(Want to listen to me read this? check out the Soundcloud box at the bottom of the post)
I said I’d write and/or edit. I’d take the opportunity to make a piece of art with all this free time daycare provides me. But it would be so easy to blow myself off. Since I’m distracted after all, I might as well just do my laundry instead of sitting down to write or create. There’s always tomorrow and the day after. And every time I go and do that, I let myself down. I substantiate my unworthiness.
We can be such unreliable parents to ourselves. We mean no harm. There is in fact a lot we’re juggling and our priorities can get confused. But in the end, I know I chose fear over my creativity when I do that. I’m not fooling myself.
I might as well stand up and shout out the window, “I’m unworthy !!!”. Of spending time on and with. Of the dreams that I have hidden in my smallest pockets. Of the tender words and thoughts that deserve to be shared so that others may be allowed to say “Ahhh” or “Aha” or “thank you for putting words to how I feel”.
If I don’t gently and courageously nudge and urge my fearful self to stand in the light and say what I need to say with my words and my pictures then what I’m saying is that I’m unworthy of being heard. And I don’t think that’s true.
So, for myself and all the others that have yet to find the courage, I will show up today for myself. And Listen to what it is I have to say.
[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/330413239?secret_token=s-FRuyb” params=”auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true” width=”100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
5 Comments
I really appreciated this today. I’m having a little bout of depression due to a bad encounter with a new friend and some complications at work — also probably due to not enough time alone, which I crave. Anyway, thank you, and I loved being able to hear your voice!
Oh I’m so very glad I decided on this one today. And that I gave you my voice in a couple of ways. So glad to have you out there too. And honey, I’d never betray your trust or treat you disrespectfully. I’ma friend you just haven’t met face to face.
Thanks Shalagh I’ve just listened to this today and I needed it. Sometimes hearing words is more powerful than reading them ❤️
First, i’m glad it helped! Second, I’m glad you said that and I would agree.
I was unsure as to whether the reading of .y posts was being appreciated. So I will take that into consideration for my future efforts. Thanks!