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Our Fear of the Growing Older Pains

I have gone through a lot in the past two years to rid myself of the aches and pains that I garnered from an aging body. I endured needles jammed into my backside multiple times. And then waited cautiously to see if the procedure worked. I waited again to be pain free when I had another needle in my shoulder. I then awaited the pains to return. And waited.

How was it that my ever-exuberant self became to person who sat and waited for pain? What I discovered is that aging is a unknown and therefore fearful. We’ve seen others age and we know any minute now it’s render us useless, quivering pain-riddled shells of our former selves.

I’ve spoken to elderly people who have confirmed that they feel more anxious in their later years. Our minds begin to imagine our decline even when the evidence may or may not support our undoing.

I had a talk with myself the other day and asked myself, when was the last time I had aching belly muscles from a good core workout? Can’t remember. Or why I couldn’t do an hour of cardio at a time? Was pain preventing me or just fear of pain?

We need to heap compassion on ourselves as we age and on the elderly we know. It takes a lot f courage to show up in the ways we used to sometimes. But, unless I am at a three or more of pain and need to return to the doctor’s for yet another shot, I need to get o with the business of being in good shape for 50. I want to feel pride not fear on a daily basis. How about you? Any of this resonate?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Re-Being Me

I struggle with being myself. I have spent a lifetime trying to be the right me. “Just be yourself” confuses me. All the efforts to restore myself or find my way back are a nice concept but I don’t know if I ever felt 100 % safe to just to be me. I am working at re-being the me I was intended to be.

Ten years ago, I had a therapist tell me I had low self-esteem. I flew into bits because that was not who I thought I was. Except I realized she was right. Who I thought I was wasn’t who I really was.

And then this past November, I again hit a bump in the road that dumped me and the contents of my self-perception cart out onto the street and I feel like I am still picking myself up. Still deciding which bits are me and which I need to leave behind.

Re-Being Me on Shalavee.com

Perhaps we all go through this perpetual reconsideration of self. I somehow think many people just know who they are. I envy them. But I am in the process of fighting to find my footing when it comes to knowing who I am. I am not ashamed of this. It is all a very human process. And if anything I have shared helps you to give yourself permission to just not know, then I feel even better about my confusion.

I do know that I am inspired when I read my stories and hear others’ stories. Freedom from getting it right is in the letting it be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Do you Tell the Difference?

How do you tell the difference between being who you are and being who you think you should be? We have been us for so long that even when it’s wrong, it feels sort of right. When I strive for goals that seem like they should be mine and then feel hollow when I achieve them, what is that? Developing this self-perspective and understanding and trust of my feelings is daunting.

I am at a precipice, a crossroads of self-development. I have a set of goals to achieve that I think I want, or that I think I should want. And in the light of all the promise and achievement, I think I should be experiencing, my life is a failure. Except, I don’t think that. And yet I do continue to think I need to do certain things to claim legitimization. So it devalues my now and makes the future better than my now?

How Do you Tell the Difference? on shalavee.com

I would like to try to accomplish all these things that I think I should so I can stop feeling like I’m being held hostage. I have proven recently that I can do many hard things. And I also know that learning what I don’t want to do is just as important as knowing what you do. And discovering that what you’ve been putting of is easy unnerving but sill satisfying.

I guess the only way to tell the difference between authentic want and doing it for the shoulds is to do it all and see how it feels? I feel my hope springs eternal, my compassion rounds me out and brings me home to face myself again. I hope this year I lead myself into a place that will bring me joy and not shame. And feel proud of the risk it took to shoe through

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak

I believe very strongly in the power of words. To ignite, to soothe, to pinpoint, or to release. From a young age, I began to write so that I could hear what I was thinking and to work out where I was. I found the therapeutic value in hearing myself think and felt my value there.

As children, there’s an implied “Shush” everywhere we go. We are too loud, we don’t know what we’re talking about, we’re inappropriate, or we just need to be seen and not heard. Adults are intolerant of children yet the smalls ones are much wiser in many ways than us. They laugh when things are funny. They still feel exuberant and free from self-editing when they speak their minds.

When we grow up, we understand the importance of not rocking the boat. Of keeping a low profile. Of being normal. But sadly, we also censor the most passionate honest parts of ourselves. Further, when we no longer speak with our inner voices, we are no longer listening to ourselves. We are no longer ourselves. We’re Stepford versions of us. Good dutiful Do-bees. The anti-us.

You Have a Right to Hear Yourself Speak on Shalavee.com

There is definitely a difference between speaking up and making a difference and knowing your words are futile. Why bother. But I think we forget that there is magic in hearing yourself think and speak regardless of how it is received. We have a right to speak our minds in America and we owe ourselves the effort to acknowledge our own feelings.

For me, there is power in the process of writing what I think and handing it out to the world. There is magic in transferring what I feel and gifting it to someone else to perhaps spark a feeling in them too. We build on each others thoughts as a world community. The sparks and the gifts of our communications swirl and rise our collective consciousness. In this way, we not only owe ourselves the gift of speaking our thoughts, we owe the world too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Clearing Away the Clutter and Chaos

In the beginning of the year, I began the simplification and clearing out of my house yet again. A couple years back, I read Marie Kondo’s book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up . I adopted a few of her storing techniques but never went all through the house. In January,I start stripping my life of my past chaos and applying more of her techniques to embrace the magic.

I got new towels for Christmas so in January, I cleaned out my linen closet and the old ones went to the SPCA. The chaos of too much stuff is overwhelming. I begin to feel scattered and bad that I can’t find what I need. I’ve cleared closets, drawers, my craft room, Fiona’s toys, and the refrigerator.
I must say my inner Virgo is happy to see all that space.

So this weekend, under the auspices of continuing the renovation of our garage into a band practice space for our son, we cleared out the garage and basement. Our basement is unfinished and very dirty but we cleansed our souls of all our past endeavors and failures. I let go of everything which was like letting go of stories that no longer defined who I am.

Clearing Away the Clutter and Chaos on shalavee.com

Today we took the lot of it to a reuse it store. As they let us know several times they were being kind to take a lot of my stuff, I was feeling the grief around letting go. The few items that were more than “gently used”, I brought back home to await the next purge to the local thrift store opening this Friday. Yay a Goodwill in my town!

Letting go takes energy, both mental and physical. But once the decision is made it’s much easier. Can I use it right now? Does it serve me? Does it give me joy? Is it keeping from seeing the things that do serve me and give me joy? Mark refused to let go of the Coleman cooler that his family took on camping trips when he was. I have a tray of metal slide holders full of slides that I’m still sure will make a cool art installation, perhaps a mobile?

Sometimes we have to just wait for things to become obsolete before we can let them go. Sometimes we need to rend them from our spaces for our own good. But clutter has never proven to be good for mental clarity. And in fact, making decisions about our stuff in our lives actually increases our self-trust.

It’s Springtime, typically a time to clear, clean, and reassess our Feng Shui. I guarantee that if you are in need of a pick me up, decluttering is one of the first steps I would suggest to clear your mind and begin again.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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