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Labor of Mom Love

My sister asked if I had any plans for the day. I said nah, I’m not doing anything. Just my regular stuff, no big deal. And she says, I would say you do a lot of stuff and a big deal. And I realize that I just belittled myself and all the hard work I put into my house that I do make it look clean and easy.

I am at the store with my son and he asks if this half a cart full of groceries is a regular size shop. I ask if he knows how many meals a week I am responsible for. 21 meals and that includes any that I have to pay for at his school via the computer. Multiply that by four people. But I just expect I must do this because that’s what I do.

I don’t think there’s any occupation that takes itself more for granted than motherhood. Mother’s Day Needs to be a week in which everyone else takes over the Mom’s job so they actually experience the ridiculousness of it.labor of Mom Love on Shalavee.com

But in the same breath, it is also up to us to wean and train our families to rely on us less. To show them the necessity of chores and hygiene to maintain self-respect. To encourage them to claim confidence in this adulting thing.

Labors of Love are always a given with me. But I also have scolded my children for taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. I model self-respect so that they may do the same to their children later.

So this is my Ode to Motherhood, the Labor of Love that we are guilty of taking for granted. May you enjoy lots of it in your life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak

I believe very strongly in the power of words. To ignite, to soothe, to pinpoint, or to release. From a young age, I began to write so that I could hear what I was thinking and to work out where I was. I found the therapeutic value in hearing myself think and felt my value there.

As children, there’s an implied “Shush” everywhere we go. We are too loud, we don’t know what we’re talking about, we’re inappropriate, or we just need to be seen and not heard. Adults are intolerant of children yet the smalls ones are much wiser in many ways than us. They laugh when things are funny. They still feel exuberant and free from self-editing when they speak their minds.

When we grow up, we understand the importance of not rocking the boat. Of keeping a low profile. Of being normal. But sadly, we also censor the most passionate honest parts of ourselves. Further, when we no longer speak with our inner voices, we are no longer listening to ourselves. We are no longer ourselves. We’re Stepford versions of us. Good dutiful Do-bees. The anti-us.

You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak on Shalavee.com

There is definitely a difference between speaking up and making a difference and knowing your words are futile. Why bother. But I think we forget that there is magic in hearing yourself think and speak regardless of how it is received. We have a right to speak our minds in America and we owe ourselves the effort to acknowledge our own feelings.

For me, there is power in the process of writing what I think and handing it out to the world. There is magic in transferring what I feel and gifting it to someone else to perhaps spark a feeling in them too. We build on each others thoughts as a world community. The sparks and the gifts of our communications swirl and rise our collective consciousness. In this way, we not only owe ourselves the gift of speaking our thoughts, we owe the world too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Searching For Self Boundaries

As Little People, we have a lot of work to do sorting out where we start and others end, how capable we are, and how important and loved we are. These tasks are our primary objectives second only to playing. And if these tasks are incomplete, we’ll live a lifetime of trying to complete them. We will do this perpetually until we decide what we’re worth.

My daughter pokes at me with her misbehavior to find out all of these things. Is she important enough to care about to put boundaries on? Discipline actually means love. Just yesterday we pulled back out the chore chart because she is begging to e reeled in.

Searching for self boundaries on Shalavee.com

Kids whose parents just aren’t or can’t be there for them may look further for boundaries to be set for them by teachers or school authorities or law enforcement as they fear their unimportance. We all just want to be seen and to know we’re important. We forget or never learn that we become the parent to ourselves as we grow. We fear our own abandonment and we quell our fears of unimportance with eating, drinking, drugging, or sex.

I am committed to being as present and as mean a parent as I possibly can because I know the pain of feeling unimportant. And I want my daughter to not have to work so hard to know she exists and matters to the world. And because I want my children to be as addiction free as they can be. I wish for the unhappy cycle to end in this generation.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

March of the Musts

From a very small age, we get the notion that things need to be done a certain way, or else. We make up our own logic and rules about the way we need to do our lives with this impending threat looming that if we don’t do it that way, there’ll be consequences. I had some ritual at age 5 where I had to pull up my underwear and jump from the chair to the bed or I wouldn’t be safe from the creatures under my bed. And I am watching me daughter do the same sort of “must be dones” too.

I think we forget the original reason why we got to doing stuff a certain way and it’s just become a march of the musts as we live on autopilot never asking ourselves why we do it this way. It’s just always been that way. Either our real or our internalized parents told us to do it that way and we’re good girls and boys and no longer question why.March of the Musts on Shalavee.com

I felt grumbly and slightly resentful yesterday as I spent a chunk of my Saturday afternoon cleaning the bathrooms I’d been putting off cleaning. But there was just this absolute in my head that it had to happen now. Either the bathrooms got cleaned or I…. am a bad mother? Or I … will be a procrastinator. Or I … won’ t be able to earn my playtime? I didn’t wanna but I had to.

Would I have felt better if I’d given myself until the next day to clean the bathrooms. Maybe, maybe not. Do children need choices? Absolutely but the right ones. Do we make stuff up in our heads about foul consequences for our wrong choices. Of course. But I am certain that we are much harder on ourselves about anything than others would be.March of the Musts on Shalavee.com

Tell your inner parent to lighten up and consider the options more and see if the universe really will fall apart if you don’t do it right now in that way. You may be surprised to hear your wisdom is kinder and more attuned to you than you think.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Summer 2018 Continues

Summer 2018 is rolling out in a leisurely fashion. It started out at a run when we went straight to the beach the weekend after school let out. But that ended up being a great thing for all of us to be put into the official Summer mode.

I’ve allowed myself to sleep or lay in bed in the mornings knowing there was no rush to do anything. I have kept up with dual art challenges which forces me to take a break and be creative. I had a great time just being outside in the beautiful weather we’ve had recently. And generally, it feels much more vacationy even as we are all still home.

 

Plans to wander are on the schedule. A few beach days and camps and playdates and I just hope it all doesn’t go by too quickly. Come Fall, we’ll have an Eighth grader and a Kindergartner in the house!

Hope you are enjoying your Holidays too!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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