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Currently Browsing: Wisdom Lessons

How Do you Know the Wannas from the Shoulds ?

I am in the process of clearing and cleaning out my files and shelves in January. After my collapse of November, I decided that all goals and shoulds from last year are suspect. Because I truly got the sense that I was striving for much of that based on what I thought I should be doing.

But I couldn’t help but think, when do many of us have the opportunity or are encouraged to live for our own happiness? As women, we are programmed to take care of other’s happiness. As children of narcissists, we are not supposed to exist but for their needs. Our compliance to the rules of nice all but squelch who we truly are and we give up trying to figure it out.

So again, I am truly focusing on that which makes me happy. Being with my people and communicating with my community make me extremely happy. That’s my zone. Writing makes me happy. And creating and decorating always makes me happy. This much I know. How this gets spun into a purpose that I scream, “oh my gosh that’s exactly what I need to do!”, I am unsure. But I’m focused.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Was in Happiness Debt

I was thinking this morning about how I used to live my days from waking to sleeping , thinking I was inept and incapable. Every undone thing around me was proof that I was inept and incapable. As I set standards so sky high, I withheld approval for my life to be enough and I was a hostage. This had gone on for so very long that I was in Happiness Debt.

How it is that we come to decide that we are unworthy of happiness is a simple story of a moment in our life, our childhood when we decide that the love we know in our hearts we deserve is not going to be ours. And as we are small, we blame ourselves. This feeling stays in us even as we grow large. And we find ourselves recreating circumstances to continuously prove our unworthy theory.

But having our happiness and hope held for ransom does no one any good. The world doesn’t benefit from our best selves. And I am certain the very people who we got these beliefs from would be horrified if they knew we felt these worthless ways about ourselves.

Do whatever it takes to make changes. What we do with our days makes up our lives. Change nothing and nothing changes. In a last ditch effort, I finally chose to see if medicine might help me erase the constant negative buzz. And it did. Try anything that you can think of from meditation to getting a life coach to acupuncture to create a new set of circumstances. We need change in our brains because we are no longer the children we were once. And our happiness now depends on us. As does our children’s.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Definition of Me Project

It all started when I asked, who do I think I am? I intended to facetiously ask myself this as in do I have the authority to speak on this subject? And then I realized that knowing who I am is in fact a good way to star the year.

I am on my 11th day now of defining myself via pictures and posts on Instagram and it’s been an interesting project. Here are a few of my Instagram posts.

My definition of me project on SHalavee.com

“Today I decided to challenge myself to two weeks of claiming Who I Think I Am. Every day I am going to focus on a facet of me that I appreciate. I am tagging them with #MydefinitionofShalagh. . 🔮HOPEFUL🔮

I seem to possess an unlimited amount of positivity and hope. This seems odd for all the bad stuff I’ve endured but hope is just in the fiber of my soul. “

#MydefinitionofShalagh .

“Day 4 … I am Kind (but not necessarily nice). #MydefinitionofShalagh .

My Mother told me this the other day. Honestly, I abhor the whole Nice Girl thing as it’s loaded with compliance and subservience. But I agree that I am Kind. I was acutely aware at the holidays of how much kindness means. I thanked people profusely. And I poured it on thickly promising to continue throughout the year with that intention.”

my definition of me project on Shalavee.com

“Day 6 … I am a Domestic Goddess.
#MydefinitionofShalagh

My kids have no concept that many children do not get homemade  chocolate chip buttermilk pancakes for breakfast. They take it for granted and that’s ok. I am a cook, a feeder Mom, and terribly house proud. I want my home to be comfortable, cozy, and fun. There is no shame in being a homebody. I am proud to spin this web of safety everyday for me and my family.”

I am a cat whisperer, I am a lush, and I am trustworthy except to myself. I am continuing to figure out who I think I am. Follow along on social media if you can or would like. As always, thank you for reading.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Manifesting Happiness

I have been asked many times to call up my vision of what I want my life to look like, to feel like. Somehow that always seemed ludicrous to me. Maybe I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy or I didn’t believe that I was in that much control of my destiny. But now I believe it’s not only my choice to be happy, it’s my right. And manifesting your happiness is not only good for you but everyone you know and love.

I erased my white board in my craft room. Ghosts of a year full of pushed and strained aspirations. All those well meant plans scribbled in multiple colors meant to urge me on through all the tasks that I knew I should and must do to make progress. Why do we live must lives instead of want lives? I was living a life of never enough and doing it all for the wrong reasons.

5 years of journals plus planners

Living the “right” life, the happy life will not mean that I hold a knife to my own throat daily as a way of pushing myself to achieve what I think I should. The ends might seem like they justify the means but then I end up not trusting myself to be kind to me.

Instead I want to do more of what makes me happy. To choose to spend my thoughts and efforts on “want to’s ” and to relax into knowing that the world is for me and not against me. To tune into the people and activities that bring me joy and have faith that joy is where my vision will lead me. I am intrigued aren’t you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Was Worthless

I have come to understand that the two areas of me that need the most work are self-trust and self-value. I believe that my lack of self-trust is what causes anxiety. And my lack of self-value is otherwise known as low self-esteem or self-worth.

It struck me the other day that I have truly believed for a long time that I am worthless. I almost laughed at the ludicrousness of this concept.

As children, we believe what we do about ourselves based on what our world shows us. Everything reflects our worth. And if my parents weren’t available to shower me with unlimited love right when I needed it, it must have reflected my lack of worthiness. And that stuff sticks around. The inner child’s decision of worthlessness will not be dissuaded because they are all ego, the center of the universe. Absolute importance or unimportance.

For 10 years, I have been working on raising my self-esteem. But while I could see these parts of me that I disliked and wanted to rid myself of, I was powerless to move from this magnetic grip that my low self-esteem had on me. I was tethered to my recognitions of my worthlessness. Because that is how it always has been. Until I released myself.

The one two punch combination against my worthlessness began with understanding that I was bullying myself. That no man has ever oppressed me as well as I have oppressed myself. And I proceeded to shower compassion down on myself. And then I chose to alleviate my anxiety with my last resorted option : medication.

I have always had a knife to my throat as nothing I ever did was good enough. But now I have been released from my tether to my not good enough thoughts. Instead of seeing myself as fat, I see myself as pre-skinnier. I looked in the mirror the other day and caught sight of myself and thought that I was pretty. The fact that I can see the difference in the way I was as opposed to the way I feel now seems slightly miraculous. And I probably deserve a few miracles in my life

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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