As children, we’re told to shush and thus we’ve been taught to make ourselves less. To be less. We must tone us down and edit ourselves. And we’re told this by our parents and adults, those who keep us alive and who keep us safe. So in order to continue to be safe and cared for, we become less. We’ve grown up still doing as we’re told and have equated staying alive with keeping quiet. And so we continue to operate from a keep quiet and don’t make waves perspective. We become edited versions of ourselves.
I read this recently and this hit a nerve for me. I’m from the loud family. You can hear my mother laugh in the crowd at the state fair. And my children and I just aren’t quiet. Plus, I cringe at the thought of all those jackasses who told me to shush in my life. I hate the thought that I’d be one of those jackasses to my children.
Although I recognize that there’s the way that “it’s done”. There’s polite propriety and standard normal kind of behavior. I also think that the world is a way more interesting place when people become the most they can be. When a person dares to be different, we take notice of him or her. These people are the ones being seen and making a difference. Ironic that in a world telling everyone to conform, it is the nonconformists that end up influencing and leading people from their ruts.
I know I am guilty of being a lesser version of the deeper down me. Of not speaking the truer truths. I get lots and lots of ideas. And then they get edited and dismissed and stowed before they ever get properly expressed or followed through. Why? Because I fear. I fear that I’ll say something to offend one person. It’s already happened here believe it. I fear that I’ll offend someone I love with my honesty. That happens a lot too. I really was scared that if I posted too many “woe is me” posts I’d drive my readers away for being a self indulgent sad sack. So in order to take care of other people’s feelings, I ignore my own. So codependent I know. But I thought it was time to out myself so I could stop fearing reprisal for being myself.There’s the confession and now a request. I started my blog so I could write and say what I thought about my thoughts and feelings. And I’ve been here, written that and stayed for more than a few years now. I no longer want to hobble myself, edit myself, and be less than me because I am scared that I will offend. I also really hold my readership dear. Many people who read me were people that I really wanted to be liked by. Truth. And many are people I received by one type of post and maybe they don’t care about other ones.
I can’t impress all the people all the time. I lost one subscriber recently. May they rest in peace and their inboxes be cleared. I’m now hanging at 115 subscribers. Numbers don’t matter as much as reader satisfaction does. I do want that number to grow because readers shared the good stuff and other people came to read too.So if you’d be so kind dear readers, can you comment here or on my Shalavee Facebook Page and let me know what you really love reading. Or what you really are inspired by. I’m handing out free passes for you to give me what you have and share with me your thoughts so that I may know what to keep doing. I will always have my own voice, I just want to be a little louder.
Yes, you in California and you in Australia, I need to hear from you too so that I can be refueled. I will continue to bring you writing that you love and I want to improve the heck out of it. Thank you so much and have a lovely weekend!
And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.
And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
8 Comments
Although I do not get to read every post Shalagh, I never, ever regret it when i do. And when I do read, I don’t always post a reply, but I savor the honesty and art that you make in this blog. Sometimes i “like” some posts more than others, but so what? Because what you produce IS AUTHENTIC ART! it comes from a deep place of being- strong and vulnerable/weak and invincible… at the same time.
So please, keep going. The intersection of images and words invite your viewer/reader to consider the world from a different perspective. It is where insight happens even at a cluttered government work desk very early on a Friday morning.
I thank God you’re “loud”. 🙂
And tell Fiona I am bringing my own foam sword over to challenge her to a swarthy pirate battle!
Oh Dear Sue,
If I ever need to know who I’m writing to, it would do me well to remember it’s you. This testimonial to my arting is so uplifting and your description of my humanity truthful. May I continue to bring you insight and anyone else who gets me an what I do as well as you, let them see what you see. Because me in your eyes rocks!
Love You!
Shalagh
I am a quiet person, the product of a quiet, creative family. (My father read to me almost every night until I left home. True!) The world is a noisy place so my challenge, is to assume my outside persona and go “pick shit with the chickens”. Wears me to a frazzle. Conversely, I am not so good at suffering fools gladly and can quickly fire off some rather impressive profanity. Not my finest moment, but there you have it. The basic me. As I get older, the need to explain myself to or fashion my self to others expectations, is diminishing. Fabulous! My dad always told me to never explain my actions to a critic. The world can be a lonely place but the person you need to please and serve in the end, in my opinion, is yourself.
Oh Carmelita, I read this and just loved hearing your story and perspective. I suppose much as others do with me. I do believe we’d get along grandly. Thank you so so very much for taking that moment to gift me with this thoughtful poetic and interesting paragraph.
Love,
Shalagh
You know, I don’t always comment. Not because of you, but often because my own life renders me mute and I have no words to put on paper. But still, I take in what you’ve written and mull it over in my own way. Less of a community, I know, but that’s how I roll sometimes.
You can spend your time trying to cater to what people want to read, but then you’ve really made blogging a business (which may be exactly what you ultimately want). Or you can continue to write about what’s going on in your head and life and trust that you’ll find the community you desire, even if it’s in tiny fits and starts.
I’ll continue to read, no matter what you write about, and sometimes I’ll have something to say and sometimes I’ll just need to be quiet, but still I’ll applaud you for expressing whatever’s on your mind! xo
You my dear Suzonne are my Scarecrow. I know you are there thinking thoughts. And how flattered I am that they would ever be inspired by my thoughts. It thrills me to know end that you took the time to gift this to me. Fits and starts. Trust. Yup.
Love to your boy and you and your kitty and your man,
Shalagh
I have been thinking about this a lot since I read your post the other day, but didn’t comment. Returning today I see the comments that have been left, and they are beautiful! More food for thought. I also come from a quiet family, but am tired now of presenting a lesser version of myself. To be honest, my eczema has been out of control for 6 months now and I believe my skin is speaking for me – being “in the bud” had just become too painful. So YES to you being a little louder now – your words always ring a clear tone to me, and the “individual” of you is there. That’s not common these days!
Wow, well would you believe I am slightly speechless Dawn? Nah. I am so very glad that this resonated and that I in fact asked for feedback which I udually don’t do because I’m afraid of what people will say. And then the amazing comments from these amazing women blew my everloving mind.
I am afraid that people will judge me. I am afraid that I might succeed and then I won’t be able to keep up what I did to get there. I am afraid that I won’t fulfill my potential for my talents and my life’s happiness. Maybe if you say your fears outside of your body, they will stop coming out in other ways?
Thank you so very much for showing up for me here and for showing up for others too. Now we would request that you show up for you.
Love,
Shalagh