search
top

They Do Not Have a Plan for You, You Do

There are several issues that I could holler from the rooftops about. The importance of these issues has become abundantly clear for me as I continue to write and speak about what I’m thinking and working on. One of these bones I’ll chew on til my dying day concerns the power we have but ignore to make out lives better.

I spent too many years giving my power away to anyone who wanted it. Nothing I lived seemed to be my choice. My bosses, my ex-boyfriends, and my ex-husband were all the masters of my destiny and my resulting misery. I was not. Until that moment when I realized that I had chosen them to be mean to myself. To treat me the way I felt about myself : badly. And after the grief of this realization subsided, I was truly free.They don't have ou do on Shalavee.coma plan, y

They” do not have a plan for you. You need to make a plan for you. Your plan can include whomever and whatever you’d like until you don’t like it anymore. But it will always be your plan, your choice. And the sooner you know that it’s all your journey to navigate, the sooner you get to choose the directions and the upgrades you want to make to your life’s vehicle for the journey. Your destination is always Now.

Everyone’s journey is completely different. It’s so unfair to compare them. And the work you do to mend yourself and reach your goals may not be linear. I have jumped around and studied and learned from anything and anyone that struck my fancy. I followed my intuition and my curiosity to heal my inner child. I spoke my most sincere fears to my therapist and she offered me what she had. I built and bridged gaps in my knowledge of myself until I began to know I had truly begun to rebuild my understanding of me and the life I wanted to be living instead.They don't have ou do on Shalavee.coma plan, you do on Shalavee.com

This is a puzzle that is so worth the effort. Just as your knowledge continues to grow and can never be taken from you, the work you invest in you is yours to benefit from as long as you live, and even longer if you’ve left your thoughts written down. Yes, there are some people who don’t want to be accountable for themselves but I think life is really boring without this work. I am thrilled to work on me and share and glean from other people in my community that spreads throughout the world.

The puzzle that is a happier life worth living is yours to put together. There is no right way. And you can’t find the instructions or the approval for it online. It is both freeing and terrifying to know this is now yours to conduct and compose. There are internal intangibles that you need to grab with faith from within. And then you just need to begin. I’ll be here if you need a cheerleader or a bit of inspiration.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Save

You Don’t Have What They Want, It’s Nothing Personal

Everything that happens to you isn’t personal. In fact most of it isn’t. Sometimes a person can’t give me what I want because they can’t see anything in me that they need either. The world and the people in it don’t consider you half as important as you consider yourself and that’s got to be OK. In accepting the non-personal nature of our days, we could spend less time worrying about our worth and more on coming up with better schemes to get our needs met.

We’re all operating with different motivations, different GASs. What I’ve got to offer you may have nothing to do with your GAS (give-a-shoot). I have to look at this one. While my GAS is to be published and the publisher’s GAS is to find something that fits their criteria, if I submit something that they don’t perceive as being a “good fit” for their publication’s needs, that’s not to be interpreted as my writing was bad. I ran into this wall too much the last time I went to submit my work but this next round, I’m hoping to find better magazines/publications that fit my genre. And then I need my submission numbers to beat the odds.You don't have what they want, it's nothing personal on Shalavee.com

Sometimes people are having a bad day and you aren’t what they need to make it better. I walked into a restaurant and the waitperson who met me at the door was curt. I wanted to be offended and focus on how customer service needed to include a smile and an AOk attitude. But I decided to let it go. Because it wasn’t about me. The following lunch was delightful because I lead with my positive attitude.

So often, we are all rushing about tripping over each others egos. Taking offense over things that aren’t about us and applying these offenses back to our worth. We have to be very very careful who we give power to in this world. I certainly don’t want to spend all my good energy today on the person who gave me bad service in a drive-through food line. Just because they are having a bad day doesn’t mean I should too.You don't have what they want, it's nothing personal on Shalavee.com

If you want to be successful at what you do, or even in what you are doing today, you need to figure out who the people are that want what you’ve got to give. Who does give-a-shoot about you and what you have to offer because you are giving to them in a way that makes them happy too. It’s complicated but it isn’t. Once you know everything isn’t about you, you can then focus on making a specific set of things about you and making other people’s lives better as well as your own. In the end, your happiness is what runs, or ruins, your world. Honor that by keeping it separate from the people you deal with daily and allow them to be free of your judgement as well.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Happier Now That I Like Myself Daily

Not too long ago, say right after Christmas, I woke up and I would dread getting dressed because the following would occur. I would be unhappy about how I looked in the mirror and how tightly my clothing was. My closet of clothing contained fewer options I felt I could fit into, liked myself in, or hid me from view correctly. The top shelf jeans were piled high. I dreaded being myself in my body every day. I longed to jut be happier with myself.

