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Summer’s Ending

After our teeth cleanings, I moaned to Penny behind the desk at the Dentist’s office, “I’m done with Summer. I am just so done.” I’d begun to chew rigorously on the inside of my lip from the stress of the two bickering in the back seat on the way to the appointment. I was glad that the dental hygienist hadn’t mentioned the damages during my teeth cleaning. Knowing that school is a mere 5 days away, I can almost let my breath out.

The Summer played out like the swim test my son took and passed. Started out confidently, ran out of steam halfway through, sank to the bottom, and then was told to just keep swimming. He passed the swim test and I passed the Summer test but it wasn’t effortless. Summer's Ending on Shalavee.com

I conquered my biggest fear which was to remember and show up for all the camps and dates I’d planned for us. Daftly weaving the naptimes in with drop off and pick up times. And almost getting a few days off for myself here or there. But I envy everyone who has families to share overnights with, grandmothers to ship them off to for a week, or even older girls and boys to watch them somewhere other than right here all day inside in my face. And I have forgotten how much worse my Summer could start out as last Summer’s start was horrendous.

Fiona happily started a new daycare in June twice weekly which she loves. Summer has become a bit relentless here at the end but we do get to cap it off with a festival right in out front yard. Summerfest happens in late August on the courthouse green which we live across from. And this year, I’ve encouraged my son to bum around with his friends. He’s about to enter Middle School and 6th grade and that’s what you do.Summer's Ending on Shalavee.com

My biggest goal was to get Eamon to pass that swim test which took many trips to various pools before he stopped thrashing and fighting the water. He took that test and was so pleased with himself to have passed. Then he and his buddies got to goof off together in the cold pool at Y camp. Mission accomplished.

My own personal goal was to stop stressing out and find a cruise mode. I even enjoyed myself for a few lovely languorous moments on our beach vacation in June. I began my video chats on Facebook and am trying to keep up on all the tomatoes that my husband’s garden is now mass producing. I even made a peach and blueberry cobbler last night. Summer's Ending on Shalavee.com

Eyes are on the prize of the upcoming school year. A schedule to follow is better than an endless non-schedule. And the cooler temperatures of Fall will be very appreciated. When we can throw back open the windows, build a fire in the fire wok, and celebrate my 50th birthday in a month. Stay Freaking Tuned.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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My Worth on this Earth : Should vs. Wanna Be

I hit a bumpy patch recently where I had to stop myself dead in my tracks. I was drowning in my own good ambitious intentions. And it wasn’t even August yet. So I pulled the plug on myself to reevaluate my priorities. Because knowing what you don’t want is as good as knowing what you do. My inherent worth on the planet was being mugged by shoulds.

I’ve journaled a lot recently and sorting out what I think I see going on. This doesn’t mean I’ll have kicked this recurring habit, this brain hiccup I’m accustomed to having, but I’m closer to calling it the should trap that it is at least.

Seems my drive and ambition to succeed are really just me

trying to prove my worth on this earth.

I am desperate to prove I have a purpose because

I secretly I suspect that I have none. WOW!

My worth in this earth on Shalavee.com

I could feel the fear lapping at my ankles. Misting over my thoughts to avoid letting me get to the bottom of this recurring nightmare. Having had a father who was very ambitious, much to the detriment of our family, I’ve lived the bad effects of ambition. However, I clearly know I want to do work that fulfills my soul and calls me to it. I do not want to do work to impress people but to see what else I can add to the world’s worth by doing it. And to see who I can become by doing this work. If people are impressed, all the better.

While fear pushes, vision pulls.

This is a concept given to me recently by Anna Lovind, a creative coach and wise sage. I can reframe and base my future on what makes my heart sing instead of trying to control the unwanted outcome. And I decide whether the shoulds I’m shoving onto my platter to devour are distasteful. Do they or don’t they represent my purpose? Or am I afraid of fulfilling the potential I have long been swallowing ?My worth in this earth on Shalavee.com

The conflict I’m experiencing, the push and the pull, is all about fear. Fear I’m crap, what I make and write is crap and isn‘t worth publishing. That I have nothing of worth to give. Or that once I start to truly give, I won’t be able to stop and people will expect it of me. Come to think of it, having someone expect me to continue is not too bad a thing. That’s accountability that keeps me blogging or vlogging.

