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Impatience Makes You Feel You’ve Already Failed

Have you ever you read something and thought immediately you needed that to be true for you too? Sooner than Later. My journey through blogging and self-discovery has set me face to face with so many options and ideas on how to be and do. And it would seem that I often did myself an injustice with my impatience. I wanted desperately to change where I was on my journey timeline. I wanted to be successful and self-actualized already! But because I couldn’t, I felt perpetually bad instead.

Personally, and professionally, I had set my expectations and goals so high, I had to rise to them to be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance… or else I was a failure. Right Now.

There’s no room for humanity in there. There’s no room for growth, no acknowledgement of what I’d already accomplished, and nowhere to stand that’s not inside my skin that felt bad on me.

My impatience was a clue that I already thought I was a failure. The trick is, to move on, you actually have to be OK with where you are now. And then you have to trust yourself that you either posses or will find all the pieces to make that puzzle work. The true trick is in trusting yourself. Impatience Makes You Feel You've Already Failed on Shalavee.com

I came up with an acronym today for TRUST. Take Root Under (the) Self Tree.

We need to feel secure in our ability to shelter ourselves from the life storms. We have to feel grounded in our own vast amounts of knowledge and experience. We can not move on, trust others, or find our own work brilliant, if we don’t have a relationship with ourselves that isn’t hostile and anxiety filled. All that comes of that is more self-bullying and anxiety.

I discovered that being mean to myself and comparing myself and my blog to others and their bodies or bodies of work didn’t help motivate me in the least. So I have my grounding rock in my pocket, I’m sitting down each day to devote myself to my craft and my self-discovery. And my hope is that this work will pay off eventually. So for now, I’m going to trust the process and be OK with right where I am now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Let Me Tell You Where I am Now

Let me tell you where I am now.

I’m sitting in my craft room. My laptop is in front of me and I’m perusing my journal trying to grab on to something of interest to write about. I’m good with the writing as long as I’m interested in the subject.

In an hour, Fiona will descend the yellow school bus stairs for only the second time. Her Pre-K year has begun. Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what Pre-K means to me

I was a new blogger when I got pregnant with her. So the blog and my writing talents have been worked on and developed parallel with her growing up. Like the blog is her sister. Except, were you to ask me if the she or the blog comes first, it would probably always be her. The trick was to not use raising her as an excuse to not continue my writing the blog if just to keep up the practice.

Let me tell you what that means

Now in the light of having time rolling out in front of me to get down to some deeper and more intensive writing. I’m freaking out. In a good way and a bad way.

Of course, I’m ecstatic because having time to myself is the one thing I crave beyond really good food and entertainment. I’m giddy and gearing up to find out what I really do think about hope and healing and good change in my soul. Conversely, I’m terrified that I’ll squander this time I’m being gifted by laying down and letting my fear keep me from showing up. Paralysis in the face of progress and vulnerability has been an MO before.Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what I’m doing differently

I got a book out of the library that had been recommended to me titled Deep Work by Cal Newport. The idea is that the world is on this awful slide to promote the shallow. This means that people who do deeper more thoughtful work are going to be needed more than ever as people’s brains start to shortcut and short-circuit for lack of proper usage. I am betting that I have some pretty cool stuff inside me that I need time and flow to find out. And all the methods and techniques I gleaned from this book will be put into use to guarantee that I hedge my bets on success. You kinda need a game plan to keep yourself engaged. Our brains are feeble as well as untapped.

Let me tell you, I’m scared

When we attempt to be our truest selves, there may be shrieking harpie voices that tell us we’ll die if we continue. That’s just the primitive part of our brain kicking in to keep ourselves safe from tigers and social ridicule. In that moment when we accept or don’t accept the emotions as fact, we could get to move on and gain confidence in the fact that we were vulnerable and did it anyway. That’s the story I want to be telling.

My daughter faced her first day at Pre-K. That’s some pretty scary stuff. Each of us and the fears that we face are specific to where we are. First day of Middle school, high school, college, and getting married all include scary unknown factors that seem insurmountable to us at that point in our lives. But it’s all relative. We just need to acknowledge our inner compass and keep moving.

Hope this give you perspective. On me or you, doesn’t matter. We all need a little perspective every once in a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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It’s My Blog and I’ll Write What I Want To

Like so many, I question my own motivations on why and what I’m doing. Is it for me or my friends or my family or my readers that I chose the subjects I write about. I do have moments of self-doubt where I wobble with thoughts of will this be interesting to others or is it just for me?It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Either you’re doing your living (and your writing) for yourself or you’re trying to people-please. You certainly can entertain others while you are being true to yourself but not the other way around. You can not solely try to make others like you and have that be a fulfilling life.

