Paralyzed, I spend a free moment thinking what would be the best way to spend this free moment. Didn’t I write a list of things to do when I had a free moment. Where is that list?
I got to thinking, if only I were on top of things. My ideal happy state of household bliss would be where I was ahead of everything. Martha Stewart style organization with food planned and prepped, laundry practically washing itself, drawers organized, and all sorts of free time leftover time to do my own creative thing.
But that’s a Control Fantasy. And that is ridiculous and impossible. Because nothing will ever be that much in my control and thus the dream, the penultimate existence is unachievable. And I’ve cruelly dangled this ideal, day after day, in front of my face creating a constant state of unachievable happiness. In other words, constant misery.
Being happy with just Being and going along with whatever happens is the only way life really happens. Everything else is an illusion. Yes, you may be able to create this well maintained illusions if you could throw gee gobs of money at it. Nanny McPhee, a lawn crew, and a chef to take care of those pesky meals you must prepare for your ungrateful children. But then sick children need their Mamas at three in the morning and there’s no way to farm out and overachieve that one.
So Happiness is intrinsic not Extrinsic. Inside goal not outside goal. Based on what we are and know and not what we do and how much stuff we have or accomplish. And constantly trying to sell ourselves on this flawed goal will constantly cause us unsettled unhappiness.
Prioritizing Being isn’t to say that I have to keep doing things the same way I always do. If it’s not working for me, I need to tweak it, change it. Like the two days only of guaranteed childcare. Not working for me. Like not having weekly soul chats with anyone of my fabulous friends, not working. Not prioritizing artistic expression every day is no longer an option.
What is it that you hold out from yourself or over yourself that keeps you from achieving a realistic happiness point? What’s a realistic way or choice you could make to change this?
The video walk-through of my newly rearranged downstairs is going live tomorrow!
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2 Comments
Simple! A nanny & a maid. I had a dear friend (operative word being HAD) who adopted a child and then left her to the nanny and the maid took care of the rest. Except love and real parenting and all the laughter & tears of parenting. And (not so oddly) ended up with a “child” who left as soon as possible.
I’ll live my untidy life. And, like you, try to rearrange and reorganize and get frustrated and…live life. And I don’t have kids any more. Except the husband upon occasion.
Parenting is so scary that I think people run away and leave their children in the hands of people they perceive are better at it than they are. But I certainly could handle some other help. I agree, the messy craziness is still a necessary part of the parenting process.
Love,
Shalagh