If you maintain integrity with your own happy purpose, people to then expect you to do your best work out of love. C’mon now, that sounds like Heaven to be able to be more you and have people enjoying it and be inspired by it. Now that I put it that way, I’ll have to sit fear down and let her know, she’s getting in my way and if she could have a seat in the corner, that’d be great. We have fun we need to get on to.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Build A Safety Zone For Your Soul : Unplug For a Week

The world has always been as brutal as it seems it is today. Always. We humans are barbaric. However, our consciousness level of this brutality has increased with the decreased censorship of our media. We feel we need to be responsible citizens and be “all up on in it”. To be informed of world news is to be smart. To have it become overwhelming and debilitating seems more common than not suddenly. Perhaps it’s time we unplug. In an article published on Salon titled Self-care isn’t Apathy : You Don’t Have to Watch the Trump Horror Show, Mary Elizabeth Williams says “Remember that self-care is not apathy, and that sensory overload isn’t social justice. It’s estimated Americans consume roughly ten hours of media a day. And 33 percent of Americans — a full third — say that they follow the news all throughout the day. That is an overwhelming amount of information to take in — especially when a fair amount of that information involves a paranoid yelling person.”

Where we used to fulfill this informed responsibility by reading the newspaper, now we get our news differently. With the newspaper, you got to chuckle at the comics for a few minutes and the world devastation was one step removed because these were just words. Now it’s real live  life or video tape. Visuals are a very different input. We are not trained for this kind of daily anxiety. Societal stress hormone levels are raising, obesity is increasing, and anxiety and it’s resulting compulsions are climbing at an alarming rate. Build a safety zone for your soul on shalavee.com

The only way I can begin to advise on how to keep the world and all its violence at bay in your life is to say,”Stop watching”. Bring yourself back to a safe zone within your inner world by switching off the knowledge even for just a little while. Ask someone to be your filter and tell you what you need to know. It isn’t sticking your head into the sand. It is keeping yourself sane so that you can be there for the real people in your life who rely on and need you. That they find you distraught weekly over television news isn’t doing a bit of good for their or your relationship with you.

That the world needs a version of you that is in fact distanced from it may not make sense immediately but seems a larger truth than what you see on TV. To be effective at doing what we can, we need to understand our own limits and the power of remaining neutral and balanced. Fear and anger only creates more of the same.Build a safety zone for your soul on shalavee.com

Consider keeping the television or the news off for a week and see if you don’t notice yourself feeling less stressed. And consider what the long-term effects of this practice could have on an entire nation. We could all be a little calmer, a little less unsettled when we make our own life’s decisions. And that would be the world I want to think I’m living in.

In an post written by Anna Lovind titled What We are Called to do When Our Hearts are Breaking, she acknowledges our immediate need to save everyone and yet we can’t and we’re overwhelmed. What can we do? “Don’t close your heart to protect yourself from the hurt. Let it break over the children, men and women you cannot save. Pray for them and send them whatever light and love you have, and then focus on the one thing that you CAN do right now. Help one person, stay later, lend your ear, your soul, and be present for someone right now.

I have days when I feel raw. When the slightest thought of negativity can throw me into a depressive tailspin where I see the entire world and my own inner world as tumbling into a vortex from which there is no return. And this is all a product of my mind, not a reflection of reality, which I have the power to steer in whatever direction I choose. Doesn’t feel like this is true all the time but it is the truth. And to be aware of the dance your mind is doing is the most power you can ever wield.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit. If you Sign up for my newsletter in the sign up box over there to the right, you’ll receive a first look-see at my Creative Mothers’ Manifesto! Heartfelt impassioned words on the need for expressing creativity for your soul and being a better mother for it.

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