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The Lesson I Relearn : It Takes as Long as It Takes

I am ecstatic to report that I have made such immense strides lately. I saw my therapist yesterday and I had so much progress to report, I was almost surprised for all I had to tell her. And I talked so non-nonchalantly; no big deal. But let me tell you, this progress is a very big deal.

I can remember often holding myself emotionally hostage, frustrated because I wasn’t further along than I was. How come that person seems so far along in their journey? They apparently have figured out how to move beyond their fear so why can’t I ?

The Lesson I Relearn : It Takes as Long as It Takes on Shalavee.com

But those thoughts are crap and here’s why. Their progress and mine are apples and oranges. Most likely, their origin stories and mine are nothing alike. And the more I do this comparison crap to myself, the more I guarantee that I will stay exactly where I am.

In order to move from where you are,

You have to allow yourself to be

exactly where you are.

Forgiveness and compassion are the only ways that you will move from where you are. Shame will keep you cemented interminably in this spot and you are doomed to repeat the crappy feeling cycle like some sort of living purgatory.

I sat back and watched myself for a while. I gave myself compassion as I had the strength and wisdom to give. And then, I made one change, did one thing that I needed to do to move on. Started one habit, reached out to one person, gave up one ultimatum and moved on from where I was stuck.

And it’s feeling really really good. Stay tuned for more updates on the progress.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Making People Do Things

Anyone notice how hard it is to “make” people do things? You know, your mother/father/sister/brother/spouse/child/friend really needs to take care of themselves by exercising more/eating less/taking responsibility for their own stuff/ditching the toxic spouse and/or calling you up to hear your amazing wisdom more often!?

What we come to find out however, is that, just like toddlers, we all feel the need to figure it all out on our own. No one needs anyone’s well meaning advice, even if we do. It’s not that our well-meaning bad choice-making loved ones don’t value us, it’s just that they are stuck where they’re stuck until they’re not and there’s not a damn thing we can do for them but wait it out patiently.

Making People Do Things on Shalavee.com

Best advice ever given is to just lead by example. You keep to valuing your body-temple and staying aligned with your values and integrity and show the people you love what it looks like to treat yourself and your life with respect. You are the only difference you can make and the only thing you can control. And you and your loved ones will see that even if they’re too entwined in their self destruction to see it just now. It’s a matter of time.

The last clue is that when others’ lives are bugging us, it is often our way of distracting ourselves from our problems. And that in fact, the very thing that bugs you about anyone else is the one thing you may need to take care of in your life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Hello From the Other Side

Sitting on my couch in my bay window bathed in morning light, I just saw a hummingbird hovering outside the window. Midsummer will be buzzing outside soon and the oppressive heat has broken for the moment. I heard the daughter go back to sleep above me in her bedroom. Sigh.

I have emerged from an eight month haze full of doubt and listening, healing from a self-inflicted trauma, to a new place. Perhaps it was a period of grief as I let go of ways of mistreating myself that no longer served me. Allowing myself to just Be and See while doing only that which I wanted to do has created a sense of safety.

Hello from the other side on Shalavee.com

I am very concertedly focusing on seeing what everyone else values in me and valuing it too. Connecting to others and appreciating them as they appreciate me is such a natural action, so easy that I wonder what took me so long.

Yes, part of this is the gift of medication to calm the whiny anxiety buzz in my brain. And part of this is letting go of beliefs that no longer serve me. Listening to the logic of humanity, kindness, and self-compassion and making changes that serve these purposes.

Hello from the other side on Shalavee.com

We all must go at our own pace for our own purposes. And honoring this has been my goal. And suddenly I find myself in a place of choice and “Can Do” that I do not remember being in before. It’s slightly terrifying and very powerful listening to your self as a kind and strong parent.

So I will continue to place Shoulds in a box to stew in their own toxic juices. And I ask every day, “What do I want to do?”. What feels like hope and joy and fun. Then let me go do that.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Recognizing Your Superpowers

I am of the opinion that everyone has superpowers. Skills that they possess that they are truly good at. Inklings from childhood about ourselves that are waiting to be retrieved from under our beds. But somehow our humanity convinces us that we should be good at all sorts of things other than what we are good at. And we no longer recognize ourselves.

In an effort to reclaim myself, I have made a habit recently of exclaiming out loud when I use of my superpowers. I recognize these following actions as being some of my superpowers.

I believe that knowing what I’m not only good at, but what I like myself while I do, is the key to choosing a purposeful joyful path. I will not put myself to things that I think I should do. But rather, I will choose tasks and projects that intrigue me and make me happy. Life should just be that simple.

I also understand that many people choose careers when they’re younger that seem to be wise moneymaking choices. And they find themselves stuck in a career path that makes them miserable. Each person must find their way through to their happiness. Joy is a key of life and health. If that means taking a few years to retrain for another career during night school, hopefully your daydreams of who you’d like to be can lead you to your superpowers.

In the end, your worth lies in who you are and not what you do. But being a super you comes from figuring out what you love yourself for when you are doing it. And then taking that and doing it as often as you can. For me, it’s all about community and listening and authenticity and creativity. What’s your ideal combination?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Do You Rage or Resign Yourself ?

Have you ever found yourself frustrated because you have a chore to do and you just don’t feel like doing it? It’s too hot to take the trash out. There’s dishes piled in the sink and it’s late. My feet are dirty and I’m too tired for a bath. There’s nothing to eat in the house but the thought of take out food turns your stomach?

When things smack of effort, we can feel resentful, angry even. We don’t feel like it. But what we are also inadvertently saying is that we aren’t worth the effort.

Life takes so much effort. Other than the automatic tasks our body maintains for us to live like breathing, everything else we do takes effort to achieve. We are perpetually choosing the next task. We are obtaining, feeding, needing, and achieving from the moment we wake until we pass out.

About a year ago or so, I realized that in order to respect myself, I needed to just get somethings done without thinking about my resentment of them. Because the more you stew and feel resentment about necessary chores, the harder life is. Sometimes you just need to let the chores be neutral and look forward to what’s beyond them.

A good friend said she thinks about what she’ll make for dinner while she’s in the exercise class. Focusing on anything that you can look forward to, or masterminding something to look forward to, can make the most mundane task feel easier and go more quickly.

My kids have chores that they need to do daily because that’s how our house runs smoothly and we get to focus on doing fun things together like playing Yatzee or watching movies. I want them to learn to get beyond the necessary and spend time imagining the possibilities. I want them to be able to respect the care that they take for themselves and their future families. And I have to lead by example.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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