul-Searching

Dec. 4th – Solitude

Dec. 5th – Community

Dec. 6th – Hope

Dec. 7th – Forgiveness

we will talk about what we are feeling and thinking about our right now’s. The pictures don’t matter, and no, there’s no need for any actual selfies, unless you want to do so. What matters is that your truthful self shows up and speaks. And then you hear the other participants as they tell their truths. And you respond authentically.

We will be using the tag #SoulSelfie2019 to join together. Tag every post with this and then click on/follow the tag to see what other participants have posted. Our community is so small and so swell, it’s like spending time with family.

I look forward to connecting with you all on Sunday on Instagram. F you celebrated Thanksgiving, hope you had a lovely holiday!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Community is a Necessary Evil

I’ve just come away from organizing a successful fundraiser for my church community. Everyone showed up for the fundraiser bringing food and auction items and they enjoyed laughing and dancing within that community of people. This is the sort of experience that strengthens our individual selves as well as the community. Makes us feel wanted, needed, and gives us a sense of belonging.

And then there’s those other moments as a part of a group. When someone says something that pisses you off. When you feel taken advantage of or attacked when you meant only the best, of course. And those moments will ruin many years of good intentions and community bonds. Because we’re human and messy and sensitive and lousy communicators.

I have never been a part of a community until this one. And while we’re not best friends with anyone, there’s a definite knowledge that if we needed help in any way, we would have a boatload of people show up to deliver that help and take care of us. They are like family in that way. That’s the kind of support that we need as individual and for our families. That’s the definition of community.

Community is a Necessary Evil on Shalavee.com

 

While the dust was settling from a nasty divorce with his first wife, my now husband received some advice from a bartender. He said, “At first, all women will seem evil. Then only one woman will be evil. And eventually, women will be a necessary evil.” Community is a necessary evil. Without it, we have no mirrors to gauge ourselves, see if what we feel is normal. We have no support system and we have no one to sing and dance with and keep us warm.

I can see now that the most hurt I have experienced has come from people putting their fears onto me. Those are the moments when I want nothing more to do with them or the place where I know them from. But where else can we practice compassion for ourselves but inside a community of like-minded people? By giving them the chance to be human and make bad choices and be forgiven, we can offer that to ourselves as well.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Four Self-Value Phases

This self-valuing process is very slow and laborious. When you start at such a deficit, low low low self-esteem, there’s a lot of work before you even begin to notice yourself. Because it takes as long as it takes. You can not hurry the process of peeling off the layers of self-doubt and disdain and distortion. You can only commit to working through them. Or even begin by recognizing this is even a “thing” that needs working on.

The First phase in the journey then is to recognize you may have any value in the world.

That “worthless piece of trash “ stuff can run pretty deep. If you were abandoned or neglected emotionally by a parent in your formative years, you have a good chance of having low self-esteem. Yes, your parents were doing their best but it might not have been enough at the time. Every child has an innate understanding that they deserve to be loved without strings and patience.

I stayed pretty clueless and isolated for most of my life. So  it wasn’t until I was 40 something before I realized that I had low self-esteem. And then I vowed that I deserved to feel better than this and set out on my journey that has involved therapy, creativity, social media, and medication to help me see me.

The Second Phase in the self-value journey is to see your value through others’ eyes.

This is when you stop isolating and reach out to other like minded people. Through communities both in person and online, I spent many years communicating and creating relationships. This built my esteem in a very basic but wondrous way. I am definitely through that phase but I teeter at the next phase.Four Self-Value Phases on shalavee.comases

The third phase: recognizing my awesomeness myself.

It requires not tossing away people’s compliments like trash but taking them into your heart and letting them sit there like a song bird perched and singing. It requires interacting with people and being your authentic self and seeing you through their eyes and then agreeing with them. And it could require some self-affirmation phrases, as heinous as that may sound. It may ask that you get a therapist to consult a third party neutral on what the truth about you really is.

The last and final phase in the self-value journey is to be Riding that Value like a Magic Carpet ride into your Future. Sounds like a fantasy but I’ve seen people reach that place and begin to live different lives. In order to see more of them, I suppose I need to be one of them.

I highly recommend Jen Sincerro’s Badass books for a boost and a whole different perspective on how the world is rooting for you. I also recommend saying “Thank you” to anyone who gives you a compliment. It’s polite and it may make their day to accept their gift graciously.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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