Gathering My Lessons
I am constantly learning from my life. Someone special to me said that I could glean a lesson even from a recipe.
Which is what I did in my post, When The Recipes Must Go.
I call them Ahas. I can also stand on a Soapbox every once in a while.
And I learn some pretty big stuff from some little people in my life. The good and the bad and
the happy and the sad. My friendships are very important to me. The past holds some wisdom yet to be learned.
And my husband’s lessons are occasionally shared by his voice here. I may repeat myself, but guaranteed,
I’ll get you to think about life just a little differently.
What if You Did it All Right But You Were Looking at it All Wrong
It’s not as if I don’t try. As Sara Bareilles sings in her song Armor, “You make me try, try, try, try … it’s all I ever do.” But what if the efforts you make are good, it’s just your expectations of what you can humanly accomplish are off ? What if you’re so used to never getting it right and never doing enough that you can’t see how much you’ve accomplished. You can’t see the forest for all the trees. You know I’m talking about myself. When am I not? I have been told many times by many...
read moreDrops in the Bucket Fill the Bucket Up
I realize that I have been an all or nothing girl all my life. I want the pretty garden immediately. I want the pounds to come off overnight. I want world peace or else! And this thinking renders all of my efforts worthless. If I only get part of the project done, with this mindset, it wasn’t enough. And this is like trying to drive with the parking break on. When I truly started to believe that drops in the bucket fill the bucket up, then I started to enjoy and appreciate my own efforts. Even 15 minutes of concerted effort to clean a...
read moreReframe Your Slow: By Choice or By Force ?
Two women I know from my online community, and for whom I have great respect, both spoke in their newsletters about how they felt twitchy about feeling slowed down and awaiting things. The global trend to embrace the slow life as a way of living sounds so lovely but it’s a whole other thing to feel forced to slow down. Anna Lovind, the teacher of my Creative Doer course, said, “I find it incredibly frustrating to not be able to create swift change the way I’m used to. But maybe slow is what I can handle right now”. To have...
read moreI Carry the Shame
I carry the shame Of the impoverished upbringings of my parents. Abuse and neglect. I can’t wear stained or torn of illfitting clothes when I leave the house. We don’t do that. I carry the shame Of the unwanted weight on my body. Not maintaining my appeal for men and equally, for caring what anyone thinks of me, especially men. I carry the shame Of not fixing my anxiety Of passing it on to my child Of not being enough. I carry the shame Of staying stuck Of not rising, using my talents for more. Of not burning brightly like they...
read moreStay Strong and Let it Be OKay to Not Be OKay
At the bank today, I overheard a woman say “Stay Strong” and I said, “I prefer that to’stay safe’.” The teller said that the woman who said that was starting a campaign to promote mental health awareness and depression support through this time. And I said, “I can totally support that. I’m spreading Stay Strong”. I am definitely affected by the weather, by my bodily and hormonal cycles, and by what I’ve heard or what has happened to me today. Some days I have the energy and some days I just don’t. It needs to be...
read morePandemics Happen and then Everything Goes to CBD Oil
In the beginning of the year, I was doing pretty great. I was exercising regularly, losing my Christmas weight gain, writing an essay that I knew would be published, and had some routine going. And then the Pandemic happened. I didn’t implode immediately but the decline of my “self” life was inevitable. I’ve spent a lifetime giving upon myself. It’s what I grew up with. I’m kinda not worth the effort. I then revert to taking care of others mode. It’s a pattern especially in Summer time. It’s easier to focus...
read moreHow My Feelings Freak You Out and What to Do About It
As you know, I truly disregard other’s judgment of my expression of feelings here. This space has always held safety for me. Even when I’ve been attacked, I still know that I am entitled to be honest about me. I sometimes think I should be more so. And what I’ve come to realize is that not only do people truly not understand that it’s Okay to be not Okay, they think that my expression of self-doubt or fear to be me is somehow a reflection of instability. After all, who thinks this is Okay? I Do. In fact, if we were all...
read moreCalling the Shame to the Table
What is it about me and absolutes? I need to be all in or all out. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. SO many contingencies which completely permit me to opt out of stuff that I really “should” be doing. Here’s some that have been rumbling around making me dizzy. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Do I find my true voice so that I can be a writer or Do I write to find my true voice? If I fail to start, I fail. If I start to fail, I started. Our fear is very trixsy. It knows everything we know and can use our...
read moreThe Rise and Fall of Self-Doubt
What a struggle it is not to succumb to one’s self doubts. I lose my way in that forest of can’ts and shoulds and wander aimlessly about hoping for a little light to peek through the canopy and show me the way. Sometimes it’s just a matter of waiting. I wait for my mood and my hormones to shift. I connect with my people online. I follow my curiosity and read something, anything. I name what I’m grateful for. And eventually, I find a hole. A beam of light breaks through and I climb that light to the top of the canopy....
read moreWhat Would Make My Life a “Success”
What do you do? The answer to this question implies your worth and productivity to the world. This question is why you stopped going to events where there might be strangers. Because you aren’t certain that there’s an answer you can provide that will bring satisfaction to you and them. But what if we stopped valuing and judging ourselves on what we do? Gasp. What if we valued ourselves and our presence in this world and instead focused on what a successful life looked like to us not others? What would that look like? To spend...
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