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This Week in My Head: On Fighting the Fear and the Pain

A brain spill is a great place to start. And to keep a real face here, this is what I wrote to myself this past week. I have gone through some physical and mental pain and fear which, after sitting with it, has kicked my butt into gear a little.

Fighting to stop the pains in my body, physical and mental. Pain causes fear. Fear causes anxiety. This is my living through the lesson about how “pain means something” and the resolution to rid myself of it takes work. Am I worth fighting for? Because the answer to this question will decide the next step.

Planning is still up to me. I’ve made the next round of physical doctor’s appointments and now I wait for them.

This Week in My Head: On Fighting the Fear and the Pain on Shalavee.com

 

Struggling with finding my footing here in this very place. Wishing to bloom into this amazing space I’ve created (space and time to work distraction free with cool air this summer, story to come). A place where I vanquished my demons enough to write and write and write until I found, and continue to find, my voice. Where I make friends, and create support networks online and in person. Where I’ve systematically rid myself of the excuses that were in my way. And now it’s a struggle to stand in this space and see if for what it is.

And now I am again standing dumbfounded and fear-riddled staring at the next step.

I know it’s time for a call, a scream for me and my worth. 

To count all the blessings.

A Vision board.

To come back around to hope again. 

That I need to do for myself exactly the things that I would suggest others do is true.

I’m smack in that cycle that Sass describes in her Self-Doubt Loop. I’m at the end of the part where I bemoan my inaction and start to gather my hope and speed back up. Maybe its perfect timing. 

 

This Week in My Head: On Fighting the Fear and the Pain on Shalavee.com

Sass suggests finding a totem to remind me of that feeling/place I am working toward. And to consider my life’s work as a devotion. To commit to it as a given. And in return the devotion of my time and effort will give back to me with opportunities and miracles. Read her recent post here and feel free to wander in her happy space for more insight.

Time for me to no longer stay lost but to be found.

Yes I am sometimes Battling Against the Becoming. But that is a part of the cycle. Is this a cycle you go through too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Question Your Own Authority

I think I was washing a window last week when I suddenly had a thought. Why was it that I had all these absolutes and edicts about the way things should be. Every task needs to be a certain way or else… And I realized, I need to question my own authority more often.

 

The absolutes and the edicts have been created by your survival brain. There are certain things I need to be certain to do or else… people won’t like me. If I don’t achieve this fantasy best, I won’t get my tasks done fast enough and I’ll miss something. Or I won’t find my life’s purpose soon enough. They’re laws I’ve made up about living successfully and I’m not even aware of them. Until I suddenly feel my anxiety rising.

Question Your Own Authority on Shalavee.com

Because absolutes and edicts only tend to make me more nervous and doubtful achieving that specific ideal outcome. Every carefully considered action has an “Or Else” clause threatening to ruin my life more than it always seems to be anyway. And I suddenly realized that is such crap. Why am I allowing that mindset to run my daily happiness? Since when do all the little things govern the bigger picture? Sometimes Good Enough is Good Enough.

Sometimes Good Enough is Good Enough

Question Your Own Authority on Shalavee.com

Growing up, I was such a punk. I constantly questioned authority just like I was supposed to. So why would it be any different to question these scripts in my head that no longer serve me?  

 

So the next time I have a “should attack” followed by that slight angsty feeling, I’m gonna stop dead and find out what the source of it is. I’m gonna question my authority and see if the smoke and mirrors disappear. Because how I feel my life is going is how my life is going.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Addiction Pimps Out Your Anxieties to Feed its Need

Fear, anxiety, and addiction work together in a hooker and pimp relationship. In order to quell the fear of death or abandonment, an addiction was created to cope. Not the truth necessarily but our primitive brains think it is. The addiction is then an alleviation of the fear of something that isn’t true. Often the substance or act releases the calming hormones in our brains that we are also addicted to releasing. So addiction relies on anxiety to amp up the fear trigger and give it a reason to feed. Fear’s lie is that if you don’t quell it, you’ll die. A shortcut and circle has been made. Anxiety equals feed or die and repeat.

Fear’s lie is that if you don’t quell it, you’ll die.

Breaking the cycle however, may actually be the only way to in fact survive. Quelling the anxiety medicinally with an anti-depressant helps immensely to clear the brain from rapid fire lies but the battle to retrain these repetitive malicious thoughts is the true war winner. Augusten Burroughs, in his book Dry, referred to the addiction as a sort of hungry beast that will always seek to quell itself and recreate reasons to be in peril. Always. Until the fears that cause it stop. The image he created struck me as the addiction is a dark beast with a controlling mind of its own. It makes nice normal people do crazy things because they are convinced they will die otherwise. Refuting the lies is the only hope. And that is where I discovered the beauty of Cognitive Therapy. Conscious and mindfulness used to their greatest potential. Addiction on Shalavee.com

Practice Cognitive Therapy on yourself. Refute one lie, one cognitive distortion, at a time. Be wise.

Will you always be a loser?

Will you never get what you need?

Does everyone you meet think you are a bad person?

Look hard at those thoughts. It’s possible that occasionally any of those thoughts may be true but they’re not always true. Tell yourself the truth that you find. Believe that feelings are not always facts. What do we achieve by swamping ourselves with tsunamis of self-hate and judgement? When the truth may be a trickling brook that you may be able to easily step over and continue your life journey. Why is cruelty and condemnation our first thought, our default? The quickest route to wrapping up our worth on earth and delivering ourselves to the garbage heap every day by noon.

