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Blogging For Self-Esteem

My husband has an event lighting company and we were at a wedding vendor ‘meet and greet’ recently. He introduced me to a professional woman who spoke about her event venue very seriously and pragmatically. And as the subject turned to social media, maybe I mentioned my blog, I spoke of how I’d entered into the social media world having no idea what it was about, mostly dreading it. And that I was surprised to find my self-esteem had bloomed through its use. And her stoic face spread in a smile and she said, “Good for you.” It was an unexpected response and that’s why I valued it. Because she knew the value of adding to one’s self-esteem. And I liked her.

See there’s a lot of us “older generation” who’ve resisted this social media “trend”. We’ve needed to be beaten over the head to consider our use of  social media. It was “new fangled” and we never even had a problem with rotary dial phones. But some of us had to concede to its use as necessary. I had a blog that needed promoting. Some others have books or personal causes that need exposure and support by sharing. But those are truly small whys compared to the bigger benefit. When you are on social media, community is almost inevitable.

===Fear Fears Community”===

— Jon Acuff —

We are community oriented beings. We get a sense of worth and gratitude and grounding when we are in a community. All of my life, I had never truly felt a part of one or maybe I didn’t believe I was deserving of one. And I totally did not expect to find mine online ! Yet it turns out there are so many like-minded people all over the world and if you speak honestly and from your soul-truth, you’ll bump right into them.

I’m loud and talkative when you meet me but I wasn’t like that online at first. So when I got a little less shy and began to ask questions and comment and speak up, I became a student of socialization. I saw that most people were nice to you and would respond. I saw that if you were truly kind to people they appreciated it. And I saw that the only way to have a friend was to be one.

cobalt door in Annapolis for Blogging for self-esteem post on Shalavee.com

And the gift I received in return was the knowledge that I have value and am worthy just because I’m here. Because I’m nice and have valuable points and views to add to the world. The people who aren’t invested in me, who aren’t my blood or need something from me, but have willingly given me validation, support, and kudos? They have been the blessing to my self-esteem and pulled me up off the ground. Them and a good therapist have taken me from a 4 to a 7 on the self-rating scale of self-esteem.

I’m at a place now where I’m ready to step out a bit more. I’d like to continue to inspire and spread kindness and support. If there’s a cause I should know and lend my support to, let me know. If there’s a question I can answer, ask. If there’s a community I can create or a service I can provide, I’d love to hear about it. I am stacking my aspirations up and next year promises to be an even better one. Thank you for reading dear people.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Perhaps It’s Permission Not Purpose You Seek

For my first couple of years as a blogger, I was barraged with information about what the career online people, including bloggers, were doing. They had goals and purpose. They had widgets and conferences. They had tribes and elevator speeches. And I said “Me Too”. Being a “make it my way” kinda gal didn’t make that feel any easier either.

I was wowed when there were e-courses and email subscriptions I could pay for to beef me and my online stuff up. Build platforms to shout out my purposeful branded stand. So I could be in the ocean and swim with the big fish.

I did enroll in a few courses and enjoyed a few educational tools. But I was still overwhelmed and continually unfulfilled. And as I looked at another e-course last year around the Holidays knowing we didn’t have the money, I said “Stop” ! There’s something up here.Drawing with Daddy on Shalavee.com

What was I really looking for ?” I asked myself. Because while I said I wanted to “find myself” , I suspected what I really wanted was someone to tell me what I was good at and to spell my life out for me. Tell me what to do. And that probably isn’t going to happen ever from anyone online or off. It’s not up to “them” to find your purpose out for you and then dissuade you from taking their course. You need to dig deep and decide what you truly need to discover. If you discover that what they’re offering is the exact final piece to your puzzle, well then have at it. My gut told me that wasn’t happening with this course or any other then or ever.butter buliding with Eamon on Shalavee.com

Seems my life has been more about proving what I’m not than finding out what I am. So much energy spent reacting to others and seeking approval from others that I never truly knew myself. And I further suspect that, until I have permission to do so, I’m not allowed to find a purpose. And I suspect that this may be a problem many other women experience.

