I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what it would be like to have a “soul buffer zone”. Having been raised codependent and since having children, my boundaries are a little wiggly. And the thought of having space around me that I keep myself safe within is really appealing to me. In fact it’s downright necessary if I’m ever going to make my life the zen experience I long for.
The idea is that there’s a mental space between you and the outer world. And you intentionally maintain that by not letting people make demands on you, by not applying what is going on in the outside world to you, and by taking care of yourself so you feel kept safe by you. People’s comments or ideas are outside of you and you decide if you want to let them in. How about writing them down for consideration later even.
We are so besieged by information and demands from our internal and external worlds that we’re exhausted. When my daughter got sick simultaneously coinciding with a snowstorm, I definitely suffered from some post traumatic stress. I couldn’t escape. And what if we do that to ourselves regularly by not allowing for things to bounce off of us. Eventually, we are exhausted by osmosis.
So I am going to be extra mindful this year about padding myself, creating things to look forward to, talking with my soul sisters face to face, and granting myself permission for time off. Demanding the same from my family. I think they could use to miss me and my efforts and become a little more appreciative. I’m creating a soul buffer zone because my happiness is worth it and other people’s happiness is based on it.
(Pictures in memory of Pama’s shop Moonvine which shut down this past February).
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4 Comments
Best description of codependency I’ve read. Tells it without making it sound disgusting, confusing, or impossible to overcome. Yay Shalagh.
Too bad the shop closed. It looked most interesting.
xo, m & jb
Why thank you so much Maureen! Yes it can be confusing but it just is a disgusting fact of life like periods. Ewww. The shop was absolutely lovely and I would not be a writer if it hadn’t shut down. Life does stuff like that.
Love,
Shalagh
Oh, Moonvine was Your shop? 🙁
Oh I’m sorry. So Moonvine was my mentor’s shop. I worked for her in another location, then opened my own shop in my town called Bally Eden, and then she shut down, re-opened hers, and then recently shut hers down again. I had mine twelve years ago when I had Eamon and then the economy tanked and I was forced to close. It was beautiful. And necessary. And destined to fail so that I could become a writer. My friend is hopefully going on to better things as well.