Feeling My Phantom Worry Limb

This past year, I’ve become more aware of where my thoughts wander. And where they don’t wander anymore.

My improved self-awareness means I notice how my thoughts behave differently now than they did before all this hard self-work. I take notice of my options and choices when moments of decision bubble up to the surface of my everyday. This is the way I’m taking my power back against the anxieties I’ve had all my life. You know, the anxieties that ruled my every waking moment while I unconsciously allowed them to do so.

Let me explain what I’m saying and how my life is different. During my days, as I try to accomplish the daily tasks of a Mom and a blogger/artist/writer, I’ll suddenly become aware that my anxiety is missing. I can hear how my previous thoughts would want to worry me about how and when everything will work out. With the what ifs and the myriad of possible outcomes. About my competency and about others’ thoughts about me. It’s like having a phantom worry limb. I recognize where it should be but it’s just not there. Now I choose to focus on doing the task at hand and completing it first. Instead of reliving the anxious mode which feels like I’m falling into a bottomless anxious pit, I’m choosing to keep my nose to the grindstone and am plowing through.

Being present and in the moment is the perfect foil to anxiety. That and being as proactive about everything as I possibly can. Planning and scheduling ahead helps immensely. Now there’s no procrastination being used to bring on anxiety. I often do things before they even get on a list.

Fear can not exist in the same place as gratitude. And as you are present to feel that gratitude, you will not be in the past or the future where that fear lurks.

In this way, I’m actually feeling better about my accomplishments as opposed to having my pride robbed or kept from me as I fret about an outcome which I’ll never be in control of. Now is the only time I’ll ever have. The best use of my time is to be willing to trust my decisions and to be here doing the best job I can and to be present for my children.

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