If you’ve never felt this way, that is amazing and I’m so glad because feeling bad about your body just sucks. And if you once felt this and are now in a better mental and physical place, high-five and I’d love to hear your story. And if you are there now, we need to talk. Ten pounds lighter and much happier on Shalavee.com

Let me say up front, if you are one of two ladies I know who are currently pregnant and feel large, I feel for you too and here’s the trick ; the weight doesn’t matter. You’ll get as large as you get, the weight isn’t any reflection of you but of your body’s amazing capacity to keep you species healthy and alive. The weight is its way of prepping for the snowstorm. Please do what I did and turn you back to the scale when they weigh you and let the nurse know you’d rather not know. You’ll get as big as you’ll get, and much like the dollars spent for your wedding, it’ll take what it takes to make it perfect. Your baby will be perfect and you’ll recover eventually, physically and emotionally.

For the rest of you who are disgusted with your bodies and feel like you are in a perpetual ring of sabotage and stuck with your eating and health, you are. You are stuck. And this will only change if you realize/admit you are stuck. Owning where you are is your ticket out of anywhere. It got me out of my first marriage and eventually, it took me to Weight Watchers where in a mere two months, I’ve managed to lose a pants size. All this time I could have done this but instead I was bemoaning the never-changing circumstances of my body. Sigh.Me losing weight on Shalavee.comsing weight

Change nothing and nothing changes” is one of those phrases that always comes up for me around my body. But for all the exercises I would do, I never was willing to actually track and calculate what I put in my face if it meant I couldn’t eat butter, oil, mayo, bread, or pasta when I wanted to.

Choices Vs. Fear

I finally realized that I was clinging to these carbs for fear. For fear that I may starve to death. For fear that when I got upset of nervous, I wouldn’t have something to make me feel better. When I want it, I want it. So I just had it all the time. And my fear never had to worry about stuff, even thought that’s fear’s specialty no matter what. But the body is a machine with a precise equation of calories that it runs on and then the excess gets stored. If you put too much in, it stores those calories. And if you give it less than is required, it takes it away from the fat cells. So I could choose to continue to live ignorantly of this exact point of loss or gain for me and find out by looking in the mirror. Or find the courage and the reason to choose to change my lifestyle up just enough to prove it was not an impossibility after all for me to lose weight. I chose the latter.

I was surprised after I joined Weight Watchers to know that all sorts of people I knew personally had successfully used it at some point in their lives. They would immediately and exuberantly say it worked and then they might wistfully admit they needed to return. We remember when we felt great about ourselves. And I haven’t been this skinny in nearly a decade.

I realize that we are often very attached to our excuses and our stories of failure. Like rosary beads of misery, we go over them and over them exclaiming and retelling our sorrowful excuses why we can’t. So I offer that you have to find a new story that’s so good and noble that you’ll want to see yourself succeed like any friend you’d support through this. My personal is that this year I’m turning 50 years old a tan and there’s no way in Heck that I want to do that feeling daily disdain for my body. My theory is that the only way to fight looking older is to grow your hair longer, whiten your teeth, get a tan, and lose weight. Plus dress nicer and wear make-up. me and Fiona on Shalavee.com

The number one “tool” for weight loss? Community. And that’s what you have with a program where other people show up and share the same worries and thoughts and set backs as you when you attend a group oriented program like weight watchers. You finding out that you are not the only one feeling these feelings of fear and frustration are exactly what others are feeling. And that somehow makes feeling those feelings a little better. And feeling better about yourself is the point here.

So what has your experience been with losing weight? Or what projects have you taken on where you realized you needed an accountabili-buddy to complete ?

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You Are Not What You Feel

Once upon a time, I feared and dreaded everything.  My school work, my work schedule, my living arrangements, my next meal, my lack of self love, my family, and my marriage. I just didn’t put a larger value on happiness then. It would have been nice just not to feel.

Every realm of my life was polluted with anxiety and anticipation. I never felt like I had a handle on anything. I was just subsisting, putting out fires, and living re-actively.Fiona and her princess shoes on Shalavee.com

With the discovery that I was in fact not made of what I felt, my journey to heal myself and find out who I am without all that mayhem has proven slow but positive. My days did not have to whirl off and away in a predictable storm of anxieties and fears. I was given permission to listen to and then refute the crazy shrieking voices known as Cognitive Distortions. I get to choose how I feel and thus how my day goes. And it’s been going pretty well and a lot better than even a year ago.

