( Written days after Christmas ’19, it would seem this piece got away from me.. Yet I still feel the honor of the holiday purpose only a month gone. And I am in the process of picking up where I left off last year)
This year, the holidays were filled with more gratitude and family appreciation than they’ve been prior. We spent time together being us, laughing, eating, and loving. I wove this holiday with as much intention and family time spending forethought as I could handle. I threw my alone and writing time to the side so that all this could happen. And I do not regret one minute of it. And now I feel the shift to retutning inward.
And now as we wind down from the rush and worry of holiday tasks fulfilled, I feel the inevitable need to turn to the familiar work of my life. A need to return to myself and my creative work. A need to do some aerobic exercise and a few sit-ups. A need to re-channel my efforts inward instead of outward. And that feels scary.
It’s so easy to devote myself to my loved ones. My back might ache from standing in the kitchen for hours on end to cook meal after meal. I got dishpan hands from all the dishes washed. I wrote very few pages in my journal for wanting to be present while my sister visited. And I never felt resentful for any of it.
Now I must turn back in. To the voice that asks what’s the next lesson I need to learn. What calls me to be curious and what drives me to want to make changes to my life and the world. What’s squeaking that needs to be oiled. And I’ve got to do it like I mean it. Because as much as I find purpose in taking care of my family, I also need the balance of entertaining my own thoughts. Respecting that is tougher than it seems but it is where I need to head.
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