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The Number One Fear You’re Basing Your Choices On

There’s an epidemic that’s got the world paralyzed. You can’t see it on the surface. People go about their business seemingly happy. They dress for success and practice self-care like they mean it. But underneath many many people are suffering from an affliction of their souls which they hide rather well. They live for the acceptance of others.

 

We’re so afraid of what others might think that we no longer know we are. It just is part of our logical daily equation. We must have this or that because that’s what we do. Drive cars, wear clothing, and join sporting activities others would approve of because that’s what we do. We fear others’ disapproval. Our fear makes us jump through our daily hoops. And that’s the norm.

 

We are sure we know what others are thinking!  Our choices are based on what we think others will and do think of us. The truth is that we will never really know what others are thinking. Our families maybe sometimes. But the general public? We can not assume to know what they think. Because ironically, they may be too worried what we are thinking about them to care to think about us. We all believe ourselves to be mind-readers. As if that’s normal.

The Number One Fear You're Basing Your Choices On on Shalavee.com

What if we made decisions instead on what we liked and what we wanted? What if we assumed we were well-liked, or perhaps didn’t care what people thought, and went from there. If we decorated our houses, our bodies, and thoughts with the stuff we really like ourselves. How inspiring we would be to all the other people in the world if we showed them what individuality means.

 

The only way to know what I think of you is to ask me. And even then I may not want you to dislike me so I may lie.

As I always say, let them think what they want, I just never need to know.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Living in Paradox

It occurred to me recently that life necessitates living in a paradox more than we seem to be comfortable with. Our need to categorize and be perfectly right has us believing there’s a right way or there’s the highway. But I’ve bumped into several situations that would seem we need to lighten up and accept we can live on both sides.

 

I read somewhere, “You’re allowed to be Ok where you are and want something different too” and I froze. What? How is that possible? My disgust with my body would necessitate changing it, right? But now I am being given permission to be Ok with my body and also create an intention to tune it up simultaneously? Whereas before I didn’t believe I was really going to meet my goal, thus that disgust, if I then give myself permission to be OK with where I am now, then I feel more confident that I’ll be there for myself in guiding the progress towards where I want. Self-trust then allows for me to occupy this seeming paradox. Aha!

Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

I truly do believe that to move on from anywhere, you need to accept that you are there where you are then. So it would stand to reason that in any circumstances, you can accept /acknowledge/understand being there (not always be angry or disapproving) and this will give you the power and space to make a shift from there onward. So for me, that would sound like, “My body is OK the way it is. I am no less beautiful for the couple extra pounds I adopted at Christmas. I am not broken so I don’t have to fix it, I just want to tune/tone it up when that opportunity becomes available.”

Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

 

Life is absolutely made of way more paradoxes than we care to acknowledge. Is it a paradox to like your body well enough the way it is and want to change it? Is it a paradox to love your husband and have crush on Brad Pitt? If what we have is good enough for now, then we can look to other possibilities without recrimination or guilt, that feeling of being at a deficit or deficient isn’t helping anyway. I can acknowledge that eventually I’d like a new couch and for now, this one is good enough. And that opening up for possibilities allows for more being OK with my now. We all need to find a way to be OK with our nows.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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The Value of Doing and Seeing Things Differently

There’s a woman I’m social media friends with who has chosen to engage in a year-long project she has named her Year of Doing Things Differently. When I asked her about this concept, she said she’d seen it in a book at the library. I like this concept a lot.

I always say, “If you change nothing, nothing changes”. The phrase “doing things differently” is just another way of saying change but it sounds better somehow, more enticing. The problem is that our habits are so ingrained, they’re familiar and comfortable and we may honestly think there are no other options or ways to go about it. The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

The familiar feeling of being frustrated when I don’t achieve a certain outcome is a sure sign my expected results are at odds with my efforts. I may need to consider more options and bulldoze some of my excuses to make a change. Losing weight falls under this category.

But I’ve also discovered that our thoughts about our lives and capabilities and motivations can fall into a numbing and underwhelming pit for which I can not find an escape. In not seeing my value as an artist or citizen, I see limited or no possibilities for offering my talents to the world. Only in seeing the value of myself, do I find places where I can create and give out my gifts. I am building new value glasses right now.The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

I am shifting my understanding of who I am, where I stop, what I know, what I believe, and what I’m capable of. That is me changing my thoughts about how I fit into the world and the power I have. Doing things differently will naturally be followed by feeling differently and thinking differently. Because I’m long overdue for some new views of me and my world that I can proudly hand back to my children and my readers.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Nothing Changes New Year’s Day, or Does It

I believe that everything can change on New Year’s Day and yet, I also believe it doesn’t. I believe if you change nothing, nothing changes. I also believe that if you have a change of heart, everything changes, and that can happen every single day of the year. Nothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.comNothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.com

Faith and Hope are boundless and can change everything and this change can happen any day of the year regardless if it’s a Tuesday or the moon is Full. We are such immense and amazing products of what we believe and are infinitely more powerful than we recognize and believe. Nothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.com

So here’s to upping the ante on what you believe your life and potential is worth in this coming year. And to gathering your support closer to hold you accountable to the wonderful outcome that this could bring. I am wishing this for you and for me, that you are what keeps me aligned and courageous and hopeful for what I can and will bring this coming year.

Happy New Year!!!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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We Have to Redecorate Eventually

I stormed into owning my house with aspirations of decorating greatness. Although I did eventually touch every wall and every inch of woodwork with paint in my 2000 square foot house (minus the basement and attic), now some of my renovations are in need re-renovating. As in I’m so over whatever crazy decorating thing I did 15 years ago and I need to change it again.

The front hall has been a thorn in my side for a while. Check out this post from last year’s October month-long post-athon. The dining room , my bedroom, the bathroom all have that lackluster feeling of out of date-ness. And I realize that our lives and our houses aren’t too different in this way. We have plenty of thoughts and assumptions that need renovating too. Ways of living and seeing that no longer fit or serve us. Thoughts we think that substantiate actions we hate.we have to redecorate eventually on shalavee.com

Our first job is to say, “Gee, I don’t feel good when I’m here, in this room, this thought, this mode.” This is a mindfulness mode. It’s just stating what we feel about something we are living in. And the next time and the next time we state this idea, we’ll be headed toward the concept that perhaps we need a little renovation. Now I know we get stuck with the “But I need the reno to be perfect and what will other people think?” But they don’t have to live in it/with it, you do. You live in your house. You live in your life and you abide by your life’s guidelines.

People will think you look a lot happier since you renovated that room. That you are no longer shy to have them over and show off your new room. The same for your new thought process. Because if you renovated your thoughts to be more true to you, to honor those things you believe in and love to be, it will show. Being around you will be like standing in a newly renovated entrance hall.we have to redecorate eventually on shalavee.com

So to that note, I am making plans to renovate my front hall. Again, see this post. It represents me, the first sight of who I think I am and want you to see. It is also bumming me out in its current state. And I’m hoping that the renovation bug will catch on and maybe a few other rooms will catch it.

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear what you, yes you, are thinking needs changing. A thought process that no longer serves you like guilt or shame? A room that makes you feel bad when you enter it and why? Let me know and we can all feel inspired by you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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