Yes, I can definitely see my wish to “succeed” in my life. I want to find a dream to pursue purposefully. I’ve had occasions where I really thought I knew what I wanted and knew what I needed to do to get there. But those were also the days when I didn’t realize that I was still trying to impress people and gain favor. Days when I secretly thought it was about popularity and competition. And I may have accomplished stuff but my why was wrong and my scare tactic methods of accomplishing my goals left me tired. I felt beaten up and bullied by myself.
Eventually I would discover that any goals that included impressing others and making them like me were not goals with integrity. My new rule became that I would only work towards goals and projects that made me happy and that if others were happy too, great. But what also came of this was a kindness and a patience I have never given myself before. I have always bullied myself and now I am committed to witnessing myself and giving myself enough compassion through the scary bits to move on. I have the permission and power to acknowledge me and move through.
At the very core of reaching any destination is the knowledge that I deserve the perceived reward. And to keep fuel in the “worthy” tanks, I am regularly bestowing the kindest care I can on myself. For me this looks like getting pedicures (which I am due up for), having alone time to think and write, and lovely lunches with the people who I care about. Do what you want to do verses what you have to do. Because honestly, unless you’re at work with a boss hanging over your shoulder, life should be fun and not a grueling rat race of perfection and wealth and achievement. You can choose to bully you or you can choose to be kind to you.
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2 Comments
As I sit here at my desk eating my 100% Pasture Raised, Barn Free Cows, Grass Fed Cream Top Yogurt (Maple Ginger!) :>), I realize this cup of yogurt is one way to care for myself and give myself a break. No locked barn for me — I’m free! Thank you, dear, for another wonderful post.
I’m going with the compassion route too. Why did the bully route somehow feel more ‘professional’? Argh. Cheers to our worthy tanks!! xo