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March of the Musts

From a very small age, we get the notion that things need to be done a certain way, or else. We make up our own logic and rules about the way we need to do our lives with this impending threat looming that if we don’t do it that way, there’ll be consequences. I had some ritual at age 5 where I had to pull up my underwear and jump from the chair to the bed or I wouldn’t be safe from the creatures under my bed. And I am watching me daughter do the same sort of “must be dones” too.

I think we forget the original reason why we got to doing stuff a certain way and it’s just become a march of the musts as we live on autopilot never asking ourselves why we do it this way. It’s just always been that way. Either our real or our internalized parents told us to do it that way and we’re good girls and boys and no longer question why.March of the Musts on Shalavee.com

I felt grumbly and slightly resentful yesterday as I spent a chunk of my Saturday afternoon cleaning the bathrooms I’d been putting off cleaning. But there was just this absolute in my head that it had to happen now. Either the bathrooms got cleaned or I…. am a bad mother? Or I … will be a procrastinator. Or I … won’ t be able to earn my playtime? I didn’t wanna but I had to.

Would I have felt better if I’d given myself until the next day to clean the bathrooms. Maybe, maybe not. Do children need choices? Absolutely but the right ones. Do we make stuff up in our heads about foul consequences for our wrong choices. Of course. But I am certain that we are much harder on ourselves about anything than others would be.March of the Musts on Shalavee.com

Tell your inner parent to lighten up and consider the options more and see if the universe really will fall apart if you don’t do it right now in that way. You may be surprised to hear your wisdom is kinder and more attuned to you than you think.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Summer 2018 Continues

Summer 2018 is rolling out in a leisurely fashion. It started out at a run when we went straight to the beach the weekend after school let out. But that ended up being a great thing for all of us to be put into the official Summer mode.

I’ve allowed myself to sleep or lay in bed in the mornings knowing there was no rush to do anything. I have kept up with dual art challenges which forces me to take a break and be creative. I had a great time just being outside in the beautiful weather we’ve had recently. And generally, it feels much more vacationy even as we are all still home.

 

Plans to wander are on the schedule. A few beach days and camps and playdates and I just hope it all doesn’t go by too quickly. Come Fall, we’ll have an Eighth grader and a Kindergartner in the house!

Hope you are enjoying your Holidays too!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

They Do As They See

We all mean well as parents. Well most of us. We mess up trying to overcompensate for the advantages we didn’t have as children. We spoil them and we coddle them when all they really need is our undivided attention and our faith in them. But the one thing many of us seem to overlook is that how we treat ourselves shows them how to treat themselves. And that is only a good story if we are good to ourselves.

There is a woman at the exercise gym I belong to who teaches several fitness classes. And her hyper self-loathing comes out when she talks about her body. And we all disagree with her but she judges herself so harshly. And she has a daughter and two sons.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

I have busted myself for self-bullying within the past year so I am very empathetic to this pattern of behavior. Both societal messages of women’s worth and our inherited ancestral low self-esteem have conspired against us to create these running dialogues. Damaging enough until we consider that, unchecked, we will pass these hateful messages on to our daughters. Because they do what they see, not what we tell them to do. They respond to the mirrors we have of ourselves as much if not more than the mirrors of love and worth we think we’re doing so well to reflect to them.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

The opposite of hate is love. The opposite of judgment is compassion. If we can even be aware of what we are doing to ourselves and talk with our daughters about their amazing value as thinkers and kind and creative souls then we could change the tide of self-bullying. To show our children, boys and girls, what it means to be human and compassionate and honest is truly the kind of parenting we want to be doing instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Few Thoughts On Mother’s Day

All-consuming, persistent, relentless, and unforgiving. Motherhood is 365 days per year of these and many more words, flattering and not. One day to recognize all of this feels cheesy. But then Christmas feels all too short to celebrate our oneness with Gratitude and salvation.

We’ll be celebrating more Mother’s day next weekend as my husband had to work this weekend. And honestly, the kids are cute and smart but they’ll only take as much initiative as they’re told to when it comes to Mother recognition. So my thought is, we as mothers and women who devote themselves to people and causes, we need to stop and make sure we thank ourselves too.My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Stop and check in and make sure that everything you give is also coming back to yourself. Do you appreciate you and your efforts? Are you proud of yourself and go willingly on to your next task? Because if you feel resentful, there’s some chats you may need to have with you and maybe a talking doctor about those feelings.

 

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas

 

My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Children don’t have to always be grateful. They did not ask to be born and will eventually own the ability to appreciate us. In the meantime, we hold them with grace and understanding and we model and encourage their gratitude with the faith that one day, they will be brimming with it. And we treat ourselves with the kindnesses and grace of life that our beautiful birth mothers gave us. And that our own inner mothers continue to gift us.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Why Make the Effort?

When you don’t feel you are worth it, like the effort to go to the doctor or make those changes to your diet or get more education for a better paying job, why and who you are making the effort for may be your key to motivation.

You don’t value yourself enough for the effort?

So be it.Why Make the Effort? on Shalavee.com

But if you have children, their needs for your best You always trump everything.

Your why is always your key to getting your life done. And if you have kids, they are a bigger why than we even realize. They are witnessing everything that we do and say. They are watching, learning, and emulating the way we treat ourselves. And if they see us disregarding our bodies, allowing our boundaries to be bulldozed, and generally treating ourselves as if we are not worth it… they will do the same to themselves.

It’s a fact Jack.

“Do as I say not as I do” are the old rotted roots plunged into and holding onto these behaviors.Why Make the Effort? on Shalavee.com

But how can you tell your children they are the best thing since sliced bread and then discredit the source of this compliment by allowing yourself to be treated as less.

The number one reason to value yourself is the shadow you cast. You are not as invisible as you think. When they try to bully me, I stand up for myself to my children for this reason alone. Because I want them to remember that I valued myself and my time enough to say not now. And I always keep my word to them and myself that my word is always true and valuable. I trust that I am strong for all of us until they are too.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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