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Self-Trust Was My Parenting Game-Breaker

For the majority of my life I was lacking in self-trust.  I didn’t believe me when I said I was going to do something. Just below the surface, I was pretty sure I’d fail myself, and so eventually I did. Do unto yourself as others have done unto you.

Enter child #1 into my world in 2005. While being unkind to myself hadn’t killed me yet, I still couldn’t model behavior that I wanted my child to imitate if I wasn’t truly feeling the same way. And I couldn’t ask him to give me his trust if he could immediately see in my eyes that I didn’t trust myself. His esteem would plummet without my positive belief in myself. And after these realizations, the first place I had to start the overhaul was with my own inner-parenting.Child #1 on Shalavee.com

Let me say that to create and shape something that you’ve never imagined possible is beyond ingenuity especially when it’s an unknown interior landscape. How do you strive to create positive where only negative has existed. Love where there was nothingness? There’s a massive amount of faith leaping required to begin believing in yourself when you never have before. And it seems almost a fairy tale to say that life will be better when you love yourself. You want so badly to believe and feel you’d die if you found out it was all a lie.

I started my self-trust endeavor out by just committing to little stuff and fulfilling my promises to myself. I began with some radical self-care and quit smoking. And every victory I achieved built my self-confidence and trust a little more. The building of this blog played another huge part in my self-belief.  I found that I could often be unkind to myself and so I’ve tried to befriend myself and am trying to ease up on the mean me and empower me with kindness. And gradually I built up my faith in my word that I believe when I give it to myself. I believe myself. That’s Huge.

Child #2 and me on Shalavee.com

Children have an amazing capacity for intuiting when you are down and weak. They’ll come for you then with extra rockets on. If you ignore them, they want your attention. And if you don’t truly believe that what you are doing what you are for a good reason, they will be terrified. Because if you’re not in charge, that may mean they have to be. And that is scary as hell. With the birth of my daughter, I was inspired to continue to fight to be my best self.

The trick to parenting well ? Being a good parent to yourself. And there’s just no way around it. And even if your kids are older, you are still and always worth befriending and demonstrating the power of positivity and self-love.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Daily Habits, Rituals, Practices, and Projects

I never thought of myself as a very disciplined person. Addictive yes, disciplined no. And yet, when I started this blog and eventually realized the potential for the improvement of my writing skills, I committed to myself. Decided I was worth a regular writing practice. And so I was given an opportunity to be proud of myself for an accomplishment. A daily self-esteem boost. I’m not certain I ever have truly done that before.

Achieving my college degree felt rather useless when I realized I did not want to be in the Television industry. What was all that work for I wondered. Opening my shop, Bally Eden, that I was then forced to close when America had its non-recession recession was a stolen achievement and broke my heart. This blog and my writing is my accomplishment that no one can take away from me. This feels well-earned and purposeful. It’s a skill that’s mine and irrefutable proof that I don’t suck as much as I once thought I might.Day 2 of One Creative Week on Shalavee.com

I highly recommend starting a daily practice, ritual, project, devotion, or habit. There are two others that I have picked up and kept up with over the past couple years. One is posting a daily picture on Instagram. This practice has improved my picture-taking skills more than I ever imagined it could and has also brought me into close proximity with the greater world of like-minded people. Wonderful people whom I now consider friends and who have listened to my stories and supported and buoyed my esteem in unimaginable ways. All for a commitment to posting a picture a day. Well worth it.

And last year I committed to a Year of Making collecting daily pictures of my creativity, some of which made it to Instagram. And what I soon discovered was that I am a daily creative without having to be intentionally so. And I found that between the blog posting and the daily picture taking, I did a lot of creating even beyond those. That project allowed me to acknowledge what I already do. And to collect up the best of my pictures for later use. I’m still slightly behind with collecting my December pictures but I find it immensely satisfying to be able to shop from these pictures I took the time to organize. My recent photo collages on Instagram were a direct result of having my best in folders on my “desktop”. Here’s the roundup post of those pictures.resign yourself on Shalavee.com

Weekly challenges are equally satisfying if you want to try something out and see how it feels. I adored doing the One Creative Week challenge with Crafting Connection’s Andrea and Danielle. And I loved the collages that came from that week. The Creativity Bootcamp month with That Curious Love of Green’s Jane Barry, from Day One to my Feelings Wrap-up , showed me again that any old-time I want to create, great stuff comes out. It’s only a matter of giving myself permission to do it without a challenge. Perhaps this month I’ll try a month-long personal devotion. To make me feel better, more confident, and to just play. Two intentions I’ve dangled out in front of me? A daily reading of my own work. And endeavoring to just read books again. Period.

tiny daily habits idea chart from Tammie Bennett via Shalavee.com

Hope that I have begun to inspire you to consider starting a daily habit or ritual for yourself. My friend Sandra is following along with Tammie Bennett’s A Tiny Daily Habit project on Instagram . Sandra wrote this post on her Instagram feed which sums up so much about this practice.

