search
top

Feelings Are Not Facts

If I’m feeling good about life, life is good. Probably.

If I’m feeling scared and anxious about life, it must be bad. Not necessarily.

I don’t like the way this feels so I need to get out of here. Always if you are in real danger.

Although they should be heeded in making decisions, feelings are subjective and not definitive. And when driven by fear, feelings are the number one “fact” we often use to offer proof to ourselves that we fear is true. But feelings are not facts.Feelings are Not Facs on Shalavee.comt

We all have moments of fear ranging from fearful to frightened to terrified with a full on anxiety attack. Our thought comes first and then we begin to consider its validity but most likely not after we’ve had an auto feeling in response. We’re wired for flight or flight remember. Our mistake can be in thinking that because we have the fearful thought and response first, that is proof enough that we shouldn’t do whatever. Or that we’re not worthy or ready. But the feeling isn’t fact. And the only way to truly think ourselves through these moments is consciousness, awareness, and mindfulness. Only we can sort through our thoughts to the truth.

As children, we aren’t taught mindfulness or the power to give and control the energy and validity of our thoughts. We are not given the power to logically refute our monkey minds when they say,”It’ll always be this horrible way” by then saying, “It may sometimes be like this but most likely it will not Always be this way”. Instead, we re taught to blame someone else. He did it to me. I am always getting the short stick. It will always be that way. And armed with our negative mindset, we will make sure this always happens. Power of suggestion is powerful indeed.Feelings are Not Facs on Shalavee.comt

Anxiety is the number one mental illness in human beings. And I venture to say it’s pretty common in other animals as well. But it never did anyone a lick of good. Created as an auto-response to keep us alive, it is now mostly being wrongly used to ruin our lives.  I have found that when I begin to spin in my head thinking about how I’ll always this or forever that, I need to stop myself and address it and refer back to my skill set to get myself out. And foremost, I must recognize that the strong feelings that might go with these thoughts are just a natural product of my fear but do not substantiate and confirm the feelings I may be having. They’re just a nice try by my monkey mind to create a little havoc and fun.

ps. See my post on Cognitive Distortions to truly understand how much we mess with ourselves on believing untruths. And read the other piece I wrote on this same subject here.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Do You Define Success

How do I know if I’ve achieved success? Seems it has to do with fulfilling a set of standards. Checking off boxes, right? But what if the tasks you are trying to accomplish are conceptual. Like raising self-esteem or confidence. I realize that there’s no beginning or end to this process and although it’s extremely satisfying , it’s also the one thing you can’t see yourself accomplishing necessarily. The check-boxes are not well-defined.

I read somewhere that to know if your successful, you may need to write your definition of success. If that sounds simple, try to write it down and see what happens. It feels like something you’d almost avoid doing. Except how then do you know where you’re headed and when you’ve arrived? See what I’m saying? without a definition, success stays vague.

I have noticed that even on a daily or weekly basis, I may raise my bar for successful achievement several times and never even properly acknowledge the things I’ve accomplished. That’s No Fair. And on closer inspection of my expectations of what success looks like, I can see that there is some ridiculousness in my parameters. Definition of Success on Shalavee.com

If I was successful I would:

  • Be better organized
    • Have a nicer wardrobe, nicer car
      • Be a better gardener
        • Hire a house cleaning service
          • Be published in magazines

            • Have my own office with time to write in it
              • Be skinny with whiter teeth

                • ETC

The problem here is that all these elements of success require me to be someone else.  Unfair again. And there’s no empirical way to find out if I’m successful on any of these without more specific goal numbers. They also seem to be more external goals known as extrinsic goals.

On the other hand, just how do you judge yourself as being successfully kind or compassionate, both being intrinsic qualities we value? That seems only something someone else can decide you are successful being. Or perhaps it’s that our society doesn’t prioritize these qualities as much as the other extrinsic ones. That we are so outwardly focused, we disregard the harder to define intrinsic qualities. Yet I realize that’s exactly what I need to do, value that which I am. Define your success on shalavee.com

So I’m going to attempt to do some Life goal mood boarding soon. And I have a feeling that I will have to come clean on what my definition of success truly is. And I have another feeling that this will make my life a lot easier to manage. Because I’m not liking the continuous default to a place I’ll never be able to reach as a person I’ll never be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Save

Tis My 5th Blogaversary

Yes, hearts and stars, it was five years ago I began my blogging career . Truly, besides birthing children, it is the second largest miracle in my life. That I gave my love of writing the respect that it was due and entered into a contract with myself to get better by blogging regularly, that was huge. This, the bottom line, the why of my blog, was solid.

But the how of my blogging would be the journey worth traveling. I almost stopped, as many bloggers do, after 6 months, but then bettering my writing was my goal, my give a shoot, so I focused solely on that. I had no idea what I was doing otherwise. turnbridge point porch on shalavee.com

Dealing with the technology threatened to undo me several times too. I nearly lost my mind to the fear and anxiety with just installing the mechanics and the upkeep of the blog. But I kept on keeping on. And because I knew it was what you were supposed to do, I joined Facebook and Instagram and to my amazement, discovered that there were wonderful like-minded people all over the world.

However, the biggest discoveries were the ones I found had happened inside of me. I gained a truer understanding of who I was, what was important for me to be, and that I could count on myself. I separated the real me from the one I imagined I should be but wasn’t. And the person I am today is completely due to to his blogging journey I’m on. I have been able to peel back such layers of me and show the world that it’s possible to be authentic without too much reprisal. Yes there are trolls out here but they only make you stronger.My 5th Blogaversary on Shalavee.com

So I’m in for the long haul for this blog. I intend for there to be some changes to it for the better sooner than later. But my voice and my clear intention to be me and continue to grow and learn unapologetically will remain. I love each and every one of you my devoted readers so much because you know I mean it when I say I do this for both of us.

Read my thoughts from my 4th Blogaversary here.

Read what I said on my 2nd Blogaversary here.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Page 3 of 27712345...102030...Last »
top