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My Fear Box Hides My Capabilities

Somehow I’ve decided that there is a box I am supposed to stay within. That to venture from the box is certain death. I somehow always know that I am not allowed to imagine myself anywhere else but in the Fear Box. I am denied access to the world of possibilities outside.

But I also know that the key to freedom is in having self-esteem enough to fill my balloon and sail over the walls of the box and out into the world. Feeling capable is the updraft. Capability however is stolen by low self-esteem. Negative judgmental thoughts are the pin that pops the balloon and keeps me in the box.

I have honored my creativity over and over yet I wouldn’t call myself an artist. I have written over 1000 blog posts and yet wouldn’t say I’m a “successful” writer. Yet I have successfully pulled off many special events and parties, decorated Christmas trees, and birthed and raised two beautiful children. I am a highly capable person who is unaware of her capabilities. Because Fear claims that knowing these capabilities would be unsafe.

Staying small and staying safe would be my Fear’s dream vacation. But to my intellect and my inner artist, this is soul death. Once you see that you are smarter than your fear, grateful for it having kept you safe of course, but done kowtowing to it’s every twitch, you end up in charge of your future. A bridge to a new place.

I Can is about to fuel the rest of my life. And I will work harder and be more forgiving than I have ever been towards myself if I can taste the freedom of I Can.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Pumpkin Smashers

I was a city kid, savvy to the dangers of the incivility of civilization. I’ve had to field unwanted advance from local celebrities, fend off junkies and drunks on the public bus, and walk home at nighttime from work. But I don’t think I’ve ever felt more upset than when I had my jack o’ lantern smashed at Halloween when I was in my 30’s.

Of course it was the neighborhood teenagers and I knew better than to have left it out. But it was then that I coined the phrase “pumpkin smashers” to describe “those” people. The people who are without compassion for the efforts of others’ creativity. People who are insensitive and completely entitled to treat other people like “its”.

And what I’ve realized is that there are pumpkin smashers in all life’s arenas, not just on your street on Halloween. People lurking on the internet and Facebook whose only care is for themselves and their righteousness. They will criticize you and your stuff as quickly as picking a chunk of mud from their shoe and then quickly move off to do it to someone else.

I get that the world is full of pumpkin smashers. But why do we let them get to us? Why are we so incensed by their lack of compassion? How can they be so thoughtless and rude? It’s breaking the rules of civility, morality, and humanity to act that way. But these people are not our equals. They are wounded toddlers. And they are the real ones in need of our compassion.

So the next time you get a knee jerk reaction to a pumpkin smasher, take a moment to consider it is absolutely not about you. It’s about their lacks, their sadness, and their losses. And extend to them the compassion that they so desperately need to give to themselves. They may borrow it, they may not but it’s the only humanity they may have all day.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

An Ode to the Women Who Have Shared Before Me

If you have been with me for a short time or a long, reading my stories of my journey and milestones towards increased self-esteem and awareness, you will know that this doesn’t happen in a vacuum. There are many people who have inspired me and encouraged me along the way. And it is this dynamic that I want to extoll today.

Were it not for the many women out there who have simply, or at length, told their story, or even a part of their story, in a way that I discerned that there was more for me than where I was, I wouldn’t have moved.

I had to see and feel into the possibilities of what my life might be if it felt easier, if I liked myself a little more, or if I let go of one belief and replaced it with another. These many women that I have encountered doing their soul work were like steppingstones over rivers I didn’t imagine even existed.An Ode to the Women Who Have Shared Before Me on Shalavee.com

As they described their journeys and details, I found I could imagine myself feeling and doing in ways I had never thought possible. I used what they gave me and began intuiting the life that I knew would be right for me. And I progressed.

I owe so much gratitude to all these women for being brave enough to put details of their journeys out so that I may read and pull from them what I needed to create my own. Together we are creating an inukshuk, a guide post created from all of our stories for the young women of the future. And I know how grateful they will feel.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Are Expectations for Your Children a Good or Bad Thing?

