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How Do you Tell the Difference?

How do you tell the difference between being who you are and being who you think you should be? We have been us for so long that even when it’s wrong, it feels sort of right. When I strive for goals that seem like they should be mine and then feel hollow when I achieve them, what is that? Developing this self-perspective and understanding and trust of my feelings is daunting.

I am at a precipice, a crossroads of self-development. I have a set of goals to achieve that I think I want, or that I think I should want. And in the light of all the promise and achievement, I think I should be experiencing, my life is a failure. Except, I don’t think that. And yet I do continue to think I need to do certain things to claim legitimization. So it devalues my now and makes the future better than my now?

How Do you Tell the Difference? on shalavee.com

I would like to try to accomplish all these things that I think I should so I can stop feeling like I’m being held hostage. I have proven recently that I can do many hard things. And I also know that learning what I don’t want to do is just as important as knowing what you do want to do. And discovering that what you’ve been putting of is easy is unnerving but still satisfying.

I guess the only way to tell the difference between authentic want and doing it for the shoulds is to do it all and see how it feels? I feel my hope springs eternal, my compassion rounds me out and brings me home to face myself again. I hope this year I lead myself into a place that will bring me joy and not shame. And feel proud of the risk it took to show through.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Faith or Trust :Which Sideline are You Standing on

Faith and fear are the two motivating forces which shade our daily decisions. We always have the opportunity to choose how we perceive our reality and thus our resulting moods even when we don’t realize this. We are always deciding if we need to fear the situation or let it be OK whatever happens. We think we can control more than we do but, barring unseen tragedies and disasters, it’s only up to us to decide if our now is good or bad. If we choose to see good, we probably trust our surroundings and ourselves. If we feel fear, we don’t.

I had no real model for faith growing up. My parents we atheists and I claimed agnosticism as my chosen faith model although I was open to possibilities. Then, as I aged, I suddenly decided it was unwise to not believe in the miracles of the Universe and I opened up to the concept of a force greater than myself as a way to make sense of everything and experience awe.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

But I found that not only did I have Faith issues, I had trust issues too. My family hadn’t been close knit and I had a hard time creating intimate trustworthy relationships with others as well as myself. Our church’s pastor offered that faith is a three legged stool we are seated on.

One leg of the stool is our trust in ourselves. Do we believe we are reliable to take care of that which needs doing? Do we believe we are capable of doing the hard things? The moment we can’t rely on just ourselves, we turn elsewhere. I believe strongly in or need to develop trust to battle fear and anxiety, I wrote a piece titled Seven Methods to Help Develop Self-Trust.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

The second and third legs on our grounding stool are our community and our higher power. When one fail us, we have the others to fall back on. And I guess we trust that all of them are there for us to use.

The only way to move forward in life is to believe that the your fears are beatable and surmountable. To have the belief that life is for you and not against you. That if you were to ask for assistance or help in several ways, you would be offered it. That in the end you mean something to the world enough to tell the fear thoughts to suck it and go for the gusto that faith gives you.

I believe we are standing on one side of this line or the other. And I believe I just crossed over into Faith.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It’s Monday, Be Here Now

Twitchy and his /her mate are helping themselves to the cat food outside on the back porch. I just told Crackers to go enjoy squirrel TV at the window. The heat just kicked on and the heat registers are creaking and squeaking their symphony of protest. No school and I am leisurely writing my post. Because what matters is now.

I’ll let the squirrels graze on cat chow for a few more minutes and make myself some breakfast. Our family is going to the movies today to see the second Lego movie. We’re all excited. There really isn’t anything more important than that. Not today’s politics or the weather or the extra weight on my bum.

It's Monday, Be Here Now on Shalavee.com

The weekend has left me dehydrated and without exercise. And I’m very very aware that we are infinitely more loved and connected to our people in our lives than we realize. We attended a funeral service for a woman so immensely beloved by her community, her death is soul crushing. And her husband so eloquently reminded us that we are inside each other always.

Whenever I see you and you say “Nice to see you”, I’m gonna say, “Its nice to be seen”, because the other option is to be gone. I’m letting my daughter catch me smiling at her. I’m being with her until she walks away. And I’m laughing, always laughing.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It’s My Wonderful Life

I suffered a pretty major stumble recently. An anxiety episode had me spiral out in my head to a place of grief and shame. And I allowed the decision to ask for medicinal help from my doctor to become very public. I did this because I knew that if my transparency and vulnerability could help someone else, I’d be paying forward the same from those who had shown me the permission too. Paying it forward is a beautiful part of my wonderful life.

The response from my online community was overwhelming. People showed up to offer their well wishes and their own coping mechanisms. They showed up to offer an ear if I needed one. And I watched as it made some people squirm rather hard at the thought that happy go lucky Shalagh wasn’t as put together as she seemed.It's My Wonderful Life on Shalavee.com

My wobbles didn’t embarrass me but showed me I’m just another human being trying to get through her days in a better way. And what I was gifted was to see how I have many angels in the form of people looking out for me. I may not have taken up many offers to talk but that doesn’t mean it didn’t mean the world to me that they were willing to be there for me. My life has so much more value than I often can see. It takes seeing me through the eyes of others to really drive the idea to my door. The final scene in It’s Wonderful Life became mine.

Privately, I have heard from people who say thank you for my honesty, for putting into words how things feel. Because it gives them permission to acknowledge and take care of themselves when I own my humanity. And that kind of paying it forward is free and freeing.

May you are be well and feel calm in the winter days to come. I know you are there and I hope you know I am here for you too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Ignore Your Brain, Feel Your Feels

This week, I had a really bad spell of the feels. I finished up my creativity workshop and instead of feeling that amazing “I did it” feeling, I felt like an impostor. Who was I to think I had anything to say about creativity? And then, why did I put myself in this jeopardy? And PS, this is the same doubt spell I had at the end of my creativity/anxiety sermon I gave at my church.

So I rolled around for a day feeling really crappy. Letting all the silly mean stuff rip around in my head. Grieving the marvelous feelings I was supposed to feel in conjunction with doing activities that are directly related to my perceived purpose. My inner daughter was mad at me for not keeping her safe from all the judgment she was sure she had coming her way from me and everyone who witnessed my outright failure. And me infuriated by the fact that all the apparent work I have done on my esteem doesn’t add up to a hill of beans.Ignore Your brains, feel your

I went online to publicly claim my intentions to go see my doctor about anti-anxiety meds. And to hopefully claim my wobbliness in the hopes that someone else would find permission for themselves to do the same. I am glad I heard my heart tell me that I need something else other than I am doing to get me beyond. And I am keeping my brain in a time out for overacting in such a way.

But the most interesting postlude is the way my community came out to witness me. Many people truly wanted to provide the fix. Could it be lack of light or menopause? I had beautiful offers to talk and I informed everyone that have a therapy appointment coming soon. Because again the most traumatizing part of this whole thing is that I’ve done so very much work, why do I have to endure these episodes anymore?Ignore Your brains, feel your

In the end, I find out that there a lot of people who care about me and I do not take that lightly. It’s hard to be accountable to so many people so I am just going to be accountable to myself but I hope that, at some point, I can see what everyone sees in me. Because I think that would help tremendously in keeping this kind of thing from happening in the future. Or perhaps not but I like to think there’s a solution. Acceptance, compassion, and love from me to you to me again.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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