“Day 4 of #tinydailyhabits – meditating for ten minutes a day first thing. Today was hard! Our water heater broke down yesterday so rather than be still & meditate, I was anxious to continue sussing out having it repaired vs replacing it, etc. But I did it – the meditation. Water heater repair situation still in process. @tammiecbennett posted a great Washington Post article about people who have done 100+ day projects. One woman made a tiny chair a day for a year. Another guy ate a taco a day for a year. I had a light bulb moment reading that article. Any one a day project is similar to meditation. Similar to a walking meditation. Just that daily repetition of the same thing – there’s something magical about it. And it’s the repetition, not the thing itself that does the trick.”

  Whether you are practicing hand stands, or in Tammie’s case, sprinting, it’s the daily devotion and ritual of it that seems to become more than the sum of it’s parts. The habits can be physical, mental, artistic, or spiritual. But they are guaranteed to change your outlook on you and your life for the better.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Eating From Our Cupboard

There is definitely something satisfying about having my cupboard stocked. As much as I wanted to complain about grocery shopping in this post, I have a sense of bounty when it’s full. Our cupboard is an old metal cabinet inherited from Grandmom that is more like a pantry. I removed my upper cabinets in the kitchen and this is what we use now instead. And to have it stocked means that I can throw together quick-breads or a pasta dish or a soup based on what’s in there and the fridge. I can be lazy or I can make effort but it’s there for the cooking. Some of the meals I have given recipes for that I think of as cupboard meals are my Cannellini bean and Tuna salad and the Warm Salad.

Cannellini bean and tuna salad on Shalavee.com

On the random day that I inventoried my cupboard just to see what I had, it contained the following ingredients:

Oats, grits,olive oil, vegetable oil, bulk fake yellow sugar , sugar free syrup, peanuts, almonds, cashews, craisins, prunes, raisins, popcorn, goldfish, graham crackers, animal crackers, rice cakes, saltines ,triscuits, oreos, Nillas, rice crackers, peanut butter, natural peanut butter, taco shells, breakfast bars,squeezy applesauces,peach cups, whole grain spaghetti, penne, angel hair, rotini, quinoa, mac and cheese, chicken stock, black beans, black-eyed peas, pinto beans, cannalini beans, re-fried beans, taco shells, salsa, tomatoes and green chilies, evaporated milk, coconut milk, tuna, petite diced tomatoes, olives, green chilies, artichokes, brown sugar, cornmeal, Masa Harina (corn flour), wheat flour, mayonnaise, juice bottles, freezer bags, and brown rice. Not to mention the various vinegars and sauces that we use and all the baking powder, soda, and salt. The sugar, flour, and rice live in tins on the counter top. Architecture with butter on Shalavee.com

The fridge and freezer are stocked by mood and sale items. Currently there’s shrimp, pork butt, pork chops, chicken breasts, ribs, flat-iron steak, and various frozen veggies as well as chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and ice cream in the freezer.

The “rotter’ as my husband likes to call the fresh veggie drawer, is filled with lettuce, cabbage, spinach, carrots, celery, thyme, ginger, cauliflower, mushrooms, peppers, and a lemon or two. Dairy includes butter, cottage cheese, yogurt, milk, sour cream, cheese, and buttermilk. And breakfast sausages and bacon as well. The onions, potatoes, and hand fruit sit on my counter behind my sink.kitchen window and sink on Shalavee.com

I do find that too much choice can be a bad thing so I feel much much better when I write out suggestive menu plans for the week. That way I can get “in the mood” for some meals. And I can switch around meals depending on the amount of effort I feel like making . Although it almost seems hard to make that meal plan out sometimes, I’m always happy when I do.

I also didn’t realize that I cook breakfast 5 days out of 7. I don’t often just let everyone eat cereal or yogurt. So we eat eggs or leftover pancakes or oatmeal more often than not. And leftovers can be bundled into a burrito later. I try to be frugal and mindful of making what I have bought. My kids hopefully will eventually appreciate this. Or not.salad nicoise on shalavee.com

Tip number 7 of the 10 Smart tips for eating healthier on a budget from the Kitchen.com is to keep a well-organized fridge and pantry. Shopping for fresh produce at the end of the farmer’s market, sale meats, whole grains, planning and eating outside your box/comfort zone are all on the list. Wonder how well you’re doing ? Read the article and find out.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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