While on the treadmill, of course, I remembered a phrase I’d heard that said, “Crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome”. Like not losing the weight you’d hoped you’d lose but still doing the same exact exercises and eating the same things. Same people getting on your nerves saying the same things every day? Seems obvious to say “Join Weight Watchers” or “Get new people”. They’re no chance to build trust or confidence if the risk remains the same however.
I kinda sit back and do my thing and almost never ask for advice or help with my online stuff. Perhaps because I’m ashamed that I’m not fancier and further advanced with my blog. Like I have so many things I could be doing instead of asking for any advice or help. And that’s probably just another way of staying isolated. So last week, I did some different things differently.
Two women who I admire greatly both offered to answer questions or give advice. And I went ahead and took them up on it. Because that would be something way different than I usually do and that is exactly the mixing it up I need. Plus they may not have even responded. But they did. And this was really validating.
Here’s the letter that I sent Caroline Kelso per her invitation:
“Dear Caroline,
Having you generously offer up your support seems something I should not miss out on. Advice or support, I could infinitely use either.
I am also a member of the talky feely happy people club. And have found myself astounded at your community building skills. Reading the stats of your readership increase in your Made Vibrant download had me wondering how you did that so quickly. My “organic” approach of blogging and membership gathering has gotten me an official readership of 120. After 4 years. Because I never ask.
I’ve never done anything big like writing an e-book or a manifesto, or created an online challenge to gather people together {I have now} and then dangled it for the sign ups. Part of me wants a community to engender members with a sense of belonging, support, safety. And the other part of me is stuck in awe of those who can while saying I can’t.
I’m a natural leader. My why is to support and empower people. To inspire and acknowledge them. I twitch at all the Facebook groups I’ve seen peter out for lack of leadership. Whether FB or Slack, that is still a horse and the cart I need is a bigger following. The balls to say, “Hey, this stuff is great. Share it would ya’?”
And so that leads me back to, “How do you know what you have to offer is worth doing whatever you have to to achieve it’s offering. How can I frame the process in my mind to get excited, get around my fear brain. Because it’s about innovation and excitement and not money. Although I’m a creative and not a computer whiz, I feel like the real idea and plan and reasoning and confidence is all going to continue to elude me until I figure out how to value ME.
Whatcha Got? “
I needed to make it OK to ask and what I got back was much more. She sent me a nice letter that said gather your email list and make sure that your blog clearly states what you are about so that people will immediate know that they want to join what you are doing. I’m doing neither. But the biggest loveliest gift was the next post she sent out to her subscribers with the tagline,
“Lacking confidence? It’s about learning to TRUST yourself”
Click on the link to read her marvelous response to me and 39 other people who answered her query all asking her questions that boiled down to trusting yourself. She explains the mechanics of trusting yourself so well.
“The trust you have with yourself is what your confidence rests on.”
And how about…
“We have to demonstrate to ourselves that we are deserving of trust, and thus,
that our confidence is not misplaced.”
I can tell you, that was the exact gem I needed to read in my inbox. She references a talk about Trust by Brene Brown Super on Soul Sessions. That too warrants a look because WOW!! It’ll be the best 20 minutes you spent this week watching a screen. Young Caroline has hit all of this on the head. Again. These moments and opportunities to benefit from one another’s wisdom and insight, this is where the good stuff resides.
And coming up soon, I’ve decided to videotape my talking head as a follow-up discussion on the subject of Confidence. Because it’ll take confidence to do this and doing this will form trust in myself. That is what confidence is made of and can only be formed by repeating an action until you know “You’ve got this” (only permissible for me to say to myself though. I get grumpy when you say it).
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.
