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The Good Mother

As a mother, we strive to be “good”, to do our best. You always need a goal. Sometimes you reach it and sometimes you’re left feeling the weight of a job not well done. And then you start all over again.

I have a boy and a girl, 8 years apart. I am 47 years old. And these are my stories.

They Do As They See

Posted by on Jul 4, 2018 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Raising Fair Fiona, The Good Mother | 0 comments

They Do As They See

We all mean well as parents. Well most of us. We mess up trying to overcompensate for the advantages we didn’t have as children. We spoil them and we coddle them when all they really need is our undivided attention and our faith in them. But the one thing many of us seem to overlook is that how we treat ourselves shows them how to treat themselves. And that is only a good story if we are good to ourselves. There is a woman at the exercise gym I belong to who teaches several fitness classes. And her hyper self-loathing comes out when she...

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Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control

Posted by on Jun 13, 2018 in Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Little Guy Lessons, Raising Fair Fiona, Self-Discovery, The Good Mother | 2 comments

Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control

At my daughter’s school, the children’s behavior is monitored daily by a stoplight inspired grading system. If you’ve behaved yourself , you get on a green status. If you received a warning, its yellow. And a bad choice will get you to red status and probably get you sent to a principal’s waiting room, or maybe that’s just what I remember. But the most insipid of all is the purple. Because that represents better than good behavior and it’s all my daughter seems to want. To be the good girl. When she’s...

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Loving Your Inner Daughter

Posted by on Jun 1, 2018 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, The Good Mother | 0 comments

Loving Your Inner Daughter

About a month ago, my therapist and I were discussing the constant upset that my daughter seems to experience. And she stressed the fact that I needed to encourage my daughter to comfort herself. That knowing that you can be there for you and love yourself through to feeling better is the first step in empowering her and making sure she doesn’t seek out other methods of comfort for quelling the pain. When I discussed being there for yourself with my daughter, she referred to it as having a Body Buddy. That she came up with the phrase...

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A Few Thoughts On Mother’s Day

Posted by on May 14, 2018 in Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Self-Discovery, The Good Mother | 0 comments

A Few Thoughts On Mother’s Day

All-consuming, persistent, relentless, and unforgiving. Motherhood is 365 days per year of these and many more words, flattering and not. One day to recognize all of this feels cheesy. But then Christmas feels all too short to celebrate our oneness with Gratitude and salvation. We’ll be celebrating more Mother’s day next weekend as my husband had to work this weekend. And honestly, the kids are cute and smart but they’ll only take as much initiative as they’re told to when it comes to Mother recognition. So my thought...

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Why Make the Effort?

Posted by on May 4, 2018 in Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Self-Discovery, The Good Mother | 2 comments

Why Make the Effort?

When you don’t feel you are worth it, like the effort to go to the doctor or make those changes to your diet or get more education for a better paying job, why and who you are making the effort for may be your key to motivation. You don’t value yourself enough for the effort? So be it. But if you have children, their needs for your best You always trump everything. Your why is always your key to getting your life done. And if you have kids, they are a bigger why than we even realize. They are witnessing everything that we do and...

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Body Buddy

Posted by on Apr 11, 2018 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Raising Fair Fiona, Self-Discovery | 3 comments

Body Buddy

When my son was little, if I saw he was doing something that would hurt himself intentionally, I’d say, “Don’t hurt my friend”. I say this to my daughter as well.The idea being that I care about them as much as I would a friend seems to be not as obligatory but a choice to care about them. I love each as a buddy and friend and as children. The more I learn about self-care and self-trust, the more I know I need to teach my daughter how to self-soothe and be there for herself instead of looking for the comfort and acceptance outside...

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Fiona’s Moana Themed 5th Birthday Party

Posted by on Mar 19, 2018 in Daily Shalagh, Raising Fair Fiona, She's Crafty, The Good Mother, Visual Me | 4 comments

Fiona’s Moana Themed 5th Birthday Party

We celebrated Fiona’s Fifth birthday with a Moana party theme. We’re still doing the parties old school with family and cousins to play with. And the Moana theme was truly a great excuse to reuse my fabulous palm trees over again from the Viva Havana fundraiser. I took a good long time to conceive of and create some of the details and touches that made it feel fun and tropical islandy. Had the palm trees but needed the tiki god idol pieces to fill out the corner cabinets. They’re painted on hunks of cardboard. The kokomora...

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Endure and Enjoy Like a Cat

Posted by on Mar 14, 2018 in Daily Shalagh, Friendship, The Furry Side of the Family | 0 comments

Endure and Enjoy Like a Cat

I’m walking into the gym, anticipating the discomfort of exercising and the whine of my joints as muscles. And then I think about how it is what it is until it isn’t anymore. Just be in the moment like a cat. Cats have this now mentality. If they’re in pain they think, this really sucks. They just live life one need and one emotion at a time. And when they’re happy and tired, they’re happy and tired. Cat naps are their superpower because they are necessary. Knowing that you absolutely need to indulge in self-care...

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The Mother Buffer Zone

Posted by on Mar 2, 2018 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Little Guy Lessons, Raising Fair Fiona, The Good Mother | 0 comments

The Mother Buffer Zone

I’ve always said she wants to be my hat and sit on my head. When my daughter is feeling needy, she can’t be on top of me enough. Everything that she emotionally needs is drawn from me and it’s more than draining. The give and the take between a girl and her mother is exhausting and it’s necessary. I need to be very conscious of creating a mother buffer zone. The obstinance and the emotional output she aims at me however… isn’t personal. But most of the time, it feels that way. If there’s an issue of...

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January Decisions

Posted by on Jan 10, 2018 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Self-Discovery, The Good Mother | 4 comments

January Decisions

Like a permanent pause, the winter break has extended out with snowy weather. We are all at home again today doing what work or play needs to be done. I am trying stay patient, understanding that this too shall pass and we’ll be busy busy busy again soon enough. It’s an odd place to be. But I also realize it is an opportunity to look at the decisions I need to make about who I want to be this year. And see if I’m prioritizing others over myself. And what fears I may be avoiding. See, not too long ago I was an underachieving...

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