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51 years and Counting

Oh I know I don’t look like I’m 51 years old. Because somehow the beauty is supposed to have faded by now. We recede into the cracks at the menopausal age, no longer prized for our beauty, not yet wise enough to be called such. Or is that just the crap I remember being terrified of when I was in my 20’s considering the aging process?

The good news is, my genetics are such that I’ll always look younger than I am and I’ll outlive everybody. But the mental shift which is suggested I embrace, from valuing my outsides to considering the alternative value of my insides is just as good, well that’s rubbing me the wrong way just for today.

My hair began falling out in clumps when I had Fiona. The hormone levels that I needed to carry her but no longer had, plummeted and I was already 46 so who needs hair. My metabolism slowed down and I began to fear my every ache as something cataclysmic. So, as I’m battling those aches and pains with everything I’ve got, I’ve felt the gooeyness that is the slowing metabolism and loss of collagen. It completely freaks me out to feel my skin rolling over and touching itself under my bra. Not cool.Yup, I Just Turned 51 on Shalavee.com

I am energetic, young at heart, and enthusiastic about grabbing all the goodness and gratitude out of my life that I can before I pass on. But I refuse to act graceful as I continue to age. If I want to rage against the fading of my beauty or my strength or stamina after a while, that is mine to have a fit about. And I will think no less of you if I catch you muttering ungraciously about your aging under your breath too. That being said, I really had a ridiculously fun and celebratory month so far. I planned all sorts of dates with my family and friends all culminating in a crab feast this weekend. My life’s pretty grand. Perhaps I’ll don my tiara for our crab feast too.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Impatience Makes You Feel You’ve Already Failed

Have you ever you read something and thought immediately you needed that to be true for you too? Sooner than Later. My journey through blogging and self-discovery has set me face to face with so many options and ideas on how to be and do. And it would seem that I often did myself an injustice with my impatience. I wanted desperately to change where I was on my journey timeline. I wanted to be successful and self-actualized already! But because I couldn’t, I felt perpetually bad instead.

Personally, and professionally, I had set my expectations and goals so high, I had to rise to them to be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance… or else I was a failure. Right Now.

There’s no room for humanity in there. There’s no room for growth, no acknowledgement of what I’d already accomplished, and nowhere to stand that’s not inside my skin that felt bad on me.

My impatience was a clue that I already thought I was a failure. The trick is, to move on, you actually have to be OK with where you are now. And then you have to trust yourself that you either posses or will find all the pieces to make that puzzle work. The true trick is in trusting yourself. Impatience Makes You Feel You've Already Failed on Shalavee.com

I came up with an acronym today for TRUST. Take Root Under (the) Self Tree.

We need to feel secure in our ability to shelter ourselves from the life storms. We have to feel grounded in our own vast amounts of knowledge and experience. We can not move on, trust others, or find our own work brilliant, if we don’t have a relationship with ourselves that isn’t hostile and anxiety filled. All that comes of that is more self-bullying and anxiety.

I discovered that being mean to myself and comparing myself and my blog to others and their bodies or bodies of work didn’t help motivate me in the least. So I have my grounding rock in my pocket, I’m sitting down each day to devote myself to my craft and my self-discovery. And my hope is that this work will pay off eventually. So for now, I’m going to trust the process and be OK with right where I am now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Re-establishing Trust With You is the Most Important Thing You’ll Ever Do

Re-establishing trust with you is the most important thing you’ll ever do

It takes witchcraft to conjure items from nowhere and that’s exactly what it feels like when you’re attempting to manifest a feeling you’ve truly never felt before like happiness and self-confidence.

Being OK with me was hidden in secret magical fairy tale dimension that I’d only read about in make-believe or self-help books. The concept of self-esteem was so foreign, it seemed something someone made up to be cruel to people like me. But even through my skepticism, I’ve continued to work hard on finding this elusive but apparently very necessary item.

Lurches and leaps and lapses in faith littered my way from there to here. Yet I keep adding drops into my bucket to fill my self-esteem bucket up. I trusted myself when I made decisions to risk and won. I saw myself in a different more valuable way when a community rose up around me to support me. I dedicated myself to my therapy homework and to writing what I felt and putting it in front of you dear reader.Re-establishing Trust With You is the Most Important Thing You'll Ever Do on Shalavee.com

And recently, I’ve grabbed another book to continue to build a connection with myself that is stronger and more honest and trustworthy. I am writing five acknowledgements every day of things that I have done. And as simple as that may seem, something is shifting. I am feeling my word is good to myself. I am keeping myself from rushing off to the future and am focusing on the present.

The process will be different for everyone. Many people get to start of with less of a deficit. They may have half as much work to do to find a way of seeing themselves within the world that’s purposeful and important and uniquely necessary. But that is always the truth whether you’ve found it out or not yet. And there are most likely lots of loving people in your life who have waited and hoped for you to make that discovery. So give yourself an opportunity to find your voice again and make yourself at home in the safety of being you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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