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Self Creation by Avoidance of What you Fear You’ll Become

I was washing dishes this morning and it occurred to me that I may actually be basing my journey of becoming me on not wanting to be certain qualities. That I’m attempting to become myself by avoiding becoming something else. And that struck me as kinda stupid.

Where I’d agree, knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want, I think becoming by avoidance sounds like fear may be driving. And once fear is in the driver’s seat, your public transportation vehicle is then careening all over the road because fear doesn’t make good rational decisions and doesn’t heed the rules.

Because I don’t want to make the same mistakes my parents did” might sound like a reasonable excuse not to start a family but it’s not on the up and up. It’s completely excluding all the benefits of having that kind of love in your life and adding it to the world.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

These are the “don’t want to’s” that are gumming up my works. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. I don’t want to seem to be some kinda of know-it-all when I’m not. I don’t want to act like/be perceived as a narcissist. I don’t want to make anything I’m doing about money. I don’t want to make anything more important than my children. My fear has all the bases covered for making no progress with very pragmatic sounding excuses.

We all have the final power to create and recreate ourselves and our stories all the time. But fear-based self creation serves no one. If I pursue my passions and my children miss me for a night or two while I take care of my project or am out-of-town, that will make us all appreciate each other more. If I limit my reach and my connections with the wider world because I’m afraid of taking on too much, I’ll dial it back when it begins to be too much.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

Staying small has never benefited anyone. And people who believe in who I am and what I am saying will also get my true intentions and my integrity. Those who don’t, won’t. Perhaps it’s those exact people I need to have faith in to guide me through my fear decisions and tell me the truth. Because my friends and family know I can even when I don’t think I can. I want to know what they already do.

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4 Responses to “Self Creation by Avoidance of What you Fear You’ll Become”

  1. Tamara Miles says:

    I keep trying new adventures even though each time fear aims to hold me back. I push through. Thank you.

    • Shalagh says:

      I used to be such a Daredevil. And then fear had me convinced it just wasn’t worth the effort with kids. Truth was I didn’t believe in the power of my authenticity. Currently doing something scary but I am certain this is the right thing to do. Sometimes I would risk in the wrong ways with the wrong people. Academia strikes me as full of the wrong risks . Thank for being here with me Tammy!

  2. Dawn Pearcey says:

    This is really interesting! I never realized how much I define myself by what I DON’T want to be. What’s up with that? I love your line about your/my public transportation vehicle careening….hm, yes. Thanks Shalagh!

    • Shalagh says:

      It’s revoking fear’s driver’s license that’s hard. Like trying to take one away from an elderly person. Those octogenarians get very uppity when you tell them they can’t drive anymore. They’ve been doing it for so long!

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