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Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Proving I Can Do It

I took Sas Pethrick’s Self Doubt Archetype quiz to see what type of gal she defined me as it relates to my procrastination and fear. And what I found out is that I’m an Innocent. In my childhood, I wasn’t empowered to believe I could do it. And so I don’t believe I can do anything without help. I get kinda panicky when I think I have to do something I don’t know how to do. I am often a doubtful child in a woman’s body.

So at home, I’ve begun to take care of home projects that are bugging me as a way to remember who I really am (a kickbutt self-empowered woman) and prove I get stuff done. And Wow, what a difference a shift makes. I gave re-glued, repaired, restrung, and rehung all sorts of little bits in my house that made me feel broken looking at them.proving I can do it on Shalavee.com

Yes I can replace the guts in a toilet. Yes I can fix an old door lock box. Yes I can clean that hard to get to window in the stairwell. I can assist in installing a new ceiling fan. In fact, I bet there are a lot more things I can fix if I just put my mind to it. Or do without a single clue. We can’t wait until we know, have enough time, or have enough money because we’ll be waiting our lives away.

But when in true doubt? Hire a professional. I am not doing outright plumbing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Chaos is comfortable to me

After much thought about how to make more time in my schedule to be creative, I decided that I’d approach life more proactively again. I’d schedule meals, blog posts, and laundry so I could write more. And what happened was that I experienced more ease. You have less to do and you get more done. It was a lesson I’ve learned before and knowing this made me uncomfortable.

Fear is so idiotic. Like those highway patrol people with their speed guns, it leaps out into oncoming traffic and has you pull over to the side of the road because you may not have your safety belt on. Then it convinces you that it’s safer out of the car walking. Then you find yourself back at home suddenly convinced that you didn’t need whatever you were setting out in the car to go get. And soon, you are a shut-in.Chaos is comfortable to me on Shalavee.com

I am used to chaos. In fact, I’m a former chaos junkie. I used to think that it was cool to strive and thrive on adrenaline and fear. But then I had kids and that isn’t a great tactic when you are trying to raise them in a calm safe reliable environment. But somehow the winging it thing creeps back into my life after I swore allegiance to intentional pro-activity. And I find myself tired and haggered and not sure what I’m making for dinner at dinnertime.

Every day is an opportunity to start over. So again I started over with meal planning (once you have meals chosen, you can swap them out as you feel inspired). My laundry is only to be done twice a week. A full weeks of blog posts waiting to go out is a good minimum. And every loving thing I need to consider goes into the Google Calendar. Because I don’t need to expect myself to remember everything everyday. I just want to get on to the business of writing. Bigger badder writing is burbling underneath waiting to be seen and heard. And that is a priority worth planning for.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What if There’s Nothing Wrong

It’s kinda astounding the amount of limiting false beliefs I’ve been lugging around with me my entire life. I recently spoke about how I am not allowed to want anything. And how my unworthiness was a given. I have basically believed all my life that there is something wrong…with everything and me….all the time. It’s the mode from which I operate. I must fix it/me/them in order for life to be “right”. And then my therapist throws in, “What if there’s nothing wrong?”

Say What?

Oh these pesky therapists!

What I thought about was that helplessness is hard. We’d rather scrabble and scratch, eek out any different outcome than admit that we are where we need to be or, gasp, we have no control. What can you do if you have no power to change something? We can only accept what is. That’s it. Acceptance. And that seems so much harder than changing it? Yes.What if there was nothing wrong on Shalavee.com

What if the fixes and changes we perceive are just the way your world is meant to be. And what it the things you have been leaving alone are exactly the places you need to exert your energy. I do think that we often focus on stuff that distracts us fro our bigger journeys. Our fear disguises tasks as necessary and useful. And we all know if we’d rather pluck our eyeball out than doing it, it probably doesn’t serve anyone, much less ourselves.

I suppose it’s a matter of stepping back, staying still, and having faith more than just barreling along. Being grateful and thoughtful and taking care of that pesky anxiety problem in whatever fashion you can. Because there may be nothing wrong or there may be something that needs fixing but assuming it’s always broken isn’t really any fun anymore.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I’m Not Allowed to Want Anything

Like many of you, I grew up knowing there wasn’t enough. Not enough time, not enough attention, and not enough money. Part of this may be due to the ghost of the Depression which seems to linger in American families still. But people just seem to be convinced that the Universe is against them and there’s nothing to be done about it. We’re broke and that’s the fact Jack.

So I adapted to this understanding by just not wanting anything. I am still not allowed to want anything. Instead, I have a stubborn pride in making do. I am good at keeping the boat afloat but when it comes to imagining a bigger boat, I decide I don’t need one. I’m good with what I’ve got. And it certainly doesn’t help that our capitalistic society persistently nags us with messages of buy a better you or else. I’m so done with that. I'm Not Allowed to Want Anything on Shalavee.com

But currently I am 2/3rds of the way through reading Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth and I’ve begun thinking about things I want. The wall is disintegrating. I’m thinking about the house I’d like to put my aging mother in. The trip to the South of France and Italy I’ve always wanted to eat my way through. And the Piano Week’s tuition at Peabody for my kid next Summer. Or the braces I still need at 53.

But the given in her book is that you want to make the money. Whether I don’t feel I’m worth anything or have anything worth selling may be the real fear here. And so not wanting anything just avoids having to find out if that’s true of not. Either way, I know the BS fairy is having her way with me and I am standing looking straight into the eye of this storm. Because it wasn’t money that did me wrong, it was the way the people I loved used it wrongly. And the the sooner I get a proper perspective on it, the better.

Healing wounds takes time and “money” is definitely a wound I need to heal. So I’m gonna finish reading this book and start again on considering my money goals and find out where my next mind-blowing wisdom is coming from. Anyone know this story, live this story too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Soul Plague of Unworthiness

I spent the best and most beautiful years of my life feeling unworthy. Unworthy of love, acceptance, abundance, and your like for me. In fact I was sort of suspicious of anyone who liked me. If I didn’t like me then what did you see in me? Or what did you want from me?

I know I Should Love Myself. In this world surprisingly glutted with anxious uncertain people, I believe low self-esteem is more of a norm than one would think. The Cult of Perfect is pervasive. And yet I am a vigilant amazonian fighter when it comes to my self-esteem. I deserve joy and happiness and I know that my esteem has absolutely everything to do with raising the happiness quotient.

Low Self-esteem is the soul plague of unworthiness because it robs us of our clear sight to see ourselves as the beautiful abundantly lucky people we are. We focus only at our lack and our not-enoughness. This is only exacerbated by a media-centric society that values people for wealth and thinness. The Soul Plague of Unworthiness on Shalavee.com

And this is how I fight the good fight every week to battle the low self-esteem. I go to the doctor. I ask for the support I need. I get medical and mental help. I share my authentic self every day. I put myself to creative challenges and make community online and in person. I exercise and am watching what I put in my face. I laugh a lot. And I write a lot.

What would it take you to respect you a little more today? To be your own hero? Are your anxieties running you off the happy highway of life too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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