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Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You

It continuously occurs to me that the better I know myself, the better I can understand my value to the world and to you whoever you might be. When I connect with me I can connect with you. And becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You on Shalavee.com

I envy those people (all except the narcissists) for knowing what they are and the strengths that they bring to what they do in their lives. What a gift to have such confidence in what you are, your strengths, your gifts, and your purpose. No, not everyone has this.

Some, like me, grew up with hazy mirrors reflecting back their self-worth. Or no mirrors. And it can be very difficult to build something when you don’t have a recipe or a plan for it. Why would you even try or know where to begin?

Becoming myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

We had a little old cat who was skittish and had never been petted. Until one day I snuck a pet in. And she liked it. A lot. It took her 15 years to find out how great affection was. And then she was a pet junkie. How do you know something even exists unless you have felt it? Same with self-esteem. 

Knowing Myself Will Connect Me To You on Shalavee.com

Building self-esteem is like building something from air sometimes. You take it on faith that you need to build self-esteem and that it will work if you keep working it but it’s an act of faith. Without the faith you’re worth it,  you’re not. See? Your actions prove your value but your value isn’t there yet. What I have noticed recently is that the surer I feel about myself, the easier it is to speak with others. I come from a place of knowing and this brings me ease. And I am all about the ease.

I don’t doubt my need for self-esteem building so that I may understand my weight and purpose in this world. Knowing and fulfilling my value to my fellow humans is one of the most important tasks/jobs I will ever have. And so I fight ever onward in the invisible storm of developing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Grappling with My Not Enoughness

My brain started to swirl two days ago. I thought, “this was inevitable” . I realized that my thoughts were familiar and the bad feelings that accompanied them were too. Not enoughness was rising up and threatening to swamp my mood and render me hopeless.

I thought, the medication is failing just like I knew it would. I thought, why haven’t I started any project of meaning? I thought, I am not losing any weight on Weight Watchers gosh darn it. I thought, There’s too much and not enough.

And so I sat on my couch and reached out for a voice that would counteract this and I found it. I had subscribed to a five day email series from Mara Glatzel on Enoughness. I listened to her final video and then I listened again.

She said our messy humanity which we are confronted with every moment of every day is not proof of our not enoughness. We as women ask ourselves to be more and do more than we are actually capable. And when we come up short with these overzealous expectations that are supported by our family and society, we get to feel badly about ourselves.

grappling with my not enoughness on Shalavee.com

How many ways do we set ourselves up to feel “less than” ? These unrealistic expectations of our bodies, our time, and our boundaries keep us powerless and distracted. No one needs to oppress us, we do a damn fine job all on our own.

That day I realized that I was probably already living my life’s purpose. I am still a devoted blogger and daily Instagram poster and my creativity and authenticity give others permission. Whatever you are doing today is what you are meant to be doing today. Don’t doubt that. Let your gratitude for your messy life be enough in this moment.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Accepting Who We Are

I have reached a new place here at 52 where I want to understand who I am. It occurs to me that I have judged myself by who I am not. Compared myself to bars constructed at heights I saw others reaching. And that is always a half full place to occupy. Instead I want it to be easier. I want to want to be me in the place where I am right now today. And that requires an understanding of who me is.

Science is revealing that our family’s history of trauma may be embedded in our DNA if not just our understanding of the trauma we’ve known and had passed down. We also are told that people are born homosexual, its not a choice always. There are many choices and yet more givens than I think I understood. The world is starting to ask we accept just what is.

Accepting Who we Are on Shalavee.com

Coming to a place of acceptance, compassion, and understanding of ourselves is the only true gift we can give our fellow beings. How can we hand these gifts to others if we don’t have them within ourselves first? What I am beginning to understand is the way I convey and treat myself is the way the world will treat me.

I accept that I am completely gray. I will keep dying my hair all the same.

I accept that I tell you like it is. I will always be kind about it though.

I accept that I may have anxiety embedded in my DNA too. I will continue to take this medicine that made a world of difference and broke me through to the other side for long needed perspective.

I accept that my low self-esteem has kept me small and scared for a long time but I refuse to let that be my life story.

Telling ourselves the truth and seeing ourselves for the fallible human beings we are is one step closer to accepting ourselves. And when we accept ourselves, we belong to ourselves. And everyone wants just this. To be home in their own bodies is to start from home base and go out from there to tag others with our acceptance. To spread our gifts of understanding and compassion and acceptance costs nothing and starts in the ways we treat ourselves today.

Love to you ! And you! And you!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Getting to Know Me

Within a two day span, I had several of you my dear readers look me straight in the eye and tell me that you had read and gotten something from my last post. And this is what I noted after I thanked you for reading; I’m being read. I am handing out how I feel and what I think with no expectations about how many are reading or if it’s making a difference. But you are and I am. And that feels strangely like an awakening.

I can and have spent a lot of time fretting about fulfilling a purpose and you just told me I was. I have put myself through such existential wringers while silently I impacted the world in the slightest kindest ways. And I paid no attention to the fact that I have said so much that my body of work probably speaks for itself. Because I didn’t give myself credit for much of anything. Anxiety feeds low self-esteem and around and around again.

getting to know me on Shalavee.com

It dawned on me that perhaps I need to spend some time intentionally getting to know myself. That I’ve been telling myself who I am but I just haven’t been paying as much attention as I should have. Bad parenting I guess. They say you already have everything you need to know inside you, it’s just a matter of listening. So I’m thinking I’m going to take the opportunity to get to know myself a little better.

And I just might make a new friend.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Reserve the Right to Make a Bad Decision

This morning, I was considering how hard it is sometimes to make a decision. Especially with our epidemic perfectionism, we are often paralyzed by the idea of making a “wrong” decision. But truly, the hardest part about making the decision is making the decision. The carrying out of the decision and the consequences are a matter of wrote and history at that point.

Choice and changes are inevitable. “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice”, from the song Free Will by Rush . There is no way out of change. If we buck our leaders, our mothers, or ourselves, we will create a place where we are alone and mistrusting of our lives. The indecision we experience over a decision is either a symptom of our mistrust of ourselves or can end up causing us to mistrust ourselves more if we give our indecision any credit.

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Instead, if we know that 50% of our choices will not work out, we can assume that 50% will. And we could afford ourselves the respect that any choice we make will be the best we are capable of at the time. When my husband was in a room helping to negotiate a labor contract, the lawyer for the management turned to him and said,”Management reserves the right to make bad decisions.” Touchee.

So instead of undermining ourselves with doubt over whichever choice we make, we would be better off to just concede that we do the best we can with the information we have at a given time and go with our guts. Trust in ourselves is a muscle we build every time we choose. And to respect our need to grow this muscle and that we always do our best, we can be compassionate self-leaders.

I encourage you to reserve the right to make bad choices. Grant yourself permission to be wrong. But you just might be right.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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