How do you guarantee your own safety and comfort in your own head? The declaration that your head as a protected area, a safe zone requires an inner adult. And this statement of safety is then woven into the fibers of our being and we take it wherever we go. Seems my adult needs to show she has my back for me to trust she’s got it wherever I go.
My inner adult is either trustworthy or she isn’t. And when she isn’t, I feel frightened. I do not know or trust that I will be safe. I can rush off conjuring the future mishaps and take responsibility for feelings haven’t felt yet. And boom, anxiety is born.
I can easily disregard anything I’ve ever done that may give me knowledge of my trustworthiness. Every day, I can feel like the new girl at the new school scrabbling to survive and not be eaten alive. Surviving.
I forget that no one can touch my soul inside of me. Only I can do that. The rejections can only reach the inner sanctum if I deliver them there. The person guarding the door is supposed to be my adult. Apparently sometimes she steps away for a smoke break and leaves my child unattended and frightened that she’ll be asked to drive and she doesn’t know how.
I want all my “parts” to know that they are loved. That I understand why they have decided they aren’t loved or safe or worthy of both and I am making such efforts to convince them otherwise. My inner adult is more than capable of looking my real children in the eye and telling them she’s in charge. I did that tonight in fact. I hope my inner child took heed.
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