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A Poem Prayer for Ease

I chatter at it and

Batter at it and

still it is not fixed.

The ages old self-diatribe

I am not enough, I am not enough

 

I tell everyone, I’m OK, I’m fine

But in my mind there’s a line

And I’m on the wrong side.

 

The impossibility of moving on

Tethered to a ghost.

I trust no one, even myself

And so I remain lost

 

I crave the ease

The easy squeeze

that will fill my future full

Of gratitude and tenderness

of purposed hours filled.

 

I write at night

with all my sight

that I might

win this fight.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Why I am the Most Prolific Blogger You are Not Reading

I started my blog 7 years ago. Right before I got pregnant with my last child. The blog helped me to focus on writing regularly and to better my writing skills. I also gained confidence and esteem as I had to put myself out here and socialize with the world which I otherwise would never have done. And it gave me something to be and do besides mothering. A chance to have my own identity: myself.

It’s been a gradual metamorphosis. I have begun to finally see that I perhaps Can do things that seem hard and be vulnerable and I won’t die. But the number one thing that has kept my readership low is that I hardly ever ask anyone to do anything. I only started asking people to even read my blog on Instagram maybe a year ago. I was afraid they wouldn’t want to read, that I wasn’t worthy of the read, so why ask.Why I am the Most Prolific Blogger You are Not Reading on Shalavee.com

Except I was worthy of reading. But the internet only rewards those who step up and tell you what to do. Read Me Now!  Just because I have good content doesn’t mean I will be found by my best and most perfect readership. And if my writing doesn’t hold someones’ attention, I’d rather them walk away than be unhappy. I am a dedicated and prolific writer and blogger and the number one reason that I don’t have a bigger following is because I never thought myself worthy of them. But I’m working like heck on it !

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Grab the Gratitude as it’s Going By

Today I realized that gratitude grounds me after I fly out of my bounds. Because yesterday was a great day until it wasn’t. I made what felt like a fatal mistake and deleted about 80 posts on my blog out of ignorance, or perhaps it was unconscious self-sabotage. Either way, they were gone and as I tried to right my wrong, I reached out to my community for their support. And they showed up for me.

Gratitude is now what I’m feeling for both the restoration of my posts and the outpouring of love and kindness from my people, many of which I have never met face to face. And my lesson today is about allowing others to support me. That typically I don’t have anything too terrible going on. There’s a general feeling of everything’s OK. But this lack of vulnerability doesn’t allow me to be visible and leaves me disconnected from the community that I’ve created.Grab the Gratitude as it's going by on Shalavee.com

Perhaps all the vulnerability I pour into blog posts about Shame and Paying it Forward (brought tears to my eyes to read these and know they were not lost) seems like I am vulnerable enough. But I suspect that this is then the excuse to not come out in other ways. I am hiding in plain site. I am a hypocrite if I tout community as being the best thing since sliced bread but then hide from it.

After much reading and listening and understanding, I know that each of us needs to be valued in our communities for who we are and what we bring to share there. Our talents and who we like to be need to be appreciated by our people. And if we aren’t sincere about who we are, we can not experience that feeling of being known. We are keeping ourselves from the salvation of acceptance. Of belonging.Grab the Gratitude as it's going by on Shalavee.com

So there’s one lesson I need to take to heart and apply from the blog snaffu of 2018. Will there be more, I have no doubt. And I’ll share them with my community as soon as I realize what they are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Proactive Possibilities

I spend a lot of time seeing if I can do things. And then, once I prove them possible, I stop. The impetus always seems to lie in my proving that nothing is impossible or forbidden. But where I’d like to see myself end up is knowing all that I can and am and moving into using that to go where I want. I want to be proactive with my life.

Creatively weaving all of anything that serves me into a bigger purpose.Proactive Possibilities on Shalavee.com

If I an the Ambassador of Creativity, what do I want to do to lead people toward their creative purposes? How can I have fun and construct my own creative purpose this way? Does it look like those FB videos I started and decided I could do? Does it lie in the book that I don’t want to want to write? Is it workshops or public speaking?Proactive Possibilities on Shalavee.com

Instead of reacting to my life and avoiding all the ideas that I think I should be pursuing, I’d like to be meeting each step with exuberance and hope. That isn’t how I’ve ever done life but I get the feeling it can be done. What do you think?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Celebrating 7 Years of Blogging and My Blogaversary

When I began my blog 7 years ago, all I knew was that I was creating an opportunity to write. My number one goal was to improve my writing. Little did I realize that I would be forced into becoming a social media maven. Or ignite my creativity and use these benefits to lower my anxieties. I had a lot of learning and growth ahead of me. I also had some tough times as I watched the world of people go do the things they were meant to do and leave me in their wake.

When you are online, it’s very hard to not notice that other people are getting their stuff done. They’re making communities and creating email lists and online courses. And you can EASILY feel as if you are completely incapable of doing any of this well enough to fit in much less rise to the top of the mountain you feel you too are meant to climb.Celebrating 7 Years of Blogging and My Blogaversary on Shalavee.com

A well-respected online business branding consultant Kathleen Shannon of Braid Creative once said that as a blogger, you have to remember that there are A, B, and C levels to blogging. The newest people are the A’s. My blog site was very simple and primitive when I began. I didn’t take pictures and was entirely too verbose and I watched others online and groaned at my novice-ness.

But then eventually, I had to concede that I must have become a level B blogger. I understood enough about social media to know I disliked Twitter and Facebook too for that matter. All I wanted to do was just hang out on Instagram. And I kept writing, following other bloggers, taking courses, attending conferences, and I stayed friends with people. Eventually I realized that I was now even better of a writer than I had ever imagined I’d become. And that making money and gathering email addresses was not the kind of blogger I was.

Celebrating 7 Years of Blogging and My Blogaversary on Shalavee.com

Row row row my boat

So now I’m wondering, if I am not your typical blogger, what is it that I truly want to do with this vehicle? Of course, being online has allowed me to develop my voice and some pretty cool theories. I’ve quelled so much of my anxieties. But there’s one last wall I need to break through when it comes to my self-doubt. I may now have graduated to a C level blogger but I don’t want to act like one. Just because the public expects us to take a certain path with our blogs doesn’t mean we have to.

So here’s celebrating 7 years of devoting yourself to anything! In this case, it was my blogging and writing. And I am truly proud of myself for this devotion to connecting with what I think, getting better at expressing it, and connecting with a like-minded global community. My world is so much larger now than I ever imagined. I guess I’ll just keep blogging because I have to keep writing.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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