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Feelings Are Not Facts

If I’m feeling good about life, life is good. Probably.

If I’m feeling scared and anxious about life, it must be bad. Not necessarily.

I don’t like the way this feels so I need to get out of here. Always if you are in real danger.

Although they should be heeded in making decisions, feelings are subjective and not definitive. And when driven by fear, feelings are the number one “fact” we often use to offer proof to ourselves that we fear is true. But feelings are not facts.Feelings are Not Facs on Shalavee.comt

We all have moments of fear ranging from fearful to frightened to terrified with a full on anxiety attack. Our thought comes first and then we begin to consider its validity but most likely not after we’ve had an auto feeling in response. We’re wired for flight or flight remember. Our mistake can be in thinking that because we have the fearful thought and response first, that is proof enough that we shouldn’t do whatever. Or that we’re not worthy or ready. But the feeling isn’t fact. And the only way to truly think ourselves through these moments is consciousness, awareness, and mindfulness. Only we can sort through our thoughts to the truth.

As children, we aren’t taught mindfulness or the power to give and control the energy and validity of our thoughts. We are not given the power to logically refute our monkey minds when they say,”It’ll always be this horrible way” by then saying, “It may sometimes be like this but most likely it will not Always be this way”. Instead, we re taught to blame someone else. He did it to me. I am always getting the short stick. It will always be that way. And armed with our negative mindset, we will make sure this always happens. Power of suggestion is powerful indeed.Feelings are Not Facs on Shalavee.comt

Anxiety is the number one mental illness in human beings. And I venture to say it’s pretty common in other animals as well. But it never did anyone a lick of good. Created as an auto-response to keep us alive, it is now mostly being wrongly used to ruin our lives.  I have found that when I begin to spin in my head thinking about how I’ll always this or forever that, I need to stop myself and address it and refer back to my skill set to get myself out. And foremost, I must recognize that the strong feelings that might go with these thoughts are just a natural product of my fear but do not substantiate and confirm the feelings I may be having. They’re just a nice try by my monkey mind to create a little havoc and fun.

ps. See my post on Cognitive Distortions to truly understand how much we mess with ourselves on believing untruths. And read the other piece I wrote on this same subject here.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Knowing What You Don’t Want is as Good as Knowing What You Do

I often say that knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want. I got a job at a television station once and immediately knew that despite my degree, I didn’t want a career in television. It is invaluable to know yourself and what your happiness is composed of. But sometimes I still screw it up.

Last week, for the umpteenth time, I wrote out my bigger writing and blogging career goals, readying myself to take the actions I still always feel I can not get ahead of, and suddenly, I felt smothered. All these must do’s and have to be’s were exhausting me. I’ve intentionally been taking my cues on choosing by what makes me happy. And suddenly all I felt was overwhelmed and incapable of living up to my intentions. Like I was trying hard to be someone else. I did not want to feel like this.

And so I put everything down and stopped thinking about what my future self needed to do. As I am committed to my writing, I always keep up with my blog posting but I realized … it’s Summertime. There’s even less time to do anything during the Summer with children out of school. And here I was trying to stack more on my head.Fiona at the grocery store on Shalavee.com

I wanted that “kick back and relax” feeling that I had in the beginning of Summer. Because in less than a month, it’s back to school. No more leisurely mornings and afternoons or visits to the beach. It is a mindset to enjoy the slower pace and I had completely forgotten that was where I needed to be.

So here’s to dropping obligations like hot potatoes for the month of August. Here’s to doing what I want when I want to. And allowing for the feeling of nervousness to pass after the third day of doing nothing “productive” because I’m so used to ambitious thoughts that I don’t know how to exist without their whip.

We all have things that we do that we may not be aware we’re doing to keep up or keep ahead. Just being mindful and staying grounded can be the exact thing that you need you to do to see these and be in control of them and not them of you. Fear is usually the wall to wall carpet in these rooms. And I’m being very mindful to watch where I step.

And just as I’m preparing to publish this, I read this post called The Struggle IS Real : The Ten Tell-Tale Signs of Burnout . Fabulous read by a favorite age Miss Sas Petherick . An absolutely spot on tell it like it like it is to be burned out and what you need to do immediately. Which was pretty much what I did. We are all so hard on ourselves. But candles burned at both ends burn out.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit. If you Sign up for my newsletter in the sign up box over there to the right, you’ll receive a first look-see at my Creative Mothers’ Manifesto! Heartfelt impassioned words on the need for expressing creativity for your soul and being a better mother for it.

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You Are Not What You Feel

Once upon a time, I feared and dreaded everything.  My school work, my work schedule, my living arrangements, my next meal, my lack of self love, my family, and my marriage. I just didn’t put a larger value on happiness then. It would have been nice just not to feel.

