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Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Self Creation by Avoidance of What you Fear You’ll Become

I was washing dishes this morning and it occurred to me that I may actually be basing my journey of becoming me on not wanting to be certain qualities. That I’m attempting to become myself by avoiding becoming something else. And that struck me as kinda stupid.

Where I’d agree, knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want, I think becoming by avoidance sounds like fear may be driving. And once fear is in the driver’s seat, your public transportation vehicle is then careening all over the road because fear doesn’t make good rational decisions and doesn’t heed the rules.

Because I don’t want to make the same mistakes my parents did” might sound like a reasonable excuse not to start a family but it’s not on the up and up. It’s completely excluding all the benefits of having that kind of love in your life and adding it to the world.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

These are the “don’t want to’s” that are gumming up my works. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. I don’t want to seem to be some kinda of know-it-all when I’m not. I don’t want to act like/be perceived as a narcissist. I don’t want to make anything I’m doing about money. I don’t want to make anything more important than my children. My fear has all the bases covered for making no progress with very pragmatic sounding excuses.

We all have the final power to create and recreate ourselves and our stories all the time. But fear-based self creation serves no one. If I pursue my passions and my children miss me for a night or two while I take care of my project or am out-of-town, that will make us all appreciate each other more. If I limit my reach and my connections with the wider world because I’m afraid of taking on too much, I’ll dial it back when it begins to be too much.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

Staying small has never benefited anyone. And people who believe in who I am and what I am saying will also get my true intentions and my integrity. Those who don’t, won’t. Perhaps it’s those exact people I need to have faith in to guide me through my fear decisions and tell me the truth. Because my friends and family know I can even when I don’t think I can. I want to know what they already do.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Living With the Constant Assumption That I’m Doing it Wrong

Living with the constant assumption that I am doing it wrong is exhausting. Such an unsettling daily diet of mixed thoughts. After a daily uncertainty of what it was I liked and who I was mingled with the importance of others’ opinions of me and what it takes to be “cool”, my brain would overload and short-circuit. Sometimes before noon.

So with nothing else to lose, I slowly started to renovate my mind.

I tossed out caring about the approval of others and replaced it with “does it make me happy”? This was a cold turkey people pleasing cessation but it worked.Living With the Constant Assumption That I'm Doing it Wrong on Shalavee.com

I chose to truly listen to what others said were my good qualities and began to build knowledge of who I was whom I liked. And I now pay attention to the things that I am passionate about which then show me what purpose I may have, what people I need in my life, and what direction is most likely to make me happy.

I am still shy of thinking I am cool. I would like to adopt my cocky teenage self back into my life. She was at least good at playing the bad-ass. She may have faked it pretty good but sometimes that’s the best next step until the real thing hits us.

You have no assets, talents, abundance, or inherent worth unless you think you do. People can continue to insist you have these things but until you believe you have them, you don’t. Self-worth equates to what you value in you and then you get to have fun sharing these goodies and mingling them with others’ worth and talents, not vice versa.Living With the Constant Assumption That I'm Doing it Wrong on Shalavee.com

Cleaning up your nonsensical outdated modes of thought takes time and effort, Yes. But the value that this effort brings to your life is rather almost immeasurable. I am more solid, less twitchy. I don’t feel compelled to honor others’ opinions over my own, just be open to them.

So far, I’d say my renovation is going pretty well. And all it cost me was being open to replace the stuff that was broken anyway. It’s not “easy” but there’s nothing worth committing to more than yourself (your lousy for others without a solid you) however long it takes to shift to seeing yourself as the person you are and are meant to be. You just need to allow for the possibility of change.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Doubt Storm

I’m not unfamiliar with the doubt storm. It was always stormy where I grew up. And yet thankfully, all the hard self-work I’ve done, all the trust and safety I’ve built within myself and all the amazing creative tasks I’ve taken on have brought me geegobs of self-esteem. I have started to hear “I can” in my ear.

Until I hit a doubt storm. Again. And then I wake up to a shipwreck on fear island and no understanding of how to leave. Little fear-lets sitting at my feet hungry for more stories about how I can’t and how scary the world is.Doubt Storm on Shalavee.com

Crises of confidence are commonplace for me. You’d think I’d have a steadfast plan for these times. A lever to pull in case of emergencies, a numbered step manual on what to do in case of an ego emergency. But it seems like I come fresh to the table every time with my lack of knowledge and loads of fear.

