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The Good Mother

As a mother, we strive to be “good”, to do our best. You always need a goal. Sometimes you reach it and sometimes you’re left feeling the weight of a job not well done. And then you start all over again.

I have a boy and a girl, 8 years apart. I am 47 years old. And these are my stories.

Let Me Tell You Where I am Now

Posted by on Sep 18, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, The Good Mother | 3 comments

Let Me Tell You Where I am Now

Let me tell you where I am now. I’m sitting in my craft room. My laptop is in front of me and I’m perusing my journal trying to grab on to something of interest to write about. I’m good with the writing as long as I’m interested in the subject. In an hour, Fiona will descend the yellow school bus stairs for only the second time. Her Pre-K year has begun. Let me tell you what Pre-K means to me I was a new blogger when I got pregnant with her. So the blog and my writing talents have been worked on and developed parallel...

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Be Willing To Let Life Teach Them

Posted by on Aug 18, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Little Guy Lessons, Raising Fair Fiona, The Good Mother | 0 comments

Be Willing To Let Life Teach Them

As parents, we have a lot of damage control to manage. We expect that our children will be teased so we try to give them un-teasable names. We imagine they’ll be injured by the coffee table so we choose to have a round coffee table. We see the food struggle coming and so we make their meal choices simple so they’ll eat. But for all our parental controlling, do we consider the benefits of seeing the disasters and circumstances through to their not so perfect endings? Because there’s a lot to be learned by this practice...

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Self-Recovery For the Ones You Love

Posted by on Aug 9, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, The Good Mother | 0 comments

Self-Recovery For the Ones You Love

You may not choose to run a marathon for yourself but you would for a cause you felt truly moved by. It feels the same way with self-recovery, the process of rediscovery of our truest strongest selves. It is such a struggle through forests of fear and sorting of fact from fiction that a person would really truly rather not. Unless you have kids. Then your whole perspective on who you need to be changes. Much of what I have done never would have happened unless I had kids who I knew would be getting a better me for my process. It started...

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25 Year-Old Crazy Brain

Posted by on Aug 7, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Housewifery, Raising Fair Fiona, The Good Mother | 0 comments

25 Year-Old Crazy Brain

At our dinner party the other night I asked my friends what it was that they remembered having the crazy notion to do and suddenly doing at the age of 25? Three of us said we had gotten married. Because I have noticed recently that there’s definitely a switch that gets thrown developmentally in a 25 year-old and it’s a kind of crazy entitlement switch. As in “I’m a grown-up now and I can do all of those things I want to and you’ve told me not to do. All those things that society would frown upon because it’s my...

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Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice

Posted by on Mar 29, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Raising Fair Fiona, The Good Mother, Used To Be | 0 comments

Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice

Opinions are like noses, we all have them. But are we entitled and allowed to have them? If I find it hard to find a voice to express them, I may not feel I’m allowed to have an opinion in the first place. As a woman, it can prove tough not to judge myself for what I have to say as necessary or valid as I’m considering actually saying it. Then I may choose to keep quiet. I have my own internal bouncer at the thought door checking the validity, wittiness, or profundity of my outgoing thoughts and opinions. And often, they’re...

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Fiona’s Fourth Birthday Bash

Posted by on Mar 6, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Raising Fair Fiona, The Good Mother | 2 comments

Fiona’s Fourth Birthday Bash

Today was Fiona’s fourth birthday party and it was a complete success, by her standards and mine. Yes, she got enough Frozen themed party paraphernalia and stuff to satisfy all Frozen itches for a decade. And I got to bask in the knowledge that me and my daughter matter to all these lovely people. The reason I go to such efforts to decorate and to heap yummy food on my kitchen table is a tribute to the love that these people have for and show me and my family. My gratitude runs very deeply. I am almost speechless but then, not quite,...

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My Children are the Bully and the Terrorist

Posted by on Feb 18, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Housewifery, Raising Fair Fiona, Son Shine, The Good Mother | 2 comments

My Children are the Bully and the Terrorist

It’s conflicting to be a parent. They are of me but not mine. I need to be open and honest for them to trust me. But I need to keep a safe distance when they have to work out who they are because sometimes, that work is at my expense. Frankly, my children will bully me to get their needs met. They’ll be disrespectful but only to me. It’s business, not personal. They’re working themselves out and I’ve got the bruises to prove it. My son’s a bully when he wants more screen time or when he needs food because...

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Parenting On the Edge of the Middle

Posted by on Jan 4, 2017 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, Housewifery, The Good Mother | 4 comments

Parenting On the Edge of the Middle

My fellow Mom and I were standing there watching our children do laps at the Christmas train show. And I mused how it was hard to find that middle ground in between that place where everything your child does is all about you and that place where you’re completely disengaged. But to choose to stand on the ground in between. It’s hard to be there. If I make everything they do about me, as in making me happy, making me look bad, etc., then how can I expect them to not think everything and everyone doesn’t revolve around them....

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Remember, They Are So Little

Posted by on Dec 28, 2016 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, The Good Mother | 0 comments

Remember, They Are So Little

Remember, they’re still so little. When they’re big people, they won’t be little anymore. They say “The days can be long but the years are short”. I have to imagine them grown already to appreciate them more here while they sass me and argue with me. They are clever and funny, manipulative and innocent. I hold space for all these qualities in them that they find what’s right for them. I try to be a wise and patient parent. And then I snap, apologize for my humanity and move on. They are of me but not mine. I...

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Safe Inside Your Own Head

Posted by on Dec 5, 2016 in Ahas, Daily Shalagh, Gathering My Lessons, The Good Mother | 0 comments

Safe Inside Your Own Head

How do you guarantee your own safety and comfort in your own head? The declaration that your head as a protected area, a safe zone requires an inner adult. And this statement of safety is then woven into the fibers of our being and we take it wherever we go. Seems my adult needs to show she has my back for me to trust she’s got it wherever I go. My inner adult is either trustworthy or she isn’t. And when she isn’t, I feel frightened. I do not know or trust that I will be safe. I can rush off conjuring the future mishaps and...

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