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My Life’s Forgotten Plot Twist : Fiona

Life happens while you’re headed in another direction. Sometimes life’s intentional. Sometimes it’s happenstance. Sometimes forces of natural science and fate converge and you get a Fiona. She is the plot twist in my life. The one I fought and fought which finally aligned. And as miraculous as her birth was, I’ve just as easily forgotten this little miraculous plot twist in my life with the relentlessness of her toddlerhood. My life's forgotten plot twist Fiona on Shalavee.com

As times passes, I forget that she was my last ditch effort at fertility and children. And that it worked. She’s the pink elephant miracle in the room now. I forget because all I seem to remember is my striving, my longing to be more for me and its long entitled deep roots in my life. It stems from my legacy of not enoughness. And I lose sight of my miracles as I fall back on my familiar discontent.

That she and I are finding out who we are simultaneously should be a wonder to us both. That she humbles me out so that I must take this discovery process slow as to continue to be present for her. It was never her that was in my way anyway. It was always my fear. My life's forgotten plot twist Fiona on Shalavee.com

Forgetfulness is the enemy when it allows us to let go of the things we once deemed magic. The miracles that made us revere our luck, our existence. And then these fade and the magic disappears in the cracks of the mundanity of life. And we forget who we are and how we were made.

Fear is the enemy when it belittles our abilities. It forgets us as we are standing on our hard earned ground. Like a bully it pushes us and then wants us to fall down. Pairing the fearful and the forgotten me and everything that I have achieved in the past decade disappears. And I vanish into dust. I am only as memorable as I make myself. And I know Fiona’s purpose herself is far greater than that. She reminds me how important she is to the world every day. And so I must remember and cherish and share my life’s little plot twist.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Relax

I’m noticing the almost compulsive wish to relax. To go about life with a devil may not even care attitude. I want to function without the alarms. I want to feel like I’m floating about on a leather couch through life and everything is A-OK. I have moments of this but I selfishly want more.

This was my revelation today. I’m redeveloping my public functioning. I am much more comfortable with me these days and that’s because of my “I let go of what other people were thinking” mode of living. I am highly aware about how much more relaxed I am joking with strangers. I like who I am more. relax on shalavee.com

I simultaneously like and want more of the feeling like everything’s good and there’s not as much to worry about. Because for most of my life, I’ve thought that everything’s not Ok and it all sucks and at any moment there’ll be something bad happening so I might as well be ready.

Old ways of strife and anxiety are hard to let go of. Last week I wrote about how having everything good makes me equally nervous. You live and create what you are used to. And this process of creating a life that I can only imagine I’m entitled to have, a life filled with happiness and ease? This is me doing so on Faith. I imagine how it would be to

Feel

as

if the

thing has

happened

And then I follow that feeling. I create a life and make the choices to get there based on a feeling I want. It’s called following you intuition. And it’s hard but very possible.relax on shalavee.com

I want a buffer zone. I want to feel like I’m on that big cushy creamy leather couch. I want to absolutely know that what you say to me can not touch my soul unless I choose for it to. I want to know I have my back everywhere all the time. And I don’t think these are too much to ask.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Hurry and The Hush

I am a recovering Energizer Bunny. I’ve been called that, yes. My therapist referred to this “life coping technique” as Industrious Over-focused. I’m getting it all done, covering all my bases in a hurry just in case I need to prove why I’m worthy of keeping around I suppose.

The Perfect Holiday is an easy trap to fall into for people who have my affliction. Do it all and you WIN. But unless you have a talent for military maneuvering and a team of Martha Stewarts, plus a degree in time management, it’s a big jolly “Good Luck With That” to you. Having a personally happy holiday has so much to do with setting realistic expectations for yourself and dismissing others’ approval entirely.

My biggest mistake was always to hit the holiday running but then I’d end up having set the bar too high and felt like a failure when I was such a winner. If all the t’s were crossed and I’s dotted, I thought that was my “happy”. It’s the same affliction many of us have but now applied to decorating and presents. And it’s still all based in extrinsic factors. Like other people’s approval and the need for  acknowledgement of your talents, generosity, or charity.chessie-in-the-pine on the Hurry and the Hush on Shalavee.com

But this year, I started my planning off with getting some of the big stuff done ahead. Christmas cards were ordered before Thanksgiving. Unheard of and yet I designed and made them before they’d even made it on my to-do list. I get giddy thinking that I don’t have to feel bad and overwhelmed about my Christmas cards this year.

I did not overbook my “outside the house” holiday obligations. So I am sitting here on the 4th looking at all the time left I have left until Christmas as mine. The tree fetching, the Christmas shopping, and the wrapping are all scheduled on my calendar. courthouse-lights on the Hurry and the Hush on Shalavee.com

I Don’t Feel Anxious. Thoughts of not enough are not running through my head. Instead, there’s no doubt in my head that I will have enough time to do what I need to do and have the rest of the time to be present. My present to me is my conscious and proactive presence during the season.

This is me doing my best and letting go of the rest. The busyness for chaos’ sake isn’t necessary for me anymore. I am no longer a chaos junkie. I am clear and quieter than ever and I’m focused on the wisdom of seeing and feeling the difference between the hurry and the hush. I hope everyone has that experience this holiday.xmas-tree-2015 on the hurry and the hush on shalavee.com

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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