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The Perfect vs. the Placeholder

How often do you not follow through, not write it down, not say it out loud, or not make the commitment, because it’s not perfect. Is it enough to know that there’s a silliness to this way of thinking to stop you from thinking this way?

I can’t go to college and earn a degree unless I know the exact career I’m going to have when I graduate. I don’t know if this guy is Mr. Right so I may not want to continue dating him. I can’t commit to a blog because I don’t know what I’d write about. And what you find is that the perfectionism starts to feel like some horrible brain constipation and your lack of permission to move forward for the sake of perfectionism can become painful. My husband cleverly says, “Do something, even if it’s wrong.” And so when I come to write a thought out, my trick is to think of writing anything as a placeholder for the real writing to come.arting in the foyer on Shalavee.com

Writing on the page fills the writing space and commits me to further thinking and writing on the thought I’m expressing. This way, I’m allowed to write total crap. Because now I have permission to come back and replace every word. It is well-known that good writing is all about the editing. So if I shift my expectations to writing crap at first knowing, I have removed it from the place it was lodged in my brain, it’s even more wonderful when I return to read it and it’s not as crappy as I thought.Tunnel on shalavee.com

As for the life “knowing” perfectionism I mentioned, I believe life is much like a curved tunnel. You can see a little in front of you but your knowledge tells you that it goes further. You really can’t see the end and you’ll have to make a choice or two along the way but you know you’re headed for a destination. The college degree is really just a badge of hard work and achievement. Not always about the real major. And the boy who seems perfect when you meet him and then you find our is human and not perfect, he has the ability to make choices too. To go with you to your destination with honor and integrity.

And the blog that was my vehicle for writing and turned out to gift me so many wonderful gifts of friendship? It’s not perfect and I don’t see the bigger picture yet but it’s holding my place until I figure out what I want to be when I’m 49. Knowing is cracked up to be the mental Nirvana. But unforeseeable factors always jump in and can mess up your plan. So I’ll just hold this place in my life with grace and gratitude, do the best I can, and keep prying the perfection expectations from my clammy grasp.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I’m Speaking Up, Can You Too

As children, we’re told to shush and thus we’ve been taught to make ourselves less. To be less. We must tone us down and edit ourselves. And we’re told this by our parents and adults, those who keep us alive and who keep us safe. So in order to continue to be safe and cared for, we become less. We’ve grown up still doing as we’re told and have equated staying alive with keeping quiet. And so we continue to operate from a keep quiet and don’t make waves perspective. We become edited versions of ourselves.

I read this recently and this hit a nerve for me. I’m from the loud family. You can hear my mother laugh in the crowd at the state fair. And my children and I just aren’t quiet. Plus, I cringe at the thought of all those jackasses who told me to shush in my life. I hate the thought that I’d be one of those jackasses to my children.cowgirl Fiona at the stairs on Shalavee.com

Although I recognize that there’s the way that “it’s done”. There’s polite propriety and standard normal kind of behavior. I also think that the world is a way more interesting place when people become the most they can be. When a person dares to be different, we take notice of him or her.  These people are the ones being seen and making a difference. Ironic that in a world telling everyone to conform, it is the nonconformists that end up influencing and leading people from their ruts.

I know I am guilty of being a lesser version of the deeper down me. Of not speaking the truer truths. I get lots and lots of ideas. And then they get edited and dismissed and stowed before they ever get properly expressed or followed through. Why? Because I fear. I fear that I’ll say something to offend one person. It’s already happened here believe it. I fear that I’ll offend someone I love with my honesty. That happens a lot too. I really was scared that if I posted too many “woe is me” posts I’d drive my readers away for being a self indulgent sad sack. So in order to take care of other people’s feelings, I ignore my own. So codependent I know. But I thought it was time to out myself so I could stop fearing reprisal for being myself.Indiana Fiona Jones on Shalavee.comThere’s the confession and now a request. I started my blog so I could write and say what I thought about my thoughts and feelings. And I’ve been here, written that and stayed for more than a few years now. I no longer want to hobble myself, edit myself, and be less than me because I am scared that I will offend. I also really hold my readership dear. Many people who read me were people that I really wanted to be liked by. Truth. And many are people I received by one type of post and maybe they don’t care about other ones.

I can’t impress all the people all the time. I lost one subscriber recently. May they rest in peace and their inboxes be cleared. I’m now hanging at 115 subscribers. Numbers don’t matter as much as reader satisfaction does. I do want that number to grow because readers shared the good stuff and other people came to read too.Anais Nin quote on Shalavee.comSo if you’d be so kind dear readers, can you comment here or on my Shalavee Facebook Page and let me know what you really love reading. Or what you really are inspired by. I’m handing out free passes for you to give me what you have and share with me your thoughts so that I may know what to keep doing. I will always have my own voice, I just want to be a little louder.

Yes, you in California and you in Australia, I need to hear from you too so that I can be refueled. I will continue to bring you writing that you love and I want to improve the heck out of it. Thank you so much and have a lovely weekend!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Am Not Better Than You

I’m begging you, don’t think better of me. I am not what you’ve dreamed me up to be. I am still a student and I have so much to learn.

I do that same thing you know. I watch other people online, especially the bloggers putting out clever easy beautiful content, eBooks, posts that seem so duh, so easy, so pretty, so clairvoyant. I measure myself up at light-speed and I find myself lacking. There is always someone that’s more successful, skinnier, prettier, more prolific, and seems to have sped past you as you stood there with your thumb up your you know where trying to decide if you even like yourself.

I am not the gal blogger who writes tremendously artful fluid thought-provoking pinnable posts which make whatever product is being sold seem like the exact thing that makes your flavor of mothering look even better. Who takes the perfect clean styled pictures of their cute child with flour on their faces and their elfin bodies and makes it look all so so easy and even the hard times seem bearable.Fiona helping cook on Shalavee.com

I am not the “share every detail and bad thought constantly to excess while using stream of consciousness, profanity, and humor to hit some amazing moments inside my profuse profane writing and gain lots of followers” blogger. She fascinates me but I am not her.

I am not the amazing photog or cook or crafter who makes you wish you could just see stuff that way to even take the pictures in the perfectly decorated home as you style effortlessly while your really good baby sleeps and you enjoy alone time. She has the exact perfect friends she met at that wonderful conference she attended while her mother/mother in law watched the children and she used up that savings account she made from all the coupons she’d clipped and money made on a swap and sell site online. The messy closet on Shalavee.com

And no I’m not the really frustrated extraordinarily talented and profane Momma of five and writer who had a few scary years in the gutter but has risen to impressive heights and now has a huge following and is everywhere, has an e-course, and is totally transparent so you still have to like her.

I have watched these wonderful hard-working women achieve their mind-blowing goals and I have thought, “I am not that good. I am not worthy. There’s a reason I can’t get published or pull my thoughts together to create more than a few posts a week. I am not that good.”Fiona on Eamon's lap on Shalavee.com

I am just a human, a woman, a writer, a blogger, and a mother. A fan of alternative music who has to recreate the wheel constantly, who talks loudly, yells at her kids, and feels passionately about creativity, self-development, inspiration, and happiness. I am no better or no worse off than you. So please don’t ever give me that credit.

We are equals. Never forget that my outsides are not your insides. We have too much in common to forget we don’t.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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