As much as I love my house, I love leaving my house a lot too. I enjoy that hopeful unstuck feeling I get when I’m out seeing the world, seeing stuff that inspires me, and being away from my cyclic monkey mind. But what the heck is it that happens when I return to my space, my life, my earlier choices and daily rhythm that slowly melts that happy ‘got away’ hopefulness away?
I’ve gone out and seen art and culture, eaten food, laughed, considered, and been inspired. And yet, I stand again in my house frozen and can’t see where to apply my inspiration first. And as my edges begin to dull once again, I return to my stuck thought that there’s not enough time, money, freedom, or will power to put anything into action… ever. It’s that scary house arrest feeling again. And I’m done before I’ve begun. Such a waste of precious inspiration.
I feel like my life is a piece being created in the spin-art booth at a fair. As you dribble the paint onto the spinning paper below, the centrifugal force spins the paint outwards in random splatters. My efforts and thoughts often feel like the wasted paint splattering on the walls of the machine. My plan goes wrong, I lose my window of opportunity, and the paint is spraying everywhere. What I end up with may be Ok if I’m willing to accept that this wasn’t what I had in mind for an end product. Hey at least I have something? But it just feels haphazard, makeshift.
I want to shift from spin-art to a spirograph circling lifestyle. Every day I feel like I am already scrawling little life circles as I cook or exercise or pay bills. I want to encompass more playing, writing, and organizing of my thoughts instead of feeling overwhelmed, muddled, spread thin, spinning, and splattering. Taking my inspirations and making inspired forward thinking plans for now instead of some abstract future point that I feel will never come. I want to feel my circles expanding and encompassing.
Do you remember the spirograph creative toy? There was a disk with the hole for a pen that you manipulated to travel in circles and it made a psychedelic pattern. I loved the contained perfect inclusive feeling I got from my effort. But the spirograph had its drawbacks too. When you had almost a perfect piece but the disk would slip, the teeth jumped the track, and there was that scribble in the middle of your beautiful pattern. Heartbroken, there was proof of fallibility. Because you could never ever restart that pen into the same place at the same angle of the pattern.
Maybe you would try again and maybe you’d know when to stop and be proud of your efforts. Or maybe you’d quit. You alone know how you deal with making your everyday spirographs. And mastering drawing my daily circles to encompass more is my goal. And I can tell you I don’t much mind the imperfections. I’ll stick a butterfly sticker on top.
I suppose spirograph and spin art have taught me a few things.
- Know what your skill level is.
- Asses what you have the time and capability to do and then ask for help.
- Let go of perfection.
- Enjoy the process and prepare to enjoy life’s unplanned surprises.
- Draw the things you love to do into your daily circles.
- Agree to a splatter art-fest every once in a while.
All you can aspire to is do is your best and to let go of the rest.
spirograph photo credit: Mr. Velocipede via photopin cc spirograph kit photo credit: Abraxas3d via photopin cc photo credit for spin art: @RunRockPrincess via photopin cc
photo credit for other spin arts: Esteban Cavrico via photopin cc