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How to Knock Fear off Your Brain Hill

If you’ve read anything on self-development and personal growth, you know that fear figures prominently in messing your life goals up. Fear takes on many shapes and feelings like anxiety and perfection and is mostly to blame for everything that messes with your life’s satisfaction. Fear knows everything you know and will ask you to not even acknowledge these truths but there it sits, king of your brain hill.

Usually the first suggested exercises to work through and conquer your fears will be to name them. A series of questions will ask you to delve deep and be honest about what you are most afraid of. If your fear protection barrier is really strong, you won’t be able to see the answer to these questions. Your fear is smarter than this. It’ll be too much trouble or you’ll just give the answer you think they are asking for. Your Fear is really tricky that way and sees everything that you see and dodges your understanding of it. How to Knock Fear off Your Brain Hill on Shalavee.com

My thought is that, yes, we need to acknowledge we have fear. Whether we have fear of success or fear of failure is of no true matter, what we really need to know is what we have in our artillery to fight it. Because, to get on to the things we want, there has to be a battle. The more we succumb to our fears and stay in paralysis, the more disgusted we feel with ourselves. In order to feel proud again, we must move forward out of the fear paralysis and into the “Aha, so that’s who I really am” realm. Get to know the us that fear is blocking us from seeing.

I think knowing you have what it takes when the time comes to fight through the fear is tantamount. You need to acknowledge your own intelligence and what you’ve accomplished earlier in times of adversity. You need to know that your are smart and resourceful and that you have a good network of support ready to aid and cheer you on. Your community and your resources are yours to be proud of. This is called self-efficacy.How to Knock Fear off Your Brain Hill on Shalavee.com

And most of all, I think we need to believe that the Universe is For Us and not Against Us . People want you to succeed. Or perhaps the people who matter want you to succeed. You are only required to give yourself permission beyond the initial fear to find out how far your dream can progress. And then you’ll know what it’s like to say “I can”.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

On Bossing Yourself Around

Kids and big folks alike don’t want to be told what to do. At my house we jokingly say,”Because if you tell me to do it, I’m not gonna do it”. We quite openly use reverse psychology on our kids. “Hey Fiona, whatever you do, don’t go to the potty.” And off to the potty she goes. It works every time even though she knows exactly what we are up to. So bossing yourself can prove to be difficult as well.

I think a lot of us never grow out of that punk attitude of not wanting to be told what to do. Besides making it hard to follow instructions to maintain a job, this becomes another problem when we need to direct our own efforts. When we need to administrate and delegate our time and our efforts to meet our goals, we have to tell ourselves what to do and when to do it. If we just spend all of our time letting the wind decide which way we task ourselves, we may end up being quite upset at how we never seem to accomplish anything we think we should be doing.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

I know that creativity is a priority for me. And I have read enough to know that I can not wait for the muse to show up to be inspired to write or draw. These days, I may just sit myself down in the morning while I’m still fresh and write or draw before the gym or the grocery shopping. Self-leadership is the term I now understand to mean guiding myself towards my goals. And coming from an undisciplined punk background, this is a steep concept to embody.

Self-trust is my biggest buzz word. Your “word” needs to be good to yourself before you are trustworthy to the world. If you say you will do something, be that to yourself or someone else, you need to do it and make your word good. Building the self-trust within yourself is the number one pathway I can see to authenticity and self-esteem. If you don’t trust you, you aren’t believing in your commitment and your importance to yourself. And none of my goals will mean anything to me anyway.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

When we commit to guiding or “bossing” ourselves, and carry out our instructions, we prove we are worthy of the trust and we are building a relationship with ourselves. We are making friends with our Body Buddy.  The inner parent gets to boss but also gets to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. And this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Shadowy Places

I had the pleasure of a private communication with a friend recently and thanked her for her forthrightness on the subject of over-drinking. I mentioned her and the piece she wrote about her own experience getting through to a new place with that anxiety driven behavior when she inspired me to look at my behavior and see how my assumptions about my life were no longer true. And now I don’t have to quell needless anxieties anymore. Or not as much perhaps.

It struck me as significant when she said that many other of her connections had privately contacted her to give her their gratitude too. She said how much she appreciated how when we talked about what we thought we’d always have as our secret shames, this actually helped each of us bring light to the “shadowy places” and make our fears a lot less scary.Shadowy Places on Shalavee.com

The risk to be vulnerable ends up paying off with relief. And we pass the relief along to someone else who may need permission to not be terrified or ashamed. Our communications add humanity and compassion back into our lives. And I live for those moments when the light gets shined into a dark place and makes it suddenly seem so much less scary.

So give the world what you’ve got. Take a risk and ask for support and guidance and you will be bowled over by the gifts that may await you when you do.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Yes Butters

I used to chat with my friend’s father all the time. We would have long discussions in which he would be the star but his life just never seemed to go his way. I would always offer up helpful advice or perspective busters, as I do. And his answer was always, “Yes but….”. After many sessions of these discussions I finally realized that, while I had been baited to listen, his commitment to taking any responsibility for the events in his life was lacking. And so I would get caught in the stream of Yes Buts.

I propose that there are several levels of Yes Butism and types of Yes Butters.yes Butters on Shalavee.com

There are the constant victims who are perpetually put upon. Their lives are full of strife, uproar, chaos, and drama. This was my life once. So complicated. I lived that one for a very long time. People gave up even asking me to join them because I’d always say no. I didn’t deserve to have fun. Life was hard and I needed to keep it that way.

Then there’s the people who say it’s fine, it’s fine, and then every once and a while, have a complete social meltdown. They get lots and lots of pity and attention and then they may go back to being perfectly fine again. Nothing that you said to them truly made a difference because they just needed your sympathy and not your advice. They may be kind enough to yes but/thank you for your voice but you really can only help by saying you are sorry. They’s got a system working for them.

And then there’s the people who have yes butted everyone’s advice all-the-time-forever and so they are never going to ask your opinion because they are different from you and everyone else and they never needed anyone’s help ever. Help would make them inferior. Humanity is unacceptable.

yes Butters on Shalavee.com

Any of these people sound familiar to you? Do you bait people with tragedy and then tell them thank you but there’s just no way to change the situation or to help them. I am naturally drawn to want to assist people. I have a wealth of knowledge I’d like to share. But I forget that just because people act like they’d like to hear what I have to say, doesn’t mean they really want to hear what I have to say. They may be right where I used to be and I have to respect their need to be stuck. And unless I’m good with just being talked at, I need to not spend as much time with these people.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

100 Days of Shalagh Project : Days 14 Through 33

I’ve passed the month mark for the 100 Days Challenge. Or 100 Days of Shalagh as I’ve hashtagged it on Instagram. And as I suspected, it’s not been that hard to do. Partly because I knew going in I’d already proven I could create for 100 days straight (See my starting post on the background to this decision). And partly because the size and medium limits, much like the ICAD challenge, were contained so that it was not daunting to do a 4 × 6 drawing or sketch. And I’m of the mind that done is good enough.

The inkling I had to theme my sketches around household objects has proven even more brilliant as this project has progressed. A documentation of my life in minutiae. Bits and pieces of my childhood and my children’s lives mixed in with every day stuff has exposed parts of me you may not have known. And I take for granted.

I am also enjoying the forced march to become a better artist. Because anything you do over and over again, you will get better at despite yourself. My writing is proof of this. And now my skills in pencils and pastels are improving. And there is no better way to discover how impressive we are than to give ourselves a chance to prove it. To see the first thirteen days, view the post 100 Days Project : The First Two Weeks.

 

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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