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A Thousand Thoughts

A thousand thoughts I think every day and then they slip my mind as the day drones on. They fall into a my brain colander and then slip through the tiny holes again at the bottom, dispersed like little bits of worthless brain dust.Fiona's lap nap on Shalavee.com

I desperately want to grab at least one thought. String it together with another and make sense of something. I long daily to write it out, work it out. See it, be it. Have my separate world evolve, create, inspire, make meaning and impact.

Perhaps twice a week I may have a couple of hours to possibly do this. But sometimes, there’s just no room for me.Indiana Fiona Jones on Shalavee.com

 

The rest of the time, I’m sinking into monotonous minutes of obstinate rage. power struggle and love. I have an anchor attached to my leg and usurping my brain. She’s beautiful and manipulative and there’s no way I’m getting any clear thinking done. Not on her watch. Muddle on my little ginger-headed gal.

I tell myself “soon” over and over. Soon there will be long thoughtful stretches. Soon she’ll be in school. Soon it won’t be Summer. Soon she won’t be sick. Soon I’ll like her again. Soon I’ll have permission again to be me.Fiona out back on Paul and Annette's on Shalavee.com

I negotiate for today with my feelings of resentment. And then I get to go to sleep and wake up and start my frustration anew tomorrow. My brain grabbing again for a moment and a moment and a moment, just one to make things all good again. Wake me when toddler-hood is over.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

This Is It : Enough, Ok, and Alright Already

After much deep thought and process, I think I know what that “one thing” is Jack Palance’s Curly spoke of in City Slickers, and I referenced in this post about self discoveries. And its way simpler than you’d think. And also kinda hard depending.

I am perpetually in a state of self-doubt. Continually I question is it OK, enough, or alright to be doing this now or that then? Is what I’m doing getting me where I want to go? Do I know where I want to go? Is what I’m doing what I want to be doing and aligning with the self I want to be? Does anyone really care?watching the deer on Shalavee.com

Because many of us are busy second guessing everything. We want to control and second guess everything and everyone, including our loved ones, and ourselves constantly. Somehow we got misinformed that being control freaks will quell our perpetual anxieties of the unknown. But I can tell you that after 40 some odd years of doing things this way, I’m lucky I’m not bonkers or driven away all the lovely people around me.

The turning point is when you realize that if you do your best, as you surely always do, then stuff always turns out pretty well. Lack of faith in this concept has you not necessarily doing the best job you can. In fact, you attract what you believe so if you believe your job isn’t good, others believe that and generally you spin your wheels in frustration. I never feel complete and satisfied because I’m always spinning the wheels trying to make it through the perpetual self doubting muck.Backyard Deer on Shalavee.com

When I can say where I am is exactly where I need to be at this moment, then I’m actually allowed to move. Because I know, or have faith, that I have my back for the future. When I agree that I’m doing the best I can right now and allow that to be my truth, that’s when my brain shifts. A door swings open and life begins anew on the right tracks. Starting over again is based on giving myself permission to do just that and let go of all the what ifs and couldas and begin again. A bottomless supply of forgiveness until there’s no need for it anymore.Fiona waters the rabbit on Shalavee.com

So here’s the concept : No more fiddly diddly second guessing trying to control every single loving detail of your life and everything around you. You do what you can, the very best that you can, and then sit back knowing the future always takes care of itself. And you are super capable of handling anything you didn’t see coming. I’m pretty sure the secret to a happy life has to do with believing you’ve got what it takes. And if you don’t believe that, and believe that you can even have that, then it’s time to find people to help you believe this wholeheartedly. No need to spend one more moment of another day perpetuating the belief of “if only you were this or they did that, then things would be…”. Now is actually just as it needs to be, you just need to put on the right glasses to see it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Floor Cloth and Summer Solstice Decorations

I had hoped that some day I would be known for my event decorating skills. I love how just the right decorations can make you feel like you are somewhere special. Ms. Debbie asked me to decorate the sanctuary for the Summer solstice service and of course I said yes.Jendalyn mandala inspration for my floor cloth on Shalavee.com

 

sun floor cloth

After doing a search on Pinterest, I was inspired by a sunburst mandala by Jendalyn and multiple floor cloth tutorials which made me think this would be great idea. Yes, a great idea if you paint. Which I am sure I could do. Until now.Setting Up the sanctuary on Shalavee.com

Turns out Ms. Debbie wanted a service in the round so the attention would be in the middle. The floor cloth concept was a go. But the design needed something else to balance it out visually overhead. This is a vaulting space and knowing that my earlier project of decoratively festooned wreaths hanging from the chandeliers worked out really well, they needed to have an encore appearance and be redesigned. They were super cool.Summer chandeliers on Shalavee.comI kept thinking I would come up with all new everything this time. I envisioned new streamers and who knows what inspiration. But the floor cloth took up so much time and worry and thought and in the end, it really was quite simple to make. I just let the design process take over and the floor cloth filled with color and pattern and then I was done. Especially when Mark suggested I might be. Because I may have kept painting it.

Stop the madness, I said.

Finished Floor cloth on Shalavee.com

And so after all the angsting I did, I think it turned out pretty darn well. I fought with the rough surface of the pre-made drop cloth but it was 6 x 9 which I squared off and I knew it needed lines. I bought large oil paint Sharpies and acrylic paints andended up using some house paint for the blue background. Bob’s your Uncle and there you have it.Setting up the sanctuary on Shalavee.com

Happy Summer Solstice and Happy Father’s Day everyone!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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