So I usually acknowledge it. I let it do its thing a little while, write a little in my journal, and call it the BS that it is. Then I go searching for ways to counterbalance it. To bring myself back up out of the fear muck and back to where I belong at the oars of my creativity craft taking on the next journey. OK that’s cheesy but you get it.Doubt Storm on Shalavee.com

I found something today. A small speech by a truly lovely woman hosting a series of inspirational letters for creative women and entrepreneurs. And this is what she said. It is never about the destination and always about the journey. There is no happy montage in the middle of your life and then POOF you’re changed into that girl!

Instead it’s about following you creative passions and inklings step by step. It’s about starting. And it’s about knowing that you being you doing your thing will inspire other people to be them and do their things. Because the world needs that now and always.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Mrs. Doing was Forced to Have a Seat

My old nickname used to be the Energizer Bunny. I like doing. I have valued myself for the amount of doing I get done and that’s the way I’ve coped with my stress (see industrial overfocused). And while it has worked for me that I made it through the holidays feeling pretty proactive and deserving of a few relaxation hours, I have been on a familiar treadmill during January with an obligation to coordinate a fundraising event in addition to my regular parenting band. And so I kept the relentless treadmill running in my head week after never-ending week. Until this past week when my body said “Your sick, have a seat.

As I laid there with my stomach demanding all of my attention to its achy knot riddled state, I really didn’t have any aspirations to do anything else but lay. I may have spent 15 minutes on my feet that day. And I was OK with that. Because I had done enough towards what needed to get done. And I would be well by the time my event rolled around. I was just having a seat. And that isn’t always a bad thing to be in a place of enough.How Mrs. Doing was Forced to Have a Seat on Shalavee.com

We all need a reset point. We have parties to celebrate transitions from one year’s being alive to the next. We have parties to celebrate marriages and graduations. These are all rests and markers before we continue. And I think we need to be very mindful of supplying ourselves with the same feelings of stop and rest and reflect in our more daily existence. Breaks in routing spark imagination.

It took me a few days to truly recover form the my stomach thing. Happily I may have lost another pound on my 2018 weight loss journey to fit back into my clothing. And there was truly nothing that I missed doing. My floors are still as dirty as they were before I got sick.How Mrs. Doing was Forced to Have a Seat on Shalavee.com

I was able to type while slumped in my chair and write a couple of blog posts but that was the extent of my productivity. I was truly OK with Mother Nature telling me to have a seat. And that would be a first. Maybe I’m not valuing myself as much for my measured successes but for the satisfaction of my soul? Or maybe I had a good enough head start. Either way, I feel well enough to continue. And soon this will all be a nightmare.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Fear Makes it Worse

We are all experts on our own fear. We have developed a close and intimate relationship with our fear through the years. We should know what makes us quake, run away, and hide. We avoid, deny, and perfectionistically talk ourselves out of all the right stuff to keep us safe. Except, fear also makes us do the stupidest stuff that ends up messing things up way worse than if we hadn’t made a fear based choice.

Here’s some examples of some of the stupid things fear has made me do.

I had to take my children to the doctor’s and get them flu shots yesterday. The Nurse practitioner gave me a tongue lashing for not bringing them in sooner so that the vaccine could take effect prior to the flu season. I was just afraid of having to take my four-year old for another shot. But she did well as we talked about it and I bribed her ahead of time. I hope we don’t get the flu of course. And those shots can’t hurt, although they hurt. I feared causing my child pain. But a good Mom knows smart choices.Fear Makes it Worse on Shalavee.com

Speaking of fear of doctors, there was that time when I got the sinus infection that lasted from Thanksgiving to Valentine’s Day. I was so afraid of being sick, I think I lied about not having taken some antibiotics so that I then stopped short of a full run of treatment and ended up making things worse. I was terrified of what my body was up to and didn’t always trust the doctors to take care of me. Fear causes mistrust and cloudy thinking.

Fear made me avoid and lie.

I’ve been so afraid of having my writing submissions rejected again (those were some painful experiences) that I just stopped trying. Ridiculous considering I now know my writing truly doesn’t suck as much as it did. I question my why but I know that’s just distraction.

Fear that I am incapable of the tasks I am saddled to do makes me angry. Feelings of not knowing enough and feeling helpless can make me rant. So anger is a good sign of my fear. Or PMS.Fear Makes it Worse on Shalavee.com

I’ve discovered that acting from fear makes things worse. My feelings are compounded, amplified. Outcomes are messy and long-lasting. Instead, I need to stand still and think about how to meet my fears head on, get advice and a plan and have pride in myself for doing what I need to do despite my fear.

I bet we can all think of a moment of fear when we were not so proud of ourselves for our actions. We made things worse or hurt someone.

And you know, the only thing we can do is love ourselves for our humanity. Compassion has no expiration date.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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