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A DIY Life Plan

My life has been one big DIY project.  The term Do It Yourself recognizes ones ability to make choices and changes according to what you need to accomplish in the time and ways that fit your needs.  Doing it myself doesn’t mean I have to do so alone, it just means that I am running my show and am collecting my tools and resources as I see fit. And asking for help is still you carrying through with your plan yourself. The people helping are like wisely chosen tools.Eamon and Fiona at the tirepark on Shalavee.com

On my journey to find myself, I’ve asked for help from many therapists and counselors (aka “talking doctors”), each giving me a little something that I needed at that time. Therapists and counselors are the very best people to gather help from because they have no real stake in your game. They are a third party neutral and are there to help you make a plan without personal connection to your actions. My plan with my therapist is called a treatment plan. No you don’t have to talk endlessly forever. Yes, you can make goals with end dates with your talking doctors.

Problems in need of solutions have a way of popping up in life. Perhaps this process helps to keep us clever and honing our survival skills. Problems are a heart’s request to grow. A request to make a plan and so I do. I go to the library and search the stacks for a pile of books on the subject in question. I’ll asked friends, strangers, and neighbors for their opinions as I figure stuff out. I listen to their stories as they relate to me, pull out what I need, and then I make a DIY plan.Animals on a ledge on Shalavee.com

I’ve made plan after plan after plan, weaving them and my goals and intended outcomes into the next one, all the while collecting the knowledge I glean from each attempt. And ultimately, I’m coming to understand that I’ve always been worth fighting for and that now I am standing right next to me. I am solid and I’ve got my back. The worry and anxiety have dissipated substantially because one of my plans was to decrease them. Another was to increase self-esteem. There is slow but steady growth there too.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

In Your Face

I am large and she is small. While I tend to her needs these days, I am stooped down often sitting on a stool while I’m dressing, diapering, buckling, or scolding her. And I’m right in her line of fire. I am the sight-line, the moving target for her assault.

Toddlers are spastic. They get excited when they eat sugar, are cold, or have to pee. And when they’re excited, they are likely to mess with and shriek at whatever’s in their face. Which means me at bath time, me at diapering time (now done while she’s standing up out of respect), and me whenever I have to lean over to buckle her into the car seat. In Your Face on Shalavee.com

When we are face to face, apparently it’s an invitation to poke at me, shriek at me, cling to me, or whatever other action suits her mood. The other day she bit my butt as apparently my butt was right at her eye level. She’ll squeeze my cheeks (face), puts her hands down my shirt, and now has suddenly taken to assaulting me with kisses.

When you have children, you already give up your privacy while peeing. And considering the lack of privacy they have when they’re diapers are being changed, I guess turnabout is fair play. I remember when Eamon was about this age, he came home from his daycare and told us that the teachers had taught him about “persable space”. We still use that phrase. We still don’t truly respect it.In Your Face on Shalavee.com

So my thought is that soon Fiona is going to need the same talk about personal space and permission. Because however I ask her to respect my body will teach her to tell others to respect hers. While she is terribly cute, she’s also most annoying pointing her spastic attention cannon at me.

Until she says very sweetly “You’re a very good Mommy”. Where does she get this stuff?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Care For the Caretaker

Why is it hard to take care of ourselves? All the rallying I’m reading for our personal radical self-care reminds me that there’s a deficit in our self-priorities. But why?

I know our expectations of our treatment of self come from our environments, our upbringing, and our role models. I heard and saw my mother disrespect herself, deny her beauty and power by the way she allowed the world to treat her and her husband, my father, to treat her. I knew she was anxious and felt unworthy by the way she fretted about the world she lived in. for the Caretaker on Shalavee.com

From everything I’ve ever heard and learned, I know women’s roles are as caretakers. Our children are important, absolutely. And watching my husband ignore his body so often, I would wonder if any children would get their basic needs met if men were to be responsible for them. Not hungry until starving guy that he is. Not thirsty until dehydrated. No need to see the doctor until the emergency room visit.

So I concede to the necessity of the mothering to be handled by the caretakers, caregivers, and empaths. But what purpose does sacrificing our own well-being serve? Because if it’s all care for them and nothing for us, the children will be doomed to suffer from the same anxieties and low-self-esteem as the mother feels not valuing herself. And the cycle of depression and sometimes even self-hatred will continue for another generation. That’s no way to raise a well-adjusted next generation. Do as I say not as I do has never worked before. We need to be the change to see our children grow as stout resilient capable human beings.Eamon's concert on Shalavee.com

I say challenge the whys? Who does it benefit when I can not even prioritize my health, my feeling of beauty, my teeth or my bones or my psyche? How does it benefit my mother or my country or the next generation if I stay scared and meek and un-proud of my body or my skills outside of the parenting?

Gonna stand and stare at that one for a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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