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Let Me Tell You Where I am Now

Let me tell you where I am now.

I’m sitting in my craft room. My laptop is in front of me and I’m perusing my journal trying to grab on to something of interest to write about. I’m good with the writing as long as I’m interested in the subject.

In an hour, Fiona will descend the yellow school bus stairs for only the second time. Her Pre-K year has begun. Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what Pre-K means to me

I was a new blogger when I got pregnant with her. So the blog and my writing talents have been worked on and developed parallel with her growing up. Like the blog is her sister. Except, were you to ask me if the she or the blog comes first, it would probably always be her. The trick was to not use raising her as an excuse to not continue my writing the blog if just to keep up the practice.

Let me tell you what that means

Now in the light of having time rolling out in front of me to get down to some deeper and more intensive writing. I’m freaking out. In a good way and a bad way.

Of course, I’m ecstatic because having time to myself is the one thing I crave beyond really good food and entertainment. I’m giddy and gearing up to find out what I really do think about hope and healing and good change in my soul. Conversely, I’m terrified that I’ll squander this time I’m being gifted by laying down and letting my fear keep me from showing up. Paralysis in the face of progress and vulnerability has been an MO before.Let me tell you where I am now on Shalavee.com

Let me tell you what I’m doing differently

I got a book out of the library that had been recommended to me titled Deep Work by Cal Newport. The idea is that the world is on this awful slide to promote the shallow. This means that people who do deeper more thoughtful work are going to be needed more than ever as people’s brains start to shortcut and short-circuit for lack of proper usage. I am betting that I have some pretty cool stuff inside me that I need time and flow to find out. And all the methods and techniques I gleaned from this book will be put into use to guarantee that I hedge my bets on success. You kinda need a game plan to keep yourself engaged. Our brains are feeble as well as untapped.

Let me tell you, I’m scared

When we attempt to be our truest selves, there may be shrieking harpie voices that tell us we’ll die if we continue. That’s just the primitive part of our brain kicking in to keep ourselves safe from tigers and social ridicule. In that moment when we accept or don’t accept the emotions as fact, we could get to move on and gain confidence in the fact that we were vulnerable and did it anyway. That’s the story I want to be telling.

My daughter faced her first day at Pre-K. That’s some pretty scary stuff. Each of us and the fears that we face are specific to where we are. First day of Middle school, high school, college, and getting married all include scary unknown factors that seem insurmountable to us at that point in our lives. But it’s all relative. We just need to acknowledge our inner compass and keep moving.

Hope this give you perspective. On me or you, doesn’t matter. We all need a little perspective every once in a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Understanding Fear with the Help of Rhonda Britten

I have long been a big fan of Rhonda Britten, one of the life coaches from the Starting Over television series on TLC 15 years ago or so. You can Read about the trick I learned from her co-coach Iyanla Vanzandt in this post titled How To Change Your Life : Feel As If the Thing Has Happened. I recently searched for Ms. Britten and found her amazing work continues inside the Fearless Living Institute where she has a life coach training course as well. I promptly signed up for her emails and requested her book titled Change Your Life in 30 Days from the library. And I am knee-deep into some good stuff now that I thought to share.

My chasing of my tail is maddening. The ideas are there and the joy and the creativity are all a solid part of me. But then, bang, I bump my head into the fear. Or what turns out to be fear disguised in confusion and feelings that make me think there’s something wrong with me when there isn’t.Understanding Fear with the help of Rhonda Britten on Shalavee.com

In her e-book The 25 tricks of Fear which I received for signing up to the emails, Rhonda has briefly provided a new light into what our fear is really doing with us and I must say, it’s a whole different perspective. Within the oldest part of our brains, the amygdala is the fear ring master. Initially the amygdala was wired to keep us safe but now, in the absence of tigers, our anxiety emotion is overused. The fear we feel doesn’t have the decency to be straight up. It hides behind the symptoms of worry, suffering, and hesitation, all making us think it’s our laziness and my lack of focus or talent that has us failing. Emotions become facts become reasons to avoid these triggers…which is essentially anything that makes you uncomfortable.

This is not my incompetency but my reptilian fear brain running the show like the great and powerful Oz behind the curtain. Fear gets me to feel these distraction feelings by whispering lies about my abilities and how I’m perceived. It tells me I’m no good and I’m unacceptable. And then it’s done it’s job to keep me safe, no hard feelings.Understanding Fear with the help of Rhonda Britten on Shalavee.com

Understanding the subterfuge of the fear feels like hope. It’s like pulling back from the movie to realize there’s a screen. Or finding a magic decoder ring. And if there isn’t one thing I consider solid gold emotion, it’s hope. So one step removed is one step gained. I’m over it already and am gathering the next round of knowledge to battle my way back to myself in my own confident armor. There are always new tricks to be learned.

Go here to peruse some great blog posts from Fearless Living.Org and sign up for the newsletters if you want to receive the 25 tricks of fear. I’ll keep sharing my discoveries with you no matter.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Misunderstand and Misunderstood

Fact is, anytime we are out in the world, we have the possibility to encounter people. People who can be as wonderful as they are annoying. A chance to be misunderstood and misunderstand one another. A chance to experience the joy of human gifts of compassion as well as the same chance to create conflict.

