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Currently Browsing: Gathering My Lessons

It’s My Blog and I’ll Write What I Want To

Like so many, I question my own motivations on why and what I’m doing. Is it for me or my friends or my family or my readers that I chose the subjects I write about. I do have moments of self-doubt where I wobble with thoughts of will this be interesting to others or is it just for me?It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Either you’re doing your living (and your writing) for yourself or you’re trying to people-please. You certainly can entertain others while you are being true to yourself but not the other way around. You can not solely try to make others like you and have that be a fulfilling life.

Often what I write about is a true reflection of exactly where I am in my life. The subjects I muse are real and current. I am as real as you get and I not only like it that way, I’m going to have a hard time giving that up. So for now, I won’t. It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

I will always produce my thoughts and reflections on my life in the most honest fashion I can. I will also be adding more quality to my offerings with newsletters and incentives to share this wealth with friends. In my knowing that this has value to me and some, I think those who need the ahas and support here will find their way here.

There are some shifts coming as I am allowed more alone time to think deeper thoughts, I expect to be able to offer more value to my reader yes, but first to myself and my confidence. The goal of self-confidence is on my top five list. And you get a front row seat to the live action. Well almost.It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Sign up for the email or newsletters, tell me how you found me and what you are working on in the comments or on any social media you find me on.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Discontent

When I’m thinking and writing, it seems everyday in fact, I’m processing what I consider to be a truth and adding to that or changing what I think. My philosophy is always a work in progress and because I live in a slight state of discontent. I have moments of good enough but I am always aware there’s more to know and learn.

I don’t accept everything I see and hear. I am always considering not only the validity of what I hear but what it means to me personally. Does that correspond or contradict with what I believe? Is there something that is bugging me to know more about? I collect and sit with a lot of information and am becoming increasingly mindful of any feelings that are generated. Those are also signs to pay attention to, good and bad.The Discontent on Shalavee.com

My discontent is not a bad thing but rather a curiosity of what I might find that could be helpful and the acknowledgement that change is necessary and ongoing. My good friend once said, “Life is Organic”which simply sums up the ever-changing and morphing philosophy and lifestyle that I embody. My life is a work in process, in progress. I am in search of what it means to live creatively and what my community is. I hope you are a member of the audience I’ve created that will share and contribute to this process and progress.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Relationship Trust Fund


A picture of the cover of a book called the Speed of Trust came up in my IG feed recently called the Speed of Trust. After reading a synopsis of the book , I was reminded that all affairs of the soul eventually find their way into “better ways to do business” books. And while trust is indeed an essential element in every relationship, personal or professional, the development of a trust fund within us for ourselves is often forgotten.

I spoke of the importance of making trust deposits here and building up trust funds with your family, especially your children. You better have extra trust in there for when things go a little rough and misunderstandings happen. If both parties were aware of the value of this surplus you’re building, it would be even better. We could appreciate the better times and work hard to mend ourselves in the worse ones.The Relationship Trust Fund on Shalavee.com

I am struck by all this gracious goodwill for everyone’s benefit except ourselves. Everything about and for ourselves we take for granted. We can’t hear our self-bullying words. We ignore ourselves and follow paths that aren’t ours, as well as feed, neglect, and dress our bodies according to others’ standards. We then quell our discontent and distrust of ourselves with Tv, booze, and sugar. Our own trust funds with ourselves are non-existent.

I am slowly coming to understand that my inner child has every reason to never trust me again. But that this trust is essential to my happiness and to find more purpose and create more meaningful work. She has to believe that I will keep her safe and not ignore her needs. That is how the trust fund begins to form with anyone as well as yourself. That showing self-compassion instead of employing judgement is the next step to this growing up process. The Relationship Trust Fund on Shalavee.com

And lastly, if I am a person who trusts myself and my own choices, then I’m someone who others will trust. Because “do as I say not as I do” never works for kids and it could be a deal breaker when I work with anyone else. Self-confidence and self-trust need a track record and I’m slowly starting to make one.

Anyone find this familiar? Do you trust you? I urge all thoughts here or anywhere I’m online. Links below.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Ceasing the Knee-Jerk and Making Mental Room to Move On To

We get very comfortable with the way we manage our lives. We think, “This is how things are and this is what I do.” And this can go on way beyond the life management effectiveness expiration date. Wayyyyy beyond. Like that time I was unhappily married and stayed married. Or those jobs that I kept even though I was miserable. But even our day-to-day functioning can be outdated and we’d have no clue.

