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Living With the Constant Assumption That I’m Doing it Wrong

Living with the constant assumption that I am doing it wrong is exhausting. Such an unsettling daily diet of mixed thoughts. After a daily uncertainty of what it was I liked and who I was mingled with the importance of others’ opinions of me and what it takes to be “cool”, my brain would overload and short-circuit. Sometimes before noon.

So with nothing else to lose, I slowly started to renovate my mind.

I tossed out caring about the approval of others and replaced it with “does it make me happy”? This was a cold turkey people pleasing cessation but it worked.Living With the Constant Assumption That I'm Doing it Wrong on Shalavee.com

I chose to truly listen to what others said were my good qualities and began to build knowledge of who I was whom I liked. And I now pay attention to the things that I am passionate about which then show me what purpose I may have, what people I need in my life, and what direction is most likely to make me happy.

I am still shy of thinking I am cool. I would like to adopt my cocky teenage self back into my life. She was at least good at playing the bad-ass. She may have faked it pretty good but sometimes that’s the best next step until the real thing hits us.

You have no assets, talents, abundance, or inherent worth unless you think you do. People can continue to insist you have these things but until you believe you have them, you don’t. Self-worth equates to what you value in you and then you get to have fun sharing these goodies and mingling them with others’ worth and talents, not vice versa.Living With the Constant Assumption That I'm Doing it Wrong on Shalavee.com

Cleaning up your nonsensical outdated modes of thought takes time and effort, Yes. But the value that this effort brings to your life is rather almost immeasurable. I am more solid, less twitchy. I don’t feel compelled to honor others’ opinions over my own, just be open to them.

So far, I’d say my renovation is going pretty well. And all it cost me was being open to replace the stuff that was broken anyway. It’s not “easy” but there’s nothing worth committing to more than yourself (your lousy for others without a solid you) however long it takes to shift to seeing yourself as the person you are and are meant to be. You just need to allow for the possibility of change.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Our Ability to Change is Not about Willpower

If it were a matter of willpower, we’d all be willing ourselves into success and abundance and skinniness. Yes your ability to change starts with your intent and your why but after that there’s a trick to do what you want. Your belief in your worthiness and your self-trust are what’s standing between you and what you want. And your fear is what’s in charge until they are.

I detest the formulas out there to my success which depend on me “just doing it”. I see and read so much about your ability to change your life and your plethora of choices and I want to scream, “Your missing the part where I believe I can and I’m worth it”. My low self-esteem might have been called out but it is by no means been completely reversed.

Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

If I don’t trust myself as reliable, honorable, and capable of following these steps to success and achievement, I am not starting. I already know I’ll fail myself. Why would I want to put myself through that over and over. It’s easier to assume I can’t than to bear the pain of starting and then discovering (surprise!) that I can’t follow through.

At the beginning, we are either worth the effort or we’re not. We claim we know that of course we are worth it but many people feel unworthy of so much secretly. The world has shown them they aren’t worthy. Their parents just weren’t there or asked them to be someone other than who they knew they were. The opportunities they saw other people getting were not offered to them. And layer upon layer upon layer of unworthiness build up. Until giving up is way less painful than trying.

Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

I have held a campaign for self-trust for myself for some time. As in over five years consciously. It is a steep hill to climb and yet, I am finally at the point where I am feeling the scales tipping. Witness my feeling of I can vs I can’t in this recent piece.

Life is a “Do It Yourself Project” of the largest degree. And every facet of your life and perception is malleable, changeable. Every thought we have is subject to our own scrutiny of validity. And in this introspective process, a noble self-respecting way of thinking arises. And through that, the understanding that our relationship with ourselves, our self-care, and our honor are all of our own doing.

Somehow, we need to grab ahold of the concept that we are all undeniably worth our own mercy and we then begin again. The nobility of beginning again is fathomless. And the wonder of our own faulted humanity is held by everyone, especially the person who’s holding your hand when you decide you are worth the effort.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Number One Fear You’re Basing Your Choices On

There’s an epidemic that’s got the world paralyzed. You can’t see it on the surface. People go about their business seemingly happy. They dress for success and practice self-care like they mean it. But underneath many many people are suffering from an affliction of their souls which they hide rather well. They live for the acceptance of others.

