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Currently Browsing: Midlife Motherhood

I Refuse to Feel Ashamed

I spent all last year in an “unhappy with my body” place. I could not accept that I had gained back weight I had previously lost, even though I had given myself permission to eat with gleeful abandon for the Holidays prior. And so I struggled with my esteem, my exercise routine, and my eating and drinking all through the year. But mostly, I silently hated myself for no longer fitting into my clothing and having to buy a new wardrobe of leggings and over-sized shirts.

This year, I chose to give myself the same permission during the holidays to enjoy myself. And of course, I already had the stretchy wardrobe so whatever. And I knew I’d expanded that much more afterwards. However this year, based on my word “And”, I decided I was to give myself permission to be where I am and to work towards the change that I would be proud of.

Shame can be one feeling that keeps us stuck. We feel ashamed of our bodies, our socioeconomic class, our families, and our homes. We have images in our minds of how “normal” people should live and look and act and anything detouring from that image makes us fear disapproval and feel shame. But this is such crap. 

So I decided to take my burgeoning body to the gym in my too tight clothing and just not choose to feel ashamed. After all, I’m there right? I’m in the classes keeping up with everyone so therefore, why would I feel ashamed. And it’s my opinion that anyone that would wish me to feel shame is truly an unkind frightened person themselves. I bring a smile and a laugh to the classes and that is a blessing to all of us.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Holidays without Anxieties Update

We’re in full holiday swing now and the mood is different than ever before. Because I’m different. Backstage at the Nutcracker night, I told the other mothers that I had been an ever-loving mess last year but I’m medicated this year. They laughed but this is my truth; I am a different person this year. And I owe that to making a life-changing decision to ask for medication for my anxieties.

Helping myself out of the perpetual swirling vortex of anxiety is allowing me to be present for myself, for my family, and also for others who can choose this for themselves. As my friend Siri on Instagram chimed in to say it better than I could have,

Holidays without Anxieties Update on shalavee.com

Fiona is all the way on the right

Best decision of 2019. Deciding to finally try meds for the depression I’ve battled for decades. It’s early days yet, and my doctor and I are still fiddling with dosages, but I already suspect that this could be, in the words of a friend, a game-changer. Why not sooner? Because it wasn’t “bad enough” – I was able to function wasn’t I? Because I was sure I could fix it without meds if I could just find the combination of lifestyle choices and cognitive-behavioural tools. Because stigma. Shout-out to Shalagh, whose openness encouraged me to try. Shout out to my wonderful husband and friends and family, who have been steadfast with their support as I start this new journey. Shout-out to me.”

Every change and every choice we make for ourselves has a snowball effect in our lives. When we choose to take better care of us, everyone benefits. And in my case, the holidays are more laid back and my hope is that my children will not inherit as much of the anxiety as we did from our parents. I am setting the scene and the tone for this very special time of year when my children deserve all the happiness promised them.

Happy Holidays to Everyone and I’ll be taking a hiatus from the blog to come back with surprises in the New Year!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Another Day, Another Sinus Infection

I have what is termed chronic sinusitis. A have a whopping good amount of allergies. When that got added to an undiagnosed deviated septum which only got operated on not two years ago,  I suffered numerous sinus infections in a year. When it’s really bad, it feels like I have dirt packed into my forehead. And I can hear the little bacterium multiplying as a clicking noise in my face.

Years later, I’m receiving weekly allergy shots and, even though I get way less infections in a year, I always feel a little scared when I get one because multiple antibiotics have failed on me. Imagine, if you get to the doctor’s office after you already start hurting, it still takes two days for the antibiotic to kick in. And imagine there’s a weekend stuck in there and then you call the doctor’s office back to let them know it’s not working and they never get back to you. That was my story this year.

I have had this sinus infection for almost three weeks (which doesn’t top the one I had from Thanksgiving to Valentine’s Day one year). I’ve had two antibiotics fail on me which I will make double darn sure are noted in my chart. And when I visited the doctor’s office in person for the second day in a row, I got an unexpected surprise:

An Apology from the office manager.Another Yer, another sinus infection on Shalavee.com

I got a new prescription on the spot for the antibiotic that I knew would work. Everyone was was mortified. I assured them that I was used to this and that I wasn’t mad, just looking froward to not having a sinus headache.

I get to the point where I think it’s my problem. Like I’m doing something wrong. Am I a hypochondriac? No, that pain means something. I was so proud of myself for continuing to advocate for myself as I fell through their system’s cracks. And that we all proved human after all was such a relief. A further snaffu with an order for a mammogram was straightened out and I have my booby squashing to look forward to too.

I have always been an advocate for my physical and mental health. I understand my body now so much better than I ever did. And I chose recently to change my primary care doctor because I would like a woman as I move into my menopausal years. I have committed to always following the breadcrumbs to my wellness. No one else cares or is as affected by it as much as me. Except maybe my family as they suffer when I suffer.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Are You a Noun or a Verb?

If I had to tell you what I would do when I grew up, I’d say “I’m going to be a Momma. I’m going to be an Artist. I’m going to be a Writer. And I’ll expect all of those things of myself that go along with being the best Momma Artist Writer that you think I can be. I mean I think I can be.”

Who gets to decide if you are what you say you are? Are you legitimate only when someone says you are, gives you a certificate or a diploma or an award? Because if the answer is anyone other than you deeming you legitimate, you’re screwed. You have no control over anyone or anything but what you do today.

An additional haphazard of self-definition is deciding what to base your definition on. Are you are a human being or your human doing? Are you a noun or a verb?

I say you are what you do daily. You are not your title but what you devote your time and energy to. You are the energy of your intentions.Are You a Noun or a Verb? on Shalavee.com

But maybe you are innately you at any given point and the doing is a distraction from yourself and being. You can try to do all the things to change our mind but we know who you are. Again, your insecurities about others’ opinions of you can render you hazy and scattered.

If focusing your intentions and efforts will bring you to what you want, I guess that makes me a human doing in the best way possible. I know that all I do makes me happy and purposeful. And besides, I think Mom is a verb anyway.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Invisible Duties of Mothers

I often have people remark that they see me doing a lot and they are impressed and/or shocked at how much I seem to get done. I wonder if they don’t recognize how much they accomplish too. And then recently it became clear that women often have many invisible life duties that add up to way more than an 8 hour day.

I feel like we women are often dutiful and humble, we just see what we do as necessary and move on. Yet there are so many tasks without which life would be uncivil and unkept. Besides the homekeeping, laundry, and meal cooking, I consider myself responsible for all knowledge and care of the children. Their whereabouts, transportation needs, playdates, extra curricular activities, and birthday party presents are mine to manage.The Invisible Duties of Mothers on Shalavee.com

Their bodies are ours to care for until they can do this themselves. Clean clothing that fits and is seasonally appropriate and dentist, eye, and doctor appointments all fall within my realm of responsibility. And when my daughter comes of age, it will be me to show her how to navigate the not so niceties of being a woman.

We do ourselves and our daughters a disfavor by not acknowledging our accomplishments. We become invisible and taken for granted. I have had it happen to me. I must say though that I do enjoy much of what I do for my family. I dearly enjoy being a homebody and a parent and use all opportunities to be creative and make it fun and memorable.

The weaving of the rewards is then up to us to place in the layers between our goals and our duties as mothers. And we also need to ask for the gratitude and acknowledgment we do not receive in a paycheck. We need to see our own value and herculean efforts and model self-worth for the young women we are raising who will perhaps take on a role like ours in heir futures.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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