The process of being mindful of my emotions and wrong angled thoughts started by knowing that how I react to my thoughts is a choice. Sometimes thoughts want to dive and dodge off into directions that aren’t very nice. But when I read and understood that the bad feelings were being created by a short list of erroneous conclusions I was making about my life or what might happen, then I realized I could refute my conclusions. I could argue with the bad feelings and their validity.passed out in the car on Shalavee.com

I have the power and the possibility to redirect my thoughts and say that all of my days as a parent won’t be filled with a screaming misbehaving toddler, just some of them. Some of the others will find me enjoying her. Or I might think I’m never going to have enough money to feel secure and enjoy a lifestyle of comfort. And I may refute that with one day I will feel even better about my finances and I will continue to make plans towards that time and save for what I need.

The strongest most powerful tool we have is our power of suggestion. If I believe in something and it’s possibilities, I’ll be open for them to happen. And if I don’t, I won’t. I’m a really big fan of hope and happiness and want to hedge my bets at every curve. So here’s to turning the volume down on the voice of Disaster Sister in there and turning up the sound for the music and rhythm that is the dance of a happy life. I plan on stumbling but always keeping my eye on the choices and steps I’m choosing to take and how to feel about them.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Kill Free Will : What Catholics and the Military Know

Miss Sherrie, the woman who leads the Weight Watchers group, said she’d given up sugar for Lent. She’s a Lent observing Christian apparently and giving something up for a month is what she does the month before Easter. And I thought about how this woman who also has given up daily food enjoyment of all other sorts to lose a lot of weight, would give up her only other vice. And it got me to thinking about self-discipline and achievement.

The Restriction (and devotion) of choices and activities to learn and enjoy other things in life is practiced by many religions. It is also one concept that makes the military successful in making soldiers. If you take away free will in certain activities, it frees your mind up to consider and make choices on other matters. If I don’t have to spend time thinking about breakfast, choosing what to wear, or if I know I’m definitely going to the gym today, I can focus on the next task and perhaps enjoy some creativity today. My brain is not bogged down by all the choices.Free Will on Shalavee.com

Choice is great until making all those choices becomes a burden. What if removing these choices freed you up again? I see this practice of self-restraint as having multiple layers of benefits. First, that you will get on to the projects and tasks that you want to get to because you’ve allowed the freedom to not be bogged down with the mundane. If you always have oatmeal for breakfast, you could make a huge batch and then save time for the next couple days to do something else instead of cooking for those 20 minutes.

And if you concede and follow your own authority at creating non-negotiable tasks, then you could insert a number of tasks there that would benefit you in the upcoming future. If taking an online typing course had been a non-negotiable item for me, I’d already know how. You say it, it’s a done deal. That’s some fabulous power of choice to use for the benefit of your life and humanity in general.

And lastly, this same concept is already one that is practiced when disciplining children. Children feel safer when they know you are making the decisions and not them. When they truly understand that they have no choice as to whether they need to go to bed, they can spend that precious brain power creating. Yes, they question authority because that’s their job but our job is to let them know they are safe in a bubble where their choices are limited and then they can feel free. Too many choices are just plain overwhelming for anyone.Free Will on Shalavee.com

If putting some restraints on yourself can free you up in other ways infinitesimally, why wouldn’t you?  If I plan my meals, then I don’t have to think about it anymore. If I schedule out writing and crafting in my calendar, I am much more likely to go and do those things. The day they aren’t scheduled, I end up balancing the checkbook! Yes it needs to be done but I’m such a good “do bee” I’d always throw my creativity under the bus unless it’s scheduled and thus “official”.

We Americans love our many choices but I think we’ve forgotten to value them. If we could tone down our gluttony, perhaps chose to only eat vegetables and fruit that are in season locally, we’d save us some ozone by not wasting all the gas to truck the produce up from South America. Choices aren’t always a good thing. Especially if we squander them.

Lessons come in fits and spurts. This one was brought to you by my attendance to Weight Watchers and Creativity Bootcamp. You and your time and creativity and health are important. So think about how you can help yourself to reign in your wasted time and bring on some excitement and hope into your life with daily devotional activities. Because restrictions can be oddly freeing.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries

top