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Our Ability to Change is Not about Willpower

(This is a repost from a year and a half ago. I forget myself, my writing, and my truth until I read my pieces and say “Heck Ya!”. Enjoy.)

If it were a matter of willpower, we’d all be willing ourselves into success and abundance and skinniness. Yes your ability to change starts with your intent and your why but after that there’s a trick to do what you want. Your belief in your worthiness and your self-trust are what’s standing between you and what you want. And your fear is what’s in charge until they are.

I detest the formulas out there to my success which depend on me “just doing it”. I see and read so much about your ability to change your life and your plethora of choices and I want to scream, “Your missing the part where I believe I can and I’m worth it”. My low self-esteem might have been called out but it is by no means been completely reversed.

Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

If I don’t trust myself as reliable, honorable, and capable of following these steps to success and achievement, I am not starting. I already know I’ll fail myself. Why would I want to put myself through that over and over. It’s easier to assume I can’t than to bear the pain of starting and then discovering (surprise!) that I can’t follow through.

At the beginning, we are either worth the effort or we’re not. We claim we know that of course we are worth it but many people feel unworthy of so much secretly. The world has shown them they aren’t worthy. Their parents just weren’t there or asked them to be someone other than who they knew they were. The opportunities they saw other people getting were not offered to them. And layer upon layer upon layer of unworthiness build up. Until giving up is way less painful than trying.

Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

I have held a campaign for self-trust for myself for some time. As in over five years consciously. It is a steep hill to climb and yet, I am finally at the point where I am feeling the scales tipping. Witness my feeling of I can vs I can’t in this recent piece.

Life is a “Do It Yourself Project” of the largest degree. And every facet of your life and perception is malleable, changeable. Every thought we have is subject to our own scrutiny of validity. And in this introspective process, a noble self-respecting way of thinking arises. And through that, the understanding that our relationship with ourselves, our self-care, and our honor are all of our own doing.

Somehow, we need to grab ahold of the concept that we are all undeniably worth our own mercy and we then begin again. The nobility of beginning again is fathomless. And the wonder of our own faulted humanity is held by everyone, especially the person who’s holding your hand when you decide you are worth the effort.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Oh Universe, What Would You Have Me Do?

We mistrust ourselves so much, we have to hand much of our decision making over to another power. We create elaborate ways to make decisions. Drop a divining line down and see which way it swings to decide (dowsing pendulum). Pick your arm up and drop it to see if you should eat it (applied kinesiology). Because it’s awfully hard admitting that you have no faith in your own decisions and easier to give it over to something else. The exception being God. But most of us are faithless and frenetic.

The Drowning man story is the best story ever which humorlessly depicts how our lack of sight and faith keeps us from seeing the divine signs sent to us.

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

We are given so much and yet our brains don’t see what we’ve got but rather focus on what we don’t have.

Meditation and yoga are ways to reach our larger calmer parental minds, the voices we could trust to make decisions for us. But these processes are not a “one time and done” kinda thing. They require discipline and time and pain. Modern Americans have no time for any of these. And in essence, were not really worth it.Oh Universe, What Would You Have Me Do?

The beautiful thing about being young is that you are told what to do. You resent every little syllable you had to obey but when you find yourself without the direction, you may end up asking the Universe what it may want of you? And it may be super hard to find that first answer. But that is where I am right now.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Taking off From the Runway

Seems recently, my brain has made enough room to allow for some actions in directions that I had “always meant” to go, but hadn’t gone yet. Begin the unstuck here.  I had purchased a series of talks on fear which have wallowed in my email box until suddenly recently, I dialed it up and listened. 

And then today, I was driving in the car and I remembered I had a link in my browser tabs to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Magic Lessons podcast. And I dialed that up and began to listen to the first episode of season one from 2015.

The Universe allows you to get what you need when you are ready.

Her very first podcast was with a blogger and Mom named Erin. She’d been writing her self-development and mothering blog for 6 years but she was feeling the push to do something bigger now that her youngest one was in first grade. But she was struggling with guilt and doubts. Sound familiar?

If there wasn’t a podcast meant for me to hear, it was this now.

She suggested that Erin had been on the “Runway” of the airport picking up steam for the takeoff the years that she’d been teaching and blogging. Hmmmm. And that now it was time for her to dive into writing her book before her plane crashed into the houses at the end of the runway.

She also had a few more brilliant ideas and permissions to give Erin who struggled with motherhood guilt. By engaging in the creativity that expresses who she is, she is modeling this for her children. She can love and be available for them because she’s there for herself first. And it would be good for everyone for the kids to be asked not to disturb her for a while. They need to learn how to occupy themselves as well as be modeled boundaries so they can have them too.Taking off From the Runway on Shalavee.com

She suggested that when she’s writing, there’ll be a time when Mom will only be able to be there 75% of the time and not a 100%. And that we often have these notions about Good Mommies and Bad Mommies and it seems like we can’t be both sometimes. If we slack, will be replaced? I doubt it. Will they appreciate us more? Probably. Why not then? I dunno.

