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Purging the Stuff That Owns Us

The pruning, the watering, the dusting, and the ironing. If you have stuff, you need to upkeep it. Kids need food and clothes. Your body needs hair cuts and doctor’s appointments. Your house needs gutters and your car needs gas. If we listen to the mantra of American marketing, getting more while spending less is what we live for. But what if all our getting and spending doesn’t make us happy? If our lifestyles of ownership stresses us out? Then perhaps we need to take a look at what we own and why. Really look.

I do occasional forays into cleaning out my stuff. I have recently reached the middle of the Marie Kondo’s book The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up. But I stopped. Partially because the holiday season hit. And partly because I know that there are deeper reasons for much of my ownership of my stuff that I have to plow through. And I may not be ready to go there yet.

Little by little I’ve touched drawer contents and desktop data. I’ve completely overhauled our internet and computer information saving/backup system. Very satisfying to not have to be irritated or concerned about any of that anymore. But there are a half-dozen boxes in the attic that contain objects from my childhood. They are stacked on top of each other, listing and falling about. And it seems an indication to me that I may need to repack up my childhood with some care. Purging the stuff that owns you on Shalavee.com

All the stuff I keep is to remind me of something. I suspect sometimes the items are breadcrumbs leading me back to a bit of unfinished business. My childhood has a lot of that. So when last night I dared to read further into Marie Kondo’s book, I was struck by the next batch of wisdom I read.

“By handling each sentimental item and deciding what to discard, you process your past. Or it becomes a burden and a hindrance from living now”.

“It is not our memories but the person we’ve become because of those past experiences that we should treasure. This is the lesson these keepsakes teach us when we sort them. The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.”

So I will set aside some time and arm myself with new more respectable containers for my childhood. I will dig through, decipher, decide, and then ditch what no longer belongs to me. And I will repeat that process as I go through my files for tax season. And my garage junk in preparation for painting season. Layers of ownership need to be peeled off me for the new year to feel lighter and more hopeful. I need space for what makes me happier. And to let go of what no longer serves me. And Miss Kondo promises, “One of the magical effects of tidying is the confidence in your decision-making ability.” I think I could use a big boost to my decision-making confidence too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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From Under a Rock

This past month, there’s been a shift. I listened hard to what I’m feeling and I heard a different tune. When you practice mindfulness, even knowing that you have the power to change things changes things. And the scared feeling that I uncovered when I committed to change recently didn’t kill me.

I apparently have mastered my stuck so well that I’d be fine living under a rock way longer than it seems necessary or safe. Seems, as long as I never have an end to anything, a deadline or a completionary action, I remain safe under my rock. But recently, I chose to dare and declare I would be willing to make a change. And what I experienced after I rolled the rock from me was sheer panic. Anger and terror.

Even knowing that you have the power to change things

changes things.

From Under a Rock on Shalavee.com

As long as I never change things, I never have to have my hopes dashed or be criticized for the job I’ve done. This would be a coping mechanism I’ve had from a long long time ago. It’s called Industrious Over-focused which I wrote about here. Except, it’s outdated coping mode. It’s an auto response that I no longer need if the critical parent I’m afraid of having to deal with is actually now within me!

So the shift now comes from the absolute understanding that the mean voice that I cower from and avoid is my own now. And that I have the power to speak up for my self and say “Thatta Girl! You did a really good job. You Rock!” And all of those kinda things that you would totally say emphatically and energetically to anyone you love to let them know that you love and support them. From Under a Rock on Shalavee.com

I thought today how weird it is to have other people believe in you more than you do.

 And that I’ve been on the cusp of deciding if I in fact have my back. To recognize your own inner adult/parent as viable and powerful and existent. That is where the good stuff begins. Are you heading there to join me or already there?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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When Not Getting What You Want is a Good Thing

Sometimes what we want isn’t really good for us. Our want can be based on what our inner 6-year-old wants but she doesn’t have the reasoning that the rest of her life could have given her. Sometimes, what she wanted wouldn’t have given her what she needed and that’s a blessing.

It’s the “be careful what you wish for” scenario. To be so invested in any outcome as an absolute necessity is to forget the universe might have better plans for you than your inner six-year-old. Also remembering that everything that happens to you may not be personal. When applying it directly to our feelings it will always Feel personal but it more often than not isn’t. When Not Getting What You Want is a Good Thing on Shalave.com

We want people to like us but sometimes the reason is that we don’t like ourselves. So their like isn’t going to help us. This one stings most of all because deep down we align our self-worth with social acceptance and if that is denied us, it feels like a death in our hearts. I’ve done and said things I wished I hadn’t and then waited to see if I’d be unfriended secretly thinking I knew I wasn’t good enough to be accepted by them. This has happened a couple of times and the agony is palpable.

If someone does not want me it is not the end of the world

but if I do not want me the world is nothing but endings

~ Nayyirah Waheed

We want money, fame, or power but when we get it, we squander or abuse it because we haven’t the emotional wisdom to manage our gift. Do you remember that TV show where they’d build houses for people and surprise them? American dream come true accept then you’d learn later that they couldn’t pay the taxes on their free houses so they we taken from them. It seemed so sad. Like the ugly backside of the American dream. Earning enough to be philanthropic would be a better goal. Having clout enough to champion a cause would be a better reframe of fame.When Not Getting What You Want is a Good Thing on Shalave.com

I’ve spent five years creating a body of blog posts and wishing I had more readership. But I really didn’t want that because I’ve been afraid that would mean I had more responsibility than I could bear. I tortured myself none the less with the “why am I not like them”, wanting to be popular, all the while refusing to do the exact things I needed to make that happen and sabotaging any chances. Then all I wanted was to be validated by others. Now I want to increase my like of me. And that change in what I want is what my shift is all about.

It’s quite OK to want things. That is the cookie, or the carrot for you vegans, that keeps us going and innovating and creating. But what we are wanting has to align with our values about the kind of people we want to be. I want to always be honest, have integrity, be a good friend, and lead by example. And when something doesn’t feel quite right, it’s usually an indication that my why for my want is unaligned. The truth then will set me free or at least put me on a better path.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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