If we are raised by a society that asks us to be caretakers then we may completely dismiss our own desires as unpurposeful. Figuring out who we want to be may be the first thing we blow off in figuring out our life goals. This sounds selfish, superfluous, and silly because we don’t have permission to consider this. If we’re “good girls”, we do as we’re told and care-take the people with more reasonable purposes and dreams (our husbands). Or we care-take our helpless loved ones (our babies and our elders). Not that those aren’t noble purposes, they just might not have been chosen by us intentionally. 

So then considering ones life’s purpose and goals is like jumping the shark.  It makes no sense within the context of what we and our clans may expect of us. And if we do choose to head there and away from these expectations, we may need a lot of support and positive mirroring and permission to even consider this a possibility.Architecture with butter on SHalavee.com

I can tell you that I’ve felt rather like a blind bird flailing about in a dark cage. As if I’m searching for the opening by using the Force. My intuition and what others have to say are often my guides to changing some of my first beliefs about myself from “Not enough” and “Can’t” to Talented Girl with Purposeful Possibilities ahead. And that this process of establishing purpose and identity takes as long as it takes. One step at a time.

If you missed it, I sussed out my Why in this recent post. And I think your Why is interchangeable with your Purpose. So what’s yours? And is the method by which you’re achieving it satisfactory or frustrating? And is that because you are asking the wrong job to fulfill that purpose? And what if I had the power to tell you you could do what you really wanted to, what would you say/feel then?

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Liebster Blog Award

When I started blogging, I really had no concept of what a blog was. I just started and kept going, watching and learning as I went. Somewhere after the first year, I noted bloggers often give other bloggers love in the form of award nominations. I’d seen the badges on their side bars and thought how wonderful to be nominated and celebrated and acknowledged like this. And secretly, I guess I thought it would never happen to me.

The trick to having friends is to be one. The key to being a part of a community is to join them and value whatever comes your way while showing up and being a friend. I have committed to those practices as much as I have to writing a blog. That these were and still are necessary to my soul development is undeniable. And behold, last week Claire HM, poet and blogger of the Claireylove blog, nominated me for a Liebster blog award. She’s very talented, sweet, and wise. Soul sisters from different mothers.liebster award on Shalavee.com

The mechanics of this passing of the Liebster Award torch are as follows. Claire has asked me ten questions which I answer and then I return the karmic blog love and nominate 10 more bloggers for the award asking them ten questions of my own.

Or simply, here are The Liebster rules:

  • Link back and recognize the blogger who nominated me
  • Answer 10 questions asked by the person who nominated me.
  • Nominate 10 inspirational bloggers for the award.
  • Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
  • Notify your nominees

Claire’s Questions For Me

  1. What is your first memory of writing?I think my first true writing memory was the pen pal letters to my friend Nalisa who had moved away to Tennessee after fourth grade. I so looked forward to receiving her letters and to decorating the envelopes with rainbows colored with markers and sending them off. My journal writing started later at 12 and I became an avid journaller for the rest of my life. My natural voice evolves into my writing style just like that in the letters speaking about what I’m thinking and what excites me. The intimate space between friends.
  2. What is the one book you wish you’d written?I was immediately frozen by this question. My husband answered for me with, “The Color Purple” by Alice Walker, as I have made reference to one particular scene several times. And I thought that was as good an answer as I could ever come up with. The themes of humanity, cruelty, and the endurance of the human spirit tied in with some of the richest characters ever. Genius.
  1. Is there a line of poetry that blows you away every time you read it? I am regularly impressed by many things in life that I read but honestly, I haven’t any time to read much but blog posts, some social media and group posts. Having my blog and a two year-old restrains my time terribly. I imagine my elder years will be spent catching up on all the soul expanding poetry I’ve missed all my life.
  2. Do you pray?Not in the traditional sense. I like to take time to consider and write about what I think about life and self betterment, humanity, hope and my faith in the future. My feeling is that however and whatever you pour your thoughts into is praying so my consideration of the well-being of my life and my children’s lives is a type of prayer.Fiona in the playhouse on Shalavee.com
  3. Tell me about five scents that are heavenly. – Coffee brewing in the morning means hope and renewal– An apple pie baking in the oven is always my birthday wish

