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Currently Browsing: Midlife Motherhood

Testing, Testing, is this Parent On ?

This first week of school is notoriously rough for our youngest. There are new teachers, new routines, and new buses to acquaint themselves with. And I fully expect our train to derail somewhere in the middle of back to school week. I was slightly mistaken in that there weren’t as many neurotic breakdowns and a crying fits. But the weekend brought me the brunt of the week with not so fab behavioral choices.

The tall one was seemingly good until we found he’d smuggled his phone up to his room for late night phone poking and gaming which is against my rules. He did not try to hide it. I am holding the phone every day this week after school. He conceded to this punishment without question.

The small one, she brings on the fits and the tantrums fast and furious these days. I felt like my weekend was usurped by these fits. Every time I turned around, she was mad about something (My theory that she’s happiest when she’s unhappy resurfaced). Last week, her constant lack of appreciation for gifts received got her a week long hold on asking for anything. So she’d say she would like something and then when I shut her down, she’s say, “Wishing’s not wanting Mom.” The heck it isn’t sassy pants.Testing, Testing, is this Parent On ? on Shalavee.com

I can barely contain my giddiness sometimes when I get her onto the bus in the morning. Because, for 7 hours, I’m not going to be used as a punching bag to find out where her boundaries stop and mine start. I understand the necessity of their pushing and my pushing back to show them they are loved and safe, but parenting is an exhausting gauntlet through their childhoods. A relentless journey into the irritable and seemingly unnecessary woods we’ve long since forgotten we’d navigated ourselves.

But navigate they must, testing us all the way, to find out how important and loved they are so they can take that in a to-go package to use for the rest of their lives. Just give me a few hours off each week please.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Oh Universe, What Would You Have Me Do?

We mistrust ourselves so much, we have to hand much of our decision making over to another power. We create elaborate ways to make decisions. Drop a divining line down and see which way it swings to decide (dowsing pendulum). Pick your arm up and drop it to see if you should eat it (applied kinesiology). Because it’s awfully hard admitting that you have no faith in your own decisions and easier to give it over to something else. The exception being God. But most of us are faithless and frenetic.

The Drowning man story is the best story ever which humorlessly depicts how our lack of sight and faith keeps us from seeing the divine signs sent to us.

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

We are given so much and yet our brains don’t see what we’ve got but rather focus on what we don’t have.

Meditation and yoga are ways to reach our larger calmer parental minds, the voices we could trust to make decisions for us. But these processes are not a “one time and done” kinda thing. They require discipline and time and pain. Modern Americans have no time for any of these. And in essence, were not really worth it.Oh Universe, What Would You Have Me Do?

The beautiful thing about being young is that you are told what to do. You resent every little syllable you had to obey but when you find yourself without the direction, you may end up asking the Universe what it may want of you? And it may be super hard to find that first answer. But that is where I am right now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Labor of Mom Love

My sister asked if I had any plans for the day. I said nah, I’m not doing anything. Just my regular stuff, no big deal. And she says, I would say you do a lot of stuff and a big deal. And I realize that I just belittled myself and all the hard work I put into my house that I do make it look clean and easy.

I am at the store with my son and he asks if this half a cart full of groceries is a regular size shop. I ask if he knows how many meals a week I am responsible for. 21 meals and that includes any that I have to pay for at his school via the computer. Multiply that by four people. But I just expect I must do this because that’s what I do.

I don’t think there’s any occupation that takes itself more for granted than motherhood. Mother’s Day Needs to be a week in which everyone else takes over the Mom’s job so they actually experience the ridiculousness of it.labor of Mom Love on Shalavee.com

But in the same breath, it is also up to us to wean and train our families to rely on us less. To show them the necessity of chores and hygiene to maintain self-respect. To encourage them to claim confidence in this adulting thing.

Labors of Love are always a given with me. But I also have scolded my children for taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. I model self-respect so that they may do the same to their children later.

So this is my Ode to Motherhood, the Labor of Love that we are guilty of taking for granted. May you enjoy lots of it in your life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Key Lime Pie Recipe

After a few decades bringing food to potlucks, you develop your own go-tos to make. In the Summertime, my must bring is Key Lime pie. The recipe is ridiculously simple and the graham cracker pie crust tins make great carrying containers.

My key lime pie on Shalavee.com

Key Lime Pie

One premade graham cracker pie crust

4 egg yolks and one egg white

14 ounce can of sweetened condensed milk

¾ cup lime juice

Tub of Cool Whip topping

Kiwi fruit peeled and sliced

My key lime pie on Shalavee.com

The premade crust asks to be painted with egg whites

and precooked for 5 minutes at 375 degrees F.

Mix egg yolks, sweetened condensed milk, and lime juice

together and pour into crusts.

Cook for 15 minutes at 350 degrees F.

Chill in the refrigerator to set and then spread with whip cream

and decorate with slices of kiwis.

My key lime pie on Shalavee.com

The pie crusts come with plastic covers over them. I just invert the cover and recrimp the edges and off I go.

My salad go-to for potlucks is German Potato salad.

What do you bring for a Summer potluck?My key lime pie on Shalavee.com

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

“Do You Work?”, He Asked

I finally scheduled the procedure to have a fatty lump taken off my belly this week. I’ll spare you the gory details. But while the surgeons had the scalpel poised over my belly, he asks me, “Do you work?”. I said not in a traditional job but I do work. “Are you a housewife?”, he asks. I respond that this phrase is outdated. “Well what do you call it then? “ he says. Homemaker? Domestic Engineer?

I found myself explaining that I work very hard to maintain our life and our home plus am a writer, but that old nagging self-worth question about being defined by your earning power is still a part of me. I came of age in the 80’s. Bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan. And never let him forget he’s a man

The question is triggering for me because I am uncertain of me. Remember I just went through this with Fiona in this piece.  Who cares if he’s a chauvinist. That’s his wife’s problem. What all of this points out to me is that I need to be in a place where I feel certain of the value of what I do. Where I know my own value and do not question it."Do You Work?", He Asked on Shalavee.com

I consider myself a Mindful Mother.  To me, success is raising kids who will be proud of who they become. Kids who are gracious and self-assured, kind and smart. I am a Homebody. I love to make my nest pretty and mostly prefer to spend a day at home alone than anywhere else. I work very hard to create an environment that’s clean, creative, and happy for me and my family and that’s no small feat in a nasty old house built in the 1870’s."Do You Work?", He Asked on Shalavee.com

So it would seem that I need to write myself a better elevator speech so that in the future when I’m asked what I do for a living, I can recite a clever and insightful speech on my worth as a human being. Or I can just tell them it’s none of their business.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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