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Currently Browsing: Midlife Motherhood

Are You a Noun or a Verb?

If I had to tell you what I would do when I grew up, I’d say “I’m going to be a Momma. I’m going to be an Artist. I’m going to be a Writer. And I’ll expect all of those things of myself that go along with being the best Momma Artist Writer that you think I can be. I mean I think I can be.”

Who gets to decide if you are what you say you are? Are you legitimate only when someone says you are, gives you a certificate or a diploma or an award? Because if the answer is anyone other than you deeming you legitimate, you’re screwed. You have no control over anyone or anything but what you do today.

An additional haphazard of self-definition is deciding what to base your definition on. Are you are a human being or your human doing? Are you a noun or a verb?

I say you are what you do daily. You are not your title but what you devote your time and energy to. You are the energy of your intentions.Are You a Noun or a Verb? on Shalavee.com

But maybe you are innately you at any given point and the doing is a distraction from yourself and being. You can try to do all the things to change our mind but we know who you are. Again, your insecurities about others’ opinions of you can render you hazy and scattered.

If focusing your intentions and efforts will bring you to what you want, I guess that makes me a human doing in the best way possible. I know that all I do makes me happy and purposeful. And besides, I think Mom is a verb anyway.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Invisible Duties of Mothers

I often have people remark that they see me doing a lot and they are impressed and/or shocked at how much I seem to get done. I wonder if they don’t recognize how much they accomplish too. And then recently it became clear that women often have many invisible life duties that add up to way more than an 8 hour day.

I feel like we women are often dutiful and humble, we just see what we do as necessary and move on. Yet there are so many tasks without which life would be uncivil and unkept. Besides the homekeeping, laundry, and meal cooking, I consider myself responsible for all knowledge and care of the children. Their whereabouts, transportation needs, playdates, extra curricular activities, and birthday party presents are mine to manage.The Invisible Duties of Mothers on Shalavee.com

Their bodies are ours to care for until they can do this themselves. Clean clothing that fits and is seasonally appropriate and dentist, eye, and doctor appointments all fall within my realm of responsibility. And when my daughter comes of age, it will be me to show her how to navigate the not so niceties of being a woman.

We do ourselves and our daughters a disfavor by not acknowledging our accomplishments. We become invisible and taken for granted. I have had it happen to me. I must say though that I do enjoy much of what I do for my family. I dearly enjoy being a homebody and a parent and use all opportunities to be creative and make it fun and memorable.

The weaving of the rewards is then up to us to place in the layers between our goals and our duties as mothers. And we also need to ask for the gratitude and acknowledgment we do not receive in a paycheck. We need to see our own value and herculean efforts and model self-worth for the young women we are raising who will perhaps take on a role like ours in heir futures.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness?

I had heard rumors about the Cult of Perfect on the internet. And although I have stayed away from much of the perfecty picture world, there is definitely a cult of Okayness that exists. Women posting about how zen their lives, clutching their cupfuls of okayness while they practice mindfulness and home school their children.

While I aspire for the zen okayness, and no, homeschooling isn’t for me, I can’t help but sense that the perpetual claiming of this smacks of a Lady Macbeth flavored lack of achievement. If I keep claiming it, it will become true. And all I’m really feeling is lack.

So the question is, do you act as if the thing has happened and hope that the pretending makes it so? Or do you just own your lack of perfect okayness, let it hang out, and claim how hard it is to admit that? Because if that underlying niggle that things are not OK, that you are somehow failing your family, and that you are not enough festers, don’t you feel the build up and release will be bigger and badder than just claiming your humanity?Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness? on Shalavee.com

I admitted recently that my family’s well-being has been my number one priority above myself. And I finally feel like I can be done worrying about that and move on to working on the work that enlivens and empowers me. I am handing back some duties to them, and taking back the understanding that if my soul isn’t nourished, theirs won’t be either.

Where are you? Are you telling yourself a story or are you allowing your humanity and moving through it?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Are Expectations for Your Children a Good or Bad Thing?

As a parent, there are so many expectations we have of how our children are “supposed to” develop. Milestones that we expect them to reach by a certain age and if they don’t, we question,”Is there something wrong with them?” Society has thrown many markers at us parents for what “normal” child development should look like. And it messes the parenting process up all to heck.

When my son was two, he wasn’t speaking yet. The in-laws were worried he may be autistic. I knew he was just developing his physical skills first. But my husband insisted his worries were just as valid as the “other” parent so we got him a speech therapist. She had really cool toys to play with once a week with Eamon. Despite concerns, once he began talking, he did so in sentences very quickly . Expecting boys to be as verbal as girls will frustrate you.

Meanwhile, I really wanted him to be potty trained at the same time. I was super sick of all of that diaper business. But my wanting him to be potty trained seemed the very thing that he was punking out against. My expectations of him only served as a negative. Because if you want your child to do it, they will do the opposite. Reverse psychology is a brilliant tactic at any age.Are Expectations for Your Children a Good or Bad Thing? on Shalavee.com

So the question becomes, where do you stand with expectations? If you have none for your child, will they automatically expect themselves to do certain things that will guarantee them success. If you don’t expect them to go to college, will they expect themselves to? Probably not. They’re simultaneously interpreting your expectations as what their abilities are. If I don’t expect them to do something, is this my way of saying I think their incapable of it?

But expectations can also leave no room for individualism. If I expect my children to be straight and get married and they want neither, there may be a rift between us. Expectations need to be tempered with love and acceptance. You have to find the clutch point in the relationship. The point where your desires for them help them uphold themselves to worthy life goals but don’t push them away from you or who they think they are.

As always, parenting includes a lot of touch and run and a great dose of “Good luck with that.”

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Occupying Your Body

Having gone to every doctor to have every pain checked out, I finally was comfortable with reengaging in some true working out at the YMCA. I have been taking a weight-lifting class to tone up my belly as well as my upper body. And I have noticed an interesting shift in how I feel inside my body.

When I stopped running and was going through getting my aches taken care of, the pains made me scared. I feared what it meant or how bad it was, and that sort of thing makes you avoid doing things that would cause any more pain. Problem with that is that the pounds pile on an immobile butt quickly. And the extra weight just causes more problems.

After knowing I wasn’t going to hurt myself anymore, I began to commit to many reps but low weights. My muscles began to tone up. Whereas before I was moving my body mass around avoiding the pain, I now occupy my body and can feel it moving. I am holding myself strong and tall and proudly.

If I am stuck with this body for the rest of my life, there are a few things that I want to make sure I can do for the duration. Stand tall, squat over a toilet, and not pee my pants. Each of these endeavors requires certain exercises that very quickly create the strong body you want. I feel like we should all be proud of ourselves for the way we take care of us. And this will keep us happy and independent just that much longer.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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