    – Bread baking, even just a stroll down the bread aisle at the store, is like a forbidden high

    – Fresh pine boughs when the Christmas seasonal magic has finally settled into my heart

    – Coconut suntan oil reminds me of my teen years “laying out” and obsessing over boys

  4. What’s the strangest thing that’s ever happened to you – in a library ? I discovered I was a writer. I walked in looking for a way to connect with myself, with the world, intimidated by all those voices of published people around me. And I told myself to keep going. I was on a mission. Within the stack of books I checked out that day, I found a particular book that gave me permission to write what I had to say in my voice. And that was the moment I was empowered enough to be a writer, something I had been dying to be inside for many years.
  5. What do you think is most surprising about your reading habits? That I no longer read. Where I once always had a book going, I can no longer find the time or permission to pick one up and become enthralled. Baby’s bring very stringent routines and that mindset is hard to break. One day I keep saying.
  6. Winter boots or summer sandals? Discuss. Being so pale and needing a pedicure to enjoy my feet is a drawback to naked toes and legs. That plus shaving. But I never wear pantyhose because I’d rather the breeze on me than my legs to feel suffocated. Conversely, tights and cute boots hide all the flaws of humanity and age and can make even an old lady look kinda cute and youthful. Can’t decide.
  7. How are you planning to spend your winter evenings? Probably no differently than we do now. Making food and eating at the table with the family. Then watching movies or reading books to my two-year old. Grabbing a few minutes to write or enjoy a few tv or blog reading moments for myself ALONE before I pass out and do it all over again.
  1. Which song best reflects how the year is turning out for you so far?

    The Beatles’ Getting Better

    I used to be cruel to my woman I beat her
    And kept her apart from the things that she loved
    Man, I was mean but I’m changing my scene
    And I’m doing the best that I can”

 

Fiona's painted butterfly face on Shalavee.comAnd here’s my questions for my nominees:

 

1.) Did you have that point at almost a year into blogging when you thought of giving up but then chose to keep blogging? If yes, why did you continue?

 

2.) How many posts do you like to have written and scheduled ahead of time? Or do you?

 

3.) When do you do your best writing?

 

4.) Are you really irked when you are told you have a typo published in your piece? Do you tell other people when you see one in their posts?

 

5.) Is there a book that you’ve read twice ?

 

6.) What habit would you like to give up that impedes your creativity?

 

7.) How has the blogging/online community given you?

 

8.) Do you have a muse or a furry friend that is a part of your writing routine?

 

9.) What’s your favorite social media platform and why?

 

10.) What would you tell your younger self?

Fiona reading books on Shalavee.com

And without much more adieu, here are my nominees for the Liebster Blog Award.

  • Jennifer Mullin of The Fiery Redhead blog –  Living in New York, Veggie, cat lover, Food, Wine, Photography, Joy

 

  • Tori Mears of the Toris Tales blog – A regular gal writing extraordinary things from her heart and building a community called the Kindred Soul Village.

 

  • Sam Wheatley of the Wheatley Writer blog – Mama, writer, and a life coach in training, she’s all about Empowerment. And self-love.

 

 

  • Kathy Bosin from her A Chesapeake Journal blog. Living on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland in a community on the water and photographing and writing her life. My first blogger bestie.

 

 

  • Bethany Brooke from Bethanibrooke.com – Mama, souls speaker,writer,  family and Kindred Soul Village community maker.

 

  • Heather Serody from her Big Girl Life Blog . Mama, yoga lover, healthy living, writer, Philosopher, and soul sister. Florida.

 

  • Sabrina Wolf from her Wolves in London blog . Mama, photographer, sewer, knitter, and landscape and plants enthusiast. London.

 

 

I owe a lot to these women on this list. The’ve shown up for me and recognized me and generally are all really devoted amazing ladies. So visit them and tell them I sent you. Congratulations to all for the wonderful jobs that you all do.

