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I’m a Nice Person Who Makes Mistakes

I said the wrong thing. I made the wrong choice. My fallible humanity spilled out onto someone and now I’m in the wrong. I messed up, I made a bad choice. And that makes me a nice person who makes mistakes. Nothing more.

I’m a kind person who chooses unwisely sometimes. Those bad decisions should not go down on my permanent record and reflect my character as a bad person from hereon out. It does not serve anyone for me to hold onto and berate myself for my unwisely chosen words.

If you choose to befriend, employ, or even marry the wrong person, there is no contract that says you now have to suffer with that person forever. You are not responsible for their feelings, you are only responsible for yours. “I am sorry you feel that way but I need to do this for me” is an irrefutable phrase.

I forgive myself for my fallibility, the bad choices that I have made and will make. Because without these bad choices, I will not be able to learn and to move onward. I can only know they are coming and apologize to myself or to when they happen. A toast to the messy grueling business of being human. It’s all this nice person can do.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Refuse to Feel Ashamed

It wouldn’t be shocking to say that shame is one of the most damaging emotions we can feel. Feeling badly about ourselves shuts us off from the world. We are isolated and silent and of no threat or use to our world. The moments that I remember shame the most are when someone has said something to me intending to cause me shame. Now when I think of them, I just feel mad and a little remorseful that I didn’t have a shame filter installed earlier.

As this pandemic has evolved through our year, I have become aware that there are many opinions on what choices we should and shouldn’t make when it comes to the public health and our private health. And these sticky areas are fraught with shame pot holes. People having guests over to their house when the government said it was verboten. Scolding words of shame were thrown about.

Now as things are lifting, we are still wearing our masks into the world, but our homes and choices on who will visit or have visit us is strictly our business. Provided we also give people disclaimers of our unmasked events. Perhaps it’s a little like telling your lover who you’ve had unprotected sex with. But unless we can test ourselves in front of one another, we have to be resigned to mistrusting each other. It’s nothing personal.I Refuse to Feel Ashamed on Shalavee.com

So be it ! But I can say this much, I will not be ashamed for allowing my daughter to have a play date. The little girl who was trapped at home without her friends was beginning to suffer from depression. I felt it would be cruel to keep her quarantined any more. That was my choice as her parent. The mother rule has always been to warn other mothers if your child has been sick. I will offer all mothers the information that we’ve had unmasked play dates and let them know I won’t be mad if they choose to say no.

But I will refuse to feel ashamed if my choice for my family doesn’t fit with your needs and choices for yours. And that goes for everything beyond this Covid-19 pandemic. Because as mothers and managers, we retain the right to make bad decisions as well as good ones. But they are our decisions to make.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Resistance/Horror vs. Acceptance/Change

This Corona Virus pandemic took we normal people for a ride we didn’t see coming.  Surely it was an inevitability to the scientists who understand these things, but to the rest of us, this felt like another broadcast of the War of the Worlds. And we met the onslaught of information and commands with resistance and horror. We all get that feeling that it won’t be us, we hate to not be in control, and we are such creatures of habit that the grief of this change was ridiculously hard on us. Not to mention, the source that was giving us information was untrustworthy. 

And now, almost three months later, as Summer is about to start here in the US and we’re already feeling in the swing of being off, there’s a switch inside me wanting to be flipped. I am tired of having to be purposeful, responsible, productive, and protective. Tired of misery and abstinence. Of being bad guy teacher, dietitian, and sterilization maid. I am ready to adopt a new normal at my house.Resistance/Horror vs. Acceptance/Change on Shalavee.com

As it seems obvious, we are still in need of being extra careful out in the world. The strongest caution is we don’t need to be spitting in eachother’s airspaces. But walking and talking 6 feet from one another is highly doable and pleasurable. Hugging with masks on and clean hands is probably a great thing. We need to adopt our own guidelines of acceptability and safety. And not judge others for theirs. I’m ready to make a to do list of all the fun and creative things I want to accomplish. I’m tired of being the old me. 

So as we move into acceptance that this will all be different and kinda sucky for a little while longer, why not try to actually head for the fun. Stop trying to continue to live the life you used to lead and start a new one. Make a to do list of creative and fun things to do. We are alive afterall. Let’s celebrate that. And let’s embrace our gift of life by enjoying it. Let’s be less what we used to be and more of what we want to be. 

Be the change since it would truly seem there are no better choices. What else can we lose?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge

You, Yes, you are in charge of your life. I am adamant about stating that your life is for you to plan. Even if you choose to do what others suggest you do, it’s always been your final choice to make. You are in charge of your own life plus the lives of your small ones. And for the most part, this in charge status also extends to your family’s way of living. You are probably steering your family boat as a Mama.

Without this understanding, other people think they’re in charge of you. The kid in the Target who is melting down and then the mother says they’ll leave without the toy but then she doesn’t leave after threatening to time and time again? He’s in charge and they are both scared and doomed. The woman who consents to live in a house with dangerous people around her children, she is making the choice to put them in harm’s way. Or to stay in an abusive marriage, she is punishing her own inner child by continuing to stay. I’ve been there. 

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge on Shalavee.comBut here’s the part that makes me want to scream when I remember it. No one has to repress you if you willingly judge, bash, and self-bully yourself daily for them. Your choice for empowerment is in your hands everyday. We have everything we physically need daily to change the course of our lives to safer and happier and better. And yet, our heads tell us lies we believe and we stay stuck and ashamed.

If the people in your life do not support you in your journey towards self-betterment, they need to step gently off your train. If you blame your parents for messing you up or your children for being a burden, look again. Your choice starts with perspective and an acknowledgement of your power to choose.

The most beautiful gift we give away for so much of our lives is our choices and our voices. It may feel like a weight to take them back but the opposite is true. Owning them will set you free.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Choice and My Recipe for Happiness

My Happiness is mine to choose. And as overwhelming as that seems in choosing what that looks like, I’d rather the chance to vote. So I’ve embarked to rewrite my life script and reprogram my thoughts about me and my life that apparently hadn’t been working for me for a long time. They didn’t have a plan for me. I had to make one up for myself.

It never occurred to me that I could choose happiness. I’d lived so long in misery by rules I assumed governed me, I saw no other choices. But there were so many choices I hadn’t allowed myself to make. Because I didn’t believe I had the worth and value to deserve happiness. If I were destined for that, I’d certainly have had a happy childhood. My fate was sealed in doom.My Choice and My Recipe for Happiness on Shalavee.com

Imagine my horror when I realized that I had a choice my whole life and I hadn’t let myself choose anything but misery. When I realized I had never committed any horrible crime worthy of serving this miserable life sentence I seemed to be serving. And when I saw that the unhappy low esteemed children we were made life assumptions that we continued to apply long past their expiration dates.

One by one I addressed the false truths I lived by and quelled my anxieties. I reached out from my isolation slowly and asked people I’d never met before to support me. And they did. I discovered that if I kept my eye on what I wanted, what made me happy, what I was thinking, I made better stronger clearer choices that aligned with my values and made me happy. And that my plan for me was like the recipe I’d always knew how to make but had never tried. This is me trying and sharing what I’m learning with you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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