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You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak

I believe very strongly in the power of words. To ignite, to soothe, to pinpoint, or to release. From a young age, I began to write so that I could hear what I was thinking and to work out where I was. I found the therapeutic value in hearing myself think and felt my value there.

As children, there’s an implied “Shush” everywhere we go. We are too loud, we don’t know what we’re talking about, we’re inappropriate, or we just need to be seen and not heard. Adults are intolerant of children yet the smalls ones are much wiser in many ways than us. They laugh when things are funny. They still feel exuberant and free from self-editing when they speak their minds.

When we grow up, we understand the importance of not rocking the boat. Of keeping a low profile. Of being normal. But sadly, we also censor the most passionate honest parts of ourselves. Further, when we no longer speak with our inner voices, we are no longer listening to ourselves. We are no longer ourselves. We’re Stepford versions of us. Good dutiful Do-bees. The anti-us.

You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak on Shalavee.com

There is definitely a difference between speaking up and making a difference and knowing your words are futile. Why bother. But I think we forget that there is magic in hearing yourself think and speak regardless of how it is received. We have a right to speak our minds in America and we owe ourselves the effort to acknowledge our own feelings.

For me, there is power in the process of writing what I think and handing it out to the world. There is magic in transferring what I feel and gifting it to someone else to perhaps spark a feeling in them too. We build on each others thoughts as a world community. The sparks and the gifts of our communications swirl and rise our collective consciousness. In this way, we not only owe ourselves the gift of speaking our thoughts, we owe the world too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Getting to Know Me

Within a two day span, I had several of you my dear readers look me straight in the eye and tell me that you had read and gotten something from my last post. And this is what I noted after I thanked you for reading; I’m being read. I am handing out how I feel and what I think with no expectations about how many are reading or if it’s making a difference. But you are and I am. And that feels strangely like an awakening.

I can and have spent a lot of time fretting about fulfilling a purpose and you just told me I was. I have put myself through such existential wringers while silently I impacted the world in the slightest kindest ways. And I paid no attention to the fact that I have said so much that my body of work probably speaks for itself. Because I didn’t give myself credit for much of anything. Anxiety feeds low self-esteem and around and around again.

getting to know me on Shalavee.com

It dawned on me that perhaps I need to spend some time intentionally getting to know myself. That I’ve been telling myself who I am but I just haven’t been paying as much attention as I should have. Bad parenting I guess. They say you already have everything you need to know inside you, it’s just a matter of listening. So I’m thinking I’m going to take the opportunity to get to know myself a little better.

And I just might make a new friend.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Will I Get Up To This Year?

Now that I have addressed the majority of my anxiety by taking the step to ask for pharmaceutical assistance from my doctor (he actually warned me not to quit after I was feeling better and I laughed at him and said,”You don’t know me. I’m the first one to admit I have this problem all over social media. I’m good for life now”), I realized that I can again start from here and do anything I want to do.

Armed with my Word of the Year, Focus, I can don my sparkly cape and head off in the direction that feels the best for me. That kind of permission is a little daunting. Like a free period during school, should you binge eat Hoho’s of go grab a smoke or take a walk or write in your journal? Suddenly being able to choose feels overwhelming.

But I started to think about the projects in my year that will be inevitable. I’ll most likely do a 100 day project again come April. There’s the ICAD project in June and July. And perhaps I’ll host my own creativity month somewhere in there. Those are the times when I feel focused and alive. Unlike writing, I have a pretty tangible thing for my efforts. It’s very gratifying too to have all the admiration that production gets you.

What else have I been thinking? I claimed my intention to continue to work on my soul as I connect with community and devote myself to creativity. So it would seem that community connections would be something that may need my attention. I say this but I still have yet to join those group classes at the gym. Or create a Facebook group or make a date to chat via Skype with some of my online people. I need to put my actions behind my words it seems.

And then there’s my writing. I need to respect my abilities and share them with the world. I love blogging and will continue to share what I am doing because it keeps me alive as a writer. This is the year that I need to commit to larger writing challenges more. I enjoyed the heck out of writing the Wholehearted piece for Quiet Writing’s Terri Connelan. So we shall see what and where I can find to continue this kind of writing expansion.

As always, I commit t0 my growth and betterment and to use the blog as a way to pursue that. Whether it’s reporting my art project progress or speaking about what I’m feeling or the lovely place and people I share my life with, I will keep showing up here. Until it no longer serves me. Thank you for reading what I write even if I don’t know you are. You make my day.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Stillness Thoughts in a New Year

The stillness of the house is like a pond in a winter’s morning. It beckons me to sit and just listen to the tick of the clock like a cricket in the weeds. Instead of leaping up and jumping in, I sat down and napped in the yawning silence. I haven’t had time to myself in a week and a half.

I organized my linen closet yesterday because I asked for new towels for Christmas. I filled three trash bags full of stuff I don’t need anymore or maybe never needed. A white matelasse bedspread I’ll never use as well as old towels and curtains. The new year’s purge has begun and halted.Stillness Thoughts in a New Year

I am standing slightly timid at the possibility to actually create a year that I want to live instead of shoving myself through the motions of a year I think I Ought to be living. I want a year of coulds instead of shoulds. When I hear the sole bird singing in the morning hours, he is singing for the possibilities.

Guided by my word for 2019, Focus, I will sift through my life’s leftover belongings purposefully searching for my possibilities and ditching the forced goals of 2018. I will acknowledge my fears and query my worries and entertain my what ifs. And I will slather myself with heaps of compassion during the process.Stillness Thoughts in a New Year

I am considering how I want my blog to serve me instead of me being enslaved by it. So excuse the tardiness of my post today as I gather and test my thoughts.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Poem Prayer for Ease

I chatter at it and

Batter at it and

still it is not fixed.

The ages old self-diatribe

I am not enough, I am not enough

 

I tell everyone, I’m OK, I’m fine

But in my mind there’s a line

And I’m on the wrong side.

 

The impossibility of moving on

Tethered to a ghost.

I trust no one, even myself

And so I remain lost

 

I crave the ease

The easy squeeze

that will fill my future full

Of gratitude and tenderness

of purposed hours filled.

 

I write at night

with all my sight

that I might

win this fight.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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