When I start to feel like I have a lot, good or bad, in my brain, I remember my friend Lauren’s trick to round-up my thoughts. So I am naming Five Things that have happened or been in my head of late. There’s more but this is good enough.
– I recently went shopping and bought new running shoes. It may have been way past time to get the shoes as the left shin pain may have indicated. The shopping also won Eamon some new underwear and socks and Fiona some new short sleeve shirts. But frankly Eamon would never complain that his underwear were gray. Shopping to take care of your needs and not to distract you from your woes is a noble endeavor indeed.
– I know that I am addicted to chaos. It was how I grew up and it has taken me this lifetime to understand that you can continue doing and creating what you know and are comfortable with even if it’s bad for you. Because you don’t know that there’s a possibility to do it another way. Toxic relationships, disappointing jobs, failed friendships. Patterns emerge if you are willing to stare at your life long enough to see them. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it so you might as well get on with the recreation.
– I taught a blogging workshop this month. It was a really great thing and I wanted to disregard it or deflate it or do something sabatogey to it. Seems not giving myself credit is also something I’m used to doing. I didn’t really know how to feel about this accomplishment. And then I got a rejection letter for a writing submission. And when my email blew up, I wanted to interpret all this chaos as my further proof of my unworthiness but my therapist and friends wouldn’t let me. So I won’t let me either.
– I put a plea out on Instagram for support for my wobbly brain. This would also mark the first time I ever stopped and loudly asked for people’s support. Maybe partially because I knew there were people reading who would give me that support. But also because I no longer feel defensive about people’s advice but receptive to their intentions of kindness. Remembering that it is also gracious to thank people as this gesture makes them feel good too. And this leads me to my last thought of the five.
– Emergence, inner peace, capability, and affirmation are some of the words in my mind today. Seems according to Eric Ericson’s stages of development, I’m at the middle age stage of 35yrs – 55 or 65yrs, “…working to establish stability” and hard at work on “generativity – attempting to produce something that makes a difference to society. (Inactivity and meaninglessness are common during this stage.)” And what I discovered this week is that a person’s purpose can be to inspire others and make them feel good. To follow my path loudly and share with others is, in and of itself, a noble purpose as it may help to give others permission to do what they need to do as well. You can count that as done because I don’t know that I want to stop.
So follow along as I continue my somewhat meandering journey and living stream of consciousness into everything and anything that I am thinking and doing to continue my journey of purpose. Except for my husband and my people on Instagram, You’ll be the first to know.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
