search
top
Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being

Since my therapist had asked me to make two separate lists to discriminate what I “was” from what I “did”, I searched the internet for related articles on Being vs. Doing. And what I found was a truly enlightening article on Mindful.org by Zindel Segal titled “The Difference Between “Being” and “Doing”. This concept shifted my understanding of what I have already been working on in my mindfulness practices. This blog post is my summary of what I read and understood.

We have two different mind modes; being and doing. Each has its own value in our lives but some of us may get a little overzealous applying doing to too many things and forget all about the “being”. If we value ourselves only for what we do, we are imprisoned in a never-ending cycle of unhappiness. This explains a lot of my life dissatisfaction and how it’s nice to sometimes just have a seat.Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being on Shalavee.com

Doing Mode

Doing is a mode where we get things done. It is a very good mode when we use it to improve our ways of progressing and innovating. We compare where we are with where we want to be and then adjust according to the mismatch to “reduce discrepancies”. Then we adjust and then evaluate over and over and hopefully our process improves.

There are problematic applications of doing mode, however, when we become slightly obsessive with out lists and compulsion to do, it is called “driven-doing”. When this mode is then applied to “fixing” emotions, we are sucked into a vacuum of never-ending doing. The more we fail to achieve the emotional state we want to be in, the worse we feel. Doing isn’t going to help us here. This kind of “driven doing” conjures up words like “have to”, “Must”, “ought”, “should”, and “need to”. No immediate action can be applied to reduce the discrepancies and so it feels bad. I suspect how we feel about our bodies may fall here and unrequited love too.

In Doing mode, we evaluate good feelings and bad feelings and give them too much power over us instead of us over them. It seems to cement them into our lives and we forget we choose to feel them not they us.Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being on Shalavee.com

Being Mode

Where “Doing mode” is goal oriented and one-dimensional, alternatively, “being mode” is about experiencing where you are detached from goals. Doing mode has us thinking about the past, present, and future where being mode has us only experiencing the now. The being mode is direct, immediate, and intimate. It is the present of being in the present.

The being mode allows moods and emotions and circumstances to remain fluid and we are not condemned to a future full of anything. Everything doesn’t have to mean anything but could also mean what you wanted depending on how you view it later. Thoughts and feelings need nothing more than to be passed through and let go of. There’s nothing to “do” with them.

Allowing” is this state of being and there is no need to reduce discrepancies to meet a goal. Approaching any activity in “Being Mode” can reduce the anxiety of the outcome. When I’m doing the dishes, I’m not resenting that I have to do them. I’m simply doing them until they’re done and moving on. This mode allows my day to move much more smoothly and I can concentrate my energies on what I believe to be more important instead of reacting adversely to everything and being exhausted at the end of the day. I believe we only have so much energy in a day to spend and we should spend it wisely.

Am interested to hear how others have experienced this shift as I have within their lives. Wonder if it’s partly getting older and having to slow down to take pictures of and smell the flowers.

Interested in the un-abbreviated version, read it here.

https://www.mindful.org/difference-between-being-and-doing/

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Listen Gently and Intently

Autumn is knocking so gently on my door. And I’m listening to its rhythm. It asks, let in the air. It says a clean slate awaits. Forgiveness is in the cooling air. Turn in and listen.

I am listening to myself so very hard. Not to the chattering of do’s and don’ts but to the real words behind the fret and worry. What truly am I asking. And I wait for the truth of my answer. My fear comes forward. And I wait compassionately patiently to hear it out for these are the child’s worries. The shadow people’s words.Listen Gently and Intently on Shalavee.com

I know when I’ve hit the truth squarely. I know the fear I am expressing. And I lean in and kneel with all the love and kindness I can bring into this moment and I say, “That may happen. No one may talk to you or they may laugh at you or you may feel ugly and vulnerable but it won’t lose you your truest friends. Your people will always love you just as you are. “ Your inner child knows when she’s being fooled or not. She knows when she’s got your truth. Respect her fear and then firmly disprove it and distract her with ‘what ifs’. What if the most beautiful rainbow came out just as you finished your scary task. Or you found out your favorite friend was coming to visit you for your birthday to reward you for all that hard work?Listen Gently and Intently on Shalavee.com

Only if you listen to yourself would you know what being the truest you feels like. And only when you act that truth out do you get to feel the acceptance of you in the world by yourself and your tribe and you’ve then come full circle. Listen gently but listen intently. Honor your voice as soft as it is because your intuition is the truest knowing you will ever know.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Loving Those Fears Right Out of My Head

Self-development is a very exciting yet solitary process. It comes in spurts, things catch my brain and I instinctively know I need to follow the breadcrumbs to find the answer to “how will this help me to understand myself better”. That is my process and this week I heard a story about self-love and boundaries calling me in.

I have often felt a rawness when in relation to others. And that would be due to my lack of knowing where they stop and I begin. In a recent Instagram post, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about how she’s noticed many people live angry all the time because of their lack of boundaries and feeling encroached on. But, she says, “Not everybody gets to have full access to you.” There’s a different distance for everyone in your life. People who earned more trust get more access. In other words, not everything anyone says to you has to mean anything or affect you.