Every realm of my life was polluted with anxiety and anticipation. I never felt like I had a handle on anything. I was just subsisting, putting out fires, and living re-actively.Fiona and her princess shoes on Shalavee.com

With the discovery that I was in fact not made of what I felt, my journey to heal myself and find out who I am without all that mayhem has proven slow but positive. My days did not have to whirl off and away in a predictable storm of anxieties and fears. I was given permission to listen to and then refute the crazy shrieking voices known as Cognitive Distortions. I get to choose how I feel and thus how my day goes. And it’s been going pretty well and a lot better than even a year ago.

The process of being mindful of my emotions and wrong angled thoughts started by knowing that how I react to my thoughts is a choice. Sometimes thoughts want to dive and dodge off into directions that aren’t very nice. But when I read and understood that the bad feelings were being created by a short list of erroneous conclusions I was making about my life or what might happen, then I realized I could refute my conclusions. I could argue with the bad feelings and their validity.passed out in the car on Shalavee.com

I have the power and the possibility to redirect my thoughts and say that all of my days as a parent won’t be filled with a screaming misbehaving toddler, just some of them. Some of the others will find me enjoying her. Or I might think I’m never going to have enough money to feel secure and enjoy a lifestyle of comfort. And I may refute that with one day I will feel even better about my finances and I will continue to make plans towards that time and save for what I need.

The strongest most powerful tool we have is our power of suggestion. If I believe in something and it’s possibilities, I’ll be open for them to happen. And if I don’t, I won’t. I’m a really big fan of hope and happiness and want to hedge my bets at every curve. So here’s to turning the volume down on the voice of Disaster Sister in there and turning up the sound for the music and rhythm that is the dance of a happy life. I plan on stumbling but always keeping my eye on the choices and steps I’m choosing to take and how to feel about them.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Chaos Junkies Beware : Anxiety While Life’s Good

Last week was a mostly unstressful week. Sure there were one too many appointments to show up for, one of those running weeks I usually don’t like. But life was still good. And I found myself nibbling on my lip as I do when I’m nervous . My nervous habit, my tell of anxiety.

Don’t get me wrong, being a parent to a ten and a two-year old, soon to be eleven and three, is a stressful undertaking. Throw in some nasty hormonal fluxes and people in need of their daily constitutional and you’ve got some stress and poopy moods. But truly, it’s just life at that point.

So I brought this to my therapist and said, what’s up with this? She said when you have spent your whole life in anticipation of what’s next like the crisis and the struggle, you are so familiar with the chaos that the absence of it feels like a void you could fall into. I was nervous that there was nothing to be nervous about. tire swing and barefeet on Shalavee.com

Turns out, being anxious at the lack of anything to be anxious about is a “normal” thing for people who’ve grown up with constant chaos such as an addict in the house especially a parent. And fearing the calm is par to the course for lifelong chaos lovers who are trying to create less stressful lives for themselves and their children. Knowing that this is “normal” made me feel a little better as sharing is apt to do.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Janu-Wary

I was feeling the bliss, the rolling high on the “Ok-ness” from the holiday downtime until yesterday when suddenly I felt myself starting to knock all the happy little hope bubbles off the 2016 shelf where I’d so carefully placed them. Exactly 2 weeks in and suddenly there’s nothing new anymore about the year?!

I’ve read New Year’s posts galore and copious word of the year choices. And there were warnings to be careful about resolutions that would fail you as opposed to themes that could guide you. Or meditation that can ground you. Or just plain awareness of your choices to feel bad as opposed to good. Someone wise said beware when the newness wears off. Glad to have that warning because I think that just happened.Janu-wary on Shalavee.com

Suddenly I felt the old thought patterns knocking at the door. Familiar voices calling out to me about my not enoughness. Why don’t I have a clearly defined purpose and a twelve month plan on exactly how I’m going to carry that out ? Like that woman with the shiny blog and an online creative career? Surely if I could just choose to be impassioned by something, my life would completely change and fall right into place.

So off I go to the gym hoping for inspiration and a change in thoughts. I’m on the treadmill and I recognize the familiar devaluing myself based on others cognitive distortion going on. “Comparison is the thief of joy” I chant and “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides” came to mind. Comparison to others is unfair. No I may not know my complete “Why” but as long as I stay focused on gratitude and the creative work in front of me, I am so close, in the zone. Janu-wary on Shalavee.com

If that involves month-long collaborative projects, great! If I feel like I need to have weekly themes, great! But I do not have to be or do anything other than what makes me soulfully happy. That’s purpose enough. That’s really all I have time for besides the mothering of a toddler and a ten-year old and the maintenance of this household. Truly I am enough for just this realm of activities.

And then a friend/acquaintance comes over and scares the heck out of me, as my earphones were mighty loud. She wanted me to know that she’d read my blog post, something I’d written. She says I write really well. And I said “Thank you” and meant it. Thank you for the reminder Universe. My shelf of little hopes remains in tact.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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