As a parent, there are so many expectations we have of how our children are “supposed to” develop. Milestones that we expect them to reach by a certain age and if they don’t, we question,”Is there something wrong with them?” Society has thrown many markers at us parents for what “normal” child development should look like. And it messes the parenting process up all to heck.

When my son was two, he wasn’t speaking yet. The in-laws were worried he may be autistic. I knew he was just developing his physical skills first. But my husband insisted his worries were just as valid as the “other” parent so we got him a speech therapist. She had really cool toys to play with once a week with Eamon. Despite concerns, once he began talking, he did so in sentences very quickly . Expecting boys to be as verbal as girls will frustrate you.

Meanwhile, I really wanted him to be potty trained at the same time. I was super sick of all of that diaper business. But my wanting him to be potty trained seemed the very thing that he was punking out against. My expectations of him only served as a negative. Because if you want your child to do it, they will do the opposite. Reverse psychology is a brilliant tactic at any age.Are Expectations for Your Children a Good or Bad Thing? on Shalavee.com

So the question becomes, where do you stand with expectations? If you have none for your child, will they automatically expect themselves to do certain things that will guarantee them success. If you don’t expect them to go to college, will they expect themselves to? Probably not. They’re simultaneously interpreting your expectations as what their abilities are. If I don’t expect them to do something, is this my way of saying I think their incapable of it?

But expectations can also leave no room for individualism. If I expect my children to be straight and get married and they want neither, there may be a rift between us. Expectations need to be tempered with love and acceptance. You have to find the clutch point in the relationship. The point where your desires for them help them uphold themselves to worthy life goals but don’t push them away from you or who they think they are.

As always, parenting includes a lot of touch and run and a great dose of “Good luck with that.”

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Four Self-Value Phases

This self-valuing process is very slow and laborious. When you start at such a deficit, low low low self-esteem, there’s a lot of work before you even begin to notice yourself. Because it takes as long as it takes. You can not hurry the process of peeling off the layers of self-doubt and disdain and distortion. You can only commit to working through them. Or even begin by recognizing this is even a “thing” that needs working on.

The First phase in the journey then is to recognize you may have any value in the world.

That “worthless piece of trash “ stuff can run pretty deep. If you were abandoned or neglected emotionally by a parent in your formative years, you have a good chance of having low self-esteem. Yes, your parents were doing their best but it might not have been enough at the time. Every child has an innate understanding that they deserve to be loved without strings and patience.

I stayed pretty clueless and isolated for most of my life. So  it wasn’t until I was 40 something before I realized that I had low self-esteem. And then I vowed that I deserved to feel better than this and set out on my journey that has involved therapy, creativity, social media, and medication to help me see me.

The Second Phase in the self-value journey is to see your value through others’ eyes.

This is when you stop isolating and reach out to other like minded people. Through communities both in person and online, I spent many years communicating and creating relationships. This built my esteem in a very basic but wondrous way. I am definitely through that phase but I teeter at the next phase.Four Self-Value Phases on shalavee.comases

The third phase: recognizing my awesomeness myself.

It requires not tossing away people’s compliments like trash but taking them into your heart and letting them sit there like a song bird perched and singing. It requires interacting with people and being your authentic self and seeing you through their eyes and then agreeing with them. And it could require some self-affirmation phrases, as heinous as that may sound. It may ask that you get a therapist to consult a third party neutral on what the truth about you really is.

The last and final phase in the self-value journey is to be Riding that Value like a Magic Carpet ride into your Future. Sounds like a fantasy but I’ve seen people reach that place and begin to live different lives. In order to see more of them, I suppose I need to be one of them.

I highly recommend Jen Sincerro’s Badass books for a boost and a whole different perspective on how the world is rooting for you. I also recommend saying “Thank you” to anyone who gives you a compliment. It’s polite and it may make their day to accept their gift graciously.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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