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Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Low Self-Esteem is Debilitating

There’s a problem I have with how people give you instructions and advice. That “All you need to do is” attitude may work great for some people. Yes, you really may have no idea how to build a readership or self-publish an E-book. Most of us can find a number of resources to tell us how to get there. I stumble don’t stumble with the how but with my low self-esteem. My can’t.

Low Self Esteem is Debilitating on Shalavee.com

For people with low self-esteem, it isn’t as simple as just do this to get that result. There’s another layer of difficulty that blocks us from even beginning. It’s the belief that we’re not even worth the effort. That we have no permission to rise above the place we’ve been keeping ourselves and ask for followers and assistance. This is unthinkable. We’re fairly certain everyone regards us as we do, not much there worth working for.

So until I began, and I think I have, to raise my self-value in my own eyes, I might give you a blank stare when and if you tell me that all I have to do is such and such. It’s just not that easy for everyone. Some of us have more to wade through to get to the “just do it” place than others. And being aware of that can make us all a little less judgmental and a little more compassionate for the stories people are not telling us.

Until I can, I can’t.

And that’s a harder place to fight your way out of than you might think.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Alone Zone

Undeniably, we spend our lives alone. We are the only ones in our bodies, in our minds, and in our souls. Our family and friends will love us but they will always think of themselves first. It’s just humanity in action. We are loyal to preserve ourselves.

Yet, we are also pack animals. We need to be in community, to be witnessed and heard by our fellowship. To hear that we are in fact not alone. That we aren’t the only ones feeling this way.

Leave me alone but hold me.

Stay away from me but I’m lonely.

Love me but don’t get too close.

It costs your soul a high price to stay alone. I spent a lifetime of searching for partners only then using them to hurt myself. It was a lonely hard life where I perpetually gave up on myself. And I decided that it was harder to perpetually give up on myself then to give myself a chance. And I gave myself a chance to be happy even if I didn’t think I was worth it.

The alone zone on Shalavee.com

Now I have a huge community which I don’t even give myself credit for. I love to exchange ideas with like-minded people and my blog and Instagram posts allow me that privilege. And recently, I’ve been having prophetic community dreams. I think I am giving myself the high sign that it’s time to come out of hiding. Time to stop being alone and circle my wagons with others for some meaningful work.

Alone time is good and necessary for me when I need to ponder and work through stuff but then team work makes me feel truly alive and part of something bigger than me.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding Myself and Losing Myself

I’ve been searching for myself again recently. I catch glimpses of me in others’ words and in my blog posts and what I feel. That wax and wain of self knowledge, understanding, and love seems something I should be used to already but I’m not. I often sit back and spend time envying others for their self-certainty.

But I can tell I turned a corner at some point this past winter. After I was medicated and calmer and clearer, I began to see myself. I focused intently on finding my worth in the world. And gradually I began to hear myself say I can. That was truly a breakthrough.

Finding Myself and Losing Myself on Shalavee.com

And then a month ago, quiet by surprise, I heard myself say “I love you” when you you do such and such. And I was shocked. And then I relistened and it was sincere. I shared this with a friend and she cried. This is a big deal.

I feel more positive, more capable. I am only pursuing tasks that make me happy and have cut out all the “I have to’s” . I listen daily and don’t overload myself with tasks and Spring feels like it is happening inside me as well as outside me. My relief and gratitude feel palpable and I’m turning back around and reinvesting in the creative endeavors that make me feel the happiest and most fulfilled. My blogging feels like it needs a big dose of respect so this is me giving it back to me and you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze

I’d tell you to stop me if you’ve heard this but you probably have heard it and I certainly can’t stop repeating myself. In my post Re-Being Me, I mentioned how I feel like I’m just now coming back from my post tail spin turned time out when I took a seat, dialed it all down, and listened. I’m still listening and now I’m starting to hear hope.

These are the thoughts that are different than the same old ones that tell me I’m not worth it. I’m listening for a way of of this maze in my mind that keeps me feeling like a rat in someone’s fear test.

The opposite of feeling fear is feeling self-trust. Today I laughed out loud when I thought, “no wonder I didn’t trust myself for a while. My behavior that started this landslide in November was unreliable”. Duh. But my child isn’t trusting my child. Where’s my adult in this equation ? Doesn’t she know she’s in charge?

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze on Shalavee.com

I haven’t felt I had a good footing on what I am happy to offer and what I want to work on until recently. But what I have begun to feel is a hope bubble forming. A space where I am beginning to want things again. A place where the what ifs are beginning to bloom.

Grief, if that is what I went through, takes time and a lot of energy to process. Sorting out the truth of the tale from the falsehoods and letting go of what feels wrong and doesn’t serve me is what I think I’ve been doing. It takes as long as it takes and I am glad to be going through this with the kindness and compassion of so many friends and witnesses here online and at home. Thank You if you’re still reading .

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Shame about the Gain

I woke up this morning in a mad at myself mood. I felt shame. I felt shame about my shame. Today was the day that I was going to cancel my Weight Watchers subscription. Because I would have been doing it for 2 months and lost my holiday weight. The weight ‘d allowed myself to gain because I knew I could do Weight Watchers! But I’m the one who gained weight on Weight Watchers!


Yup. 


So sick of being sick of myself. I feel ashamed because I don’t want my body to define me. I want body neutrality. That place where I forget to judge myself for this old lady body I’m suddenly walking around in.

sham about the gain on Shalavee.com


I cringe to write this. I’ve been here before. The struggle to live where we are while allowing for the change is ever present. Except we can’t move unless we accept where we are. 


I have spent a lifetime of giving up on myself. So I decided to not cancel the subscription, ie. give up, and keep going. It is my fear of change and lack that keeps me from succeeding. I have a few updated tactics like “don’t act like I can go off my point count on the weekends”. And “do more core strengthening exercises weekly”. And find someone to be accountable to.


Everybody hates to hear a sad story. In this case the non-losing losing story. We want a winning story! But I also believe that self-compassion and authenticity are the only way to banish our shame. So I hand this all to you because my humanity is worth forgiving. And I’ma gonna keep on being me no matter how imperfectly I do it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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