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My biggest shift in increasing my confidence and reducing my anxieties daily was when I paid attention to my relationship with myself. More specifically, I listened to my inner dialogue and watched if I trusted myself. And what I realized was that I didn’t have a good relationship with me. I didn’t respect myself. Deep down I never believed what I said about what my boundaries or goals were. Basically, my inner parent and my inner child had a bad relationship. And that is what I’ve busily been endeavoring to heal.
My child wanted to be free to play. My parent wanted her to please others and comply. There was a lot of work and no play and anxieties. My inner child didn’t trust I’d get a proper reward for my efforts as my word to myself was no good. And it felt a lot like being imprisoned in a bunch of what ifs and shoulds when the world outside seemed to offer other options that I wasn’t offering myself.
So I began to notice exactly when I was uncomfortable, nervous, and anxious. I found it was mostly when I was trying to influence other people’s opinion of me, which I would never know unless I could read minds. Then I decided to stop and ask myself, what would make me happy instead? My inner child would sigh with relief and point me in a better direction. I repeated this process over and over. I reached out to people to find out what they saw in me that was good and made me the character they appreciated. And I am gradually reforming a new opinion of myself. One that doesn’t suck but is wealthy with knowledge and love and trust.
Now, when I feel like I need time with my friends or a self-care activity like a pedicure, I make sure to schedule it ASAP. The message to myself is that I’m worth it. It’s a message I would certainly want my daughter to receive. And perhaps both my daughter and my inner child are benefiting from this new and profound shift of self-trust. That is as it should be. I am her mirror and I want her image to be as whole as possible as I witness her becoming whatever it is she will make herself into.
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