We are what we do everyday. And for a very long time, I did things based on fear. I did what I did because I was afraid of running out or being without. I kept on doing because I truly didn’t think there was another way, much less a better way. And I kept on thinking the same sad thoughts about what little I deserved so I never updated my expectations and thus my life’s actions.

Until, I began to truly listen to the dishonor and disruption of my thoughts. I can’t always hear exactly what they are specifically but I can hear what they infer. That if I step out or make waves, I will be squashed like a social bug. That being old and overweight is detestable. That I should have already figured all of this out. Ceasing the knee jerk and making mental room to move on Shalavee.com

All the “can’t” thoughts that make me feel oogy lapping up onto the shore of my psyche like toxic waste. Until I refused to acknowledge them as valid. And then I told myself to stop the cycle. I sat and held my breath and refused to play. And eventually, after this weird space of stubborn almost quiet, it was quiet.

I had stopped my crazy train. I then began to refute, one by one, all my little cants and impossibilities I could. I solved the “there’s nowhere for me to go to create” by making my craft-room cool with a portable air conditioner. I got a babysitter to buy time alone. I read my stuff to see how good I was, and listened to my heart to hear that I was worth the fight to find my happiness. And the waves became calmer and sweeter.Ceasing the knee jerk and making mental room to move on Shalavee.com

I began to create a space beyond where I’d been. A space for possibilities. A space for irony and paradox. A further space for others to be with me and think what they think which doesn’t affect me. There is a trust zone where I am safe being me pursuing what makes me happy which isn’t being barraged by judgements and negativity. I am regularly checking if I need to flood it with compassion for humanity or usher any unwanted ideologies out.

I’ve created a zone for possibilities. I’ve begun to see that with a little planning and proactivity, my life is so much easier than the knee jerk response pattern of my past. And I am my friend now. And this has become my Easy zone I will fiercely protect.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Generations of Chaos

My chaotic roots realization hit me the other day in the way that matter of fact becomes outrageous in a moment of consideration. Chaos has always been a way of life for both my husband’s and my family because they knew it well. Our Great-Grandfathers, grandfathers, and fathers were alcoholics. It just was the way it was. Some of them recovered and some did not.

What you get as a result of not knowing when the alcoholic will be drunk and rage and disturb the family’s peace, is a perpetual state of panic and chaos. You get to expecting it and when that’s what you know, you eventually create that. I created that state of living for a long time. I wrote about it here in Chaos Junkies Beware : Anxiety While Life is Good.Generations of chaos on Shalavee.com

You can be the most intelligent upper-crusty well-to-do person and still continue to create the chaos of your roots. Anxiety is presently is the number one psychological affliction of our society. Did you also know that depression is the flip-side of anxiety? So there’s a lot of that too and it is blind to class or gender distinctions.

If like myself for most of my life, you haven’t even recognized this state of anxiety is your set point, you will continue to feel like life is always “against” you. You won’t feel safe with your choices or the other people’s choices around you . And you will constantly be awaiting the other shoe to drop.

I still have an auto-loop in my head that will envision the inevitable horrible outcome. And the whisper of dread of what will happen if I don’t do A or B or C is threatens my disastrous outcome. But these are the lies I’ve come to understand have been feeding my anxiety. There is not one outcome to anything. I can do my best to hedge toward a hopeful one but I have to be ready for life to turn on me and give me a new perspective.

The other trick I needed to learn is to have all the future time and support I need to be certain I will have my needs met. When I was a first time mother, I felt constant panic at the thought that I was not going to get a break from my relentless task of mothering. It was founded in the fact that my husband is/was freelance and he’s never know when he’s have to say yes to a job. And then with my daughter, she cried so much he was terrified of being alone with her.

I need alone time to think and write. And not getting it is like death. So I have found more and more ways to meet this need meeting. For instance, I do housework when the kids are in the house thereby never wasting precious alone time on that. I have a babysitter again. And it’s my kid’s job to go to daycare to prepare for school. Also, if I book time to do something, I’m more likely to do it. As opposed for waiting around for the “right” time. The right time may not look like the right time. Generations of chaos on Shalavee.com

It’s been massive quantities of pro-activity and creativity and mindfulness that have moved me on to a place where I am no longer besieged by my anxiety. Where I am not falling into pits of self-doubting darkness with no chance of standing. I notice the phantom pangs where anxiety would have been. I chuckle to myself and I move on. I have been my advocate and I have turned my anxiety around. It is very very possible.

Anyone else have a tale of a turnaround from chaos to peace?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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