search
top
Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance?

At any given moment, we have at least these two choices : we can set to work on the tasks we see ourselves in need of accomplishing to get to where we think we want to go. Or we can give up on ourselves and decide the effort is not worth it. Or we’re not worth the effort. When you don’t feel worthy of the effort, you live a lifetime of giving up.

I asked myself, what is more difficult, giving up or giving yourself a chance? You’d think that working toward something , be it a better life or self-esteem or relationship with yourself would be harder work than giving up. But I think the opposite is true.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

It’s hard work resigning yourself to your lack of worth for the effort. Believing in your complete lack of value is the hardest most painful work of all. To continue to endure your devaluation of yourself is very tough to do and yet, this is what it means to have low self-esteem. Everyday you resign yourself to being less than. You tell yourself you aren’t worth the effort. You recreate what you believe the world told you when you were little.

 

When you don’t feel worthy of the effort,

you live a lifetime of giving up.

 

I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn’t feel worth the effort to leave. I gave up everyday on me and my need to find happiness. But the staying was so much more work than the leaving eventually ended up being. Perpetuating hopelessness is exhausting.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

Telling the truth is actually way easier that maintaining a lie. I chose to recognize that the relationship was a reflection of my bad self-worth. And that I was choosing to keep myself in pain with it and I could be done and no longer choose it. Life got immensely easier after that. And I discover that every time I work hard towards a goal which I’m excited about, the thrill and pride I feel for myself show that was the easiest work I could have done.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Few Thoughts On Mother’s Day

All-consuming, persistent, relentless, and unforgiving. Motherhood is 365 days per year of these and many more words, flattering and not. One day to recognize all of this feels cheesy. But then Christmas feels all too short to celebrate our oneness with Gratitude and salvation.

We’ll be celebrating more Mother’s day next weekend as my husband had to work this weekend. And honestly, the kids are cute and smart but they’ll only take as much initiative as they’re told to when it comes to Mother recognition. So my thought is, we as mothers and women who devote themselves to people and causes, we need to stop and make sure we thank ourselves too.My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Stop and check in and make sure that everything you give is also coming back to yourself. Do you appreciate you and your efforts? Are you proud of yourself and go willingly on to your next task? Because if you feel resentful, there’s some chats you may need to have with you and maybe a talking doctor about those feelings.

 

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas

 

My thoughts on Mother's Day on Shalavee.com

Children don’t have to always be grateful. They did not ask to be born and will eventually own the ability to appreciate us. In the meantime, we hold them with grace and understanding and we model and encourage their gratitude with the faith that one day, they will be brimming with it. And we treat ourselves with the kindnesses and grace of life that our beautiful birth mothers gave us. And that our own inner mothers continue to gift us.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Why Make the Effort?

When you don’t feel you are worth it, like the effort to go to the doctor or make those changes to your diet or get more education for a better paying job, why and who you are making the effort for may be your key to motivation.

You don’t value yourself enough for the effort?

So be it.Why Make the Effort? on Shalavee.com

But if you have children, their needs for your best You always trump everything.

Your why is always your key to getting your life done. And if you have kids, they are a bigger why than we even realize. They are witnessing everything that we do and say. They are watching, learning, and emulating the way we treat ourselves. And if they see us disregarding our bodies, allowing our boundaries to be bulldozed, and generally treating ourselves as if we are not worth it… they will do the same to themselves.

It’s a fact Jack.

“Do as I say not as I do” are the old rotted roots plunged into and holding onto these behaviors.Why Make the Effort? on Shalavee.com

But how can you tell your children they are the best thing since sliced bread and then discredit the source of this compliment by allowing yourself to be treated as less.

The number one reason to value yourself is the shadow you cast. You are not as invisible as you think. When they try to bully me, I stand up for myself to my children for this reason alone. Because I want them to remember that I valued myself and my time enough to say not now. And I always keep my word to them and myself that my word is always true and valuable. I trust that I am strong for all of us until they are too.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Edit Your Story and Persist with Faith Like Cinderella

The story that is our life, up to a certain point, is written and told by others. We do not choose our parents or where we are born or the social status we are born into. Nor do we have control over who keeps us alive and what they teach us as littles. Our lives are a given in many ways and at least we can be grateful for our chance to exist. But then the story becomes ours to tell. 

Cinderella was loved and wanted when she was born. But bad things can happen to nice people. And the reverse is also true. We can be born into chaos and find a way to rise from the ashes. In my own personal experience, holding tightly to the resentment of my unlucky creation and existence doesn’t serve me. It keeps me routed to where I was and not able to move forward.Endure and Persist Like Cinderella on Shalavee.com

I would also say that a little adversity creates personal character. Cinderella is interesting because she somehow holds that love she had as a child and endures the cruelty with a faith for her future. We would expect her to want revenge for the ill-doings of the step-people but instead her inner-beauty is what gives her a chance to rise. Were she to hate them, she’d just be slumming with the haters instead of rising above as she does.