She says, “When they are held at the correct distance from you, you will stop hating them. Until then, you are just using that person as a weapon to beat yourself up. Put an end to it.”

Loving those fears right out of my head on Shalavee.com

Problems always truly come down to fear. I say that anyone who’s acting like a jackass, including myself, is probably feeling some fear at that time. I find it hard to put my work out in the world because I am afraid of judgment. My inability to stand proud in my talents and products screams fear blockage. In a recent newsletter,

Australian entrepreneur and Female Rights activist Samantha Nolan-Smith said,”When you clear that fear, you can literally be unstoppable. Other people’s judgments just roll off you because you feel complete and whole in yourself. When you’ve already accepted yourself exactly as you are, their judgment is… just a useful piece of information about that person, but tells you nothing about yourself and doesn’t wound you in any way. I’m calling it visibility liberation.”

There are methods of clearing the fears and they take concerted work. First priority is to admit that you have fears and they are keeping you shackled to where you are. There’s no need to feel ashamed of them or to judge them. In fact, the only way to begin to navigate away from our fears is to be compassionate about why they are there. What sad tales do they derive from that we can forgive ourselves for? It is in the application of empathy and humanity that we’ll no longer be under the grips of these fears that have held us hostage for so long.

In her book A Heart of Gold: Lessons on the Path to Loving Kindness, Jane Reeves says “Compassion is what happens before Self-Love…Compassion is how we begin to untether all the tangled parts…Compassion is how we train for self-love.”

Loving those fears right out of my head on Shalavee.com

So how do I incorporate more self-compassion into my days? What practice can I adopt and embrace to begin this valuable fear relinquishing process? I suspect at least meditation could be truly helpful. This is where I am because I refuse to let my self-esteem languish in the “not enough” zone. That is an insult to everyone who loves me and all the efforts I’ve ever made.

I want to relinquish these shackles and risk and write things that will be of benefit to the world. I want to feel excited as I deliver every new idea in a way that serves me and those I care for. I want to get the heck out of my way. And I know the only way to do this is to work on loving those fears right out of my head.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You

It continuously occurs to me that the better I know myself, the better I can understand my value to the world and to you whoever you might be. When I connect with me I can connect with you. And becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I envy those people (all except the narcissists) for knowing what they are and the strengths that they bring to what they do in their lives. What a gift to have such confidence in what you are, your strengths, your gifts, and your purpose. No, not everyone has this.Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You on Shalavee.com

Some, like me, grew up with hazy mirrors reflecting back their self-worth. Or no mirrors. And it can be very difficult to build something when you don’t have a recipe or a plan for it. Why would you even try or know where to begin?

 

Becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

 

We had a little old cat who was skittish and had never been petted. Until one day I snuck a pet in. And she liked it. A lot. It took her 15 years to find out how great affection was. And then she was a pet junkie. How do you know something even exists unless you have felt it? Same with self-esteem. 

Building self-esteem is like building something from air sometimes. You take it on faith that you need to build self-esteem and that it will work if you keep working it but it’s an act of faith. Without the faith you’re worth it,  you’re not. See? Your actions prove your value but your value isn’t there yet. What I have noticed recently is that the surer I feel about myself, the easier it is to speak with others. I come from a place of knowing and this brings me ease. And I am all about the ease.Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You on Shalavee.com

I don’t doubt my need for self-esteem building so that I may understand my weight and purpose in this world. Knowing and fulfilling my value to my fellow humans is one of the most important tasks/jobs I will ever have. And so I fight ever onward in the invisible storm of developing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Intentional Creative Soul Living

Life can become a little slow, boring, and mundane. Caught up in what I’m supposed to do, I can forget that the mood I’m in while I’m doing even the most boring and mundane tasks is shaded by my thoughts. And as my husband says, if I’m not having fun, I’m not doing it right. Creative Soul Living is doing it right.Intentional Creative Soul Living on Shalavee.com

I believe that our creativity can be applied to everything in our lives if we allow it. We can put play in places that we usually don’t. And we can make our lives way more magical and interesting if we are open to trying out new ways and new angles. To seeing ourselves in new colors or taking different paths to the same places. And especially by infusing our days and musts with little devotional rituals.

Perhaps it’s putting on salsa music while you take a shower. Or lighting a smelly candle when you meditate. Maybe stick a pin in a map to see where you can go get lost and discover something. Or maybe it’s putting your best outfit on to go grocery shopping.Intentional Creative Soul Living on Shalavee.com

Creative soul living is a concept I came up with nearly two years ago and I can see how even I have not embraced it fully. Won’t you join me in taking a different route through our lives and seeing where we may be able to infuse a little more fun into our every days. To live and allow a few moments that are unjudged for their productivity. And thus inspire ourselves to create more daily joy for our inner children. Create magic right where you are right now just for you. I dare you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries

top