search
top
Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Have to Do’s or Else

As I uncover the layers of my neuroses, the anxious scripts that have made me jump and overcompensate for decades, I’ve noticed that there’s always an understood truth at the bottom. An absolute that I am working from that the thought of not attaining makes my anxieties skyrocket. These are my Have to do’s. I’ve been a hostage to these Have to do’s as long as I saw them as absolute truths.

Somehow, I’ve gotten myself programmed to think a myriad of ridiculous thoughts that if I don’t attain or accomplish certain things, it’ll be the death of me (Hello Cognitive Distortions). Except, nothing will necessarily kill me save overworking myself. After much mindfulness, I now recognize my ridiculous thoughts about how I must have my clean house or else…

I have to make them like me or else…

I have to do all the right things by my children or else…Have to dos or else on Shlavee.com

When you are so busy making sure that Or Else doesn’t happen, you never get to do anything that you wanna have happen. Because it’s within those Wanna Do’s that you really are who you are. In my wanna do’s are the things that shine my joy and light back onto me. So I’m paying particular attention to the dissonance when I’m telling myself I have to do anything. And then listening harder for what I want to do. Because it’s in those clues that the truth of being happy lies.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Forget Myself

Am trying to find my way back to me. Seems my fear of vulnerability and my Impostor Syndrome regularly derail me from my course settings and I find myself off-roading, distracted by the current tasks and scenery, and I soon forget what it was I was doing. I forget how much I’ve already accomplished. I forget myself.

This realization happened again to me this week. I am certain I have even written this blog post before. I feel like the Tom Hanks short-term memory guy character on Saturday Night Live. He kept turning around and saying to Tony Randall,”Hey, you’re Tony Randall!”. I read a few of my over 1000 blog posts and I say,”Hey, I’m a pretty good writer”. Or I hear from a reader occasionally who says they love what I write and I realize, “Hey, someone’s reading what I write.” And then I have to go grocery shopping and make dinner and I disappear again.I Forget Myself on shalavee.com

I do not have a big goal about where I am going with myself. I aim to stay invisible which will reduce the vulnerability. Except, I am lying to myself if I think I’ve not been riding that road for a very long time. So here I am staring at myself saying,”Now what?”.

I am in charge of my “what” every single day. I get to decide if I am going to aspire for more, stay where I am, or withdraw. That is a choice I have treated irreverently. I have acted like I have no power, like I am a victim to the Christmas and Summer seasons. Like so many things are more important than my work, my voice, and my creative impact. I am not and they aren’t.I Forget Myself on shalavee.com

In the anonymous programs they say that everyday is a good day to start over. It is never to late to step into your own power of choice and tell yourself and others to listen up. I think I see a bullhorn over there. Wait right here while I go pick that up.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Give Yourself the Credibility for the Courage You’ve Already Shown

It took me exactly 51 years and 179 days to have the courage to get here. There’s much that I will not remember about this half century I’ve lived. And there’s much that I could remember if I put my mind to thinking about it. But I think the greatest tragedy is the disrespect we can show ourselves as we forget ourselves. As we underplay our achievements.

When we invalidate ourselves by blowing off a compliment or comparing how we feel about ourselves compared to what we perceive someone else is/has/has done, we commit such a crime against our own humanity. We invalidate our own existence.Give Yourself the Credibility for the Courage You've Already Shown on shalavee.com

We invalidate our own existence.

But what of all the people who benefited from our actions and our presence? Like in It’s a Wonderful Life, were we to take ourselves out of the equation and nullify our actions, we’d most likely cause irreparable harm to those people whose lives we’ve touched.

It takes tremendous courage to be us everyday. It takes courage to get married, get divorced, have children, and endeavor anything. We make creative risks daily whether they’re what we cook for dinner or what jobs/tasks we take on outside our homes, we are using courage we apparently undervalue.Give Yourself the Credibility for the Courage You've Already Shown on shalavee.com

Yesterday I remembered a challenge I’d hosted that I’d forgotten from a year and a half ago. I am re-losing the weight that I’ve lost before. I’m full of so much more talent and experience than I ever give myself credit for. And while I’m not going to rewrite my resume today, I’m going to be extra mindful about what I tell myself I don’t have the courage for and can’t do. Because after a half a century plus, I think there’s a lot I can in fact do and do well.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Valuing Our Belonging and Creating Community

Without a sense of belonging and knowing our own value in the world, we see no one there for us. We do not see ourselves within a community simply because we cannot understand how and why they would value us. Further, we’re suspicious of them if they do tout our value. What do they want from us?

Our families may be the only people we interact with and this may be similarly stressful. Yes you have to show up because you’re family but do you really like me for the person I am?

This sense of not belonging in the world, even within one’s own family, is a devastating and debilitating symptom of our dissociated society. Our need to be accepted as ourselves is so primal yet we end up selling ourselves short to find acceptance for the people we are not.

I am summarizing the brilliant work of Brene Brown on vulnerability and courage because I see it as the base for all that ails us. We can not be authentically ourselves so we cannot create. We don’t allow ourselves to create to find our authentic selves. We then must buy our status, our identity in the world causing debting and economic problems. And at the end, all we want is just to be appreciated for who we actually truly are.Valuing Our Belonging and Creating Community on shalavee.com

Our longing to be vulnerable and accepted has us running on a hamster wheel to achieve the Prize of Perfect but when we are appreciated and liked, we find we are alone in this crowd. Our greatest fear of being alone and not belonging to the people we are with has been realized.

Our need to be accepted as ourselves is so primal yet we end up selling ourselves short to find acceptance for the people we are not.

My thought is that if we started with the absolute understanding that everyone was feeling the same way, if we gave grace and acknowledgement to ourselves and others, we’d fast break down our pretend perfection walls. And that in those moments when we were with others being seen for our true selves, we’d never be able to stop the community from happening.Valuing Our Belonging and Creating Community on shalavee.com

As humans, we are hardwired for connection. We are tribal. Trick is to start with the people who truly do get you. And be vulnerable and willing to build from there. I guarantee they’ll show you your value every time you are with them. And you’ll know the meaning of community and its necessity.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Following Your Intuition and Figuring It Out as You Go

First, we need to get something clear about life. You can have a well thought out life plan and have every intention of following some set recipe for living and, guaranteed, something happens to make you change your life course. While its nice to have an idea, be ready to throw it all out. Because life in all it’s quirkiness, is about the magic of the chance. It’s about guiding yourself with your intuition.

Your intuition is the one thing you can trust. Your intuition is always reliable. It will never let you down and will never speak to you in a mean way. Understand, that self-critical voice is not your intuition. And although it thinks it’s doing you a favor, it’s just stealing years from you. Pamper your intuition and she’ll take you happier places and you’ll still get it all done and more.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

Second, you’ll figure it out as you go. If you got what you expected all the time, you’d probably be bored anyway. I’ve found that life is what happens when you are headed somewhere and you have to puzzle it out. Usually the solution isn’t something you’d have seen from far out but required you to be paying attention. And you’ll be proud of yourself. Do you trust yourself to do this well? You’ve got a good resolution resume already.

And PS, that place where you don’t know and you’re figuring it out? That’s creativity. People want to argue that they aren’t creative except, anytime you are drawing from life and your experiences, you are thinking and living creatively.Following your Intuition and Figuring it out as You Go on Shalavee.com

When you take a look at all the stuff you’ve gone through, built up, endured, achieved, and survived, there’s nothing that’s as scary or as big as all of that. Don’t forget yourself. Remember yourself and build from there.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

« Previous Entries Next Entries »

top