 

We’re so afraid of what others might think that we no longer know we are. It just is part of our logical daily equation. We must have this or that because that’s what we do. Drive cars, wear clothing, and join sporting activities others would approve of because that’s what we do. We fear others’ disapproval. Our fear makes us jump through our daily hoops. And that’s the norm.

 

We are sure we know what others are thinking!  Our choices are based on what we think others will and do think of us. The truth is that we will never really know what others are thinking. Our families maybe sometimes. But the general public? We can not assume to know what they think. Because ironically, they may be too worried what we are thinking about them to care to think about us. We all believe ourselves to be mind-readers. As if that’s normal.

The Number One Fear You're Basing Your Choices On on Shalavee.com

What if we made decisions instead on what we liked and what we wanted? What if we assumed we were well-liked, or perhaps didn’t care what people thought, and went from there. If we decorated our houses, our bodies, and thoughts with the stuff we really like ourselves. How inspiring we would be to all the other people in the world if we showed them what individuality means.

 

The only way to know what I think of you is to ask me. And even then I may not want you to dislike me so I may lie.

As I always say, let them think what they want, I just never need to know.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Living in Paradox

It occurred to me recently that life necessitates living in a paradox more than we seem to be comfortable with. Our need to categorize and be perfectly right has us believing there’s a right way or there’s the highway. But I’ve bumped into several situations that would seem we need to lighten up and accept we can live on both sides.

 

I read somewhere, “You’re allowed to be Ok where you are and want something different too” and I froze. What? How is that possible? My disgust with my body would necessitate changing it, right? But now I am being given permission to be Ok with my body and also create an intention to tune it up simultaneously? Whereas before I didn’t believe I was really going to meet my goal, thus that disgust, if I then give myself permission to be OK with where I am now, then I feel more confident that I’ll be there for myself in guiding the progress towards where I want. Self-trust then allows for me to occupy this seeming paradox. Aha!

Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

I truly do believe that to move on from anywhere, you need to accept that you are there where you are then. So it would stand to reason that in any circumstances, you can accept /acknowledge/understand being there (not always be angry or disapproving) and this will give you the power and space to make a shift from there onward. So for me, that would sound like, “My body is OK the way it is. I am no less beautiful for the couple extra pounds I adopted at Christmas. I am not broken so I don’t have to fix it, I just want to tune/tone it up when that opportunity becomes available.”

Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

 

Life is absolutely made of way more paradoxes than we care to acknowledge. Is it a paradox to like your body well enough the way it is and want to change it? Is it a paradox to love your husband and have crush on Brad Pitt? If what we have is good enough for now, then we can look to other possibilities without recrimination or guilt, that feeling of being at a deficit or deficient isn’t helping anyway. I can acknowledge that eventually I’d like a new couch and for now, this one is good enough. And that opening up for possibilities allows for more being OK with my now. We all need to find a way to be OK with our nows.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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The Value of Doing and Seeing Things Differently

There’s a woman I’m social media friends with who has chosen to engage in a year-long project she has named her Year of Doing Things Differently. When I asked her about this concept, she said she’d seen it in a book at the library. I like this concept a lot.

I always say, “If you change nothing, nothing changes”. The phrase “doing things differently” is just another way of saying change but it sounds better somehow, more enticing. The problem is that our habits are so ingrained, they’re familiar and comfortable and we may honestly think there are no other options or ways to go about it. The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

The familiar feeling of being frustrated when I don’t achieve a certain outcome is a sure sign my expected results are at odds with my efforts. I may need to consider more options and bulldoze some of my excuses to make a change. Losing weight falls under this category.

But I’ve also discovered that our thoughts about our lives and capabilities and motivations can fall into a numbing and underwhelming pit for which I can not find an escape. In not seeing my value as an artist or citizen, I see limited or no possibilities for offering my talents to the world. Only in seeing the value of myself, do I find places where I can create and give out my gifts. I am building new value glasses right now.The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

I am shifting my understanding of who I am, where I stop, what I know, what I believe, and what I’m capable of. That is me changing my thoughts about how I fit into the world and the power I have. Doing things differently will naturally be followed by feeling differently and thinking differently. Because I’m long overdue for some new views of me and my world that I can proudly hand back to my children and my readers.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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