Gathering My Lessons
I am constantly learning from my life. Someone special to me said that I could glean a lesson even from a recipe.
Which is what I did in my post, When The Recipes Must Go.
I call them Ahas. I can also stand on a Soapbox every once in a while.
And I learn some pretty big stuff from some little people in my life. The good and the bad and
the happy and the sad. My friendships are very important to me. The past holds some wisdom yet to be learned.
And my husband’s lessons are occasionally shared by his voice here. I may repeat myself, but guaranteed,
I’ll get you to think about life just a little differently.
Expanding Our Meet-Up
Admittedly, when I assembled the hopeful attendees for my Meet-up Group (which turned 2 years old in March), I wanted them to say “yes” because I looked forward to getting to know each of them better. And my wishes were surpassed when they said yes and I felt perhaps I had a good idea not just for my benefit but everyone’s. I was right of course. Women need to hear what other women feel and think so that they can feel more normalized. We want to hear that we’re not alone. We want to know what other people are doing about their...
read moreLow Self-Esteem is Debilitating
There’s a problem I have with how people give you instructions and advice. That “All you need to do is” attitude may work great for some people. Yes, you really may have no idea how to build a readership or self-publish an E-book. Most of us can find a number of resources to tell us how to get there. I stumble don’t stumble with the how but with my low self-esteem. My can’t. For people with low self-esteem, it isn’t as simple as just do this to get that result. There’s another layer of difficulty that blocks us...
read moreLet It Be
So many things I think I should be doing. I should have a spiritual practice. I should be exercising more. I should be publishing my brilliant writing in big magazines. But most of the time, I can’t accommodate all of my shoulds. And my day turns into cleaned bathrooms, walk taken, and dinner made. Throw a holiday in there and I don additional job hats as a fat elf and an invisible bunny rabbit. There’s no such thing as regularity. Yet somehow I keep hoping it’s possible. Yes I could use a wife. And here comes Summer time...
read moreThe Alone Zone
Undeniably, we spend our lives alone. We are the only ones in our bodies, in our minds, and in our souls. Our family and friends will love us but they will always think of themselves first. It’s just humanity in action. We are loyal to preserve ourselves. Yet, we are also pack animals. We need to be in community, to be witnessed and heard by our fellowship. To hear that we are in fact not alone. That we aren’t the only ones feeling this way. Leave me alone but hold me. Stay away from me but I’m lonely. Love me but...
read moreThe Hurry, Scurry, and Worry
I became so tired of the hurry, scurry, and worry. As I read blog posts and Instagram posts about how people had experienced adrenal gland burn out from all the anxiety juice they were pumping into their bodies, I understood even more my own addiction to Doing. In my case, the anxiety manifested into stomach problems. As a child, I had stomach aches. As a college student, I had gastritis which was one step away from an ulcer. And when I had my children I would devlop a pain in my stomach that went straight back to my rib cage. My anxieties...
read moreFinding Myself and Losing Myself
I’ve been searching for myself again recently. I catch glimpses of me in others’ words and in my blog posts and what I feel. That wax and wain of self knowledge, understanding, and love seems something I should be used to already but I’m not. I often sit back and spend time envying others for their self-certainty. But I can tell I turned a corner at some point this past winter. After I was medicated and calmer and clearer, I began to see myself. I focused intently on finding my worth in the world. And gradually I began to...
read morePermission to Be A Changed You
I was reminded of, or perhaps gifted, a thought today by a wise online connection, Anna Lovind. She said, “I am the person who is allowed to change. I don’t owe anyone consistency. I don’t need to be faithful to what I used to be (unless I want to).” We owe no one, not even ourselves any explanations of who we are and what we are choosing and how we are acting and how we are changing. Change is hard enough as it is without throwing it on the mercy of the acceptance of others. Being human means we can decide to be someone different...
read moreThe Courage to Create
The 100 day project is almost two weeks in and I am finding it very easy to do daily. In fact, it feels almost like a prayer to my life.
read moreFinding my Way out of the Grief Maze
I’d tell you to stop me if you’ve heard this but you probably have heard it and I certainly can’t stop repeating myself. In my post Re-Being Me, I mentioned how I feel like I’m just now coming back from my post tail spin turned time out when I took a seat, dialed it all down, and listened. I’m still listening and now I’m starting to hear hope. These are the thoughts that are different than the same old ones that tell me I’m not worth it. I’m listening for a way of of this maze in my mind that...
read moreA Shame about the Gain
I woke up this morning in a mad at myself mood. I felt shame. I felt shame about my shame. Today was the day that I was going to cancel my Weight Watchers subscription. Because I would have been doing it for 2 months and lost my holiday weight. The weight ‘d allowed myself to gain because I knew I could do Weight Watchers! But I’m the one who gained weight on Weight Watchers! Yup. So sick of being sick of myself. I feel ashamed because I don’t want my body to define me. I want body neutrality. That place where I forget to...
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