In the 20 whatever minutes of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Magic Lessons Podcast, I’d heard more than I have ever heard as a writer that let me know I am right where I needed to be and that I too am ready to move myself along. And all the fear burbling up is disguised as perfectly good sounding excuses which not even the best writers can avoid feeling the fear. They’ve just seen it through to the other side and finished the book. So what is it that I am needing to get on to doing?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The World Pushes

The world is full of people who are all fulfilling their destinies. Their GASes are theirs. They believe that they need to make these GASes (give a shoots) happen in order for their lives to be “Happy”. And then you have yours. And sometimes, their goals encroach, overlap, and eek into your life.

Boundaries are an important part of life. And are something that most of our parents did not teach us. Because they wanted their way too. Why give us veto power on their edicts? But, boy howdy, we need them when the world pushes. Because it will. And we need to know how to push back.

That may look like telling our families that we need an uninterrupted half hour, perhaps an hour, to ourselves. Or telling our boss that they’ve given us way more work than we can conceivably do in a month, much less a week. Or people emailing us with their expectations about our actions even though we said we wouldn’t be available until after the holiday. We have to know how to let the email sit in the email box and not bother us.The World Pushes on Shalavee.com

The boundary is ours, not theirs. It is up to us to say, no thank you. I am unavailable until after the first, Monday, or 9 o’clock in the morning. …Us…. If we keep giving our feelings away to other people’s actions, we are screwed. Consider that when you freak out about something, someone else has chosen an action you don’t have to choose to be a part of. Unless you do.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Throwback to Summer Two Years Ago

I came across this, my last newsletter from two years ago. So much has happened since then. If you are a regular reader, you’ll already know that I finally gave myself permission to ask for anxiety medication last November, 2018. So this newsletter is a snapshot of who I used to be. My hope is to begin these again sooner than later!

As the Summer gains speed, I’d like to start the practice of being in touch with my readership. You’ll still find three new posts weekly sent out at 6:30 am on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. Our seasonal shuffle of schedules and routines may disconnect us so I thought I should remind you I’m still out here, processing what I see and think and offering my thoughts back to the world via my authentic thoughtful writing.

 

I am not sure why it is that I go looking for something to be dissatisfied with. It’s called “borrowing trouble” when you look for problems. But there I am, still in my pajamas, feeling defeated for the unaccomplished tasks I see. The house is always a half-empty mess even when it’s clean. As if the dissatisfaction will spurn me on to work harder or create a more perfect life. It’s all crap. A Cognitive Distortion I favor.

I would like to maintain a more neutral gaze on my world. Allow for things to just be as they are. Let the dirt glowing in the morning sunbeam mean nothing to my worth as an individual. Let the fact that I don’t have my life goals enthusiastically and fearlessly planned for years to come mean nothing at all. I want to be here now please witnessing the growth of my kids and the fruition of my purpose.. 

And after I maintain mindful neutrality for several weeks without breaking into hives over the unaccomplished, I want to begin to truly appreciate my life now. To effortlessly see my gratitude in the everyday moments. I want that to be my daily mode, zenning through my Summer days with my children. And basking in the knowledge that this is in fact all there ever is and all I really wanted anyway. Peace and Joy.

 

Until this happens, I’ll be over here creating my never-ending to do list and feeling anxious about whatever strikes my fancy today. Or maybe staring at my cup and wishing it would fill up with all the things I’ve yet to accomplish. And squandering a few of the beautiful moments in between. Sigh. May my mindfulness catch up to me quickly.

Hope your Summer (or Winter if you’re on opposite bits of the world) is a time of slowing down, regrouping, or reflection on that which matters most to you. I am concentrating on my little ones and the inner value of me. Expect new newsletters to come more frequently and perhaps a few videos like I did last Summer? This one on confidence was good. I am also recording myself reading aloud the posts and you can find the link at the bottom of each of my recent posts at www.Shalavee.com .

 

 
My Creative May project brought me more creative confidence  and has stretched into and through June as I joined the #Icad (index card a day) challenge. There are prompts to inspire the making of art, I choose mostly to collage, on 4 x 6 index cards daily. You can watch my progress in Instagram.
Read about my updated Summer plan to create in the cool peace of my craft room in How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk . And you can listen to me read this post via Soundcloud at the bottom of the post ! Three posts still go out weekly to subscribers on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday on those subjects I like to go on about like self-trust and creativity. You can always count on my voice to reflect my honesty and my angst.

Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself

is a post on how easy it is to do laundry instead of the work you need to do. And what you are telling yourself about your worth when you do that. (Hint: It’s mean.) Read it here and when there, you can scroll to the bottom of this post listen to it via Soundcloud.

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