Wanna see the whole month of posts? Start here.Yesterday’s post, go here.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Follow if You Care

I’ve hung out online for enough time now to see there are certain givens. If you are here, you just may be selling something or at least looking to gain something. “Followers” or “friends”, numbers of people who will prove that you are somebody. Somebody worthy of listening to. Somebody worthy of paying or compensation for doing something in return.

But what if you aren’t here to make a buck but to make a difference or to make a connection to the greater world and truths around us. Or what if, like me, you just wanted to show up for yourself and see what happened. You’ll bump up against people and maybe you’ll converse with them. Based on that, you may even like a few people. Next thing you know they’ll keep coming back to like you and talk to you. And you for them. And what you may discover is that you have a lot more to say of interest than you initially would have thought. And a lot of people out in the world who share your views.On the swing at the playground on Shalavee.com

These lovely people may live in other countries. They may worship different gods and choose to be vegetarians. But they’re kindred souls all the same. You may not even know what they look like, but you know their hearts. And if you’ve been honest, they’ll know yours.

I began my online journey to just continue to practice my writing. And what I found was that I had an inexhaustible amount of words to say about many varied subjects. I found I could take a photograph to go with my words. And I found out that there were in fact people listening and paying attention to what I had to say and show. I found my voice and myself in this process. I found people who I liked and who liked me. I found a tribe. And these are all things I would not have found had I not taken the chance to start something called blogging four years ago.Fiona and Baby Doggy on the swing on Shalavee.com

As I gain momentum and self-esteem, I am beginning to see how I may fit in, what I can offer the larger world, and that my knowledge and unique perspective is as valuable as anyone’s. I still don’t want to sell myself out but I do know that if I come up with something worth publishing, I will ask to cover my costs. If I put my Etsy shop online once and for all, I will trust that people know what they want and will allow them to buy stuff. But meanwhile, I will continue to engage with the world, create what’s in my heart, and create goals that feel right for me even if they’re not what everyone else might be doing. Because I’m the lone wolf who must find my way in my time. And that’s just going to have to be good enough. Follow if you care. Speak if you dare.

Wanna see the whole month of posts? Start here. Yesterday’s post go here.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Teach What You Know?

After reading a rather inspirational blog post last night and again this morning, I see the third dimension. The missing piece that I can identify but not quite name. I’ve acknowledged before that my mirror is broken. And today I know I’m still looking at the back of it. Would that I knew what I knew, I would willingly teach it to other people.

The post author Jeff Goins said , ”Teach What You Know”. Because :

  • If we all taught what we knew, we would waste a lot less time trying to impress other people, pretending to be smarter than we really are.
  • If we all taught what we knew and didn’t hoard our knowledge, we would all be smarter.
  • If we all taught what we knew, those around us would value what we offer more.

Sigh. I am often tied in knots with so many thoughts overloading my brain, I hardly know what to do first or how or where. Would that seem more preferable than claiming my talents ? The invisible powers I have that people would seem to value but I don’t ?

golden fading Summer on Shalavee.com

Jeff started his post by saying, “There are so many people out there these days who want to sell you something they have no right trying to sell. And ironically, it seems that the most qualified experts are often the quietest voices. So how do we fix this?”

Shazam. So many people selling things that I find it obnoxious. I don’t want to sell you anything. I want to engage you in thought and process.And eventually, if you really like what I’m teaching and I put it in a book form and you want to but it, then I’ve earned it fairly.

So you tell me, what do you think my “Gifts of Knowledge” are?

What could I teach you?

I’m willing and almost ready to do another video house tour. What video would you want to see otherwise?

I’m going to conduct this survey internally and externally and see what results I get. And then I’m going to work hard to share with you what seems of most value. chessie in the tuille on Shalavee.com

Because you can’t be stingy with you. Share yourself and your kindness and your wisdom with people even if you think they might not appreciate it. You’ll appreciate giving yourself permission to just be you.

Wanna see the whole month of posts? Start here. Yesterday’s post, go here.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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