I had two negative experiences in this world recently. But it was also pointed out to me that I am a knee jerk to feelings kinda person instead of considering the facts and circumstances and then deciding kinda person. Mostly, what happens in the world, especially with random strangers, isn’t about you. It only reflects the fears you may have about what people are thinking about you.

The first occurrence was at the grocery store. I had 27 items and entered the 12 items or less line with no one in the line or behind me. And as I’m unloading the cart , Fiona takes over, and I see a man with a basket behind us, and I begin to pack my own bags. I am the only customer who does this at this store. As the last item goes in, the teller who I’ve never seen before says, “For future reference, this aisle is for 12 items or less. People are in a hurry.” And I just smiled and told her the card reader hadn’t read my card when I’d swiped it. Misunderstand and misunderstood on Shalavee.com

It was shame attack. She was calling me rude and inconsiderate. I should have turned to the line behind me and apologized for the inconvenience and turned the thing around. But my daughter started to whine for candy. And I was done.

The next time I was there, I told Eamon to stare a hole through checker number 244 in the 12 item line again. I then let the gentlemen behind me in line play through as they had a beverage and were getting a bag of ice. I packed my own bags again. I felt I’d paid it forward. Who knows what her deal was but it was one of those moments that you continue to replay because you want it to un-happen. I know how many times I let people in front of me. And I always ask the checker if it’s OK if I have over a dozen items, except this once. Bad timing and I’m not rude.Misunderstand and misunderstood on Shalavee.com

The next situation was the other day when I got my last round of shots in my SI joints. The nurse needed to take my blood pressure before and after the procedure. I had not requested Valium this time for the procedure. I was already vulnerable, perhaps PMS, and then I had lots needles stuck into my backside. When I left the procedure room, I was so happy to be done. Until I sat back into the chair.

My blood pressure had raised. I assured her I didn’t need a blood pressure cuff at home. She pushed, “Well this is really high”. I said I had been to the doctors multiple times and I never had a problem. And we waited for a few minutes and then she took it again and insisted that I take my blood pressure when I’m just in my regular life, go into the Rite Aid she said. Surely she just meant well. When I got into the car, I cried. And over lunch, I read their release instructions. Seems steroid shots can elevate your blood pressure. No shit.

Again, she knows that the leading cause of women dying at my age is from stroking out, from high blood pressure. But after a dozen doctor’s appointments in the last three months, my husband agreed that I am usually 134/85. I felt vulnerable and what I chose was to go with feeling attacked. I was not giving her the benefit of being a nurse, even though her chair side manner had a bit to be desired. Again, I could have said,”I’m sure you are not trying to be condescending to me and you do realize I just had multiple needles stuck in my bum. But, just like the other situation, I just wanted out of there. I was held hostage in the last yucky procedure I plan to have this year.

It’s hard to separate ourselves from our circumstances and the people in them sometimes. We shade these occurrences, what’s happening with how we’re feeling. We see through those feelings and make a decision about what has happened. Or maybe that’s just me.Thanks for letting me rant. Because it is my blog.

That’s a few bad stories from my life recently but I promise there are way better stories happening now. I’ll be writing those next.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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It’s My Blog and I’ll Write What I Want To

Like so many, I question my own motivations on why and what I’m doing. Is it for me or my friends or my family or my readers that I chose the subjects I write about. I do have moments of self-doubt where I wobble with thoughts of will this be interesting to others or is it just for me?It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Either you’re doing your living (and your writing) for yourself or you’re trying to people-please. You certainly can entertain others while you are being true to yourself but not the other way around. You can not solely try to make others like you and have that be a fulfilling life.

Often what I write about is a true reflection of exactly where I am in my life. The subjects I muse are real and current. I am as real as you get and I not only like it that way, I’m going to have a hard time giving that up. So for now, I won’t. It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

I will always produce my thoughts and reflections on my life in the most honest fashion I can. I will also be adding more quality to my offerings with newsletters and incentives to share this wealth with friends. In my knowing that this has value to me and some, I think those who need the ahas and support here will find their way here.

There are some shifts coming as I am allowed more alone time to think deeper thoughts, I expect to be able to offer more value to my reader yes, but first to myself and my confidence. The goal of self-confidence is on my top five list. And you get a front row seat to the live action. Well almost.It's My Blog and I'll Write What I Want to on Shalavee.com

Sign up for the email or newsletters, tell me how you found me and what you are working on in the comments or on any social media you find me on.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Discontent

When I’m thinking and writing, it seems everyday in fact, I’m processing what I consider to be a truth and adding to that or changing what I think. My philosophy is always a work in progress and because I live in a slight state of discontent. I have moments of good enough but I am always aware there’s more to know and learn.

I don’t accept everything I see and hear. I am always considering not only the validity of what I hear but what it means to me personally. Does that correspond or contradict with what I believe? Is there something that is bugging me to know more about? I collect and sit with a lot of information and am becoming increasingly mindful of any feelings that are generated. Those are also signs to pay attention to, good and bad.The Discontent on Shalavee.com

My discontent is not a bad thing but rather a curiosity of what I might find that could be helpful and the acknowledgement that change is necessary and ongoing. My good friend once said, “Life is Organic”which simply sums up the ever-changing and morphing philosophy and lifestyle that I embody. My life is a work in process, in progress. I am in search of what it means to live creatively and what my community is. I hope you are a member of the audience I’ve created that will share and contribute to this process and progress.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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