Instead of Dread

We’ve had an unusually busy August and I have one last day to get through in a week-long run of big scary events. And I have been very conscious of fending off the dread.

This final busy week included the last three band practices for my son’s band for the performance on the weekend, a fair that happens in my front yard, an out-of-town visitor, a public dance performance for Fiona, and preparation for a speech and art piece display for me. All great events yet there’s the wariness and dread of what you have to do likes to knock on the door and check to see if it can come in and stay a while. I tried to not answer the door.

I focused instead on the positive outcomes of all the events. I savored the gratitude I felt from having community show up for Eamon’s band and for my speech at church. I thought about what message we were giving to ourselves and to others when we showed up to do these things. That we are good enough and our talents valuable to share. Our vulnerabilities pinned to our sleeves as we performed our creative tasks.

And I focused on being with my family and taking it all one step at a time. Being here for one another. I focused on the examples we were setting. On appreciating our team and the opportunities we are making for ourselves. And all of that kept me not focusing on the dread and anxiety of the performance.

Today is the last dreadful day. I have a minor medical procedure that requires me to be put under for a few needles in my backside. But this is me just keeping my nose down and keeping on because all of it takes me to a better place in the end. A place where there’s less dread of pain and more pride. So I am feeling gratitude even in light of having to starve myself before the procedure. And I’m watching how this all unfolds and keeping my eyes open for the next direction to head in. And the celebration I plan to have for these jobs well done!

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