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Chaos Junkies Beware : Anxiety While Life’s Good

Last week was a mostly unstressful week. Sure there were one too many appointments to show up for, one of those running weeks I usually don’t like. But life was still good. And I found myself nibbling on my lip as I do when I’m nervous . My nervous habit, my tell of anxiety.

Don’t get me wrong, being a parent to a ten and a two-year old, soon to be eleven and three, is a stressful undertaking. Throw in some nasty hormonal fluxes and people in need of their daily constitutional and you’ve got some stress and poopy moods. But truly, it’s just life at that point.

So I brought this to my therapist and said, what’s up with this? She said when you have spent your whole life in anticipation of what’s next like the crisis and the struggle, you are so familiar with the chaos that the absence of it feels like a void you could fall into. I was nervous that there was nothing to be nervous about. tire swing and barefeet on Shalavee.com

Turns out, being anxious at the lack of anything to be anxious about is a “normal” thing for people who’ve grown up with constant chaos such as an addict in the house especially a parent. And fearing the calm is par to the course for lifelong chaos lovers who are trying to create less stressful lives for themselves and their children. Knowing that this is “normal” made me feel a little better as sharing is apt to do.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Dress Myself

I’m always certain that every one else knows. They all know what they want from life and who they are. They know who God is and where they live inside their bodies. How to dress themselves properly. I’ve always felt homeless in mine.

Last week I pulled out some articles of clothing from my drawers and closet and not only did I realize these items don’t fit me physically but they simply aren’t “me”. Who did I get them for then? The me I thought I could be, should be, might be, and the one I thought would be a better me than the me I am now?me and Fiona Nov '15 on Shalavee.com

What is a Wardrobe? There’s clothing hanging in the closet but I don’t think that counts as a definition of a wardrobe. A wardrobe seems a very intentional undertaking and takes a personal understanding of who the person wearing the clothing is to create.

So as I continue to become more comfortable in the skin I’m destined to wear until the end, I am more and more conscious of what it takes to have a style. To know you is to dress like you and talk like you and be comfortable in you. It’s stripping out and off the items and do-be-do’s that aren’t yours after all. And seeing what you’ve got left.my little redhead with the sky on Shalavee.com

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

When Expectations Mess With You

What does it mean to be me? If I’m not happy with this version then what would an ideal version of me look like? Who do I think I should be? Will it always be someone different from who I am now? And if so, if my results don’t match my expectations, will I be doomed to a life of not enough?

Yes.

I am catching myself recently contemplating the quality of this or that in my life, noticing the feelings surrounding certain choices and suddenly I realize, this is an expectations issue. And one of my words of the year, Perspective, is dealt into my hand asking to be changed. How I perceive this situation, based on my expectations, will shade how I feel about it and then I will judge it as good or bad. Expectations + Perceptions + Good or Bad Feelings.Fiona on the Swinging bench on Shalavee.com

If I’m always comparing my life to that of someone far more “graced” than me, I will always be unhappy. I’ll never be as rich, as talented, or as skinny. My expectations are then a cyclic prison of misery. And I want out.

If I adjust my perspective and decide I’m good where I am, and if I make sure I have a plan on where I’d like to go, I will then feel hopeful about my now. Your journey is then fueled by your faith in your ability to get there. Self-efficacy , the ability to believe if you’ve done it before, you’ll be able to do it again, is based on this faith.  If you suspend your disbelief long enough to prove that you can budge from the stuck place you’ve been in, and if you keep your head down and keep going, the faith in yourself fuel tank will fill even more. You’ll actually get there quicker than you imagined.Fiona gets a haircut with Miss Lisa on Shalavee.com

I have spent a lot time filling myself up with positive knowledge about me. I come out of my cave and I speak to people and they thank me for being me. I show up and volunteer and people show up for me. And the community I’m creating all around is building me up. And I feel much more competent to do whatever I put my mind to than I ever did before. It’s been a slow process and yet, I’ve budged. So being me is becoming a better and better person to be. I expect I’ll be my friend by the end.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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