What do we achieve by swamping ourselves

with tsunamis of self-hate and judgement?

Fear, anxiety, and the addictions they create keep you from living, from hoping, and from moving. You are standing on the shoulder of the road of life while people are passing you who owned their choices and chose life over death or misery. You wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone so why are we living this fear loop for years? Because we don’t recognize our choice to choose hope. Addiction on Shalavee.com

Your life is what you choose to do with it. And know that when you choose misery and hopelessness, that is still a choice. When I realized that’s what I’d been choosing for myself, that I’d served a life’s sentence and incarcerated myself for having a soul unworthy of love, I grieved. Hard. And then I went about figuring out the choices I could make that would be the opposite. Like happiness and adventure and family. And tons of Hope. I gave myself permission to hope. And I’m still high on it. I believe in it with so much of my heart that I hope it spills out onto other people. And that is one of the few best reasons why I write and try to do any and all of what I do. For you to find one small spark of hope that can light the flame under the worthy fire of your hopeful future.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Feelings Are Not Facts

If I’m feeling good about life, life is good. Probably.

If I’m feeling scared and anxious about life, it must be bad. Not necessarily.

I don’t like the way this feels so I need to get out of here. Always if you are in real danger.

Although they should be heeded in making decisions, feelings are subjective and not definitive. And when driven by fear, feelings are the number one “fact” we often use to offer proof to ourselves that we fear is true. But feelings are not facts.Feelings are Not Facs on Shalavee.comt

We all have moments of fear ranging from fearful to frightened to terrified with a full on anxiety attack. Our thought comes first and then we begin to consider its validity but most likely not after we’ve had an auto feeling in response. We’re wired for flight or flight remember. Our mistake can be in thinking that because we have the fearful thought and response first, that is proof enough that we shouldn’t do whatever. Or that we’re not worthy or ready. But the feeling isn’t fact. And the only way to truly think ourselves through these moments is consciousness, awareness, and mindfulness. Only we can sort through our thoughts to the truth.

As children, we aren’t taught mindfulness or the power to give and control the energy and validity of our thoughts. We are not given the power to logically refute our monkey minds when they say,”It’ll always be this horrible way” by then saying, “It may sometimes be like this but most likely it will not Always be this way”. Instead, we re taught to blame someone else. He did it to me. I am always getting the short stick. It will always be that way. And armed with our negative mindset, we will make sure this always happens. Power of suggestion is powerful indeed.Feelings are Not Facs on Shalavee.comt

Anxiety is the number one mental illness in human beings. And I venture to say it’s pretty common in other animals as well. But it never did anyone a lick of good. Created as an auto-response to keep us alive, it is now mostly being wrongly used to ruin our lives.  I have found that when I begin to spin in my head thinking about how I’ll always this or forever that, I need to stop myself and address it and refer back to my skill set to get myself out. And foremost, I must recognize that the strong feelings that might go with these thoughts are just a natural product of my fear but do not substantiate and confirm the feelings I may be having. They’re just a nice try by my monkey mind to create a little havoc and fun.

ps. See my post on Cognitive Distortions to truly understand how much we mess with ourselves on believing untruths. And read the other piece I wrote on this same subject here.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Knowing What You Don’t Want is as Good as Knowing What You Do

I often say that knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want. I got a job at a television station once and immediately knew that despite my degree, I didn’t want a career in television. It is invaluable to know yourself and what your happiness is composed of. But sometimes I still screw it up.

Last week, for the umpteenth time, I wrote out my bigger writing and blogging career goals, readying myself to take the actions I still always feel I can not get ahead of, and suddenly, I felt smothered. All these must do’s and have to be’s were exhausting me. I’ve intentionally been taking my cues on choosing by what makes me happy. And suddenly all I felt was overwhelmed and incapable of living up to my intentions. Like I was trying hard to be someone else. I did not want to feel like this.

And so I put everything down and stopped thinking about what my future self needed to do. As I am committed to my writing, I always keep up with my blog posting but I realized … it’s Summertime. There’s even less time to do anything during the Summer with children out of school. And here I was trying to stack more on my head.Fiona at the grocery store on Shalavee.com

I wanted that “kick back and relax” feeling that I had in the beginning of Summer. Because in less than a month, it’s back to school. No more leisurely mornings and afternoons or visits to the beach. It is a mindset to enjoy the slower pace and I had completely forgotten that was where I needed to be.

So here’s to dropping obligations like hot potatoes for the month of August. Here’s to doing what I want when I want to. And allowing for the feeling of nervousness to pass after the third day of doing nothing “productive” because I’m so used to ambitious thoughts that I don’t know how to exist without their whip.

We all have things that we do that we may not be aware we’re doing to keep up or keep ahead. Just being mindful and staying grounded can be the exact thing that you need you to do to see these and be in control of them and not them of you. Fear is usually the wall to wall carpet in these rooms. And I’m being very mindful to watch where I step.

And just as I’m preparing to publish this, I read this post called The Struggle IS Real : The Ten Tell-Tale Signs of Burnout . Fabulous read by a favorite sage Miss Sas Petherick . An absolutely spot on tell it like it like it is to be burned out and what you need to do immediately. Which was pretty much what I did. We are all so hard on ourselves. But candles burned at both ends burn out.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit. If you Sign up for my newsletter in the sign up box over there to the right, you’ll receive a first look-see at my Creative Mothers’ Manifesto! Heartfelt impassioned words on the need for expressing creativity for your soul and being a better mother for it.

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