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Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Are You a Noun or a Verb?

If I had to tell you what I would do when I grew up, I’d say “I’m going to be a Momma. I’m going to be an Artist. I’m going to be a Writer. And I’ll expect all of those things of myself that go along with being the best Momma Artist Writer that you think I can be. I mean I think I can be.”

Who gets to decide if you are what you say you are? Are you legitimate only when someone says you are, gives you a certificate or a diploma or an award? Because if the answer is anyone other than you deeming you legitimate, you’re screwed. You have no control over anyone or anything but what you do today.

An additional haphazard of self-definition is deciding what to base your definition on. Are you are a human being or your human doing? Are you a noun or a verb?

I say you are what you do daily. You are not your title but what you devote your time and energy to. You are the energy of your intentions.Are You a Noun or a Verb? on Shalavee.com

But maybe you are innately you at any given point and the doing is a distraction from yourself and being. You can try to do all the things to change our mind but we know who you are. Again, your insecurities about others’ opinions of you can render you hazy and scattered.

If focusing your intentions and efforts will bring you to what you want, I guess that makes me a human doing in the best way possible. I know that all I do makes me happy and purposeful. And besides, I think Mom is a verb anyway.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness?

I had heard rumors about the Cult of Perfect on the internet. And although I have stayed away from much of the perfecty picture world, there is definitely a cult of Okayness that exists. Women posting about how zen their lives, clutching their cupfuls of okayness while they practice mindfulness and home school their children.

While I aspire for the zen okayness, and no, homeschooling isn’t for me, I can’t help but sense that the perpetual claiming of this smacks of a Lady Macbeth flavored lack of achievement. If I keep claiming it, it will become true. And all I’m really feeling is lack.

So the question is, do you act as if the thing has happened and hope that the pretending makes it so? Or do you just own your lack of perfect okayness, let it hang out, and claim how hard it is to admit that? Because if that underlying niggle that things are not OK, that you are somehow failing your family, and that you are not enough festers, don’t you feel the build up and release will be bigger and badder than just claiming your humanity?Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness? on Shalavee.com

I admitted recently that my family’s well-being has been my number one priority above myself. And I finally feel like I can be done worrying about that and move on to working on the work that enlivens and empowers me. I am handing back some duties to them, and taking back the understanding that if my soul isn’t nourished, theirs won’t be either.

Where are you? Are you telling yourself a story or are you allowing your humanity and moving through it?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Four Self-Value Phases

This self-valuing process is very slow and laborious. When you start at such a deficit, low low low self-esteem, there’s a lot of work before you even begin to notice yourself. Because it takes as long as it takes. You can not hurry the process of peeling off the layers of self-doubt and disdain and distortion. You can only commit to working through them. Or even begin by recognizing this is even a “thing” that needs working on.

The First phase in the journey then is to recognize you may have any value in the world.

That “worthless piece of trash “ stuff can run pretty deep. If you were abandoned or neglected emotionally by a parent in your formative years, you have a good chance of having low self-esteem. Yes, your parents were doing their best but it might not have been enough at the time. Every child has an innate understanding that they deserve to be loved without strings and patience.

I stayed pretty clueless and isolated for most of my life. So  it wasn’t until I was 40 something before I realized that I had low self-esteem. And then I vowed that I deserved to feel better than this and set out on my journey that has involved therapy, creativity, social media, and medication to help me see me.

The Second Phase in the self-value journey is to see your value through others’ eyes.

This is when you stop isolating and reach out to other like minded people. Through communities both in person and online, I spent many years communicating and creating relationships. This built my esteem in a very basic but wondrous way. I am definitely through that phase but I teeter at the next phase.Four Self-Value Phases on shalavee.comases

The third phase: recognizing my awesomeness myself.

It requires not tossing away people’s compliments like trash but taking them into your heart and letting them sit there like a song bird perched and singing. It requires interacting with people and being your authentic self and seeing you through their eyes and then agreeing with them. And it could require some self-affirmation phrases, as heinous as that may sound. It may ask that you get a therapist to consult a third party neutral on what the truth about you really is.

The last and final phase in the self-value journey is to be Riding that Value like a Magic Carpet ride into your Future. Sounds like a fantasy but I’ve seen people reach that place and begin to live different lives. In order to see more of them, I suppose I need to be one of them.

I highly recommend Jen Sincerro’s Badass books for a boost and a whole different perspective on how the world is rooting for you. I also recommend saying “Thank you” to anyone who gives you a compliment. It’s polite and it may make their day to accept their gift graciously.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Proving I Can Do It

I took Sas Pethrick’s Self Doubt Archetype quiz to see what type of gal she defined me as it relates to my procrastination and fear. And what I found out is that I’m an Innocent. In my childhood, I wasn’t empowered to believe I could do it. And so I don’t believe I can do anything without help. I get kinda panicky when I think I have to do something I don’t know how to do. I am often a doubtful child in a woman’s body.

So at home, I’ve begun to take care of home projects that are bugging me as a way to remember who I really am (a kickbutt self-empowered woman) and prove I get stuff done. And Wow, what a difference a shift makes. I gave re-glued, repaired, restrung, and rehung all sorts of little bits in my house that made me feel broken looking at them.proving I can do it on Shalavee.com

Yes I can replace the guts in a toilet. Yes I can fix an old door lock box. Yes I can clean that hard to get to window in the stairwell. I can assist in installing a new ceiling fan. In fact, I bet there are a lot more things I can fix if I just put my mind to it. Or do without a single clue. We can’t wait until we know, have enough time, or have enough money because we’ll be waiting our lives away.

But when in true doubt? Hire a professional. I am not doing outright plumbing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Chaos is comfortable to me

After much thought about how to make more time in my schedule to be creative, I decided that I’d approach life more proactively again. I’d schedule meals, blog posts, and laundry so I could write more. And what happened was that I experienced more ease. You have less to do and you get more done. It was a lesson I’ve learned before and knowing this made me uncomfortable.

Fear is so idiotic. Like those highway patrol people with their speed guns, it leaps out into oncoming traffic and has you pull over to the side of the road because you may not have your safety belt on. Then it convinces you that it’s safer out of the car walking. Then you find yourself back at home suddenly convinced that you didn’t need whatever you were setting out in the car to go get. And soon, you are a shut-in.Chaos is comfortable to me on Shalavee.com

I am used to chaos. In fact, I’m a former chaos junkie. I used to think that it was cool to strive and thrive on adrenaline and fear. But then I had kids and that isn’t a great tactic when you are trying to raise them in a calm safe reliable environment. But somehow the winging it thing creeps back into my life after I swore allegiance to intentional pro-activity. And I find myself tired and haggered and not sure what I’m making for dinner at dinnertime.

Every day is an opportunity to start over. So again I started over with meal planning (once you have meals chosen, you can swap them out as you feel inspired). My laundry is only to be done twice a week. A full weeks of blog posts waiting to go out is a good minimum. And every loving thing I need to consider goes into the Google Calendar. Because I don’t need to expect myself to remember everything everyday. I just want to get on to the business of writing. Bigger badder writing is burbling underneath waiting to be seen and heard. And that is a priority worth planning for.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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