There aren’t any fairy godmothers per se, but I believe we can create our own hope and magic. And it starts with the basic understanding that we are all worthy of the effort and the hope. The only way I’ve moved on from my darkness is to maintain a blind faith that I was worth the work it has taken to get here. As if I was my daughter, an odd but profound thought.Endure and Persist Like Cinderella on Shalavee.com

As parents, and as women, we are teachers by example. Knowing that what I do is so much more powerful than what I say, I rise with as much power as I can to my life and the occasions I am creating to grow. Because deep down, even with devastating self-doubt and low self-esteem I suffered from, I still believed that this life was worth working on. And it is within my power to change my perceptions and choices and shift my life in directions of empowerment instead of self-destruction.

As women, I don’t think we will make any progress shifting our power back to ourselves until we acknowledge that we are much more than our circumstances and that our worth is a given worth fighting for. The rest of the process is figuring out how we rise as individuals to add our wealth of selves to the collective. What do we each need to learn about compassion and courage to continue our journeys to become who we authentically are? That is our real goal and the path that lights us on fire to our destinies.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real

Our societal addiction to anxiety is epic at this point. Number one mental disorder of the world is anxiety and it’s companion, depression. Depression is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for people ages 15 to 45. Undiagnosed and untreated, people are on autopilot in their everyday lives perpetually bridging the gaps between their fears and the dopamine, the hormone that the brain releases that would quell it. Our “chosen” method to deal with our anxious selves is to emotionally regulate with our personal chosen “binkys” of food or phones, alcohol or dope.

But what struck me recently was the realization that what we’re afraid of may not be there anymore. Let’s be compassionate and know that we adopt our coping mechanisms honestly. Each of us anxiety prone people initially used food or alcohol or whatever chosen pacifier because there was something not good happening that we needed to self-soothe ourselves for. A fear of abandonment is a fear of death. My personal coping choice has been to over-drink wine. As a child of an alcoholic, I’ve always been concerned for myself although I never became an alcoholic.Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real on Shalavee.com

When I began to truly want to shed my extra weight, I knew that those empty calories of wine were my “one thing”. That one thing that I’d lose the weight if I gave up. I began to look at why it was that I thought I needed to overindulge and what I saw was a habit of treating myself for the anticipated worry and stress of my life. Except, I couldn’t see how my life was truly that horrible any more. Yes maybe back in my first marriage but this life I have now ain’t too bad.

What I realized was that the assumption that I had something to be worried about was also an addiction. I was addicted to anxiety. By reverse substantiation, I was assuming something was still wrong because I kept treating myself as if there was. And then I realized that the only way to truly prove that my life now isn’t all that horrible, was to take away that very element (wine) which by its use seemed to keep proving I had something to worry about.Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real on Shalavee.com

Addictions are two-fold. They are adopted to regulate our emotions but the unseen element is our bodies production of the hormone dopamine when it anticipates the reward is coming. People who “cut” themselves or play with their phones have the same addiction in common. They are hooked on the happy hormonal release of dopamine they get just before engaging in these acts. The same for overeating or smoking. Read this brief post on our hormones.

 

 

brain produces dopamine when you accomplish stuff on Shalavee.com

My friend and fellow blogger Heather Serody, author and creator of the blog Thrive in Midlife, wrote a very interesting series on how she overcame her over-drinking. Find the worksheets and links to her three pieces on How to Overcome Over-drinking Here. She discovered that the first part of breaking the cycle was abstinence. Allowing ourselves to cope without the crutch can be just the thing to prove to ourselves that the need for the addiction isn’t really there as much. Mind you that before or simultaneously, you may also want to have a talk with yourself about which fears are your go-to Cognitive Distortions; lies you tell yourself about how disastrous it all is and how it will always be (my preferred cognitive distortions are  catastrophic ones). There are more than a few that we offer ourselves to perpetuate our anxieties.Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real on Shalavee.com

I also feel like our addictions become our pink elephants which also run the circus. I wrote a piece called Our addictions take on a life of their own in which I discuss how our fears have us so convinced that we will die without our addictions, we have no other options in light of this absolute but to continue feeding the fear beast and it’s dopamine addicted keeper.

A shortcut and circle has been made.

Anxiety equals feed or die and repeat.

We are intelligent beings whose quest for knowledge has placed cell phones in our hands and a couple of guys on the moon. Yet, when it comes to our own inner workings, we are not encouraged to understand ourselves. We are in fact encouraged to continue to watch Television news in horror so that we can become anxious and then go buy whatever we deem necessary to regulate our emotions. There is no profitability in self-discovery unless you’re in the self-help industry I suppose.

I abhor the concept that I’m a lemming destined to do the same exact thing everyday for the rest of my life as everyone else is doing. Call me a punk but if I really do have a choice everyday on what I do and who I am, let me be fully aware of how far that freedom extends. I don’t intend to continue to let fear control me if I can outsmart it and graduate to a better way of living.

“Fear, anxiety, and the addictions they create keep you from living, from hoping, and from moving. You are standing on the shoulder of the road of life while people are passing you who owned their choices and chose life over death or misery. You wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone so why are we living this fear loop for years? Because we don’t recognize our choice to choose hope.” From a blog post Addiction Pimps Out Your anxieties to Feed it’s Need

If any of this brings you relief to read it, you are not alone and I urge you to follow your inquisitions down whatever rabbit hole you need that you may truly understand that you are in control of your life. That the behaviours that we exhibit do not define us and we have all the power we give ourselves permission to have to fight back for the control. We can choose to return ourselves to ourselves.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

« Previous Entries Next Entries »

top