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Ready Or Not

I sat back and waited for their response but it didn’t come. Surely I’d done something terribly wrong like forgotten to send the email. Stupid me. So I sent out another email batch to my workshop attendees covering all the things I promised I would, dispatching links and resources. And again nothing. And that’s when it hit me. I didn’t do a bad job at presenting my workshop or the follow-up. Just no one was ready yet.

Ready can take a while. Inside the truck on Shalavee.com

The first step seems to be inquiry. You research, attend a workshop, engage with people online, and/or check out a book. This ready-ing process is different for everyone. Where some people seem to hit the ground running with purpose and confidence to spare, others tippy-toe and meander and step away and come back because they’re not quite ready. They haven’t gotten a hold on their true “Why” yet. Or in my case, there’s a bit more self discovery work that needs to be done elsewhere first. The whole value issue for instance.

My process is always an open book but sometimes I don’t even know what I’m doing or why. I did follow my intuition telling me I needed to write to be me and reasoned I could use the blog to improve my writing craft. Eventually it became clear that I wasn’t ready for the next step upwards. My “branding platform” wasn’t going to happen unless I claimed my purpose and my talents. Inside the truck on Shalavee.com

This declaration of “ready” for the next step requires a new way of thinking, owning, and telling my story. I’m working hard to define who I am by what feels good to be and I’ve found a new therapist to do this work with. But answering “Why” we want something is often the hardest work to do. Because I’m supposed to doesn’t cut it. Because I want to make a difference and inspire at least one person does.

In order to find my life’s purpose and value, I am editing my earlier beliefs about my worth which were built into me from childhood. Beliefs that mean survival. My personal well-being is truly the first step to creating an intentional writing or speaking career and that a fulfilling career will then add back to my feelings of purpose and worth. And I look forward to feeling groovy when I am interacting with people in the world about stuff I like.Bucolic Eastern Shore on a rainy day from Shalavee.com

I am feeling closer to being “ready” to move upwards and graduate to the next level both personally and professionally than ever. You are welcome to sit ringside for the process of me becoming me. I guarantee it’ll be real and hope that there are some parts you can nod your head at and say “yeah, I totally get that”. When you are ready to be the real you, it happens, and not a moment before.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

It’s OK To Be OK

I was having a happy streak for a couple of days. Maintaining a general state of well-being, feeling more Ease than usual. And suddenly I thought, it’s OK to be OK. Now this may sound absolutely silly but coming from my background and having rewritten a good bit of my story up to now, this is rather a revelation.

Chaos had been my norm. Anxiety my fuel. The term OK was a myth like Tinkerbell’s fairy dust which makes you fly. Nice to imagine but there was no such thing really and you need to just go on about your misery and let it be. I was resigned that my life was just a little more difficult, a life destined to be hard. And then I had a shift.Fiona in the tub with a mirror

I have worked hard hard hard on raising my self-esteem. When I lost my therapist, I worked hard to find another. When she said I was looking for stuff to be upset by, I heard her. I was the one always joking about the making of the multi-layered poo sandwich and there I was still doing it. But it’s my plan and my work that I ask others to help me do. My life, my results, my Ok in the end.

So while I am endeavoring to make things less hard, to feel more at ease, and to have faith that it will always turn out way better than I think, I actually have begun to believe in the OK a little. Baby steps to happiness and less chaos. And I realized there was one last step I needed to take. I need to say and believe that it’s OK to be OK.Fiona in the tub with a hand mirror 2 on shalavee.com

That I no longer have to prove my worth by how hard my life is. Just because I am used to hard, as I’d also come to believe everyone I know is used to hard too, I no longer have to impress everyone with my hard. In fact I think it’s more impressive to truly make do with less. To feel less strife is to have more secure children and live in less chaos in your mind and home. And that is really where I want to be.

So I am granting myself permission to be OK enough to find that sweet Happy spot where things are even easier than I thought they would be. You are always welcome to watch and listen to my progress. I may fall on my face but I don’t think I’ll ever unsee that Happy is my destination and I deserve to feel OK just where I am on that journey.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

May Making

Officially, I have documented my daily making for six months. You may not remember that I committed to a year of making in the beginning of this year, 2015. And now I’m kinda liking it because it keeps tabs on creative me and acknowledges my efforts and our family life too.

may making collage from Shalavee.com

May making was happening when I joined a few photo and art challenges in May. And then we finally got to hang out with

our new neighbors Steve and Rob and see them open their B & B, Turnbridge Point.

may making collage on Shalavee.com

We spent time together as a family, snuggled and giggled, had friends visit and help me in my garden,

and Eamon celebrated his 10th birthday with a sleepover.

may making on shalavee.comMay found me arting another chair like the one I did last year for the Talbot Humane Society. I had more girl fun with a thrifting lunching trip to Rehoboth with a dear friend, a visit to the Walter’s Art Gallery in Baltimore to meet a new friend , and a Mother’s Day breakfast/playground/thrifting trip to Bridgeville, Delaware.

may making on Shalavee.com

And let’s not forget the cooking and eating! There were roasted beets to ponder and photograph and eat. There was Aunt Emma’s chocolate cake to make for Eamon’s birthday. Smoked salmon and cream cheese with tomatoes, red onions, and capers as a treat instead of the same old waffles and pancakes my kids don’t appreciate. And Eamon made his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch a time or two.

Sometimes I’m not the waitress.

We really enjoyed the last weekend of May with a visit from family and friends on Memorial Day and then a family party the following weekend with three special toddler girls all with the last name of Peach. May was thoroughly enjoyed and we set our sights on a June full of making and fun.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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