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Currently Browsing: Midlife Motherhood

What Would Make My Life a “Success”

What do you do? The answer to this question implies your worth and productivity to the world. This question is why you stopped going to events where there might be strangers. Because you aren’t certain that there’s an answer you can provide that will bring satisfaction to you and them.

But what if we stopped valuing and judging ourselves on what we do? Gasp. What if we valued ourselves and our presence in this world and instead focused on what a successful life looked like to us not others? What would that look like?What Would Make My Life a “Success”  on Shalavee.com

To spend enough quality time with my kids and eat dinner with them most nights.

To have the time and energy to live a creative life outside of all my musts of parenting and household upkeep.

To be the kind of friend and parent that I want to have.

To honor my skills as a writer and respect my need to pursue that by scheduling regular writing time.What Would Make My Life a “Success”  on Shalavee.com

Three out of four I’m actually doing pretty well at. So I’d say my life is mostly already successful. The trick is to not aim so far ahead of your true life that you miss enjoying living it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

As Long as Never Enough Is the Mutter

I waste moments in my day thinking about how lucky other people are. Well of course they can work out for two hours, grab a coffee with a friend, or sit and read for hours, they aren’t parents of small people. I’m comparing my apples to their oranges. One day, I’ll have that time back.

And this just goes to prove my underlying understanding of my life : there’s never enough time, energy, or money to do all the things I want do. So you’d think I’d go ahead and lower my standards to feel better about my life. Nope.

I want to have a clean house, a well-toned body, a beautiful garden, grateful kids, a larger blog following, essays published in well known publications, or even a career.

I’m always working but it’s never enough. Most people can’t believe I do as much as I do. And I wonder what life they see me living. And conversely, there was the awful person who suggested I go get a job. I must be living a life of luxury over here getting my toes painted and who knows what else. People “my age” often are employed.As Long as Never Enough Is the Mutter on Shalavee.com

Sadly, I should be even more infuriated at that stupid comment. Women are always screwed as so many don’t understand the sheer volume of responsibilities we have in our minds to keep up with. But now with the children at home on top of our heads needing us to also be the homework monitor and entertainment manager on top of being laundress, cook, disciplinarian, nursemaid, and person who pays attention to them.

No wonder I feel like I’m not enough. Society has handed me this mental condition and I’ve said, thank you sir, may I have another? Until I can say “enough already”, I will not have enough time left for me. For the house work or the garden much less my own personal creative work or self-care practices. Creating realistic self-expectations is something I need for me and to model for my daughter.

I’m going to sit down and have a long talk with that little niggling voice in the back of my head about what I truly think is enough. Really.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Ten Things about this Pandemic that Bother Me Most

I am sure we all have had enough of certain aspects of this Pandemic. I decided to list mine. And no, the masks didn’t make it to the list because I understand their necessity.

  1. Our mandatory mistrust of one another in order to be safe is so bothersome to me ie. I trust and someone dies. No one wants to kill their mother after all.
  2. Despite all the information posted everywhere, most people have no understanding of this virus’ mode of transmission (via spittle into the face), contagion period (less than a week before symptoms and three weeks at most after it presents), or what an antibody is (immunity in your body).
  3. But presenting with the antibodies means nothing. Not enough is known as the virus mutates to know if you are immune to one strain but can catch the next one coming through. Ten Things about this Pandemic that Bother Me Most on Shalavee.com
  4. No real school program in place for our public school children.
  5. Capitalism continues to thrive in our high anxiety climate of not enoughness and plague fear.
  6. The richest companies in the country just tripled their profits from the anxiety-fest.
  7. I gained ten pounds.
  8. No vaccine for the pandemic this year or perhaps even next.Ten Things about this Pandemic that Bother Me Most on Shalavee.com
  9. Zoom meetings.
  10. With all this time , I still manage to mismanage my time and feel like I’m getting nothing done.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

My sister lives in Rhode Island and purchased a house with extra rooms five years ago with the intention of having us come visit. But until this year, we hadn’t. My daughter was too small and then there were Summer camps. We didn’t have the right vehicle and then she just came and visit us instead.

But we just returned from our Summer vacation to RI.

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

All my daughter wanted to do was swim in the pool. I ended up spending all my time with her there. And we ate out a lot. I just needed to decide what I wanted to eat. So not a lot of dishes. And not a lot more than just being and playing together. Because that is what visiting people is all about and something I want to do a lot more of.

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

There’s a lot to be said for shaking the etch-a-sketch and leaving your house for a couple days. It’s refreshing to return to the comfort of your home where you know where everything is. But you’re not overwhelmed by everything you have to do immediately. That’s how I eventually end up but for now, I’m holding onto the high of the absence.

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

To complicate things prior to our departure, our new little cat had an injured eye and I was scheduling an eye operation for her for when we returned. (That was today.) That made me nervous as did all the warnings for Covid travel from State to State. My husband said, don’t worry, be happy. And so I spent the time leading to our departure focused on leaving in a timely intentional way. We got there in less than 7 hours and now we know what it takes to visit. My sister was a lovely hostess and her house is amazing. Cozy and the most comfortable bed ever!

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

Absence Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder on Shalavee.com

Enjoy the pictures and stay tuned for my upcoming Blogaversary Post.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Refuse to Feel Ashamed

It wouldn’t be shocking to say that shame is one of the most damaging emotions we can feel. Feeling badly about ourselves shuts us off from the world. We are isolated and silent and of no threat or use to our world. The moments that I remember shame the most are when someone has said something to me intending to cause me shame. Now when I think of them, I just feel mad and a little remorseful that I didn’t have a shame filter installed earlier.

As this pandemic has evolved through our year, I have become aware that there are many opinions on what choices we should and shouldn’t make when it comes to the public health and our private health. And these sticky areas are fraught with shame pot holes. People having guests over to their house when the government said it was verboten. Scolding words of shame were thrown about.

Now as things are lifting, we are still wearing our masks into the world, but our homes and choices on who will visit or have visit us is strictly our business. Provided we also give people disclaimers of our unmasked events. Perhaps it’s a little like telling your lover who you’ve had unprotected sex with. But unless we can test ourselves in front of one another, we have to be resigned to mistrusting each other. It’s nothing personal.I Refuse to Feel Ashamed on Shalavee.com

So be it ! But I can say this much, I will not be ashamed for allowing my daughter to have a play date. The little girl who was trapped at home without her friends was beginning to suffer from depression. I felt it would be cruel to keep her quarantined any more. That was my choice as her parent. The mother rule has always been to warn other mothers if your child has been sick. I will offer all mothers the information that we’ve had unmasked play dates and let them know I won’t be mad if they choose to say no.

But I will refuse to feel ashamed if my choice for my family doesn’t fit with your needs and choices for yours. And that goes for everything beyond this Covid-19 pandemic. Because as mothers and managers, we retain the right to make bad decisions as well as good ones. But they are our decisions to make.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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