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Currently Browsing: Midlife Motherhood

Change Nothing and Nothing Changes

What did you choose to do this morning. Your morning routing, is it set as something you just do without thinking? Do you like it or do you sometimes wish there was change. What about your evenings? Are you a person who stays up or sleeps? Do you eat crap at nighttime and wish you didn’t? Do you intentionally talk to loved ones, exercise, drink water, or read daily?

How much of what each of us does is rote habit? Wasn’t a habit once a choice that you repeated? And if this is true, what could you change in your life that would make the biggest difference? Why are you not asking yourself these questions? Why aren’t you allowed to change your choices?

I am in the process of challenging and changing some choices that I’ve been making. Choices about what I do with my body, put into my body, and commit my time to. In order for these choices to stick and be sustainable, I need to be slow, steady, and intentional about introducing them. And I also need places and people to be accountable to like groups and coaches.

They say any day, any moment is a good one to start over. I agree.

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living? Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

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I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Do You Do All Day Mommy?

She asked me this question when we were waiting in the car rider drop-off line at school. What do I do all day? I told her that I was going to exercise and that when I get home I have to do household chores and writing. And then come back and pick her up at 2:30. That’s 5 ½ hours to do as much as I can. She said that sounded like a lot, bless her heart.

Because my work does not compensate me, it may seem less worthy than someone earning a paycheck in a “real” job. But what I can tell you is that you couldn’t pay me enough for the work I do. The abuse I take from that same near 8 year-old exhausts me. Hauling laundry, cat litter, and recycling up and down stairs isn’t very glamorous. I went into uncompensated waste management.

It saddens me that we stay at home Moms are still looking at ourselves as “less than”people. As if what we do is a default job because we weren’t good enough for anything else. But this is a very patriarchal view because this job is the backbone of every country. I’d say men pee their pants if they experienced the distress we are under to which they often add to with their own needs. Unless these same men didn’t want or help to create those children, we’re in it 50/50 for keeping them safe and cared for. Money earning isn’t the most important job.

It saddens me even more that women would be so quick to disregard themselves and not ask for the respect and honor for this job of keeping the seams of the country stitched together. The future of our country is the toddler in diapers and the angry teen. Refusing to acknowledge that families need special care and love dooms our next generation to their entitled anger for emotional abandonment. I will fight with and for my children by showing up for them until they can fly by themselves. And I’ll ask for their respect in return.

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living? Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to see my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too.

I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Do We Begin to Consider Ourselves Heroes ?

I was doing the dishes this morning and it struck me that any woman that gives herself credit for her thoughts and talents is my hero. I have struggled for so long with not only figuring out what I think, but then owning those thoughts out loud. The weight of knowing yourself in and of itself, seems so heavy.

Perfectionism is just another form of the fear of being seen. My daughter is currently experiencing this with math. She’s exclaiming her lack of competency and breaks down in tears if she gets things wrong. I think, where is this coming from? And I knew as I said it, it must come from me somehow. I know my Mom has a wicked case of this too.How Do We Begin to Consider Ourselves Heroes ? on Shalavee.com

And if it doesn’t come from me, it seeps insipidly in from society somehow. All those outdated devaluing women messages are still swirling around. No matter how many after school specials they’ve made, we are valued for our bodies not our aspirations and brains. Girls are worthless. Ha!

Except from where I stand, we’re worth more to the world than gold because we are running the underpinnings of life itself. We’ve been birthing people, feeding people, and keeping people occupied and educated for the past year. We’ve been disregarding ourselves for longer than we remember.  Many of us have had to be the breadwinners as well as the bakers. And deal with our family’s anxieties as well as our own. We take it like men? I don’t think any man can take it like this.

I’d like to see women stand and demand even more equal consideration for this unrecognized and uncompensated unseen work. Especially to their own families who take them for granted worse than anyone. I’m talking grassroots, “I’ve had enough of this shite” Sally Fields as Norma Rae kinda stuff. Who’s with me?

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living? Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to see my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too.

I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Sharing Our Space and Our Lives

I had a birthday visit from my oldest today. She’s a surrogate daughter, an adopted sister soul to our family. And she spoke of feeling that need to have a nesting partner. That next chapter where you feel the need to share your space with someone and your DNA with the world.

I have always been a nester. And there was no one worthy of doing this with me until I met my husband. I knew he’d value the fathering job as much as I honored the idea of mothering. But Boy Howdee, sharing constant space with these mooks for nearly a year has been a challenge.

I abhor visual chaos. It was how I grew up. So living with a teenager has become a battle against the chaos. A recent discussion about rules restriction and entitlement had me write this.

Your privilege leaves a small wake of chaos behind you. Waste and messy spaces do not look like honor and respect of yourself, your home, or the people you share it with. When you regularly forget chores, your disregard for how it affects others could be remedied if you were aware your choices always affect others.”Sharing Our Space and Our Lives on Shalavee.com

My constant presence in the house has somehow substantiated my function as constant maid and waitress. And while I don’t mind doing for others, the moment it is expected and taken for granted is the moment I’m unwilling to continue.

This parenting and marriage thing is a perpetual process. As I learn to respect myself more and learn I’m entitled to both parent and set boundaries, it does get slightly easier. I do see glimmers of hope when I hear thank you’s and pleases without prompting. But being responsible for 21 meals per week is exhausting. No not all of them are going to be healthy.

And when this is all over, I’ll be glad to have “time to myself”. But meanwhile I grab the time I can to write and event plan Christmas. And I endeavor to be honest with myself and my family about what’s getting on my nerves. And what I need to have happen to make it stop.

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living?Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to see my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too.

I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Moments of Profundity

I tried to sit with my thoughts today. To write. To extract some sort of profound truth from my day. And my brain said “sploop”.

Moments of profundity sometimes won’t show up on demand betwixt days and days of 7 year old daughter harassment and 15 year old son idiocy. So be it.

It may be enough that I breath today. And that’s OK.

Happy Monday and I wish you profound moments in the coming week. I find life is a little more fun with profundity.

Interested in reading my future ponderings on Creative Soul Living?Subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to see my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too.

I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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