I told my husband I felt a little Dory-ish of late. My motto is “Just Keep Swimming”. Generally feeling that the busyness was taking me through my days and I was getting through to get to the other side. Sometimes life is about endurance.
I told him that I missed those days in my distant past when I could be full of myself having known I did something outrageous and righteous, acts of production worthy of pride of accomplishment and feeling like “It’s all good”. I’ve not been feeling that validation for a while.
Most days I’m busy just maintaining this ginormous old house and all the people in it. The wash and the food and the dust are managed and then I repeat. Sure I jam in a blog post where necessary, but there’s nothing bigger on my aspiration agenda.
And I think that I give no credit for the job of Mom well done daily but rather judge myself for the other incompletions I live. We collect our judgements of ourselves and when that “Apply” button appears, judgement for a life less-lived, we punch it with a vengeful force. Because what are we worth to ourselves but what we’ve done? What we can show for ourselves?
People perpetually want to give credit to ambitious mothers for their good job done mothering but we are blind to that most times. It’s a given to keep them alive. We keep remembering what we valued ourselves for before them. Our looks, our jobs, our minds which are all gone now.=
It wasn’t that I wasn’t getting anything done. I just wasn’t crediting myself for my tasks. This week, I’ve been heaping the credit on myself. I have been busy being handy. I fixed my vintage towel bar and the toilet paper holder which small people inevitably rip off the wall, and a toilet. I installed a new doorbell.
I washed dishes,windows, clothing, and my kitchen floor! And everyday, I arted. And showed up to do my live Facebook broadcast on my birthday. I balanced a checkbook, I fed everyone, and showed up for a wedding. I can say that I may not be the sum of my deeds, but sometimes the deeds need to fill and carry my spirit up to the next soul challenge.
Here’s a heads up. I’m setting two big goals for October. First is another Soul Selfie Challenge as promised, from October 10th through the 16th. That’s a week-long Instagram challenge with words and pictures based on soulful prompts. A chance to be a little more forthcoming and vulnerable than we usually are. It was amazing and draining and amazing the last time around this past March.
And October is usually the month when I post every day for the entire month. Posts can be long or short, wordy or just pictures, poems or old posts revisited. But there will be 31 days straight of them. I kinda dread it and then I do it and I’m all proud of myself. Please join the peanut gallery and watch the progress of both these events unfold here on the blog. Sign up in the right hand column to have the posts delivered straight to your email box if you haven’t already. And thanks for joining me at anytime. I appreciate all ears and eyes equally.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
6 Comments
This reminds me to acknowledge what I HAVE accomplished on days that I don’t accomplish something I wanted to do. Thanks.
That is exactly what I had hoped you’d get Tamara! Seems such a simple request of yourself but really isn’t.
There are days since the head injury, that all I do is sit. If I remember, I remind myself I used to tell my patients who were miscarrying, that in Chinese Medicine, a person is formed at conception with Jing from the father, Jing from the mother, and Heavenly Shen. Therefore, there is full value at 5 weeks or 100 years. Complete value. I sit, and think of the things I would do if the part of my brain that fuels motivation wasn’t damaged. I listen. I talk to God. If I remember to.
Well Maureen what you lack in motivation, you make up for in wit and intelligence. Don’t know your you then from your you now but my thoughts are, you don’t suck. So there’s something good going on. Keep doing it.
Love,
Shalagh
It’s good not to suck. 😉
Love, Maureen
Indeed it does. If you’re the one seeing the not sucking especially.