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I May Already Be Living the Good Life That I Always Wanted

My everyday, nay, my every moment is full of my expectations. I anticipate how my day will play out. I base my feelings of how my day and my life is going on how I perceive it as compared to what I expected and then I pass a judgement on how it’s going. I’m not living the good life. The End.

 

I have a nasty habit of judging my glass to be half empty. Same fill line as half full but it’s the way I am used to seeing it. I think this way, if anything blindsides me with bad news or disappointment, I won’t have far to fall. I guard against joy.

 

But if this is all an habitual equation, a standard pair of sunglasses I’m so used to donning, I no longer notice them, then that means there’s a chance to back-peddle and find another way to seeing my life. Because I get the distinct feeling that my life is waaaayyyy better than I’m giving it credit for. The habit to guard against disaster and seeing it all as in need of fixing, is robbing me of my every day every moment high.

I May Already Be Living the Good Life That I Always Wanted on Shalavee.com

What if I am already living the life I always wanted? What if in this constant looking beyond to the future and then disregarding my now is robbing me of the one life I get to enjoy? Because I think that’s exactly what is going on.

 

I get to see my healthy children grow up every day. I get to create words and pictures as often as I choose. I have a supportive as heck husband and several really nice supportive communities. My healthcare is paid for and I have a new roof on my house. I’d say I have a lot to count my glass as half full. So here’s to taking my glasses back and getting the prescription and tint changed. I’ll settle for 20/40 and rose-tinted sunglasses.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself

(Want to listen to me read this? check out the Soundcloud box at the bottom of the post)

I said I’d write and/or edit. I’d take the opportunity to make a piece of art with all this free time daycare provides me. But it would be so easy to blow myself off. Since I’m distracted after all, I might as well just do my laundry instead of sitting down to write or create. There’s always tomorrow and the day after. And every time I go and do that, I let myself down. I substantiate my unworthiness.

 

We can be such unreliable parents to ourselves. We mean no harm. There is in fact a lot we’re juggling and our priorities can get confused. But in the end, I know I chose fear over my creativity when I do that. I’m not fooling myself.

 Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself on Shalavee.com

I might as well stand up and shout out the window, “I’m unworthy !!!”. Of spending time on and with. Of the dreams that I have hidden in my smallest pockets. Of the tender words and thoughts that deserve to be shared so that others may be allowed to say “Ahhh” or “Aha” or “thank you for putting words to how I feel”.

 

If I don’t gently and courageously nudge and urge my fearful self to stand in the light and say what I need to say with my words and my pictures then what I’m saying is that I’m unworthy of being heard. And I don’t think that’s true.Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself on Shalavee.com

 

So, for myself and all the others that have yet to find the courage, I will show up today for myself. And Listen to what it is I have to say.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Battling Against the Becoming

I am the caterpillar inching my way along fueled by the promise of flying one day. But all that potential to fulfill that flight is so scary. Everyone will be watching me! Maybe the beautiful butterfly that I could become is poisonous and very dangerous … to others and myself. And so, I fight the becoming, eschew the wings, and ignore the chrysalis phase. And moan and wail as I see others flying by.

I chatter at myself, trying to pick the lock of myself. I query and banter, I call out and disagree. I cancel and ask for permission and still I can not seem to relinquish the fear that grips me around doing what I “have to do”, Supposed to Vs. Want. What must I do to bring down these defenses and make my life a fearless siege of what I want to do. battling against the becoming on Shalavee.com

I come back to my vision, my plan for my future. A summary of what I believe (a book) and sharing these thoughts with others (speaking engagements and magazine pieces). It all sounds so noble and doable. My heart on my sleeve and everyone chanting “Yes !”… while I search the crowd for the one person who’s going to lunge out and reveal my shortcomings, my illegitimacy, and my lack of pedigree. And I just beat them to the punch by not walking the walk didn’t I?

This is between me and me. I’m standing in my way. I’m coaxing and cajoling, I’m berating and stating, and still I stand here. And then there’s the little voice that says run while she’s not looking. Pull the band-aid off quickly! Just do it and then over think it. Knuckle down and fake the passion because whatever you are avoiding is usually the one thing you truly need to do. battling against the becoming on Shalavee.com

Hope you can figure out how to get out of your own way. Lemme know your tricks please.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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You Will Be Your Own Destiny

I am going through a rough patch right now. It’s a quagmire of doubt I regularly like to reroute myself through. I decided to try to just stay and wait it out, to witness myself and try not to rush in to judge or fix. I know I need to remember my purpose, my destiny and then this morning I woke up with this in my head.

 

 

 

You will be your own destiny and your own reason why.”

 

 

And so, I resigned myself once again to searching again for the breadcrumbs I have left for myself. The clues as to who I think I am and want to be and the Why. That seems to elude me over and over. And as I searched my breadcrumbs, I found this proclamation. I share it as a way of showing you my process, proving my humanity, and resolving in public to once again keep going for me and for everyone who may benefit.

You will be your own destiny on Shalavee.com

I believe that I have a light that shines brightly. That this light is different, unique to me. My light is meant to keep shining so that others can benefit from the hope that it brings them and that this light will keep guiding me towards a better brighter happier version of me. When I’m ready, I always move on. And when others are ready, they/anyone can join with me in the belief that their creativity and voice can make a difference even if it’s just to themselves. I believe my belief influences and augments other people’s beliefs. And that this process I’m describing is non-negotiable.”

As Summer rolls on in, I feel encouraged that I have time set aside for my uninterrupted creativity so that I can pursue what this light needs to be shining on right now. I am thinking that I can commit again to a video series and I think I know the very first topic I want to speak on. Witnessing. Be it witnessing our friends, our family, animals in nature, or ourselves as we struggle and can not “fix” or “save” but just to hold a presence there.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Living in Paradox

It occurred to me recently that life necessitates living in a paradox more than we seem to be comfortable with. Our need to categorize and be perfectly right has us believing there’s a right way or there’s the highway. But I’ve bumped into several situations that would seem we need to lighten up and accept we can live on both sides.

 

I read somewhere, “You’re allowed to be Ok where you are and want something different too” and I froze. What? How is that possible? My disgust with my body would necessitate changing it, right? But now I am being given permission to be Ok with my body and also create an intention to tune it up simultaneously? Whereas before I didn’t believe I was really going to meet my goal, thus that disgust, if I then give myself permission to be OK with where I am now, then I feel more confident that I’ll be there for myself in guiding the progress towards where I want. Self-trust then allows for me to occupy this seeming paradox. Aha!

Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

I truly do believe that to move on from anywhere, you need to accept that you are there where you are then. So it would stand to reason that in any circumstances, you can accept /acknowledge/understand being there (not always be angry or disapproving) and this will give you the power and space to make a shift from there onward. So for me, that would sound like, “My body is OK the way it is. I am no less beautiful for the couple extra pounds I adopted at Christmas. I am not broken so I don’t have to fix it, I just want to tune/tone it up when that opportunity becomes available.”

Living in Paradox on Shalavee.com

 

Life is absolutely made of way more paradoxes than we care to acknowledge. Is it a paradox to like your body well enough the way it is and want to change it? Is it a paradox to love your husband and have crush on Brad Pitt? If what we have is good enough for now, then we can look to other possibilities without recrimination or guilt, that feeling of being at a deficit or deficient isn’t helping anyway. I can acknowledge that eventually I’d like a new couch and for now, this one is good enough. And that opening up for possibilities allows for more being OK with my now. We all need to find a way to be OK with our nows.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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