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You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge

You, Yes, you are in charge of your life. I am adamant about stating that your life is for you to plan. Even if you choose to do what others suggest you do, it’s always been your final choice to make. You are in charge of your own life plus the lives of your small ones. And for the most part, this in charge status also extends to your family’s way of living. You are probably steering your family boat as a Mama.

Without this understanding, other people think they’re in charge of you. The kid in the Target who is melting down and then the mother says they’ll leave without the toy but then she doesn’t leave after threatening to time and time again? He’s in charge and they are both scared and doomed. The woman who consents to live in a house with dangerous people around her children, she is making the choice to put them in harm’s way. Or to stay in an abusive marriage, she is punishing her own inner child by continuing to stay. I’ve been there. 

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge on Shalavee.comBut here’s the part that makes me want to scream when I remember it. No one has to repress you if you willingly judge, bash, and self-bully yourself daily for them. Your choice for empowerment is in your hands everyday. We have everything we physically need daily to change the course of our lives to safer and happier and better. And yet, our heads tell us lies we believe and we stay stuck and ashamed.

If the people in your life do not support you in your journey towards self-betterment, they need to step gently off your train. If you blame your parents for messing you up or your children for being a burden, look again. Your choice starts with perspective and an acknowledgement of your power to choose.

The most beautiful gift we give away for so much of our lives is our choices and our voices. It may feel like a weight to take them back but the opposite is true. Owning them will set you free.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Choice and My Recipe for Happiness

My Happiness is mine to choose. And as overwhelming as that seems in choosing what that looks like, I’d rather the chance to vote. So I’ve embarked to rewrite my life script and reprogram my thoughts about me and my life that apparently hadn’t been working for me for a long time. They didn’t have a plan for me. I had to make one up for myself.

It never occurred to me that I could choose happiness. I’d lived so long in misery by rules I assumed governed me, I saw no other choices. But there were so many choices I hadn’t allowed myself to make. Because I didn’t believe I had the worth and value to deserve happiness. If I were destined for that, I’d certainly have had a happy childhood. My fate was sealed in doom.My Choice and My Recipe for Happiness on Shalavee.com

Imagine my horror when I realized that I had a choice my whole life and I hadn’t let myself choose anything but misery. When I realized I had never committed any horrible crime worthy of serving this miserable life sentence I seemed to be serving. And when I saw that the unhappy low esteemed children we were made life assumptions that we continued to apply long past their expiration dates.

One by one I addressed the false truths I lived by and quelled my anxieties. I reached out from my isolation slowly and asked people I’d never met before to support me. And they did. I discovered that if I kept my eye on what I wanted, what made me happy, what I was thinking, I made better stronger clearer choices that aligned with my values and made me happy. And that my plan for me was like the recipe I’d always knew how to make but had never tried. This is me trying and sharing what I’m learning with you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

We Are Scared of Our Own Power to Choose

The most empowering and terrifying thought you can have is that it’s all up to you. You’re the master of your destiny, your own life chef, the navigator, the choice maker. And there’s just no other option. Sorry. Why are we so scared of our own power to choose?

I spoke with some people the other day about the shift in the value and the validity of religion in people’s lives. Many people are wandering away from what they were raised with but when they find a new place, they may not stay long because they do not find the element that tethers them. I think that we detested being told what to do and believe and yet it is ultimately what we are looking for in the absence of the permission to tell ourselves. Religion was a recipe and it’s hard to see ourselves as the re-creators of that.We Are Scared of Our Own Power to Choose on Shalavee.com

Choices, be they religious preference, family size, or the type of car we drive, are what we have the privilege of enjoying here in America. Yet I think that for as much as we would give our lives to have these choices, we are terrified to truly make them. The thought of varying our paths from those we are expected to follow. Or doing something that would cause us to be the center of uncomfortable attention in our community. These freak us out, make us panic, and cause us anxiety to consider.

We understand from a small age that to rock the conformity boat is to risk peril and being outcast. Better to conform. But in doing so, we can never trust ourselves again and are caught in a perpetual loop of anxiety and mistrust of ourselves and our world. The same world that we so revere our freedom in. Ironic.We Are Scared of Our Own Power to Choose on Shalavee.com

Each of us has the freedom to follow our own paths to what we consider freedom and happiness. So what holds us back? What do we choose automatically every day instead of making empowered changes? Being American says we can choose so why do we think that means to keep buying things? What does freedom mean to you? Now go grab a hunk of it. 

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It Was (Only) Emotional Abuse

I used to think that things weren’t as bad off in my first marriage as so many other scary marriages. I only suffered emotional abuse. Only. Until I realized that living with emotional abuse is not an Only.

Maybe it was my way of coping or staying there by dumbing it down and trivializing it. But living inside the ugly bubble of anger and despair, bullying and cruelty was the darkest place I’ve ever lived. And those bruises on my soul? They were black and self-induced. Because I chose it.

It was not Ok then and although I’m OK now, it’s still not OK. Does it have to be OK? I guess if I didn’t want to be embarrassed for being abused then I should keep it quiet. Because I did choose it after all. It was the bed I made to sleep in. Wait, when are the victims to blame? Never.

When we feel empowered to make a choice based on knowing our own worth then we are acting on our own behalf. I can tell you I still battle with self-worth and choice. But I’m doing so very much better. My life now is very very different from then. It is gentle and hopeful. It feels safe and sane.It Was (Only) Emotional Abuse on Shalavee.com

One last note, with the emotionally abused, there’s never a reprieve. Whereas in physically abusive situations, there’s often a honeymoon period when the abuser is remorseful and there’s a lull before it starts again, with emotional abuse, it’s 24/7 and 365 days a year. It can wear you down to a thin person on the inside.

By telling my story, I hope to convey that feeling bad about yourself and making bad choices doesn’t make you a lesser human being or any less worthy of compassion. Feeling bad about yourself just means that you need to figure out your own way to feeling better. Your potential and your value and your worthiness of happiness are equal to every other person’s on the planet.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Process and the Presence will Release You

There’s a lie we seem to like to tell ourselves, probably one that others sold us on once. That to be the best us, we need to have arrived somewhere. A set of circumstances needs to be in place, be that an amount of money or success or a certain weight. And we will be OK when this is set, and not until then. We’ve replaced process with destination.

I am reminded of my bedtime ritual as a kid. There were two alligators and a fox under my bed and only when I had on my clean underwear and then my PJs on was I safe from them. Except it was all a construct of my imagination. And when we’re all grown up, we are certain that those goals  are all adult and on the up and up. And so are the feelings of anxiety because we haven’t reached them. They are most certainly reliable indications that we need to work harder to achieve these things.The Process and the Presence will Release You on Shalavee.com

So like rats on a treadmill, we exhaust ourselves in the pursuit of enough. When there really is only one now that we can live while our fears play us for the fear junkies that we are.

We have forgotten the importance of process. That it is through finding out what we are and what we truly need to be complete (hint: not anything we can get at Wal-Mart) that we’ll find we are home with ourselves and no longer scrabbling for the unobtainable “enough”.The Process and the Presence will Release You on Shalavee.com

Allow for your process. In fact, thank the process when it messes your plans up. It’s trying to show you a better path. Ask yourself, what am I to learn from this detour and then learn it. As you collect your gleaned tidbits, your lessons, your insights, and your grief, you can be proud of you going forward. Because that messiness is exactly how you become a better you. The rinse and repeat of the daily anxiety dance will get you more of the same scared life. And the presence of mind to learn from yourself now will release you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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