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Currently Browsing: Midlife Motherhood

Navigating the World’s Shoulds

So many shoulds coming at us daily. Other people’s recipes for our lives flooding our heads. The shoulds of womanhood, motherhood, parenthood, successful people, healthy people, and intelligent people. Of good daughters and good citizens and good Christians.

Oh you know what the shoulds sound like. I should have a clean house, a balanced diet, and spiritual practice. I should have polite children, a health insurance plan, and an IRA account. Everywhere I turn, there is some spoken, or unspoken rule that tells me what I should be, say, and know. And I find it exhausting.Navigating the World's Shoulds on Shalavee.com

As former small people, we have a hard time doing what we are told we should do, even when the should comes from ourselves. So there we are with our own laundry list of shoulds and then we get the world adding to it. We should be skinny, we should be saving, and we should be up on current events.

But in the end, what we truly think is what matters. Do we trust ourselves to say, “No thank you, I don’t need to worry about being skinnier with the holidays coming up.” Or, “No thank you, I don’t care to worry about decorating the outside of my house when I need to clean the kitchen floor today.” It’s always our choice to decide what matters to us.Navigating the World's Shoulds on Shalavee.com

We get to throw out the shoulds that do not serve us and listen hard to the coulds that are in or hearts. We really should go see that movie before it leaves the theater but we feel like staying home and watching a movie on our own couch instead. Or, we really should finish reading the library book due tomorrow but instead we feel like cooking brownies with our kids.

What shoulds are you holding on to that you may be able to let go of for the holiday season? If you must, schedule your number one in your calendar and then gift yourself with a schedule of coulds instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Hail to the Hearth Keepers

Our home fires are both necessary and symbolic. Religious mythology include kitchen hearths and their keepers because the hearth is the place where life and family begins and ends. Heat and life begin within the womb and warmth of the family. And I have always known that my job is to tend that warm place.hail to the hearth keepers on Shalavee.com

I love making fires. I saw an Indian gentleman show the true way to make fire out of forest fodder and I swore I would do that too. What a skill to have. And then I had Fiona instead. She is our “fuego rojo”, a fiery red-headed daughter.

Although our actual fireplaces were long ago rendered obsolete, we bought a gas insert for our living room hearth 15 year ago. I tend that fireplace with a once a year blow out of the dust from the pilot light and relight it to begin our fall season.hail to the hearth keepers on Shalavee.com

My truest joy is how my kids enjoy huddling next to it on the cold days. They ask to light it before school. And pull pillows up to warm themselves. That is the memory I want for them of their home life here. That coziness and kept feeling of home. If they take that with them then I have done my job as the hearth keeper.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Body Myself

I had a not so nice moment with my body in a dressing room recently. I said in this Instagram post,

“I went shopping today. Put my body in front of mirrors. It was quite soul crushing. I’m reeling with the hangover of my 52-year-old body.”

This mental place of self-hatred is a familiar abode for me. I’ve spent more time in my life disliking my body than liking it. Gladly, I bought clothing afterwards that I liked the way it fit and looked on my body. And that was what I packed for my vacation. I did more shopping while I was away and suddenly, I have discovered graciousness, compassion, and comfort are my current needs.my body self on Shalavee.com

I shopped for pieces that were elegant, well-fitting, and comfortable. And I am finding this shift comforting. To stop fighting and to accept where I am is living. At the same time, I am also thinking I may rejoin weight watchers for a limited amount of time and give a few exercise classes a try that I have been shy to join. Because when you do even the littlest thing towards a goal, even though there is no change, you feel immensely better for being in process.my body self on Shalavee.com

Because truthfully, you’ll never move on if you can’t accept where you are. All together, that looks like doing my best at being dressed comfortably and abstaining from the judgment of my worth as a plump 52-year-old. And then setting some intentions to tone and increase my stamina in my body so I can feel strong and powerful inside my body, proud of who I am.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Belonging to Myself

I feel unqualified to be an adult. Like someone didn’t give me the manual and the rule book. And I’ll be found out. I was raised to need someone else to give me a sense of belonging. It would seem my kryptonite is my own independence. This is the story I am discovering and hoping to rewrite. And may well be the story of many women who feel their purpose of existence is to serve others.

But I have found that not belonging to myself causes me great grief. A sense of being untethered and ungrounded. Not belonging to you means that you look for all your comfort and sense of identity from others. And I am adamant that my daughter finds a way to be here for herself. We had a conversation about this once and she called it her Body Buddy. Imagine the kind of love and acceptance we could give ourselves and then to the world if we belonged to ourselves, inside the bodies we have, with the compassion of angels.Belonging to Myself on Shalavee.com

What is a sense of Self-belonging comprised of? Self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge perhaps. A feeling of faith that you are here just as you need to be when you should be. That you have everything you need within you to fulfill your purpose here. And you are never alone as long as you know that you are a pretty awesome friend to you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge

You, Yes, you are in charge of your life. I am adamant about stating that your life is for you to plan. Even if you choose to do what others suggest you do, it’s always been your final choice to make. You are in charge of your own life plus the lives of your small ones. And for the most part, this in charge status also extends to your family’s way of living. You are probably steering your family boat as a Mama.

Without this understanding, other people think they’re in charge of you. The kid in the Target who is melting down and then the mother says they’ll leave without the toy but then she doesn’t leave after threatening to time and time again? He’s in charge and they are both scared and doomed. The woman who consents to live in a house with dangerous people around her children, she is making the choice to put them in harm’s way. Or to stay in an abusive marriage, she is punishing her own inner child by continuing to stay. I’ve been there. 

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge on Shalavee.comBut here’s the part that makes me want to scream when I remember it. No one has to repress you if you willingly judge, bash, and self-bully yourself daily for them. Your choice for empowerment is in your hands everyday. We have everything we physically need daily to change the course of our lives to safer and happier and better. And yet, our heads tell us lies we believe and we stay stuck and ashamed.

If the people in your life do not support you in your journey towards self-betterment, they need to step gently off your train. If you blame your parents for messing you up or your children for being a burden, look again. Your choice starts with perspective and an acknowledgement of your power to choose.

The most beautiful gift we give away for so much of our lives is our choices and our voices. It may feel like a weight to take them back but the opposite is true. Owning them will set you free.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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