Often what I write about is a true reflection of exactly where I am in my life. The subjects I muse are real and current. I am as real as you get and I not only like it that way, I’m going to have a hard time giving that up. So for now, I won’t. It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

I will always produce my thoughts and reflections on my life in the most honest fashion I can. I will also be adding more quality to my offerings with newsletters and incentives to share this wealth with friends. In my knowing that this has value to me and some, I think those who need the ahas and support here will find their way here.

There are some shifts coming as I am allowed more alone time to think deeper thoughts, I expect to be able to offer more value to my reader yes, but first to myself and my confidence. The goal of self-confidence is on my top five list. And you get a front row seat to the live action. Well almost.It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Sign up for the email or newsletters, tell me how you found me and what you are working on in the comments or on any social media you find me on.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Sixth Year Blogaversary

Well, this blogaversary snuck up on me. Kind of like old age and thinning hair, suddenly you may not be rocking them but you own them, like it or not. I have had a blog, been blogging, been a blogger for six years this August. Not as long as some and not as successful as other blogs younger than me. That’s just how it is in the blogosphere, you can see who you’re comparing yourself to and then you have to tell yourself another story.

I can say that at this blog has grown me in ways that I didn’t expect in the least. I became a better writer for the continued regular practice. I became a social media user. Say what? I gained confidence in skills I previously did not have nor ever intended to use. I became a better bigger badder me. And that is always an endeavor worth taking on, even if I didn’t know that’s where I was headed to begin with. It’s been an adventure, a Toad’s wild ride. Read my peppier 5th blogaversary post here (and there are connections to the other anniversary posts there too).

My self-esteem, while having been raised quite extraordinarily by all of the aforementioned benefits of blogging, is still teetering on the questions of value and purpose. It’s fear and humanity all stuck in my throat like a hairball. And I’m hacking up a lung behind the scenes trying to clear this block from my psyche so I can continue to blog with a new and better and bigger purpose.My Six Year Blogaversary on Shalavee.com

Because as much as this has served me well to be a better writer and reach out and find pockets of community and esteem, I believe the next way it will serve me will need more focus and more effort and more transparency. And way more work. I will have to take a stand for me and for people like me who need a hand helping themselves out of similar holes. I will have to believe I matter. And that kind of heroism doesn’t come easy.

So thanks to each and every loving one of you for your continued support of my writing and bumbling blogging efforts. I am forever in your debt. You are my crew, my community, and my heart.

Love,

Shalagh

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Successful Avoidance of Success

I am fast approaching a milestone here on ye’ olde blog. One thousand posts. Yet I have also kept my foot firmly planted against the door keeping the crack from opening anymore. I have controlled and avoided my success so perfectly that I’m feeling the yawning pains of stagnation here.

How do you avoid success you ask?

  • Well you never self-promote. You work just as hard but never ask people for anything. Not their eyes to read or their support. You keep everything on the down low QT.
  • You don’t go outside of your bubble and send your work or thoughts to other people.
  • You avoid growth and creating anything that could cause more work for yourself soon.

Successful avoidance of success is based solely on the concept that if I did become more successful than that would mean that I may have to pay a high price in effort. I know that presently I can get everything I need done, I can write, and keep up the care of my children. If I started creating more work for myself, then I would be creating my demands when I already feel I have too much.Successful Avoidance of Success on Shalavee.com

Of course, success is probably like having your first baby. You think it’ll be tough and it is but you love it. And everything you need just magically appears when you need it.  I know all about stalling the children thing and how it is what it is until it isn’t anymore and you won’t die. Well so far it hasn’t killed me.

And lastly, I think I don’t have a good healthy relationship with the word success. I think of it as something you strive for that you ignore other people to get. You work too hard and your children suffer and it’s all about yourself and the needs you have to be acknowledged all the time. I think it’s about greed and money made and attention seeking. About status and ego needs being met. And I’ve convinced myself that I don’t need any of that thank you.

Yet there’s a tiny part of me that says that success isn’t the reward. That there are all sorts of perks and ahas that pave the way and that by the time you get there, you have figured all this out. But you must be in process to discover these eurekas. So, I just want to have some fun and see what happens.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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